Maybe someday... @1voice4me - Tumblr Blog

Some people have never experienced joy. I have. And the memory lingers...

I love déjà vu. Today in a meeting I lived and relived; a moment connected. Nothing life changing or rearranging or about anything special at all. Just words and a discussion about a process; some steps...but I knew absolute clarity of recall of having been there before. Time. Space. Energy. Everything is connected. I felt the flush of sweet memory--and knew oneness, yet again.

no more

striving or pondering, seeking, flaying about in

endless false starts towards meaning

peace

contentment

no more personal promises to feel

or breathe or be

No more endless flagellation of failure unending

only the freedom of letting go.

No dreams

only the tasks of the day and eventual

sleep.

Seeking to be seeking

“I have no right to call myself one who knows. I was one who seeks, and I still am, but I no longer seek in the stars or in books; I’m beginning to hear the teachings of my blood pulsing within me. My story isn’t pleasant, it’s not sweet and harmonious like the invented stories; it tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves.— Hermann Hesse

today

Words are clever little things. They can convey meaning, ideas, perspective. But they are also so very fragile; each one carries a tiny piece of meaning to another, each one can crystallize or dissolve along the path towards communication. Today I understand my own. I have thoughts and ideas and feelings and confusion and understanding and wonder and fear and hope and delight. But the words to describe such things? Perhaps there are some, perhaps not. But I know that I can live each of those thoughts and feelings and ideas and emotions. I can create words, or simply let them float in the eddies of energy and light and warmth and peace. I can breathe, and feel, in this moment, and reach beyond words to the sweetness of realized life.

breathe. Seriously, just fucking breathe!

There's more to me

than sadness

11:11

all day, every day...

moment

I’m broken. I can heal; I have beautiful, deserving people to be better for. People I love so dearly. A woman who has shared my life, but whom I hurt, and grew apart from, but will always love. Children who have been hurt, betrayed, their trust in me broken, a hurt that will never go away, I know. I felt it myself. And caused it, even so, history repeated.

.. And another...so vibrant, so alive, so full of fire. I am not for her, not this moment, I am too many tiny sharp shards. I have to breathe a fullness of truth, of this moment and the next, of being at peace. Whole, or at least reforming, resolving, regrowing into a blade of new grass. Perhaps I can grow, live in the sun, find my soul again, live in the space of the world as it is, be a part of some form of goodness. Try, to be a new light, a new path.

Do they know?

The depth of you...

heart and iron and passion

in the lightness of a smile

or a gentle laugh?

Do they see

the ache of

life’s experience and

chronic pain

behind those knowing eyes?

Do they know

the quality of you

so caring

so giving

so tired...but always

so true.

Do they see

a mermaid,

in their midst?

I wrote

Poems

of hearts and fire and

timeless, poignant memory

and softness and sweet fatigue

I wrote

of lingering moments of endless caress,

and the bittersweet tug

of longing and loss.

I wrote

of strings

and connection

of energy and breath

and thoughts and words

and moments

stretched together

I wrote

while time flowed on,

Like dew on morning breezes,

And ocean waves and dreams

I wrote

and felt and

thought and learned and

lived

in the creases and edges

of change and experience

I saw

in the heart of you

indomitable spirit

compassion and strength.

I grew

as hearts grow in giving,

and frayed strings rewoven

and time beyond stars.

Woke up this morning, determined to start the day in positivity; forward momentum, upward facing. And was promptly pelted by drive snow on the way out the door. Yep. Monday...

I’m trying, at the beginning of a day, at the end of a year, at the beginning of another, to be new. Renew, is the word, as if it’s possible to be new, again. Shiny and new...it’s possible to always be shiny--in thoughts or memory or that space between lives and time and perfect circumstance. But newness changes. Often lingers and grows and deepens in complex understanding; shaped by the patterns of the lives we touch. I grieve much, this year, the loss of intensity and closeness, yet I’m trying to live in the heart, the core, the essence of being. Such beauty; such abundant memory, such potential. I know that if I lie saddened, in the shadows, then I block the light as well. And so much energy; so much strength of human spirit, so much heart to give. So much hope. I have so much; so many sweet memories, and life yet to live..I only need to open my mind and heart to quiet reflection, to remember, to be thankful, to reach that space. To give energy and heart and know that it’s felt and returned and continues to grow in the best part of world, our humanity.

Sick. Sad. Scared.

There’s a fragment of time

that I want to spend with you.

sharing space and breath and a moment of

nothingness

beyond the sound of our hearts

beating

and the warmth of our touch.

There’s a moment, not part of

this world

where we can be, simply us.

There’s a peace and stillness

where my eyes meet yours and you feel my love

in the light touch of your skin

and the caress of your mind.

below the surface

where I hide my impossible things.

There you are. All light and laughter, the song

of the heart of me.

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