Lets Get It!

  My 12 Steps Of N.A.  

[12-steps-in-action]

"Humbly asked God to remove all of my shortcomings"

Our Father In Heaven, My Lord And Savior, Holy Spirit, Angels, Ascended Masters And Spirit Guides. Thank You!

Thank you for your help and guidance through the darkness. Thank you for guiding me to the path that you have designed for me. I am grateful to have you and your love in my life. And I am grateful to have your protection in every direction.

I ask that you remove my defects of character and replace it with knowledge and wisdom to benefit my purpose, and to keep my intentions pure to the cause. Please lead me away from temptation and into serenity.

I also ask that you carry my voice to all of those who need to hear it. And to bless my hands with your will and intention.

In the name of Jesus Christ My Lord And Savior, I pray.

AMEN!

[12-steps-in-action]

"I am entirely ready to have God remove all my defects of character”

1. Defect Of Character? I speak truth without compassion. 2. How Is It Beneficial? It's honest. 3. When Is This Character Trait It Not? • When I'm in a bad mood. • When I was being spiteful. 4. Do You See This Character Trait In Others? Not often. 5. How Dose It Make You Feel? Superior, alpha,   6. How Will Your Life And Those Around You Benefit When You Let Go? I will be more kind to others and to myself.

7. Defect Of Character? Judgmental. 8. How Is It Beneficial? • It introduced me to my intuition & self-awareness 9. When Is It Not? • When I am angry • When I'm wrong 10. Do You See It In Others? Yes, but no. My judgements are usually convictions. 11. How Dose It Make You Feel? Like an idiot. 12. How Will Your Life And Those Around You Benefit When You Let Go? My growth will be an example for others to do the same. 13. Defect Of Character? Bitterness. 14. How Is It Beneficial? It taught me to stand in my power. 15. When Is It Not? When I'm trying to build relationships. 16. Do You See It In Others? yes 17. How Dose It Make You Feel? Sad, mad, uncomfortable 18. How Will Your Life And Those Around You Benefit When You Let Go? Spread kindness and joy, higher frequency. 19. Defect Of Character? Ego 20. How Is It Beneficial? Display of confidence 21. When Is It Not? • When I'm hurt • When I'm afraid. 22. Do You See It In Others? yes 23. How Dose It Make You Feel? Challenged, Insulted 24. How Will Your Life And Those Around You Benefit When You Let Go? I will find my place in life. 25. Defect Of Character? Apathy. 26. How Is It Beneficial? Zero attachment

27. When Is It Not?

• Zero attachment. • Zero desire 28. Do You See It In Others? Sometimes. 29. How Dose It Make You Feel? Sad, lazy 30. How Will Your Life And Those Around You Benefit When You Let Go? Find my purpose in life, build a skillset, help teach others to do the same.

[12-steps-in-action]

"Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"

I, Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott have shared the story of my addiction  with all 3 parties God, myself, and someone I trust. I completed my step 5 with Zakari Gameel and the completion of step 5 took place on Aug/05/2020. This is a Divine contract and the agreement is solely between these 3 parties.     Signature: Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott Signature: The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit Witness:   Zakari Gameel 

[12-steps-in-action]

"I Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself"

Resentments:

I am resentful at: Myself, for failing as a father. The cause: Addiction Lack of self awareness What was hurt? ○ My personal relations ○ My emotional security ○ My self esteem, My pride. Where was I to blame? I am to blame for all of it. I did not want to face the magnitude of my choices. I thought if I ignored them, they would go away. I am resentful at: People, for being so stupid. The cause: ○ Society ○ Social Media ○ Social Networking. What was hurt? ○ Ambitions. Where was I to blame? By not recognizing that I was a part of the problem and not the solution. I am resentful at: Bill, for controlling my mother and getting a secret life insurance policy on her. The cause: ○ Bill is worried about retirement. ○ Bill feels that she spends to much money on me. What was hurt? ○ Trust Where was I to blame? ○ Spending too much of his money. I had a fucking hospitals in the entire medical system so I understand I fucking undS     erstand what you mean but I still a little like really yeah I don’t know ○ Taking his money for granted. I am resentful at: Pharmaceutical drug makers The cause: ○ Not being able to afford my meds. ○ Not covered by Alberta Works, ○ $200 a month. ○ Profit margins. What was hurt? ○ Pocket book ○ Ambitions ○ Emotional security ○ Personal relations Where was I to blame? Not budgeting my money properly. I am resentful at: The board of education. The cause: ○ Selling the knowledge of the arts ○ Over priced knowledge meant to accumulate debt to secretly own slaves. What was hurt? ○ Self-esteem ○ Pocket book ○ Ambitions Where was I to blame? Knowing the cost and not planning or saving money for it. I am resentful at: Authority Figures. The cause: ○ Police officers who abuse their authority. ○ Snap judgements What was hurt? ○ Self-esteem ○ Pocket book ○ Ambitions ○ Pride Where was I to blame? Not giving a fuck about mans bullshit laws. I am resentful at: Internet trolls The cause: ○ Spying on me ○ Hacking my computer ○ Gossiping about me ○ I just fucking hate them What was hurt? ○ Ambitions ○ Pocket book ○ Emotional security ○ Personal relations Where was I to blame? Dumping fuel on the fire. I am resentful at: Tax The cause: I can't charge it but I have to p ○ Ambitions Where was I to blame? Only seeing the bad of it and not the good. I am resentful at: Control The cause: Those who wish to make me What was hurt? ○ Emotional security ○ Personal relations Where was I to blame? Lack of self awareness I am resentful at: Judgmental cowards The cause: Antagonizing me online while hiding What was hurt? ○ Ambitions ○ Pocket book ○ Emotional security ○ Personal relations Where was I to blame? Dumping fuel on the fire.

Fears:

Fear Success. Example Quitting fresh start because I was afraid that I was not good enough for what came after. Where did I fail? I created and believed a lie to avoid hard work. Solution A prayer to strengthen my self awareness and action, to see it through. Fear Failure. Example I failed as a father. Where did I fail? I put myself before my daughter. Solution Think of Bela before I make any decision. Fear The unknown. Example I was afraid to finish Fresh Start because I didn't know what to do next. Where did I fail? I made up a lie so I could justify quitting. Solution Pray for courage to move forward. Fear Commitment. Example Quitting everything halfway through. Where did I fail? Every time I commit to something, I feel that I have mastered it by the time I'm half way through. Solution Change my attitude, make it more positive. Fear Bela's judgement of me. Example When I call, she doesn't sound interested in talking to me. Where did I fail? Not calling her enough or be around more often. Solution Be apart of her life more often. Fear Relapse. Example Money makes me relapse the most. Where did I fail? Every time I have money I relapse. Solution Look into money management courses. Fear Bad health. Example Dramatic weight loss/gain, dehydration, toxin's, heart palps. Where did I fail? Believing I was stronger then most and it won't effect me the same. Solution Humble myself. Fear Not having done my best. Example Feeling like I'm better then everyone else. Where did I fail? My whole life I have never put 100% effort into anything. Solution Self-discovery. Fear Dying violently Example Some of my friends have died very violently Where did I fail? Following in their footsteps. Solution Self-awareness Fear Change. Example A break up. Where did I fail? I forget who I was before I was with them. Solution Always stay true to myself. Sexual Misconducts: Whom did I hurt? Patsy What did I do? Lied, cheated Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Jealousy ○ Suspicion ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? ○ Selfishness ○ Dishonesty ○ Inconsiderate Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? I could have been more considerate and honest and open with communication.

Whom did I hurt? Sabrina What did I do? Lied, cheated, drug abuse Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Jealousy ○ Suspicion ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? ○ Selfishness ○ Dishonesty ○ Inconsiderate Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Broke up whit her Whom did I hurt? Soyno What did I do? Drug abuse, lied. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Suspicion Where was I at fault? ○ Dishonesty ○ Inconsiderate Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Stayed off of drugs and been honest wtih her Whom did I hurt? Cynthia What did I do? Drug abuse, treated with no respect. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Inconsiderate Where was I at fault? ○ Inconsiderate Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Showed respect to her, not give her drugs. Whom did I hurt? Cody What did I do? Took advantage of her Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Selfishness ○ Dishonesty ○ Inconsiderate Where was I at fault? I took advantage of a girl in a bad situation, I only dated her because she did drugs. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Not dated her And lead her on Whom did I hurt? Amanda What did I do? Took advantage of her Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Selfishness ○ Dishonesty ○ Inconsiderate Where was I at fault? I took advantage of a girl in a bad situation, I only dated her because she did drugs Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Not dated her And lead he on Whom did I hurt? Debra. What did I do? Disrespected her. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Selfishness ○ Inconsiderate Where was I at fault? I said some unforgiveable shit to her out of anger. Is this relationship selfish? No. What should I have done differently? Treated her with respect. Harms : Whom did I hurt? Bela What did I do? I have been absent from her childhood. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? I didn't put her first. Was this relationship selfish? yes What should I have done differently? Considered her well-being before making any decision. Been more present in her life. Whom did I hurt? My Mother What did I do? I get mad and frustratedat her for something that she has no control over. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? Lack of trust, Thinking that I know more about her problems then she does. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Kept searching for solutions to ease her suffering. Whom did I hurt? Bill What did I do? Took advantage of his hard earned money. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? lack of appreciation. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Kept taking care of my own responsibilities. Whom did I hurt? Patsy What did I do? Didn't help her with supporting our child. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Suspicion ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? Being extremely selfish by wasting all of my money on my addiction. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Paid child support instead of making excuses not too. Whom did I hurt? Adrian What did I do? I wasn't there for him when he needed me most. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? I chose my addiction over our friendship. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Been honest with him about my situation. Whom did I hurt? Andrew What did I do? I wasn't there for him when he needed me most. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? I chose my addiction over our friendship. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Been honest with him about my situation. Whom did I hurt? Shelley What did I do? Took advantage of our relationship. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Suspicion Where was I at fault? Only calling her to benefit myself. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Been a brother to her. Whom did I hurt? Stephanie What did I do? Took advantage of our relationship. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Suspicion Where was I at fault? Only calling her to benefit myself. Was this relationship selfish? Yes What should I have done differently? Been a brother to her. Whom did I hurt? Debra What did I do? Added to her addiction, used in her house without her permission. Did I unjustifiably arouse... ○ Jealousy ○ Suspicion ○ Bitterness Where was I at fault? Got her hooked on meth, broke her trust. Was this relationship selfish? No What should I have done differently? Stayed in Fresh Start.

[12-steps-in-action]

Step 3: "Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.”

Here I go again, thinking I'm the top dog of the universe. I don't know why I always challenge forces greater than myself, forces that I can't even comprehend. The truth is I think and feel like I'm unbreakable. But the fact is, I'm just a man. And a weak one at best. There is nothing special about me, why I do what I do is beyond me. I don't even think I hate people in general, I think I just hate people who are identical to me. And I just take it out on the world instead of doing something about it. So I create this false sense of power to fool myself into not looking at the truth about who I am. I know I could do great things, but my fear of success and failure cripples me.

So why the false sense of superiority. Well, I'm 35 and I've accomplished nothing, I've failed as a father and I've had an addiction problem my entire adult life. I also have a bullshit attitude as well. So who the fuck am I to be insulting anyone little lone something beyond my comprehension. Whatever it is, it truly scares the shit out of me. So I challenge it just to see if it is real. When will enough be enough? When it kills someone I love? If that’s the case then who's fault is it really? I had no idea that I was this destructive doing nothing at all. Who or whatever you are… I don't want to fight you anymore and I'm sorry that I thought I ever could. The only thing I hate is me and I am afraid I don't have what it takes to fix it. I guess I just wanted to be the worst case scenario so that natural selection would come for me. Although, I never thought it would come for those I love, just to teach me a lesson on how to be a human. I've wasted so much time, the only thing I feel worthy of is these feelings that I have.

Then I act as I deserve more, like the universe owes me a debt me for wasting my time in this beautiful life. If I were you I don’t know if I could forgive me. But I'm afraid that you will and then I'll fuck it up again. Because that’s all I know how to do, no matter how hard I try I break every promise. I take advantage of whatever will allow me too, I manipulate every situation to my benefit myself. And still, you believe in me…Why?

I want to be the best that I can, I just don't want to do what it takes to become that. I feel like I've dug the deepest hole in the history of mankind. Who the fuck want to climb out of that? I feel nothing for anything, just pity for myself. I fucking cried over Sabrina when she broke up with me, but not for my sister Michelle when she died. That’s how fucking selfish I am.   Why haven't you ended my life yet? Not that I want you too, but just tell me what you see in me. Maybe I can see it too. Knowing me though, it will probably just inflate my ego. So it's probably best that you don't. So I can just pick a fucking fight with Karma, but I can't face my own fears. What kind of idiot does shit like that? I fuckin do. Over and over and over, every chance I get. That’s like choosing to eat mud over steak and lobster. No one in the whole world, out of 7 billion people would make that choice, not 1. But somehow I raised the bar in stupidity again. So why is my life so wonderful otherwise? I'm way overdue for a tragedy I know this because I've never even had 1. I just get bailed out and make my problems other people's problems and then dip the set.

I'm a coward…I'm everything that I hate, if I do nothing. How do I change everything about me? And still, feel like me? And not just what the world wants me to be. Will I love who I become? What if I don't? Some days I feel like the world would be better if everyone was like me and other days I feel like it would be better off without me. How the fuck do I fix that?

I guess I should start by forgiving myself for all of this, correct what I can, and do my best to make sure that none of it happens again. Easier said lol, for damn sure. Even if I somehow did all of that, I still wouldn’t feel worthy of any type of benefit. So I'm always gonna feel some type of way. Right now, I feel like I don’t deserve any of this sorrow and if I do everything right and somehow get the good life, I will feel like I don’t deserve any of that either. So in a sense, nothing changes. Or maybe that’s just my addiction trying to pull me back. All I know, is that I know nothing at all. And the fact is, nothing changes, if nothing changes.

I know for a fact that I can't overcome all of this alone. I have to give all of this to my Higher Power.

I, Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott have made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ our Lord & Savior, and The Holy Spirit as I understand Them. This contract and all of it's stated agreements will be carried out to the best of my abilities and at the very least be considered daily. Such agreements are stated below. I Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott agree to the following: 1. To acknowledge and accept Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior as my Lord & Savior. 2. To acknowledge and accept God's love. 3. To retire all aspects of my life witch may not serve myself and/or others. 4. To live within the Natural Law. 5. To surrender my own will and allow God to work through me. 6. To show love, kindness, and compassion to all of God's creations. 7. To seek only to better himself and those around him. 8. To follow the 10 commandments. 9. To avoid all of the 7 deadly sins and/or any other immoral act of any kind. 10. To live my life in such a way that I would leave this world better then it was before I got here. This is a Divine contract and the agreement is solely between these 2 parties. The agreement will begin on July/07/2020 and will end on the first day after Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott's death. Any additions to this contract may be revised at any time. Signature: Theodore Matthew Adam Pimlott Signature: God our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, and The Holy Spirit

Witness: Debra Chantel McKillop

[12-steps-in-action]

Step 2: "I came to believe that a power greater then myself could restore me to sanity."

Dear addiction:

There was a time when you were so cool to hang out with. You gave me the confidence to do a lot of the things that I was too afraid to do. I always wanted to be fearless. And you taught me to stand in my power, to speak my truth, and to not value other people's opinions. But too much of a good thing can be very destructive and you never warned me about this. I was very naïve when we met. So I don't blame you, shit I'm not even mad at you. You were only doing what you were designed to do. You built me up and then brought me down, you gave me everything I wanted and needed at the cost of everything I loved. That's 1 hell of a price to pay, but now that we are all squared up. I think I'm gonna let God my Father in Heaven and a new teacher, Fresh Start Recovery Center take it from here, they wanna teach me compassion and hard work. And that is something you know nothing about. LOL, we had a good run Lil buddy, but now that you have nothing left to teach me, it's time for us to part ways. So this is a farewell old friend, I hope to never see you again. Thank you for the lessons that you have taught me. And please, take it easy on the next guy. People are not as bad as you think they are.

Sincerely Theo

[12-steps-in-action]

Step 1: "I admitted I was powerless over my addictions, and that my life had become unmanageable."

Age/Year: 

5/1990.

Kinds & Amounts:

1 sip of beer.

Frequency:

Once.

What Happened:

My dad gave me a sip of his beer while we were fishing in his boat. I remember feeling cool like a grown man.

Age/Year:

13/1998.

Kinds & Amounts:

Smoked 1 joint.

Frequency:

Once.

What Happened:

I remember feeling funny in a good way, like I was energized. I went to a Jr. High School dance, I had lots of fun with my best friend and it was the first time I hooked up with a girl. I remember falling in love with weed.

Age/Year:

15/2000.

Kinds & Amounts:

Weed/Daily.

Frequency:

1-3 joints.

What Happened:

I got $20 a week for lunch money every Monday and I would spend it all on weed before 8am. And then pack a lunch for the rest of the week. I remember how difficult it was to have all my base's covered  just to smoke weed, eat lunch and not get caught in a lie.

Age/Year:

16/2001.

Kinds & Amounts:

1-3 joints/3-6 beer.

Frequency:

Daily/Once a week.

What Happened:

When I was 16 I went camping with my friend and we stole a couple of beers to drink with some girls that we met. And we got caught, my friends Dad got mad and punched him in the face in front of me. I remember getting so mad that I wanted to fight him because I was sad for my friend and feeling the affects of the alcohol.  

Age/Year:

17/2002

Kinds & Amounts:

5-8 joints

Frequency:

Daily/Once a week.

What Happened:

Skipped school everyday to smoke weed and visit my girlfriend. I remember I lied to my mom about quitting hockey. I told her that I was worried about how much it was costing her. The truth was I was getting fat and out of shape from drinking and smoking weed, and thought if she wasn't spending money on hockey then it meant more for me to drink and smoke.

Age/Year:

18/2003

Kinds & Amounts:

5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

Daily/Once a week.

What Happened:

Started drinking at the bars on the weekends or when ever I could. I remember on my 18th birthday I got into my first bar fight and completely destroyed the bars washroom. I got arrested and charged $200 and had to take an anger management course.

Age/Year:

19/2004

Kinds & Amounts:

5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

Daily/1-2 times a week.

What Happened:

Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. I remember that I started to lose ambition to go to work, but I knew I had to if I wanted to go to the bars.

Age/Year:

20/2005

Kinds & Amounts:

5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

Daily/1-2 times a week.

What Happened:

Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months.

Age/Year:

21-2006

Kinds & Amounts:

5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

Daily/1-2 times a week.

What Happened:

Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months.

Age/Year:

22/2007

Kinds & Amounts:

1-3 XTC pills/5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

3 per week/Daily/1-2 times a week.

What Happened:

Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months. And having lots of unprotected sex.

Age/Year:

23/2008

Kinds & Amounts:

1-3 XTC pills/5-8 joints/6-12 beer.

Frequency:

3 per week/Daily/1-2 times a week.

What Happened:

Same as above. Drinking at bars and getting in fights. Started to lose ambition to go to work. I remember I couldn't hold a job longer then 6 months. And having lots of unprotected sex. This also was the age that I got my first and only DUI. But I got away with it because my cousin owns a law firm and she specializes in DUI's.

Age/Year:

24/2009

Kinds & Amounts:

6-12 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

I tried to quit all hard drugs on my own. Because I had met Patsy and fell in love. I still drank and smoked weed. I remember being a terrible boyfriend to Patsy only when I was under the influence. But I was always under the influence.

Age/Year:

25/2010

Kinds & Amounts:

6-12 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

Had my daughter and i knew that something had to change. I knew I had to get clean but I always thought that treatment was for the rich people only. I didn't know what do so I did nothing. I remember Ignoring the problem because I didn't even think that it was one.

Age/Year:

26/2011

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

I had a really good job that I absolutely loved being at everyday. And It was my highest paying job ever at the time. I was functional at the beginning, I would only party on weekends. And only be a little bit tired on Monday mornings. Then I started missing Mondays, and the 2 days a week. Then I lost my job, I remember being sad and embarrassed. And the I got mad, but not at me I was mad at them. Like "how dare they fire me for missing 2 days a week, every week". I was blaming them for making me feel that way, or so I thought.

Age/Year:

27/2012

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

By this age I was blaming everything and everyone for all of the problems in my life. It was never my fault. I acted like the world owed me something just for being alive. I remember going on an all exclusive trip to Cuba and I didn't even have to pay for it. And i couldn't even enjoy myself because I was so angry. I still hadn't accepted the fault.

Age/Year:

28/2013

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

I'm still with Patsy but things between us are starting to get rocky between us. I can remember how easy it was to accept the face that we wouldn't be together much longer, because we were so opposite.

Age/Year:

29/2014

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

A bit of good news accompanied by a lot of bad news. Patsy and I broke up, she left me. But we agreed that I would get Bela every weekend. So I made an attempt to better myself by joining Mauy Thai kickboxing for about 1 year. But I could never pay for it myself my mother did. And I let it go to my head. I became really ripped and then a tad narcissistic. 

Age/Year:

30/2015

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

I tried to have both, kickboxing and addiction. But addiction won in the end. And it continued to get even worse. I was doing it around my family, even Bela. By this time when ever I had money, it all went to my addiction. And I didn't care one bit.

Age/Year:

31/2016

Kinds & Amounts:

1g coke/1-3 joints/12-24 beer

Frequency:

Weekends/Daily/every other day.

What Happened:

By this time my coke problem was way worse then I thought. I didn't even consider it a problem, I was having too much fun. And doing it when ever I could. But I had no job so I would lie to my Mother and Step-father for money to pay for it. And then I found Meth, It got me twice as high for half the price. To me it was gold.

Age/Year:

32/2017

Kinds & Amounts:

3g-5g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth

Frequency:

Everyday

What Happened:

This is the 1st time that I had died from an overdose. I woke up in the hospital strapped to a bed. I can remember not remembering anything when I woke up, and when the nurse told me i was dead for 1 min 36 sec and had to debigulate my heart to revive me, I wasn't even scared. I was mad that they revived me. I went back to my drug dealers house and did more. 

Age/Year:

33/2018

Kinds & Amounts:

1g-3g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth

Frequency:

Everyday

What Happened:

I had another overdose and woke up in the hospital again. I started to think maybe i had a problem. So I went to the Dream Centre And got kicked out 2 weeks later for not obeying the rules and was back in addiction full time. Again I was mad at the Dream Centre for kicking me out. Even to this day I still catch myself blaming them and myself but I quickly correct my thinking.

Age/Year:

34/2019

Kinds & Amounts:

3g-5g weed/25-50 mil GHB/1g meth

Frequency:

Everyday

What Happened:

I had another overdose and woke up in the hospital again. And checked myself into House 1835. And I left 2 weeks later. I said it was because of my anger, but I was back out the next day. I remember feeling hopeless because I was told that 1 in a 1000 successfully quit meth. And I thought I had no chance. And that's what brought me to Fresh Start. When i had read about it online, I knew that this was the place that was gonna make me that 1 in a 1000. But I left after 60 days and relapsed. 

Age/Year:

35/2020

Kinds & Amounts:

0.5g meth/10mil-25mil GHB/7g-10g weed

Frequency:

Everyday

What Happened:

The 2nd time I was in fresh Start I left because I was too afraid of success. I am currently in fresh Start for the 3rd time. I feel better then i ever have in my whole life. This is my year to be that 1 in a 1000.

[12-steps-in-action]

Good Vibes Only!

DAILY ROUTINE

How can I better myself every day? What do I need to do to be better for myself and others? How can I benefit the world? What do I love to do? Who am I? When will life get better? Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? I have, so I did a bit of digging. And I had discovered that I had no daily routine or a balanced schedule that benefited anyone other than myself. And then I thought...Why does everything I do for myself have to only be for me? Well, it doesn't. What you do for yourself you in return do for others, whether you realize it or not.

You may have heard that children follow your example more than your advice, true. So what do adults follow??? Nothing really! Most of them think that they got shit all figured out. I know I used to. But the smartest person I've had the pleasure of talking with told me that he knows nothing at all. And for the life of me, I could never understand why he would believe that about himself, then it hit me. He knows nothing so that he can remain teachable.

So I put together a little daily routine for adults so that they may balance their life and enjoy the rest of their days. Should they choose to? I promise once this becomes your daily routine, your life will not be the same as it once was. Fore-warned, for some people, it may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better once you shovel through the shit.

Daily Balance check-list (5:30 am start)

1. Recovery check-in (30 min) 2. Exercise/Diet (30 min-1 hr) 3. Productivity (6-8 hrs) 4. Writing Meditation (1 hr) 5. Goals (1-2 hrs) 6. Recovery check-out (30 min) 7. Rest & Relax

1) Recovery Check-In (30 min )

Wake up at 5:30 am and give thanks and count my blessings. Do a 15 min focus meditation on raising my frequency. We wake up at 5:30 to maximize our productivity, so we can do as much as we are capable of doing in 1 day, to be of service to the world that gave us so much. The reason that we count our blessings is so that we don't stay focused on the negative aspects of life. And so we remain grateful for what we have. And stay aware of the fact that even the most unfortunate person in the world has too many blessings to count. And the purpose of this focus meditation exercise is to practice starting and ending your day the same way every time, positively. The focus meditation is meant to shed light on everything that you need for the day or what you need to get done. So we don't lose track of our responsibilities. Raising your frequency is like swimming in a river with the current instead of against it. Life is much easier, things just seem to fall into place where they should be. And it increases your chance of manifesting miracles. To raise your frequency avoid things like: Self-pity, blaming others, negative self-talk, making excuses, ignoring your problems and not addressing them, and speaking the truth without compassion. Instead do things like: Being of service to others, self-reflection, self-discovery/awareness, creative arts, meditation, positive self affirmations, random acts of kindness. Anything that makes you feel good that didn't come at the cost of someone else's expense.

2) Exercise/Diet (30 min-1 hr)

Work out for 30 min and then research nutrition and diet plans that are best for you. Everyone complains about the price of gas, but no one gives a shit that 1L of pop costs 3$. Realize that everything in life cost's money. So complaining about the price of healthy living only drives you further away from it. If you could pay 1 single price for good health it would most definitely be out of your price range. It costs money to feel good, as does every other benefit in creation. If you want good benefits at work then you show up every day, spend the time and sell your efforts and skills. If you're willing to do it for money then why not do it for good health. Good health is the greatest possession you could ever obtain, even more so than money. If you can't put a price on feeling good, then put the effort into it. Diet and exercise go hand in hand like coffee and cigarettes, it's way better if you have both.

3) Productivity (6-8 hrs)

Design a recovery program. Work the 12 steps of N/A. Find a job. Pursue a passion. Do something to better your situation or improve your future. If you don't have a goal to work towards then your time becomes invaluable to you and others. Do you see it? When you achieve your goals, you inspire others to do the same, and when you share your struggles then you allow others to know that they are not alone when experiencing the same. Feeling alone in a situation probably destroys more dreams then drugs, which is why they both go hand in hand, to increase productivity. So if your enemy is doubling up. Why wouldn't you? Team up with like-minded people who share the same goals and watch how fast your life changes with just a little bit of hard work. I promise that you will be nothing short of amazed.

4) Writing Meditation (1 hr)

Write about anything you want to. Negative, positive, doesn't matter. The point of this exercise is to expand on your feelings and emotions. If you feel like killing someone, write about how you would do it. Just don't show anyone they might not understand. Maybe burn it after you're done writing about it. The point is don't suppress your feelings and emotions, release them positively and constructively. I promise, when you're done you'll feel much better, you probably won't want to kill them anymore and best of all, it won't affect your next day. Writing is essential to understanding any type of problem. Just put your pen to the pad and let it flow, there is no wrong way to do this.

5) Goals (1-2 hrs)

Figure out what it is that you want and what you have to sacrifice to get it. To be honest, the formula for achieving your goals is very simple, it's just 3 easy steps. 1) A dream written down with a date becomes a goal. 2) A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan. 3) a plan backed by action becomes reality. So you see? Turning a dream into reality is as simple as 1,2,3. Now don't get it fucked up, this is not easy, it's simple. There is a difference, some goals might come quicker than others. But if you apply these 3 steps to any or all of them, you will achieve them.

6) Recovery check-out (30 mins)

Give thanks for the day with a silent prayer. 15min breathing meditation and close with the serenity prayer. When you're done after a hard day's work, it's good to reflect on everything that you did and the positive outcome that it may have brought you or others. Remember that the idle mind is the Devil's playground. The less going on up there, the more room for him to dance around. Instead, do things like giving thanks for the abundance that your productivity has afforded you. Remember where it is that you came from and where it is that you would like to end up. We do this so that we can stay focused on the things that we can do instead of what we can't do, and the things that we can change rather then what we can't. Remember that reflection is just as important as productivity. Without it, you fall back into the same old destructive patterns. If we learn to accept what we can't control, then we don't focus on it. So instead it's a good practice to end your day the same way that you start it. Positive, grateful, accepting, and willing.

7) Rest & Relax( Endgame)

When I hit this stage, I like to prepare everything for the next day. So that when I wake up, I can enjoy the first hour of my day. But really though...Do whatever the fuck you want! Can't nobody tell you how to do this. Just make sure that you do it, and that you do it your way. I hope this helps anyone who finds themselves in a funk and remember...Struggles make you strong, it has to be dark for stars to shine and clear and straight roads never made good drivers. So enjoy the rest of your days here everyone. Time is so precious, and no one gets an extension. So let's do it right before it's too late.

Thank You & God Bless!