The hardest thing about lying beside you in bed is the want and urge to touch you, to feel you, to have you want to touch me back and know that none of that is possible or even good for me. I never imagined for a moment no matter how bad things got that you would not be mine. Now as I sit in my own silence and my body gets hot,my head fills with a tingling sensation,my lungs can't find a way to catch the air, my stomach feels an emptiness that I never knew exsited, my heart breaks in a way that makes me scream inside my head and forces a downpour of tears causing a panic that makes my body and mind to want to shut down so I feel NOTHING. No words, thoughts or help will end the intense hurt, the fear, the anxiety, the pain that I have become riddled with. I wish I could stop my emotions from overtaking my self , I wish I saw some moment of serenity. But as I lay at night so close to what I desperately want to be mine again I'm forced to acknowledge that you are already gone. My life, MY love, MY heart and soul have somehow become so distant and cold. I am left with nothing but feelings of every kind that have no way or intent of being sorted.
