Rising From The Ashes: We Can Do It @realhumanbaby - Tumblr Blog

Hello. I’m 20, attractive inside and out. I’m not conceited I swear. I’ve had a lot of people pursue me but I’ve never felt that pull or curiosity towards anybody else. Like I’m selfish. Never had kissed anybody before. I prefer to just be everybody’s friend. Should I become a monk?

You're already a monk. Just don't settle for anything less than God, and when you inevitably meet God, don't settle for him either.

realhumanbaby,

He’s never made me cum during sex and as I type this I realize no one has. I only have alone and it doesn’t feel like the fireworks that people talk about, not really. It’s nice but also like scratching an itch. I try to guide him and I say what I need very directly but I still find myself faking the orgasm usually. I realize this self sabotage but I feel my body is broken lately. How do I talk to it? I love you very much, thank you.

It's hard to explain, but just so you know that it's possible, I'll try. I don't have sex, I rarely even talk to men, and yet I find myself faking not having an orgasm almost every day. Men are not only useless, they are an obstacle to your freedom. And yet, the obstacle is the path. In other words, seducing the guard into unlocking the door often makes for the quickest escape.

Jealousy is eating me alive I feel hollowed out and powerless. I can’t seem to let it go or find my way back to myself. It hurts and I don’t know what to do

As a child, watching someone else receive attention or love was felt as an existential threat, because for you it really was. Now, even though it makes no sense, it still feels like an existential threat. But feeling is more real than sense. Your feeling is stuck at this particular stage of development because it wasn't taken seriously then. All you have to do is take it seriously now, with attention, and with love.

How do I stop myself from self sabotaging? Sometimes the decisions I make feel like watching a car crash in slow motion.

The life you’re unconsciously sabotaging is a life you don’t actually want.

You told me that the body should listen to the mind, and if you let the mind lead the body, the body will punish you with pain, illness and anxiety but I don’t care about that, at least temporarily. I only care about success right now. If I don’t get what I want then I won’t be able to live with myself. I know I’ve got to stop wanting, I know it’s not really freedom if I’m a slave to ‘success’ if that’s what it is. I don’t know.

Baby, you can have it all, but you have to work from love. If you work from scarcity then your efforts will only generate more scarcity.

how do I quit benzos? How do i make myself want to want to? I love feeling calm but i know i shouldn’t feel it all the time. Love you

How to quit any drug is to use it until it no longer works, suffer the pain you've been postponing, and accept the duality of sensation. If you're really lucky, you will be graced with a feeling that follows no coherent causal logic, and is better than any drug could cause, at which point all drugs stop working. But only if you promise not to mistake it for love.

dearest human baby, where do i put all this shame? because i know the shame is what keeps me selfish, keeps me ungenerous and scared. all those things i am so scared to be. how my energy and capacity is so small and every small thing asked of me feels like a massive injustice. how do i become more kind to myself without feeling like i'm committing a crime because i know the greatest crime, the greatest way i hurt others, is through my own misery. it must end soon. this can't continue

You're right. Hating your self is harmful to others, just like hating others is harmful to your self. There is no difference at all. As a child, you were conditioned to do whatever it is that people ask, to blindly enable self-harming behaviour. You need to first witness and accept the ways in which you've allowed self-harm, and second to grieve, in order to realise that it's okay. Here, everything is allowed and everything is okay. Disgrace is transformed into grace and back. Each transformation happens in the light.

Woke up as God, perfect instrument in my hand

No cigarettes, no amphetamines, no lustful thoughts, no clinging, no fawning, no desperate love, no pitiful love, no imagined love obstructing the love that's so obviously already encompassing me, like three meals a day served through a hatch, like silence, like distance, like privacy, like no questions asked except coffee or tea, like jasmine breath, bursting mulberry tree, like frustrated men I can no longer see. No answer, no teaching, no destiny. Only death, and in dying, what's left.

reading Love 2.0 and Lacan on Love really helped me sort out my romantic ideas. Love Worth Making gave me a better framework for thinking about sex. sure, it might not be as glamorous as Bataille's Erotism, but it gets the job done. sending in case you get bored at the monastery xx

Love evades definition, by definition. It feels like we're getting closer, I know, but how could you get closer to what you already are? It is only love that's getting larger. It is only love that's speaking.

I see we share similar pain of loving but horrendous reality of “others” inability to love back, for myself in particular why can’t I accept world as it is evil and burning but also soft and sacred ? I am so aware I am missing something so crucial of my understanding of reality I almost touch it but again I am lost. I genuinely wish you love and light so you can share more of it through your writing.

A person can only love you to the extent that they can love themselves, and they can only love themselves to the extent that they are loved. Loving yourself looks like not accepting less than love as love, but accepting less than love nonetheless. You can see the circularity. Because it happens simultaneously. Because it is a perfect mirror. Accept less and you will see that there is nothing less than perfection.

All of my boyfriends broke up with me. Looking back, I thought I was clear when I said I was an incel, grinning, blacking out from pleasure, coming to, it's a joke, I say. They're not laughing. Not a joke, I mean, it's just funny, in a tragic kind of way. I can't have sex because nothing turns me on except the vision of being in love, yet nothing turns me off quite like the reality of it. Anyway, I'm spending a week in a Franciscan monastery just so they can tell me it was Christ this whole time. I know, but I suppose I won't mention what he showed me: The world, all at once, as flimsy as a set piece.

What is addiction? And even after I’ve let go it lingers .

To play the game you have to throw the ball. I mean like really throw it.

If someone ghosts you for a good while should they be blocked from Instagram and everywhere else, or just muted from stories? The part of me that wants to block is the part that wants to control and make him feel regret or embarrassment or greater respect toward me. So it’s still oriented around him. Another part of me wants him to continue seeing snippets of my life and thinking about what he could have had. If I block him it’s done forever and maybe I’m not ready to let go of the fantasy. But it’s already done?

It's all already done. There is no man that can satisfy the standard that you hold him to, because there is no external condition that could satisfy the self. The self is insatiable by definition. That said, you've got to let your heart break as many times as it takes to set love free. Your heart grows a little each time, until it's as big as the whole world, and there's nowhere else he could possibly be.

missmirrorselfie01

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Rising From The Ashes: We Can Do It