A 17 Year Old's Decision

This is the translation of Sayashi Riho's autobiography, a work in progress.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

Incorporating Various Opinions

At the time I was already writing my blog, and on there I received a lot of warm comments, so that the slightly depressed me was saved, thanks to them. Because of that, I enjoyed blogging.

It was also fun to directly meet and talk with the fans, face to face at the handshake meets. Hearing about their impressions on the event or a concert, hearing them talk about our new song, but there was also discussion about just regular life (lol).

For me myself, I didn't really have a lot of success in talking with people, so I felt some envy. Am I really good enough for this? But even as I had that thought, I would answer how I could.

Although I couldn't handle the talking very well, thanks to the comments, and letters, as well as the conversation at handshake meets, all of which I received from the fans, there were a lot of things I was able to put to use during my performances.

Although I'm indecisive, perhaps it's because ever since I was little I've wanted to resolve my own thoughts and feelings by myself, by listening to the opinion of various people around me, I would take the most appropriate thing that I heard and internalize it and build around it, this was something that came to me naturally.

While we had a lot of public performances, to those fans who only went to one out of the many, "Did I properly perform well enough? Did you really enjoy it?" I wanted to ask those questions, there were times like that.

What sort of sound suits me, the technicality of it I myself don't know, but even within that I tried to find a good balance. I thought maybe I should change the way I sing, and I consulted with a lot of different voice instructors, and somehow I kind of figured it out while seeing very many different teachers. It's not just about what you think, I felt, but what you actually do is also very important. All four seasons, all year round, we were always doing concerts, because of that I could quickly pile up experience, and later it became very helpful.

At first, I thought it was scary, going up in front of an audience and singing, but I didn't hate it by any means. I couldn't get rid of the feeling of wanting to really worry/brood over it. I think that's why I was able to really do my best up until now, I get that sort of feeling a lot. Though I was somewhat aware of the fact that I wasn't good at it, from the very beginning of my joining Morning Musume I was consistently singing, the I danced changed as well. When I first joined, I only wanted to be seen dancing. From Takahashi-san, who graduated, I received the advice: "Sing more," and it really helped me. The nuance of the song changes, you have to think of the meaning of the lyrics and attach that accent/feeling to the dance, that I was able to understand and think of these things, was all thanks to singing. I didn't come to hate it at all, in fact, I came to love it as much as I love to dance. But my singing ability still wasn't up to par, and so I worked hard to overcome and shorten that gap, that was the attitude with which I sang. Over time, I little by little became able to sing with composure.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

A Series of Trial and Error

At the time when Tanaka-san graduated, I still had not been at a level where I had grasped what it is to sing.

Within that, Tanaka-san had a lot of parts to sing, and even I myself had a lot, so there were times when it was hard to organize.

When we first started the new system, it seemed like on days that I didn't do well, the entire group didn't do well, and versely when I did well, the group did well.

Listening to the thoughts and feelings of those around me daily, there were lots of times they directly influenced/impacted me.

I had performed in concert time after time and yet, because of the rise and fall of the state of my performance was so incessant, there were times when I couldn't reach a state of stability.

Though it was the same as always, my voice didn't come out the way I thought it should, and that would influence the acoustics of the venue.

Even thought it felt like it went well during the rehearsal, come the concert performance it seemed like the sound of the people who had filled the venue would overtake me, like I couldn't match the change of the acoustics.

Before, I didn't really take to the environment of concert halls.

I was of course extremely happy when a lot of guests come to the venue, but I could never quite get used to the change in the sound, so I would get flustered (lol).

At the beginning, the sound checks were always handled by my seniors, that's what I felt. But with the graduation of all of my seniors, naturally I became concious of taking on the responsibility. Then during rehearsal I'd say "Let's do the mike check," we'd sing one song, afterwards I'd ask to sing a bit louder, ask to sing it karaoke, things like that. Then, from the Staff-san: "While you're in the middle of singing we'll give you directions, to coordinate everybody," but at first I didn't know what to do, that was the situation.

Though I knew that my own singing was influenced because of that, I didn't entirely comprehend what I should do, and during the time that my seniors did it for me, I had trouble learning to control it myself.

I have feelings of "I want to live a life of leadership." But I also know that I can't do everything by myself. That my many parts/lines had increased, and subsequently be taken upon by other members was frustrating, of course. However, that that happened had to be due to my own capacity not measuring up.

It can't always go the way you want, after all (lol).

While bearing this sort of contradiction, I wasn't really able to progress forward. In the interest of self improvement, I was finally able to collect myself, and have thoughts such as "It's best if I rely upon Oda-chan here" or "It's better for the talk to be passed around to everyone."

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

A New Order with Michishige Sayumi as Leader

When Michishige-san became the leader, it was decided that Fuku-chan and Harunan (Iikubo Haruna) would be the sub-leaders, to which I fully agreed with. It goes by order of age, and Harunan is a very reliable person, I felt like it was a very good idea to have the eldest from each Gen. Although I had said that “I’ll become the leader” from the time I very first joined, the me of that time had nothing in her head except performing, so that my inattentiveness to the other aspects began to show (lol), so I was aware that I could support the two sub-leaders in a different way.

I've been bad at the talk portion ever since I joined, so that when I would be in a two person MC in which we would take turns, I never knew what to say/do.  Recently, when a lot of the other members were there, I had begun to understand that even talking about something meaningless was just fine, so I began to take notice of the right timing for me to speak up during a conversation. For MCs during the concerts, in order to preserve the fired up atmosphere of the live, you have to make it so it’s not just an MC connecting one song to another, and change what you talk about based on the setting, it was difficult to feel the mood.

It was about this time that we went on more and more variety programs, with the intent to have the current members of Morning Musume. more well known. Whenever I had to do something on my own, I became very nervous. That I made dancing my "weapon" for those specials was something I came up with myself. Though sometimes I felt like, "I wonder if that really was the best" (lol), that was the most adventurous thing I had in me. Though when we had to talk, I relied on the other members.

Although I think within the members the one that really had the personality for taking the lead on variety is Eripon, Kanon-chan was the one who really took the lead on the talk portions. She was skilled at both following the flow, and witty comebacks. Although Akashiya Sanma-san tried to teach me, Kanon-chan was the one that really got tendon -- that is, repeating the same line/gag again and again. Eripon had a strong character, one that others would want to bully and tease her for.

In that way, I’m glad that we were able to allot roles so well. Eripon would go off the rails, Kanon-chan would be the one to restrain her and create a story [comedy wise] with it, and I would say something serious in return, so that I felt we had achieved a nice balance. The other members did their best as well, and with that support there, I felt very relieved.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

A Steady Advance with Tanaka Reina’s Graduation, 11th Generation Addition

With “Help me!!” we got #1 on the Oricon Single Weekly Chart. Before this, I didn’t know a thing about the ranking. I didn’t even know that it existed. Although I hadn’t been interested in it, starting with “One Two Three” I started hearing talk that we might be able to get #1 with this, and so I then became interested. That was also the time that I started to watch the Oricon [chart].

And so, it was during the time of “Help me!!” that I started hearing things like “What if we get #1,” so that I then started to feel “I want to win!” The battle for the chart was filled with lots of strong people, so I would say things like “We’ll win it!” That was the first time that I started talking about the Kouhaku Uta Gassen (NHK).

Although I’m the type that burns the brightest when I have a goal set, even though I said I would do it, I didn’t know what to do to achieve it. I couldn’t do anything more than to be my best at performing, so I began to strongly feel that I must do it no matter what.

It was at this time that 11th Gen Oda Sakura-chan began to participate. It was at the Harmony Hall Zama venue that Tsunku-san announced the 11th Gen as being one person (“Morning Musme. 15th Anniversary Commemoration Concert Tour 2012 Fall ~Colorful Character~” Opening Day, 9/14/2012). Though I thought, “A girl with an extremely good voice has joined,” in the beginning, despite it, I also felt like I wanted to make people think, “Even so, I like Sayashi's singing better.” Oda-chan quickly became skillful.

In the Spring of 2013, Tanaka-san graduated (“Morning Musume Concert Tour 2013 Spring Michishige ☆ Eleven Soul ~Tanaka Reina Graduation Memorial~ in Nippon Budoukan” 5/21/2013). “Now......” I thought. “It’s too soon!” I sang a lot with Tanaka-san on “One Two Three,” and during the concert tours there were a lot of parts where we would alternate. Unlike dance, I didn’t have a specialty in singing, so at that time I felt like I had to do it, I listened to Tanaka-san’s singing a lot and tried to learn from her, and although I did my best a little at a time, I really felt like Tanaka-san was watching over me.

During an interview, Tanaka-san said about me, “She’s really doing her best with singing, so I’ll support her,” which made me happy.

I worried by myself, and I was aware of my inability to sing, but Tanaka-san would take the lead, so that I think we grew closer. Speaking of my need to do what I could, whenever I would sing with Tanaka-san I felt the distance between us grew shorter, but not just when we would sing, but I felt like I got closer to Tanaka-san herself.

Because of my personality I couldn’t get close to anyone outside of myself, but I always felt like I was running after Tanaka-san. I always thought that I was learning something from her, and I wondered if that was conveyed to her.

I feel I was cast in more roles that were one step ahead of the beat than I realized. Both in things that I was aware were my specialties, and alternatively in things that I was aware I wasn’t good at, so I was very happy, and also very troubled. I was filled with both emotions equally. But even so, after all, I felt that I didn’t want to lose to the others around me, so when I was relied upon I did everything I could while keeping that in mind.

Though from that year on, we were able to continually achieve #1's, on an emotional level, I had fretted, and usually did everything while thinking of something [else?]. I think I have a tendency to find more problems than there really are in actuality. I think that when I decided to just go with how things were progressing, I ended up feeling like others were watching out to make sure I wasn't coddled by my environment. [???]

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

The Cooperation Learned From Formation Dance

Subsequently, I think that it was around the time of “Excitedly Take a chance” (10/10/2012, 51st Single) that we switched to formation dancing. Personally, I don’t get the impression that it was during that time that it completely changed. I thought that “Only you” was also a cool type song, and  “One Two Three” and “Excitedly Take a chance” were also like that. It wasn’t until “Help me!!” (1/23/2013, 52nd Single) that I truly thought “Oh, so this is how we’re going to do it now.”

The dance lessons for “Excitedly Take a chance” were really strict, it was a song where you really have to take care of the line formation. Even after the seniors left to go home, the 9th and 10th Gen remained at practice. Depending on where in the line you stood, there were some who had to travel a greater distance than others. The reason that the dance lessons ran so long was also because of this. Because we had turned to EDM, the number of songs that required close attention to the minute details of rhythm increased, the movements where we had to "be like a machine" also increased.

At first, dancing was my only weapon. I became worried when Ayumi-chan who was a dancer like me was added, and I may have become more vigilant. But Morning Musume.’s dances became more intense year by year, and the times we danced as a pair increased, and there were fans who came to the concert that enjoyed those parts. At some point dancing together became such a habit that when there were tours where we didn't dance as a pair, I felt unsatisfied. My favorite pair dance is in “Brainstorming” (4/17/2013, 53rd Single)! The dance movements were like a battle, and I enjoyed dancing while we looked at each other and smiled suspiciously (lol).

Once I joined H!P, I really learned to cooperate. When I was in Actors’, I only ever competed with those around me. Any time I joined a team, it was always chosen by the audition. Even after doing the choreography, our position would be chosen by the teacher after we danced one by one. Even then, all the others would be watching relentlessly, it was nothing but a contest. Who would harmonize, who would do the main part, who would rap, these were all decided by the teachers at the audition, so there wasn’t any feeling other than belligerence. Within Morning Musume., there may have been a sense of rivalry in that you wanted to become good at dancing or singing. But the fans that came to our lives didn’t come to see a battle, they came to see a performance with all of us, this was when I first learned what I wanted to convey. I think to perform formation dance, that’s what you need most over all else.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

“One•Two•Three” In Which I was Allowed To Grow

I said this at my last Budoukan performance, but I, myself, improved and grew the most on “One Two Three” (7/4/2012, 50th Single). It’s a very important song to me. Once I started singing it, it was like I was always singing it, every day, even during the concert tours I was singing. Because it was a song in which I was able to affirm the changes in my self, every time I saw it I would think "I have to do something," or "I want to change something." 

Although I felt the worth of doing it [rewarding], I also felt the pressure of the song. Although I didn’t much worry listening to the CD after having recorded it, concerts do have a different feeling, after all. It was a song that I would surely sing every day, and Tanaka-san’s expressions were executed so skillfully, it was very  thrilling. I felt like joined together with everyone else’s power, I had to do my best to make it even better.* There’s a part that goes “Saa te wo tsunaide~♪” [So, let's hold hands~♪ ], at first it was very difficult for me to sing. Like something in my throat got blocked. The key was a little high. It wasn’t until 2 years later that I felt like “This is ok,” when I sang it. It was a long time coming (lol).

Because of my bad habit, when I sang the “i~” of Aishiteru’s Ai [I love you’s love], I tightened my throat as I sung it. So it sounded like “Iii!.” Because “i” is hard to pronounce. Each time I sung it, I would try and sing as if it came out of the spot between my nose and mouth, and with a reliable response, I felt myself grow/improve.

In regards to the dance, in the second half when "Ah kono yume ni wa nee dore kurai no Mm kanousei ga aru to iu no ka” [Ah, how much Hey, potential Mm, do these dreams have?] occurs, I switch from the back to the front, returning to my spot in the center. During that singing part, when at the front, it’s supposed to be free movement but when I had to sing it for the first time at a Hello! Concert, Tsunku-san himself taught me, “Pick someone from the first row, and move like you’re trying to convince that person.” It feels like it stirs up the fans in the first row. Although Tsunku-san actually showed me how, I thought it was too embarrassing for me to and I couldn’t do it! I thought, can I really do that with my skill level as it is now? Eventually, I plucked up the confidence, or the courage, and I became able to do it boldly. I would do it while moving backwards a little.

There were lyrics where I would switch my gaze every time, too. When we did the alternating “Daisuki daisuki” [I love you I love you], when it was my part, I decided to sing it as if I were confessing to this one person. I think I got down the knack of singing to the audience, and remembering the dance. Though I suppose that, in the beginning, it was a performance pretty much unchanged from watching it on a screen, going to a concert, I strongly realized that I understood it for the first time.

Because it's a song where I have a lot of lines, it's a song where I have a lot of sides of myself I can show.

* T/N: She means, working together with the others, using their joint power, that she felt the pressure to make the performance better and better.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

The Vitamin IV at The Nippon Budoukan?

In May, Niigaki-san and Mitsui (Aika)-san graduated ("Morning Musume. Concert Tour 2012 Spring ~Ultra Smart~ Niigaki Risa Mitsui Aika Graduation Special" 5/18/2012), and the the 11th Gen "Clear-Faced Diva" audition was announced. Although I was interested in the audition, I felt a little impatient for it since my seniors were graduating so quickly, one after another. To us, Takahashi-san was our first leader. Takahashi-san and Niigaki-san were both 5th Gen members, so they were at the very top, and there was a feeling of unease once they left, plus just barely making it in time along with them, Mitsui-san (8th Gen) left as well, so there were of course a lot of feelings of "Will we be okay?"

It was during this time, when we had a concert at the Budoukan upcoming, that I had to have a vitamin IV drip. We had a program scheduled at such a large venue that I got extremely nervous, which pulled my physical health down, and exposed my own weakness. When we went to the Yokohama Arena in 2014 I was well enough, so in that way I had grown stronger, but up until that time I had to have a vitamin drip every time.

With both of my seniors graduating, the ratio of the group ended up heavily leaning towards newer members, and I thought, "What will we do if we put Michishige-san and Tanaka-san into an uncontrollable situation?"

The truth is, when I look at Michishige-san and Tanaka-san, I feel like I unexcusably caused them trouble, but right before Tanaka-san's graduation, the distance between Tanaka-san and Michishige-san and the rest of the members became very close, so it was very relieving. I think the other members felt that, too, and the 9th and 10th Gen realized we had to do better for the sake of our juniors! 

Masaki-chan really grew closely attached to Tanaka-san, calling after her "Tanaka-saan! Tanaka-saan!" all the time. I think Tanaka-san herself didn't know how to meet her juniors halfway. Masaki-chan demolished her wall rapidly, the first one to get around that wall.

The play "Stacies Girls Re-killing Theatre" (6/6~6/12 2012) left an impression on me. When I perform in plays, either my taste in singing changes, or the way I sing changes. To be able to sing in a musical fashion, I learn how to sing with the power of expressiveness, rather than with skill/technique, it was a good experience.

But, acting itself...... I never felt that it was my strong point. Of course, I did my best because it was something I had to do. Because there was someone who wrote the script with all their might, someone who directed us, someone who wrote songs for it, those of us acting it out couldn't cut any corners. It was fun to become a character that was so different from myself, and it was a chance to grow in a way that I didn't usually get to, so I'm really glad that I got to do it.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

A New Start With The Addition of The 10th Generation

When the 10th Gen (Iikubo Haruna, Ishida Ayumi, Satou Masaki, Kudou Haruka) joined with “Bouncy Bouncy Ultra" (1/25/2012, 48th Single) Morning Musume. had a fresh start with a new structure. At the time, there were a lot of "9th Gen vs 10th Gen" like events, where we battled it out with a roused sense of competition. Furthermore, when we battled, the 10th Gen won quite a lot. It was frustrating.

If it were now, I'd be able to feel the need to win while simultaneously enjoying the game, but at the time I couldn't at all. I was only in it to win. When we lost, all four of us would discuss “We did badly at this part.” When the 9th Gen lost, we would all be sullen (lol). Whenever we had a showdown, I would think "Ahh, we're going to lose again......" Although it would be fine if the people who were watching found it amusing (lol). That 10th Gen wasn't shy at all... in my case, it was hard to understand. It's probably been since 2015 that I've become the same way. That's super late as well, isn't it?

Although I haven't talked about it until now, starting on the single after "Bouncy Bouncy Ultra," "Love Hunter" (4/11/2012, 49th Single), I got to be on the recorded harmonies, which made me happy. Occasionally others within the members would be on the harmonies as well, but I was mostly the one that did them. So, if you listen closely you'll hear me on them!

Thanks to that, my sense of pitch improved. Although at first it was very difficult, I was quick at remembering pitch from the beginning, so I was able to enjoy doing them very quickly. It was fun to record the main part, but what I really looked forward to was recording the harmonies after. I recorded so many different parts [in the harmonies], that it took more time than recording the main vocals. For "Oh my wish!" (8/19/2015, 59th Single) I only danced during the lives, but the truth is my voice is also on it in the harmonies!

It made me think that I only want to participate on the harmonies from now on, too. I wonder if I can do it without a pseudonym (lol). [She is joking that she wants to do the harmonies for MM when she’s not in the group, too]

Also, I may not have mentioned how I like the photos. I like having my picture taken. I don't want to become a model or anything, it's just that that job was fun. Because the ones that are good are chosen for the photo book (lol), you can see them all. I also loved doing the Music Videos. I especially liked Michishige Sayumi-san's last single's MV ("TIKI BUN/Shaba Daba Do~/A Looking Back Beauty" (10/15/2014, 57th Single)).

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

The Graduation of My Admired Takahashi Ai ~ Mobekimasu

In the Fall was Takahashi Ai-san's graduation ("Morning Musume. Concert Tour 2011 Fall Ai BELIEVE ~Takahashi Ai Graduation Commemoration Special~" 9/30/2011) and the addition of the 10th generation (9/29). Although I was aware that the graduation of Takahashi Ai-san was a big deal in regards to Morning Musume,  I didn't yet feel like "Oh no, this is bad for Morning Musume." I didn’t truly understand the meaning of that word [yabai, translated as ‘this is bad’] until later. My first performance at the Budoukan was difficult, and I was desperate to overcome it. I did the best that I could as myself.

My juniors joined...... much faster than I expected them to. I was glued to the TV, watching "HelloPro! TIME" (TV Tokyo) every week without failure. “Who will join?” I thought. There were girls that I thought were good, though I would never say it out loud, I was quite aware of it (lol).

When I announced my graduation on my blog, Takahashi Ai-san encouraged me by writing on her blog "There's only two months left until you graduate, which will pass in the blink of an eye, so run through it with all of your heart!!" and "Sayashi! She's so cool!" She couldn't come to my last Budoukan peformance because of work, but when she came to my solo live, I was truly happy.

When I joined Morning Musume, my generation mates clung to my admired Takakahashi Ai-san before I could, so unable to enter that circle, I watched from the outskirts. Takahashi-san thought that I portrayed a cool character, but she always gave me advice; "You can't only dance, because Morning Musume. sings."

Because I joined as a member when I was in my 6th year of elementary school, I didn't know a single thing about the world, so I learned a lot of things within this time. I received kind, and occasionally strict, guidance. Even now, I respect Takahashi-san and the other seniors that looked over me. Takahashi-san told me that she wanted to go ahead and study abroad in the US. After I went to New York I felt the same, which may have been influenced by her.

After Takahashi Ai-san graduated, all 28 members of Hello! Project gathered to form Hello! Project Mobekimasu (A word coined using the initials of Morning Musume's mo, Berryz Koubou's be, ℃-ute's ki, Mano Erina's ma, and S/mileage's su). In "A Philosophy So That I Don't Become Ugly" (Single, 11/16/2011) at first, I was the center of the second row, but after a change, I became the center of the very first row. Since it happened right in the middle it surprised me.

But, there were a lot of seniors in Mobekimasu, so I felt secure and really enjoyed it. Even so, I was honestly just happy to be put in the center.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

Sciatica, and The Encouraging Fan Letters

At first, the 9th gen clashed. There was a sense of competition, and we all frantically took our lessons. Because Fuku-chan (Fukumura Mizuki) had been added to us, we calmed down a little. When the circumstances allowed, we would all go out and play together. However, when the teacher would give us a warning, "That movement, you're doing it wrong," and such to my generation mates, our fighting spirit would suddenly be awakened (lol).

Our second single since joining, “Only You” (46th Single, 6/5/2011), was released rather quickly. That was when I got a good portion of lines to sing...... and of course I was happy, but I still didn't have an adult voice so I wondered if I could do it well. That caused a little bit of worry deep inside of me. When I got the opening part after the musical interlude, I thought "Ah, my voice is different than my seniors."

In a sense, it was a shock to me. I couldn’t stop thinking “Even though it’s that Morning Musume?” Of course, there was a happy feeling of “Alright!” and I practiced so that I could sing it.

In the Summer my sciatica worsened, to the point that I couldn't put pressure on my leg. It hurt when I stood, it hurt when I sat, it hurt when I slept. I stayed at home for about a month, unable to do anything but lay about on my bed.

In the midst of that, I returned home to Hiroshima to recover. During this time my Uncle told me about things to do for it, I received seitai therapy* from a trainer, I received acupuncture therapy, and tried an electric current bath. I also had shoes that would not easily burden me made for me. I think I tried everything that I could possibly do. When I returned to Tokyo I continued to receive seitai therapy, and gradually I began to get better. Even during the seitai therapy I stretched a lot, but during this time was when I really learned the importance of stretching. And I learnt that it's important to be aware of how it feels when you strengthen your body. There were many times when I thought I would never be healed, but I made a complete recovery! I felt like “I had to take such an extended break, and I only just started out......” However, during this same time, I received letters full of encouragement from the people who knew of me even though it had been such a short time since I had joined. Even though I had only just joined, there were people who cared about me, so I wanted to quickly become stronger so that I could return.

Those fan letters became a very important incentive to me. Recently, we've had more long talk events and solo handshake meets, so unlike now I didn't get to talk to the fans as much then. The only way I got to know of the fan's feelings then were through letters. I didn’t have a blog yet. Learning of the fans feelings through their letters, seeing their words was a great encouragement to me.

* Seitai - A manipulative therapy based on Chinese and Japanese traditions, and encompassing osteopathy, massage and chiropractic.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

Feverish Days

I also had school, I didn’t know what it was that I should be concentrating on, it was very frantic.

My most prominent memory is that during the recording of “Are You Serious? Ska!” I couldn’t do the high notes, and it was very frustrating.

During the audition there was the test recording of “I Miss You Lonely Christmas” ( ℃-ute , 14th Single, 12/1/2010) which I sang, but for the first time I had to record the whole song for “Are You Serious? Ska!” I remember that I was extremely nervous.

For my first tour, although my heart was pounding, Takahashi-san, Niigaki-san and myself, we three performed “Moonlight Night ~It's A Moonlit Night~” (Album “⑩ MY ME,” 3/17/2010). The dance, like the song, was very intense, I even got told by the fans “Amazing,” which made me happy.

During this Spring tour my leg wasn’t doing well. Part of the choreography was to do a head roll and follow the movement of our feet a little, but my leg hurt so I couldn’t do it. It made me feel frustrated. It was due to the pain in my leg that I had to take a break from the concert during the Summer of that year.

My first job as a personality on the radio program “RIHO-DELI” (FM FUJI) began in April of 2011. At first, I was constantly nervous during the recording every single time. I didn’t know what to talk about, and I wasn’t good at talking. I was bewildered as to why the radio program was left to me. I couldn’t talk as smoothly as I can now, I troubled my radio partner Deli-kun, I really get it!

Even so, since I kept at it, I got used to talking little by little. And so, while the number of times I did it grew, during the free talk that opened the program, I started noticing that I was thinking, "Ah, I should think, myself, of what to talk about ahead of time." Things like happenings at school, or things that happened with Morning Musume., etc.

I would proactively offer up topics, and Deli-kun would also understand the easiest way to do it, and then it was like we were having a meeting before recording. Though I did "RIHO-DELI" for close to 4 years, I only really noticed it was that long while in the 3rd year. Super late of me (lol).

I am very grateful for Deli-kun who was able to follow me, who is bad at talking, as well as all of the staff members. Because of them, it was able to become a true program, and I was able to think, "Having you all listen to the things I talk about is fun!"

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

Leader Announcement at the “Hello Project 2011 Winter”

At the opening day of the “Hello! Project 2011 WINTER ~Fresh Welcome Festival~” concert (1 /2~1/23 2011) us four members of the 9th Generation were unveiled. The generation included myself, Fuku-chan (Fukumura Mizuki), Eripon (Ikuta Erina), and Kanon-chan (Suzuki Kanon).

It was decided that “They’ll meet their seniors on stage for the first time,” so I didn’t get a chance to greet them in advance.

At the venue Nakano Sun Plaza, we all four stated our ambitions, I said “Sayashi Riho, 12 years old. From now on I want to eventually obtain the Leader position.” With that, I made my Leader Announcement. That this new girl suddenly announced this at their very first meeting, I think that the current Leader Takahashi Ai-san, and Niigaki Risa-san, Michishige Sayumi-san, and Tanaka Reina-san were definitely surprised.

That was, actually, suggested to me by Tsunku♂-san.

I think it was like “What if you said this?” Of course, what I said at that time was not a lie. I really thought that I wanted to become the leader, so I announced it. But, I said it well didn't I. "I want to be the leader" so soon after joining (lol). After I decided to graduate, the other members constantly thrust that back at me. (Satou) Masaki-chan was like “Yassan you liar!” (lol).

Right after I joined Morning Musume. ...... everything was so scary. I was always worried about my seniors, and even though they were kind to me, I couldn’t help but to feel afraid. Especially since I was always making my Manager-san angry, I couldn’t not be scared. When I think back on it, I think that what I did to anger them really was very troublesome.

We 9th Gen, for our first year, just tried to do what we were told to the best of our ability. All four of us were very well disciplined/trained (lol).  But it was thanks to that that we were stable in some areas.

For about a month after I joined Morning Musume., I commuted from Hiroshima, but the February before I graduated from elementary school we moved to Tokyo. After that, I was crying constantly every day for about a month. Because I was lonely, and I was being scolded [her manager was angry at her]. In any case, I missed my home town.

At that time, I had changes to my environment, I had to memorize a lot of songs in preparation for the Spring tour, I had recordings for “Are You Serious? Ska!” (45th Single, 4/6/2011), I was extremely busy.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

My Family’s Support

When I decided to aim for the entertainment industry, my mother and father supported me from the beginning. Of course, they support me now as well. Even on their days off, my mother and father dropped me off and picked me up from the school every day, and always waited for me in the parking lot until night. When I really think about it, I lived in a very blessed environment.

There were those that wanted to but couldn’t, those that had taken an audition previously and not passed, and those that their parents made them.

When I was taking auditions, my father did a lot of searching for me. In many ways my family truly lent me strength, and gave me the best support. My father came to many auditions with me, which was very reassuring.

Furthermore my little brother and sister didn’t really come to grips with my activities in Morning Musume. But when their friends at school would talk about me, they [siblings] gladly told me. The times when I heard about that from them made me happy.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

The Acceptance Announcement, at My Parent’s Home in Hiroshima

During the time of the training camp, I didn’t get to dance a lot. We each had 15~30 minute private lessons, that teacher Yamashiro (Youko) instructed, but I alone was done after only 5 minutes. That is my boast (lol). Although I had confidence in my dance, I didn’t have confidence that I would pass the audition. Because I had failed so many times up until then. Therefore the audition for “Fashionable” with Morning Musume., and passing it, I was nothing but surprised.

The acceptance announcement was on December 12th.

The Staff kindly came to my parent’s home in Hiroshima, and I heard the acceptance announcement directly. I was very happy, and very thankful, but I thought “Wouldn’t it be bad to be seen joyous by the Staff? I mustn't forget to remain calm.” And so when we spoke after hearing it I think I consciously had a serious and stiff expression (lol). My mother's tears flowed without her being able to hold them back. I can remember my mother’s crying face of that time very realistically.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

The Audition Training Camp Progresses to TV

After the play,"Morning Musume 9th Gen Member Audition (8/8/2010),” an audition started for the first time in 4 years. At the time I thought “The only thing that I can do is dance!” Fortunately I had lessons at the School, and I had a little confidence in my sense of pitch, but singing alone was still filled with lots of anxiety.

The audition and the training camp were to be broadcast on “Beauty Study” (TV Tokyo). The Staff passed out lyrics and said “You’ll sing this song,” and we had to learn it in one day, because it was expected to be broadcast on TV the next day. But, those of us who had taken the 9th Gen audition, whether we were in the Audition Venue or the training camp, no one had memorized the lyrics. The camera rotated [who it was focused on], but from the middle of the song on there was only “Laa la laa~ ♪.” In the end, that portion was cut from “Beauty Study” (lol). Although I thought it looked like it would be difficult to broadcast the training camp, it was hard on the Teachers, too.  After completing the audition, that first meeting with Teacher Maron was the scariest. I would think “She’s the person I angered that time......” But the truth is she wasn’t scary at all. She’s usually very kind.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

“Fashionable”  “Morning Musume. 9th Generation Audition”

In January of 2010, the “JC&JK Junior High School Girl Actress Audition” was announced (1/14/2010). Those that passed got to perform with Morning Musume. in the “Fashionable” (6/11~6/27 2010) stage play. My father found that for me. Up until then there hadn’t been an audition for Morning Musume. itself, and there was an age limit, so I wasn’t looking for the information myself, and my dad said “Here, this is Morning Musume., isn’t it” and entered me on his own.

When the information about the 2nd round of judging came, that was the first time that I learned that I had been entered. In the information, it was written that I had to come to Tokyo to act.

Even in Actor’s, though I had had acting lessons, because we had to think about our own scripts to act out, I didn’t really improve.

I wanted to dance and sing! Even so, when I thought of “Acting!?” at first I was very reluctant (lol). But besides the acting we also had to be judged on singing, so when I was told “Try and sing something,” it made me a little happy.

After I passed the “Fashionable” audition, we went to Nakano Sun Plaza to see Morning Musume.’s “2010 Spring ~PikaPika!~” tour (3/19~5/5 2010). So that I could extend my greetings. While I was waiting in the Nakano Sun Plaza’s Staff’s waiting room, Takahashi (Ai)-san had errands to do before the performance, and she arrived. That was the first time I saw Morning Musume. live. The impressions I had of my admired Takahashi were “She’s too perfect, this person” and “Aahh, a performer!” That was my first impression of Morning Musume. After that, I exchanged greetings with all of the members.

Because I’m shy, even during the rehearsals and performances of “Fashionable” I didn’t talk to the members much at all. Even when all the other fans that were there were in a frolic “I want your autograph!” or “I want to take a photo with you!” I didn’t say anything, so my image may have been not so good. At that time, the theme song for the play was “Seishun Collection” (43rd Single, 6/9/2010). The me of that time had looked at that music video several times, and I had the dance memorized. When I danced it alone backstage, Kamei Eri told me “That’s amazing” and rubbed my head, it made me really happy. I came to love Morning Musume. even more. That is one of my memories.

[17sai-no-ketsudan]

Experiencing Various Auditions

Every two years, there’s an audition called “P Plan Audition” that looks for dancing and singing. I learned the required song, and though I had thought of a 1-minute long dance myself, in the required song, what do you know, Morning Musume.'s "THE Manpower!!!" (25th Single, 01/19/2005) was part of it, and of course I sang it. The teachers would then judge it, and if you were chosen for the team then you passed. When told “You all sing this song in this team” it was an announcement of having passed, but since it was an audition that accepted a lot of people, when I passed and was chosen for a team the first time I took the audition, it became a memory for me.

Though I was chosen to be a member in that audition's unit, I didn't have any power to my voice, so I wasn't often chosen for solos.

In my 4th year, though it was only for around 30 minutes, I increased the amount of private voice lessons I was taking. Rather than just solely being my own opinion to do so, the others around me were doing it, and my mother told me "It'd be best if you did it as well.” After I started the private lessons, I later become able to be chosen for solos.

I was conscious of the entertainment world from the start. Though I was in Actors', I sometimes had jobs to do, and so, being told "You and you, go audition", I also went to many various auditions. Though I was always able to make it to the 3rd round of judging, in the long run, I'd end up being dropped, and it continued as such for a long time.

Actually, I even went to Tokyo on an airplane to go to an audition. While going to auditions in this way, the first time I ever stood on a stage other than the Actors' stage was when I was cast in the play "Fashionable" during my 6th year of elementary school. Because I had passed that audition, the others from my hometown proactively went to Tokyo to audition as well. Right now, I am a girl who both worked her hardest with a Tokyo theatre group and a girl who became an idol.