breathe

small poetry diary

[1506996]

afra i d

afraid of loss,

afraid to hurt, 

afraid to trust,

and be misheard

afraid to be open,

afraid to show 

all of me

lest people go.

afraid of love -

what it may bring,

so i safeguard

this heart within.

[1506996]

hammer and nail

it was always like this, I felt, me standing with hammer and nail with shadow cast over rustic pieces shattered runes of the heart; her -- away, oblivious, while you stood in a corner with your hand over your face someone's reassuring hand on your shoulder, praying. I felt my heart clench for yours; the sweet crookedness of love ache I looked down to the hammer and nail useless in my hand, because it wasn't my repair you needed. it was hers.

[1506996]

tectonic plates

i stood screaming at the edge as we drifted apart and you never once glanced in my direction

[1506996]

Echoes

I would fall in love with you if I had the chance – But for you there was always only her. Foolish and unwilling, my heart still danced With a refusal to believe it was over.

[1506996]

my mind drifted from her to you and your clasped hands, the only thought preoccupying my head. the smell of wet asphalt hovering; a humid cloud. i thought of how you were both in a sweet different world far beyond my reach.

on the walk home

[1506996]

i am a kaleidoscope

fragmented shards of make belief; broken, beautiful, pure relief different angles change what you see tilt me explore me discover me.

[1506996]

teach me how to stop building sandcastles in the air, calling forth honey memories through rose tinted lenses. “what use is false hope?” one day my kingdom will crumble onto the sliding sand.

[1506996]

I wish you never looked at me with that disarming smile of yours – you left me as a raging sea with storm clouds brewing on your command.

[1506996]

Maybe what really hurt was the illusions of the in-between moments and the could-have-beens. The worst part was that you did nothing and my imagination did it all. I was floored by how simple and deceptive it all seemed, the look in your eyes, the hidden smiles without hidden agendas, and I believed a truth that never was.

[1506996]

transitions

i stand at a forked path stepping tentatively dreaming of nostalgia and vertigo

[1506996]

I desperately wanted these moments with you to stand still. Not to be just moments, but days, weeks, months... years, and lifetimes.

[1506996]

Sometimes I had trouble believing that we both lived in the same world. Under the same sky. Unknowingly, I had created an image of you as another being -- not a higher order, mind you, just someone faraway and distant. Someone whose laugh I remembered and tucked away to safekeep in the quiet corners of my mind.

[1506996]

It wasn’t that I couldn’t imagine myself being with you. Sure I could, when I was feeling sentimental and romantic. It was because, in reality, I could not imagine myself fitting into your schedule, the hectic daily routine that you had already gotten accustomed to. I couldn’t picture myself having a place there.

[1506996]

maybe one day I’ll teach my heart to stop reacting to your presence my eyes to stop seeking you out in a crowd and my mind to think of you merely as an acquaintance

[1506996]

Here I am still, Knowing you were there at the airport sending her off And knowing you'll be there faithful when she comes back Here I am still, Hoping against hope For closure to something unknown and unfinished That now I know mattered only to me - 26.04.15

[1506996]

Time is an unrelenting current and soon I will be washed up ashore.

[1506996]

It’s funny how the entirety of emotion Traverses to the pale white of shorn leaf-paper Held together by thin trails of tremulous ink. Yet it seems they are one and the same; Easily broken, both human sentiment and its medium, The sixth love language, poetry - That of unrequited love.

I told myself to write you away.