misc 144

i love you more than the world. ⚠️ sensitive & adult content warning ⚠️

[144bonus]

⚠️ sensitive & adult content warning ⚠️

🌈 about page - last updated 4/22

for socmed websites: do not use any friend art posted. mine is fine. private use, like discord pfps, is fine too.

sideblog to @144ship

emoji key for log uploads

🌻 = ouma (that's me!) | 🎯 = ame | 🔂 parallax, "para," "twin" 🐈 = harper (@nbmakoto) | 🐦= enn 🐟 = till | 🪼 = seven 🌸 = mizumi (@kuroharamizumi) |🐇 = care | ♥️ = jax 🐕‍🦺 = IRL friend | ❌ = REDACTED 1 |⛈= REDACTED 2

[144bonus]

Visit Original Link

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wish pink had characterized the cast as feeling though they "deserve this," being abducted into the killing game, being punished for their past "sins" i.e kazutoshi's attempt, reina's death, current drug use/abandoning his friend w nakamigawa, manami's past drug use, etc etc . or at least have the staff intend for the students to feel this way; you're an awful person for drinking and not loving your mother, chiba, what's stopping you from killing someone i.e.

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actually i wonder if ken would be better described as bipolar (just occurred to me)

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idk i started thinking about BPD v yandere ken when writing the psyche conflict between blue and red in [Spiral] which has been quite cathartic for me overall. my thoughts sort of drifted to "this is a very stereotypical display of a borderline, split argument, but that isn't what's going on here... i wonder how to specify the difference" and given i was interrupted I have still not yet found the words for it

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unscripted speedpaint/commentary test that cuts off randomly bc my cats made noises. might try this again some time lol and maybe at least w a bullet point list versus ADHD top of my head

[shslanalysis]

[The class has voted for Tamba Ruiko, the Ultimate Gymnast, to be executed. This conclusion was incorrect.]

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i want the parts of you that you only show to the corner of your bathroom mirror i want the parts of your hand grenade heart that beat slowly with anger and fear i want the parts of you that you only show to the birds outside your bedroom window i want the teeth that you lost as a child that you hide in a box under your pillow

[…]

and i want your zeroes, your polluted marrow the sweat on your palms and your surveillance shadow i want your secrets, your clementine fields the ropes that you climb up, the parts that won't heal i want your safe word, your passive resistance the sickness you foster, your favourite addictions i want your nightmares, the ghost in your doorway your paralyzed sleep and your-

[144bonus]

ok you've been good lately you guys and its been a hot second since ive shared writing. take

kazutoshi in ken’s psyche…

tar with molten lava temperature. its scalds his ectoplasm soul

kazutoshi?

stage lights, equally hot and a thousand times brighter. fucking ow! the lecherous on his arms weigh him down, kazutoshi blinks furiously to no avail. phantogram in his vision. two kens, red and blue, overlap an imperceptible color. almost purple. nearly white. a migraine. the boys laugh together, they cry together, red clutches his eye in a heartwrenching wail to blue’s teary humming.

kazutoshi! it hurts. it hurts! no more... kazutoshi... why did you go away? somewhere i can’t follow, too. did you hate me that much? did you love me that much? tamba told us.

that bitch.

okay no she probably had a damn good reason

kneejerk reaction, is all.

i love you more than the world.

the lights flicker, elliptic. the boys sway together and their smiles resemble tragedy/comedy.

everyone deserves to die. me too! kazutoshi! kazutoshi! kazutoshi kazutoshi kazutoshi kazutoshik azu to tkkkkkkuauazuu

‘kazutoshi’ dilutes into nothingness. it’s hard to recognize himself as that string of letters and pronunciation. KAZUTOSHIKAZUTOSHIKAZUTOSHIKAZUTOSHI

they’re all terrible people. awful people. i want to vomit. i can induce now. i practiced.

[144bonus]

i want the parts of you that you only show to the corner of your bathroom mirror i want the parts of your hand grenade heart that beat slowly with anger and fear i want the parts of you that you only show to the birds outside your bedroom window i want the teeth that you lost as a child that you hide in a box under your pillow

[…]

and i want your zeroes, your polluted marrow the sweat on your palms and your surveillance shadow i want your secrets, your clementine fields the ropes that you climb up, the parts that won't heal i want your safe word, your passive resistance the sickness you foster, your favourite addictions i want your nightmares, the ghost in your doorway your paralyzed sleep and your-

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Visit Original Link

when the bodies start to rot

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heres mine

on bipan flavor

wada: bisexual & biromantic

kaz: bisexual & Attracted To Men

nishino: lesbian & biromantic

tsuno: pansexual & heteromantic

(btw as someone with I/DD like obviously I/DD can romance and have sex i just dont think chiba would want to. In a character analysis way i think she is enamored with the concept of family

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mene theorizing about emotional incest yumi & kazutoshi and i need to lie sit down with a good juice box outside for a bit

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because i Get It. i do not think it's the reason for her being unmarried. i believe soooooomewhere its mentioned that she's kind of, Unpopular in comparison to her sister [suzu, our headcanon name] but waves hand. also sometimes people are just unmarried.

BUT IF WE CHOOSE TO LOOK DEEPER INTO IT: i get it. he looks eerily like his mother. enough that he dyes his hair to avoid seeing her in the mirror. it'd give some recontextualization to the Weird Shit she gets up to (not confronting him over his attempts, not spending time with him in the hospital, not feeding him sensitive food)

can a childhood emotional neglect (ken) x emotional incest (kaz) truly.. kiss....?

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mene theorizing about emotional incest yumi & kazutoshi and i need to lie sit down with a good juice box outside for a bit

[shslanalysis]

How girls be when they have no one to protect and are forced to face themselves.

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5/31 isao at ken's college AU log

"ken, apparently": . HAHA. HAHAHAH (BAD. YEAH. YEAH)

🌻: ken in his class already bored out of his mind and regretting things. roll call

🌻: introducing e/o

🌻: isao stands up and ken's pen drops

🌻: He has to die.

🌻: Now.

🌻: ken: (ugh maybe this was a mistake I could be studying at home right now... Mao... mom... I'm gonna freak out, I can't breathe, something is wrong)

🌻: isao: hey my name is isao and i graduated from a school in osaka

🌻: ken: (I have to stay in school to murder him.)

"ken, apparently": It's cold. It has to be cold. More, ah, uncontrolled upset and horror at first, woodshop-esque, but actually dealing with them? Unless it's heat of the moment, unless he just can't control himself when he realizes, seeshears a name he recognizes, it's. Ch 5 level planning. All the breath out of the lungs all the heat out of the room. Cold rage. They are going to suffer to the maximum extent possible and he will make sure of it that absolutely no one can stop him.

🌻: ken getting close to isao to learn more and wanting every second to puke and [REDACTED[ to him bc did isao know the guys? were they friends? or were they just, random guys from school, who overheard? isao, you were malicious, how badly?

🌻: isao did not, in fact, tell anyone to Go Fucking Do That

"ken, apparently": And of course I imagine it's hard to pull off a spotless murder in real life than in a killing game, a space engineered to make murders happen and populated only by his peers. But. He's not on a time limit, either, in the outside world

🌻: and isnt friends with them particularly. he knows of them. they go to parties sometimes. they aren't 'like that'

🌻: ken clenching his fists because all this time he believed isao knew and was involved

🌻: and he cant let go of that isao in his head who was stood back there, watching. because -

🌻: because he had to have known!

🌻: IT HAS TO BE SOMEONE'S FAULT!

🌻: and they're just OUT THERE

"ken, apparently": ((Ken biting his nail down to the quick) he's still the cause.)

🌻: isao must've known, isao must've looked away, like (gags) like ken, they're both cowards, ken has to fix. it. fix it

"ken, apparently": GOD. NODDING. NYEAH...

🌻: Fix it

🌻: kazutoshi, meanwhile, at home, TPE trophy wifing it up at 19: i wonder how ken is doing.

"ken, apparently": It's sooooo. Ohh. You had a position of connection and importance to kazutoshi (like me) so his suffering is your fault and your failure (and it is. At least partially, it absolutely, definitionally is, because how would they have KNOWN THAT if it wasn't for HIM?) and you do have to die for it

 "ken, apparently": HNKS

"ken, apparently": Well he deserves asmuch. So

🌻: ken coming home from school and acting out of character and kazutoshi assumes its just the stress of college

🌻 kazutoshi's to join him next semester! after a pretty big procedure...

🌻: kazutoshi rubs his back and smiles

🌻: hey. you're okay

🌻: you're here

🌻: ken: you're here

🌻: kazutoshi: ? yeah

🌻: ken: ...i- yeah- sorry! sorry. today was weird.

🌻: ken thinks to himself that there is no Isao Revenge Scheme thoughts allowed when kazutoshi's in the room. that's private ken time ^_^

"ken, apparently": YEAH... Still a tension, electricity in him. Still thinking about him. Still replaying it and thinking he should've done more. Still thinking about Kazutoshi, about what he has to go through. Still thinking about the fact that Isao's suffering surely wasn't enough. (Nothing would've been enough, god, there's - t-there's a world where Kazutoshi dies because of him. It makes him want to grind what's left of him under his foot like a cigarette butt.) Thinking about whether or not he covered up everything well enough. Adrenaline of having killed someone

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144 is fine if you close your eyes and also dont take outside canon like the terminals & backstories & questions and answers & the songs & avox though. But you do still have your eyes closed from canon just a little bit

[144ship]

Been thinking about but unsure on how to articulate on: Ken and Kazutoshi would be a (somewhat. the dereisms) normal relationship outside of the KG and when Ken doesn't Know about Isao. When he Knows its bad.

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bc okay it's like - it's, ken's aware that kazutoshi's been through a lot. sees him sick occasionally (because he is medicated, he has his immunosuppressants, its occasionally vs Always) and yumi is tense and weird but a nice lady overall, hey, it's not like she wanted kazutoshi, but...! kazutoshi is so strong, and brave, and amazing, l-let's be together forever, okay? ^_^

when ken Knows. when ken Knows about isao and that Something Bad Happened At School every, every valve would burst. he would ruminate on that there was almost a world without kazutoshi. did yumi know. why wasn't she feeding him 'good food'. why did she - just let him leave, let him go, why, why? all of you are awful, awful people. and when this is all in the vicinity of kazutoshi it's terrifying (humbling, romantic even,) but it's scary because kazutoshi cleans up the dead from people like ken. from people who are enraged and bloodthirsty. ken, you're scaring me...

BAD