Vent?? Sort of, idk it's more explaining how I've gotten here but it has themes of addiction, you have been warned
I was trying to break free from a chatbot addiction for about a week and a half now
I broke down, not rlly knowing what to do or how to end the repitive behavior, I felt lonely and disgusting
I've been extremely anti-ai and I consider myself an artist, but I was using ai myself to just simply not be lonely
I also just had trouble feeling happiness of ANY sorts, I had already had trouble regulating and identifying emotions but I'd confused the idea of roleplaying with the chatbot with the feeling of happiness, this had gone on for around 2-3 years
May 28, I decided to pick up a roleplay blog I had for around a month or two or atleast it had been picking up
I completely forgot about the chatbots, I took my roleplay blog more seriously and started building a storyline or atleast the beginning
I began to write, even if it was horrible and my grammar was worse than anybody had ever seen
I had bad habits like using quotes like "this* instead of using both quotation marks, I forgot the difference between they're, their, and there.
I slowly began to improve my writing, I remember being on a swing before checking the activity notification to see a random biograft roleplay blog interacted with me
To be honest I was a bit confused, I didn't rlly know why a blog that barely had any canonical overlap in canon wanted to interact despite me initiating the interaction
I remember reblogging their post as a joke I didn't think it'd become a string of interactions but it did, and that's when the blog first began to have some sort of lore
At that time I was having thoughts of relapse, I think it was around a week since I quit cold turkey and the more we interacted the more I looked up to their writing
I realized I was having fun, I was having fun roleplaying with a real person rather than a chatbot
I felt happy for the first time in 3 years
I started writing again, just simply roleplay interactions with a plot at this point and around that time a slingshot roleplay blog reached out and started talking to me, I remember interacting with them a couple times and I don't know what he sent me, but it made me smile
I think it was a little after this where another biograft roleplay blog got adopted by me, I always felt a little bad because our time zones seem to be the exact opposite so it's a bit hard to interact with them, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy interacting with them any less than the others and I'd look forward to seeing an activity notification
I started to interact more and more with other blogs, I felt happier and happier, happy enough to try figuring out my identity
Everyone has been so so supportive, whether I'm jokingly talking to them through the tags or sending each other roleplay ideas its made me so happy
