[0ncogene]

Very very tired of how the older I get the more I realize I really should've offed myself in high school. Or at least a few years ago in England

[0ncogene]

Third infection this year. Worked one day officially as a teacher before I tested positive. New job is now trying to force me back to work with covid bc they're following "CDC guidelines." I'm so fucking tired of everything.

I got into grad school. I taught one day. I felt loved for like 2 months in my last relationship. Maybe that's enough for this life.

A year and a half ago I fainted. Never in my life have I felt as much peace as I did that night when I crawled into bed thinking I would never wake up again

[0ncogene]

Over a year later and I'm still having nightmares about how horrible my ex made me feel

[0ncogene]

Desperately miss when I had no idea what disassociating felt like

[0ncogene]

I feel like there is literally not a single person in the world who has ever really liked me, being alive is so fun!

[catboy-joyfriend]

babygirl im nonconforming to genders you haven't even heard of

[0ncogene]

Apparently the year I left the US, over 500 cases of human trafficking had been reported in my state, which included reports in both the city I live in and the city I grew up in. And my ex really tried to tell me I was crazy for being worried about that

[graceandgirlhood]

[0ncogene]

Like I CANNOT believe my ex made me feel so bad about myself I didn't even like being naked anymore

[0ncogene]

Jfc how I've missed feeling beautiful and hot and sexy, even if I'm bloated or breaking out all over

[nontemporary]

[0ncogene]

I've noticed a lot of negative changes in my self over the last year (more anxious, less self confident, etc) and I can't tell if they're related to learning I have autism or from traumas my ex gave me

[0ncogene]

I fear the level to which my ex fucked with my ability to be vulnerable is unimaginable

[hortensius-deactivated20240909]

what do you mean Just Standing There Ominously doesn’t count as socializing

[0ncogene]

Can't help but wonder if the reason my ex never bought me flowers was because there was nothing in it for him.

According to him it was mean of me to treat myself to something nice and not also get him something. The only consistently nice thing he did for me was get me coffee, and always him one too.

In 3 years he bought me flowers 3 times. I bought myself flowers at least twice as often.

The first time he bought me flowers he did it in a way I explicitly asked him not to. The second time we were in the city and I told him I planned my buying myself some. He just paid for a second bouquet. The last time was at the very end, after things were clearly already over. We had fought a few days prior. I had asked him to buy me some when he left for the store. He claimed he was already planning on it, but who knows if that was true or not.

He did pick me wild bluebells once, but he handed them to me like he was mad he had to do it. This was shortly after we had argued and I brought up how I wanted flowers from him.

He also couldn't even remember what coffee I liked.

[metamrophose]

[0ncogene]

Also love how my ex tried to tell me I was lying when I told him he didn't make me feel cared for even tho feeling uncared for still makes me cry a year later