Step 1: "I admitted I was powerless over my addictions, and that my life had become unmanageable."
My dad gave me a sip of his beer while we were fishing in his boat. I remember feeling cool like a grown man.
I remember feeling funny in a good way, like I was energized. I went to a Jr. High School dance, I had lots of fun with my best friend and it was the first time I hooked up with a girl. I remember falling in love with weed.
I got $20 a week for lunch money every Monday and I would spend it all on weed before 8am. And then pack a lunch for the rest of the week. I remember how difficult it was to have all my base's covered just to smoke weed, eat lunch and not get caught in a lie.
When I was 16 I went camping with my friend and we stole a couple of beers to drink with some girls that we met. And we got caught, my friends Dad got mad and punched him in the face in front of me. I remember getting so mad that I wanted to fight him because I was sad for my friend and feeling the affects of the alcohol.
Skipped school everyday to smoke weed and visit my girlfriend. I remember I lied to my mom about quitting hockey. I told her that I was worried about how much it was costing her. The truth was I was getting fat and out of shape from drinking and smoking weed, and thought if she wasn't spending money on hockey then it meant more for me to drink and smoke.
Started drinking at the bars on the weekends or when ever I could. I remember on my 18th birthday I got into my first bar fight and completely destroyed the bars washroom. I got arrested and charged $200 and had to take an anger management course.
Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. I remember that I started to lose ambition to go to work, but I knew I had to if I wanted to go to the bars.
Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months.
Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months.
1-3 XTC pills/5-8 joints/6-12 beer.
3 per week/Daily/1-2 times a week.
Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months. And having lots of unprotected sex.
1-3 XTC pills/5-8 joints/6-12 beer.
3 per week/Daily/1-2 times a week.
Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months. And having lots of unprotected sex. This also was the age that I got my first and only DUI. But I got away with it because my cousin owns a law firm and she specializes in DUI's.
I tried to quit all hard drugs on my own. Because I had met Patsy and fell in love. I still drank and smoked weed. I remember being a terrible boyfriend to Patsy only when I was under the influence. But I was always under the influence.
Had my daughter and i knew that something had to change. I knew I had to get clean but I always thought that treatment was for the rich people only. I didn't know what do so I did nothing. I remember Ignoring the problem because I didn't even think that it was one.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
I had a really good job that I absolutely loved being at everyday. And It was my highest paying job ever at the time. I was functional at the beginning, I would only party on weekends. And only be a little bit tired on Monday mornings. Then I started missing Mondays, and the 2 days a week. Then I lost my job, I remember being sad and embarrassed. And the I got mad, but not at me I was mad at them. Like "how dare they fire me for missing 2 days a week, every week". I was blaming them for making me feel that way, or so I thought.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
By this age I was blaming everything and everyone for all of the problems in my life. It was never my fault. I acted like the world owed me something just for being alive. I remember going on an all exclusive trip to Cuba and I didn't even have to pay for it. And i couldn't even enjoy myself because I was so angry. I still hadn't accepted the fault.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
I'm still with Patsy but things between us are starting to get rocky between us. I can remember how easy it was to accept the face that we wouldn't be together much longer, because we were so opposite.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
A bit of good news accompanied by a lot of bad news. Patsy and I broke up, she left me. But we agreed that I would get Bela every weekend. So I made an attempt to better myself by joining Mauy Thai kickboxing for about 1 year. But I could never pay for it myself my mother did. And I let it go to my head. I became really ripped and then a tad narcissistic.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
I tried to have both, kickboxing and addiction. But addiction won in the end. And it continued to get even worse. I was doing it around my family, even Bela. By this time when ever I had money, it all went to my addiction. And I didn't care one bit.
1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer
Weekends/Daily/every other day.
By this time my coke problem was way worse then I thought. I didn't even consider it a problem, I was having too much fun. And doing it when ever I could. But I had no job so I would lie to my Mother and Step-father for money to pay for it. And then I found Meth, It got me twice as high for half the price. To me it was gold.
3g-5g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth
This is the 1st time that I had died from an overdose. I woke up in the hospital strapped to a bed. I can remember not remembering anything when I woke up, and when the nurse told me i was dead for 1 min 36 sec and had to debigulate my heart to revive me, I wasn't even scared. I was mad that they revived me. I went back to my drug dealers house and did more.
1g-3g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth
I had another overdose and woke up in the hospital again. I started to think maybe i had a problem. So I went to the Dream Centre And got kicked out 2 weeks later for not obeying the rules and was back in addiction full time. Again I was mad at the Dream Centre for kicking me out. Even to this day I still catch myself blaming them and myself but I quickly correct my thinking.
3g-5g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth
I had another overdose and woke up in the hospital again. And checked myself into House 1835. And I left 2 weeks later. I said it was because of my anger, but I was back out the next day. I remember feeling hopeless because I was told that 1 in a 1000 successfully quit meth. And I thought I had no chance. And that's what brought me to Fresh Start. When i had read about it online, I knew that this was the place that was gonna make me that 1 in a 1000. But I left after 60 days and relapsed.
0.5g meth/10mil-25mil GHB/7g-10g weed
The 2nd time I was in fresh Start I left because I was too afraid of success. I am currently in fresh Start for the 3rd time. I feel better then i ever have in my whole life. This is my year to be that 1 in a 1000.