They sound — incongruent. No, there’s a word for it, better to describe what he’s hearing. What was it again? He almost has it; feels that stupid tip-of-the tongue bullshit he hates when trying to use big words. When he was in school, kids used to taunt him about not knowing a single word longer than three syllables, but he only ever needed to string ‘fuck’ and ‘off’ together to get them to shut up. But he’s getting distracted — the word. It’s almost there —
It’s cacophonous. They’re a cacophony.
(Could’ve just said “shitty fucking musicians” and that’d be an apt description, too.)
He bites back another seething remark when their drummer misses the same beat they’ve been missing all practice long; does the same when the bass twangs off-key. But when Yeji starts popping her gum into her microphone he knows it’s time to stop before his ire gets the best of him. Breathe in, breathe out slow. Never really got the point of calming mechanisms — they’ve never really worked out in his favor — but it’s better than nothing, at least.
“Fuck it, we’re done today,” gravel into the mic, gravel in the speakers. It’s the familiar sound of a just concealed temper; a claw-toothed monster at the sharp edge of his restraint. Knife poised just right to tear into skin, but no blood yet. Not yet. “Not feeling it. Just — just get out.”
He’s tampering with a worn string of his guitar, ever reluctant to let it go, when he hears that pop.
Women and their fucking ways.
“How many goddamn fucking times have I told you, Yeji? I hate when you do that shit during practice. Be serious sometimes, for Christ’s sake.” Anger — it’s there, of course, as constant as his heartbeat and his love for her. Tiredness, too, in the way he reprimands her. Tiredness in the manner in which his shoulders gravitate to the floor, in the sigh that leaves black lungs.
“Don’t happen to have a dart, d’ya?”
(She tells him that he always smokes when he’s angry. And he smokes all the damn time. She tells him that he’s got to try something else; he tells her that this is his safest vice.)
1 — @nyj20s
