to mr b. and to anyone who may resonate with these words, sincerely <3
on the last day of june classes ended. last day there as a studentā¦ i feel emotional because this is the place where i healed from so much pain. before i started attending this study center I was sure that I would never graduate. so many problems at home, d3pr3ss10n, su1dc1d4l t3nd3nc13sā¦ I barely smiled anymore. this school was my last resort.
& all the people I've met here have saved me in one way or another. all of them.
but youā¦ god, you made me come to life again.
it was without even realizing it that I remained bewitched by your gaze, your laughter, your way of teaching, how you seemed to have something intelligent and funny to say about any topic.
i still donāt know how my feelings grew so much, even going against my own will, but perhaps the only answer is this: b., you make me feel positive.
on the last day of school there was lots of hugging and lots of teary eyes: during these years both teachers and students have entered each other's hearts. last day for us graduating, and of course it had to be raining. the two of us left school together, I don't know if you were waiting for me, but I was, I was waiting for you, I didn't want to say goodbye to you in front of everyone, I had to do something - I don't know what, anything - where it was just you and me.
you stood at the bus stop, to shelter yourself from the rain, when you couldāve just gone home.
but you stayed, holding me in your arms as i cried.
you called me beautiful, and you let me hug you. you touched my face and caressed my cheek. when I told you "you don't know how much iāll miss you" you replied "I'm here, send me a message when you feel like it, and come to school to say hi whenever you want " but we both know thatās not what i meant and so I just repeated "you don't know how much I'll miss you".
you told me to smile and to be happy.
you told me that since we are no longer professor and student things will be easier.
we hugged one last time and then you left, shirt wet from rain and from my tears (I hope I didnāt stain it with mascara).
itās been weeks and i still havenāt texted you, not even about my finals.
i think about you often, but iām trying to move on. thereās this guy who asked me out the other day, and for the first time in a while i opened my mind to the possibility of liking someone else. it will never be the same, we both know that. youāll forever remain my one true love, the reason iām alive today, the reason iām able to see a future for myself. a future where, realistically, weāll never be more than this.
you, my main source of happiness, told me this and i donāt know why but it felt like a goodbye.
maybe iāll come to say hi in septemberā¦ maybe not. one thingās for sure, by then youāll still be inside of my heart, but hopefully, free from my mind.
infinitamente e per sempre tua,
