kamimura kazutoshi is funny and interesting and bad at internet safety. ken doesn't consider this a violation of privacy - it is, in his nature, to be inquisitive. to open a post that kazutoshi sent him and first formulate a 5 paragraph long response about Fun Trivia Facts he knows and second check the rbs/likes. and if he notices that in the most recent activity for said post there's a reoccurring black/blue icon w/ an edgy handle, well.
if the correlation wasn't enough the posts make it obvious. two minutes after he's home from a job, a post like, "i just got back from work. i'm exhausted." blatantly kazutoshi's blog. so much so that ken's mind twists the intent. kazutoshi wanted me to see this, wanted me to find him, wanted me to know. because kazutoshi is a meek soul, he could not possibly ASK or OFFER ken his blog. oh kazutoshi. m-message received. he'll check on you, but pretend that he doesn't know, keep the charade up. ⭐ you want someone to notice? i would notice.
of course to normal people, no, ken, if he wanted you to know he would've sent it directly or asked for yours'. his privacy would be violated, actually. what is this Light Yagami bs. whatever.
so ken stalks follows kazutoshi's internet activity. notifications on. by consequence of kazutoshi's sleep schedule being an indescribable wreck ken too starts sleeping at odd hours and waking at stranger ones. he previously had his phone on mute and proudly kept it away from his person. now it's a lifeline to kazutoshi, because he'll post scaries like,
aware that he means it. except, suicide ideals and intrusive thoughts and meticulous plan are all different from each other. want does not necessarily equal Literal Want, the way a starving person wants food, versus a person wanting a snack. end goal the same but the levels incomparable. furthermore there's clear cause & reaction - his vents are frequently after a flare, or cleanup of a deceased woman, etc. it is a mental protection to take these 'less seriously'. not that ken would view himself as such... they are all very, very serious, it is just - we discussed the varying levels of want, you understand.
kazutoshi responds reliably because he has hand problems and must reply ASAP or he won't reply at all. 42 seconds. short. if he does not respond for longer he's keeled over sick somewhere, cataleptic, unconscious, or an obtrusive call from work. ken thrums his fingers wait wait wait after "what did you think about-" and for the very first time, kazutoshi posts before he replies to ken.
read: he texted ken. he fucked up messaging ken. ken's the fuck-up.
if things don't change soon, i'm really going to hurt myself.
no, please, ken bites his thumb so hard it erupts into blood. doesn't feel it with the shock. i thought you liked how much i talked to you. kazutoshi doesn't have anyone else, which must be out of choice, because who could look at kazutoshi and not enjoy his company? don't kill yourself because of me. don't leave me. don't go anywhere. i need you.
on another layer this frustrated ken because kazutoshi could have everything if he Let ken provide for him. perhaps that's part of kazutoshi's angst. another unspoken desire of kazutoshi's: tell me how much you need me. detail your obsession. oh, ken, won't you take me into your house and arms? yes he will be patient so stay alive he just has to convince you temporarily he'll get the room ready and ask mao to drive to his friend that he rants about for multiple hours a week to her unlistening ears yes yes.
