I got your back

Only if I get to buy a second, sexy Santa costume and give you a present to unwrap too...

Ohh... You mean something for me to unwrap when we're back home later that night? You got me at "sexy Santa costume".

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

Buck tried not to laugh when Eddie said he should stay with him tonight. He rarely slept at his own place these days, except crashing after a long shift if Eddie wasn't heading home, since it was closer to the station. "I wouldn't be going anywhere else," he said instead, pushing himself off the ground with his hand. He cupped Eddie's cheek, leaning in and pressing a brief but sweet kiss to his lips. "I'm not leaving you alone. Come on," he took Eddie's hand and gave it a squeeze, "let's get you some food, and then a good long sleep."

They walked out of their future home together, hand in hand, and Buck guided Eddie to the passenger seat. Eddie's car could stay here, it wasn't like anybody else would be parking here. And there was no way in hell Buck was letting Eddie drive, no matter how much he loved that car. Buck got into the drivers seat and started the car up, backing out of the drive. "So, steak sandwiches and then bed. Is there anything else we need while we're out because once we get back I'm not planning on letting you leave the bed for at least 12 hours." He paused, "And I mean sleep."

Eddie got into Buck's jeep and buckled up, a long, havey sigh leaving his lips as he relaxed on the seat. "Only sleep?", he asked, looking at him with a small pout on his face, then laughed a little. "Okay. I'm so tired I can't even fight you on that point." He thought about it for a couple of seconds. "How about a pint of ice cream? You pick the flavour. You know I trust your good taste." They turned the corner around to where the restaurant was. "Let's order drive-thru. I don't feel like coming out of the car. Then we can stop for the ice cream at the grocery store." There was another car in the queue to order, so he shifted on his seat to look at him and smiled. "I'm so thankful to have you in my life, Evan. I really am."

That's because I get to hand out all the toys. They'd love Chim the most if he got to hand out the toys. Not that I'd let him take that from me.

Maybe you could dress up like Santa this year. Would you consider it?

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

Buck shook his head, his eyes finding the hole on the wall as Eddie's had. "It's okay," he said honestly, "it's just a wall. We can repair it." And it was true. It wouldn't take much for them to repair it and before long it would look like it had never been there. "So I'd get to see you hot, sweaty, shirtless working out in a place I don't have to pretend I'm not staring?" Buck grinned at him and leaned over to stop Eddie from grabbing the stuff to fix the wall and tilted his head back to look at him, "sounds like one of the reasons we got four bedrooms." He smirked and leaned in to kiss him briefly. He looked back at the plaster Eddie had been gathering and shook his head, "let's not worry about that now, yeah? It's not going anywhere. When was the last time you had a proper sleep? Pepa is with Chris, I can drive you back home where there's an actual bed."

Eddie chuckled. "As long as I get to watch lifting those impossibly heavy weights and see your tight shorts pull up right up where I can see the shape of your perfect ass, you can stare as much as you like, babe." He hummed softly into the kiss, then rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "Honestly, I can't remember when was the last time I slept at all. I've been so busy with stuff these days..." He sighed, then nodded and got to his feet. "You know what I also am? Hungry. How about we get a couple of steak sandwiches and go home, and also you stay with me tonight? I don't really feel like being alone, as silly as that may sound."

You both make Christmas magical again - even before we were together, spending it at the firehouse with everybody, with all the kids. It made me realise what Christmas is about.

Not to mention you look extra cute with your Santa hat on. The kids love you. You're their favorite thing about coming to the station for the Christmas party.

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

Buck held onto Eddie, wanting to make sure the other man knew he was safe, knew he wasn't alone. That here, in this home they were building for themselves and for Chris, he had Buck to help him grieve what should be the impossible. He didn't speak, he didn't want to interrupt Eddie as he processed what had happened. How he'd spent mass and breakfast with Isabel that morning, and that he was happy Buck was here. How he was happy Evan was here. And then Eddie surprised him by kissing him in that moment, brief and sweet and still ladened with grief. "She knew you were okay," he said, after several moments of silence, them just holding each other on the floor of what would become their bedroom in time, "when she... she knew you were okay. You were safe, and loved. She knew that. And I will honour that by making sure you stay that way, okay? I'm not going anywhere. You're the best thing that's happened to me too. You and Chris. A family."

Eddie pulled back a bit when Buck said that, the warm, honest look on his face as he spoke, but mostly his eyes, the way they looked so honest and loving, those eyes he would never grow tired of looking at and he smiled. "I suppose she knew in many ways my wild heart couldn't be running at lost and alone for too long in this world." He chuckled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then looked at the big hole in the wall and sighed. "I'm sorry about my not so healthy ways of expressing anger, and it did to our new house. Or as new as it can be called." He chuckled, since the house had a previous owner before and they were now in the process of remodelling it for them. "I suppose it'll be much better if I get my own boxing bag and hang it somewhere here. Oh! We should totally have a gym for ourselves, don't you think?" He shifted on the floor, now getting some materials he felt he would need to know cover the hole he had made on the wall.

I mean, you've met my parents... every Christmas they were so sad and I never knew why. We never did anything - they weren't interested in making Christmas anything, and I know now they were grieving but that doesn't change my childhood.

It's fine plenty of people had it worse, and now I have you both and I want to make sure Chris always thinks Christmas is special.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Evan. Not all people deal with grief the same way.

Now both Chris and me are in charge to make every Christmas a treat for you, and I'm happy with that idea.

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

Buck shook his head when Eddie noticed the hole in the wall, muttering a soft, "it's okay, it doesn't matter." Because it didn't. A hole in a wall could be repaired, the hole that was in Eddie's heart right now could not, and Buck knew this. He didn't think it would help to try to take Eddie's mind off it, to make a joke that they have plenty of plaster already as they were fixing up the house for them to move in, so one more hole in the wall didn't make a difference. Eddie had been so strong - so strong - for his family and Buck knew he needed room for himself to grieve, but he had to let Eddie express that on his own, not have Buck coax it out of him until he broke.

It didn't take long though, Eddie's whole body seemed to slump and in a moment Buck had his arms wrapped around him, holding him tight as the man he loved let his grief take over him. "I know," he said quietly, gently guiding him down to sit on the floor because he could see Eddie's legs were about two seconds away from giving away from under him, but they didn't have a bed or any furniture aside from a few camp chairs in the living room and he didn't think Eddie had the strength to make it there. "It's not fair, none of this is fair." He felt his own tears prick at the corner of his eyes but this was his time to be strong for Eddie so he tried to swallow them back but he felt some breaking free as he held on to him.

#p:let the pain out #para #((not TOTALLY choking while writing this. NOPE))#(( 😭 ))

Later in his life Eddie would think back and realized how it had been Buck the ONLY person, beside Chris that had ever seen broken like that. When he and Shannon were given Chris' diagnosis he kept all the pain and anger penned up inside, feeling like he had to be strong for his wife and child. He only allowed himself to scream into a pillow or blow off steam at the boxing gym to level his head out. Then he decided to volunteer again and go to war for second round, and that had been his escape, his way to shut himself down and becoming a sort of robot, just following orders. Then years ago, when news came of the dead of a fellow military friend who served with him in Afghanistan, the PTS monster that always lurked inside of him peeked it ugly head and had him once again breaking down, to the point Chris had to call for help. And he called Buck. At that time his friend and partner firefighter, who never missed beat in having his back whenever he needed, like he said the first time they faced real danger together.

And now, his friend was his boyfriend, his partner, and the one person who once again was having his back when he needed him. He felt the cold floor underneath him and noticed they were now sitting on it, his arms clutching on Buck's strong ones, almost as if he feared that he might fall through a hole in the floor if he didn't hold on tight enough. "No, it's not. It's fucking bullshit, but that's how life gets sometimes I guess." He wiped his eyes and looked up at him. "Did I ever mentioned that I went to mass with her that morning? We did. Went to mass, then got back to her place and she made breakfast for me. He knew I was bummed out about not having Chris with me and wanted to make me feel better, and she knew her cooking always did the trick." He chuckled softly and sighed. "Then I said goodbye and went to work, and not three hours later Aunt Peppa called and-" He shook his head and sighed. "Nothing can ever prepare you for something like that." He held him by the shoulders and smiled softly. "I'm so fucking glad to have you in my life, Evan. I swear. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, after Chris of course, and I know- this is maybe not the best moment we could go through together, but God- I'm really happy you're here with me right now. I really am." He kissed him once and held him again, this time feeling a lot more at ease and calm. That was always Buck's effect on him. The calm for the storm that sometimes blew in him.

118eddie: The smile on his face will always be the best present of all, am I right?

It is... I'd do anything to make sure he feels that joy. Being around you both made me enjoy Christmas again.

@118eddie

I don't think I've heard the story of why is it that you stopped enjoying Christmas, yet.

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

Buck had never felt so welcome into a family as to the one he had with Eddie and Buck - and Pepa and Eddie's abeula had been a large part of that. He was pretty sure they'd clocked on to their relationship before they even had realised themselves, and they'd always been so kind and welcoming to Buck, never having been surprised to see him by Eddie's side, or supporting Chris. So when Eddie told him the news, breaking down in front of him Buck had been shocked. He had to compose himself quickly to be able to wrap his arms around Eddie, to pull him in tight to tell him everything would be okay. But how could he convince Eddie of that, when he wasn't sure he even believed it too.

The days passed, and they seemed to just walk through the world blankly. Buck had tried to be there for Eddie, to do whatever he could to help him, but hadn't experienced a similar loss before, not really. Sure, people had left him - Abby, his parents, even Maddie before - but they hadn't died. He'd been alone, but he knew they were out there. But this was different - a much more profound loss. And Buck was doing his best, but he wasn't sure he was helping Eddie. But he tried.

They had gone to the funeral in two separate cars because Buck hadn't been able to get his whole shift covered - they were already a man down with Eddie taking some time off, so Buck worked for as long as he could because somebody came in to cover him and he showered and got changed into his black suit and rushed off. He found Eddie and Chris quickly at the funeral and they all sat through the service. Now, he was looking around for Eddie and Pepa put a gentle hand on his arm, "I think he left about 20 minutes ago. You should go find him." "Chris -" "He's with me. Go, Evanito."

So Buck left. He drove to where he was sure Eddie would be - in the place they had bought together before this had all happened. They had a lot to do, to make it not only liveable for them, but Chris. They wanted it to be perfect for them, as a family. He could hear the banging before he even got the key in the door, and he rushed in to find Eddie swinging the hammer at the wall, but he'd busted the wall, the plaster left with a gaping hole Buck knew hadn't been there before. "Hey," Buck said, gently, "hey, hey, hey - Eddie, stop." He walked up to him, putting his hands over Eddie's to try to slow him down, "hey, come back to me."

Eddie could hear someone was talking to him but he couldn't make it who that was at first. It was like he had a bubble placed on his head and any sound that came from outside was low, muffled. Images of Isabel with him and Chris kept popping in his head and every image caused another smack on the wall with the hammer. He hadn't even realize there was already a gap on the wall, and that with each smack the hole was becoming wider. It was only when Buck was standing right next to him, with his hands reaching out that he snapped back to reality, even having to blink and shake his head a bit.

"What- What happened?" he said softly, his brain trying to keep up and then he noticed the smashed hole on the wall and dropped the hammer immediately. "I'm sorry... That was definitely not there when we bought this place, huh?" he said with a faint chuckle, and he went to hold onto Buck's hands tight and leaning in he pulled him closer and burst into tears, tears that up until that moment he knew he had to hold back because he needed to be strong with his family. But now, in the safety space that was Buck to him, Eddie knew it was safe for him to let it all out. "She's gone, Buck.... She's gone. I didn't get to say goodbye..." he said between choked sobs.

buddienetwork

Buck & Eddie 9-1-1, S03E10

The smile on his face will always be the best present of all, am I right?

@118buck

#pics

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

The constant smacking sound echoed across the half empty house. The hammer kept on hitting the head of the nail in the wood, but what Eddie didn't seem to realize was that the nail was already properly settled in its place. He was too lost in thoughts to make that out, even if the piece of wood was already starting to break in his hand.

It had been five days since the day when his Aunt Pepa called him to say his Abuela, Isabel didn't wake up from her afternoon nap. The days that followed were a blur in his mind, a whirl of images and sounds, faces coming and going, people telling him how much they were sorry, how great that loss was. In his mind, Eddie felt like he had to stay strong, at least as best as he could, for his son Christopher, and for his father, Ramon, who was Isabel's son. In his mind he needed to remain as put together as he could, for the sake of his family.

But there was only a moment when he would allow himself to crumble, even a little, and it was so small that no one could really tell, and that was the soft squeeze he would give to Buck's hand, which had never let go of his, not on that day, or the days that followed. His hand was like an anchor. Buck was his anchor, and ultimately, the one thing that was allowing him to remain sane.

But when the funeral was over, and they returned from the cementery, he had his life to return to, and that was a new life with Buck. They had finally signed the lease on their new place together, a nice single-leveled house, when Isabel passed on, and they were now having the deal with having to make some repairs to their home before they could finally move in. And while it was something nice to focus his mind into, his mind was all over the place those days, especially due to the lack of sleep. That was the fifth day that Eddie hadn't had a proper night of sleep.

So now there he was, lost in thought, his eyes fixed on the wall ahead, but the force which he was hitting the wood with the hammer was such, you would think he knew what he was doing.

@118buck

#buddie rp #1x1 rp #para #p:let the pain out

Let The Pain Out || Buddie (November 5th)

If you thought for even a second I would say no then clearly I need to show you how much I love you more... maybe tonight...

Hmm... Now that I think about it, I could use a little reminder...

You say that like you don't already know I've bookmarked ten different places the second you mentioned it.

Somehow, that doesn't surprise me in the least.

I'm... really happy that you agree to this, babe. Can't wait for us to actually live together from now on.

Yeah, I guess a bucket in the middle of the hallway isn't exactly ideal.

But I'm all in, Eddie. Seriously. Let's do this.

It definitely kills the mood. Not to mention is a hazard for Chris, with the floor being constantly wet.

It's going to be awesome, you'll see. I'll start looking online for any offers, and you can look on your own too, and then we can brainstorm together.

Eddie... seriously? Like us, living together? As a family? You have to know my answer from a mile away. Yes, obviously.

And we can make sure it's perfect for Chris - maybe we can find one with some accessibility stuff already built in?? Or we can have it installed before we move in. That's the most important part. We can make it perfect.