depression manifesto

sometimes fic or art, or something else

[0nho]

sometimes all I wanna do is talk about onho and aus and stuff such as that

[pusheen]

[0nho]

chinese zodiac onho with a merry christmas to you and yours

[0nho]

Halloween 2023

zodiac year of the snake jinki, year of the goat minho squishies

[0nho]

A new year has arrived, but really you could tell me 2020-2022 was around six months+ and I'd believe it. Hey just say the last decade as more like 4 to 5 years tops and I could say it feels like it huh. I even got covid late this summer and was the sickest I'd been in probably twenty years.

My concept of time is like when being a kid but backwards, since time felt so slow as a kid. I don't know where all the time went now.

My health is worse and on decline, so my energy is up and down, moslty down, and creativity with it, and the last year I lost what was little bit of sliver left of muse/inspiration, because it felt like if maybe it was for one person I could still pull something together and now with it just myself it's difficult to care, so endless wips sit for weeks, months, just opening files for notes or a few tweaks, be it writing or artwork. If something doesn't get finished it probably hasn't been posted anyway. I have a piece of art I finished almost two years ago and now it just seems too late.

It's been around six months since I've spoken to people outside of my home or situation that required it, but feels more like a year, so I'm honestly not sure how to communicate with people anymore. I just make statements and flee the scene. It's been something else dealing with the sense of purpose things like a following on social media can give and then dries up whether or not you're ready for it. I don't even know what's going on anymore, in terms of what's fun what's fandoms what's communities, besides many things I once loved being dragged though mud due to this bizarre moment in time.

Anyway, 2023 is year of the rabbit which is my sign. I've been joking to myself it's the year of me, my time has come, but enough unpleasant stuff in the recent years and knowing some to soon come, I lost my optimism a long time ago.

I do got some new year art I want to actually finish and post this year. I got all my ducks in a row with ideas and refs yet still I failed to get it out on time. Dec isn't a great month to want to drop multiple art for the holidays if you're me. Still on the lineart.

I don't know who still hangs out here or would read a lot of rambling by elderly internet people, but happy new year, maybe it will be kind to some of us. I have writings and artworks I want to share but everything is wip and I can't make promises anymore.

[0nho]

Merry Christmas 🎁🎄

also things I wish I could create for real 😩

[0nho]

late last night I was reminded of that one comment to peta, a gift to the internet, and threw this together for happy thanksgiving time

# internet social media onho au # jonghyun the voice of what's acceptable on the internet

[0nho]

lately thinking of making a twitter for art related stuff, but then I remember I can barely get stuff finished or posted here so adding another platform sounds like more the same.

hastag rip@me

[0nho]

onho social media au: where in this pumpkin carving joke could happen and that's all

((I don't know how to do image posts on the app anymore, I'm really confused....))

[0nho]

happy delicious halloween 🍬🍬

(( jinki glasses or no jinki glasses that is the question))

[0nho]

happy delicious halloween 🍬🍬

(( jinki glasses or no jinki glasses that is the question))

[0nho]

onho social media au: where in this pumpkin carving joke could happen and that's all

((I don't know how to do image posts on the app anymore, I'm really confused....))

[0nho]

halloween art I hope to get done in time... one of two halloween theme art c:

my own clock ticking

[0nho]

do I get to post smut scribbles again??

no?

[0nho]

being the year 2022 is literally halfway over and still I *haven't* focused on this "new year" onho piece, it's looking less like I will manage to finish the wip.

they're their birth signs (jinki/snake and minho/goat) dressed for year of the tiger 2022.

I would have had to already started 2023 art to have it even close to done in time at this rate. yikeees...

[0nho]

It's the one year mark since my cat sami disappeared after being with me through half a dozen moves, highs and lows, and everything in between. no leads though I check found pet listings and have made them (even got a post removed as spam because after 6 months I had been the only one commented on it??? ridiculous) and keep renewing listings.

it's crazy how a little petite kitty cat afraid of her own shadow can just disappear like that. I don't know if it's hopeful or depressing scrolling through listings of folks who got their missing pet back. it's exhausting at the least.

a number of things happened in those few days, including a horrible birthday, that makes this time of year more miserable than ever before.

I hate it here.

I'm convinced more than ever I don't deserve nice things for some reason so here I am, I can't even keep a pet to end point no matter how hard I tried, so lower expectations further pls.

[0nho]

I've taken out an art wip a year old and been working on it all month to get it posted, not allowing attention fall on other wips or start something new.

>98% finished

>make png test image

>upload to drive from tablet

>open drive on phone

>colors look *terrible*

defeat.......