365 Letters to Him

Noah wrote Allie 365 letters after they split. Now I'm writing 365 posts to my crush. It's a long story, look under Him to read it all. Maybe, one day,we will be together again, but for now, I write.

[3-6-5-letters]

I’m so terrified. Is this a sign or is it bad I have gone for a job purely because I know it’s close to Tom. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

[3-6-5-letters]

Being up here hasn’t helped at all. In fact I feel sadder than before. I miss him so much.

[3-6-5-letters]

I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was going to be okay. Instead I feel everything crashing down around me still. I’ve lost nearly everything important to me and it hurts so much

Please come back tom. Just come back. My heart hurts too much without you. I need you.

[top-lyrics]

all i want // kodaline

[heavensghost]

All I want / Kodaline

[heavensghost]

[3-6-5-letters]

The last time you ever told me you loved me round 2

[3-6-5-letters]

Tom

I never thought that I could love someone ever again, especially after how badly heartbroken I was after Goldy.

And I spent a long time thinking Goldy was the one and he was who I was supposed to be with. But the great thing about hindsight is that you can clearly see what you didnt see at the time.

But there’s something that feels different about Tom. I love him. I am not infatuated with him like I was with Goldy, or running after him like a lost puppy. I am not desperate for his attention or for him to give me time. I do not feel like I am more in love with him, than he is with me.

Tom makes me feel equal, valued, loved and most of all, he makes me feel whole because he actually wants to spend time with me. He genuinely wants me to be around me or have me around.

He shows me so physical affection, from kissing me to just holding my hand. He tells me he loves me, even if I don’t prompt it. He’s not ashamed to put his arm around me, or have me hang out with his mates.

Part of me know that if it doesn’t work out, my heart will be broken. But I think I can put it back together better this time. But I don’t want my heart to be broken. I want Tom to be the one I am with for the rest of everything.

He may not be what I ‘wanted’ but he is everything that I need. He is good for me. And I don’t ever want to lose him.

 Tom makes me feel complete.

[3-6-5-letters]

Nearly 3 years since we met

I always knew I would get over you Goldy, it just never felt like I would.

But I think we both know now that there’s absolutely nothing left there anymore.

Last night the sex was mediocre, I honestly didn’t feel like we had sex. There wasn’t the passion and hotness that there was before, even when we had broken up.

In all honesty Pat has got my sexual desire now and it’s him I have the chemistry with. And it’s him I want to explore that with him, not you.

So I guess this is goodbye. Properly this time. Almost 2 years since our breakup, to the day. And again we’re saying goodbye to each other. But this time I think it’s real. I don’t think we want to be in each others lives, not even for sec anymore.

I do love you Goldy, and I always will. I will always always always cherish the memories we had and you will always be someone significant in my life. But I think our time has come and gone, for real this time.

Goodbye Goldy, I love you. Maybe one day we’ll see each other again and reminisce about our times together.

❤️💛xx

[3-6-5-letters]

I don't want to be in love with you anymore I'm tired of it. I'm tired of constantly thinking about, being lost in memories of us, wishing I was with you, everything. I'm just over it. I'm so sick of you. I'm over this. I'm done being in love with you

[3-6-5-letters]

I hate how much I'm still in love with you

[3-6-5-letters]

I want you so bad but I know I have no chance and I can never have you. But do I tell you and live with it. Or do I not and live with it. I think I might just say it at cocktail night. I need the rejections to move on. I have to.

[3-6-5-letters]

I don't think I've ever felt more disappointed. You really hurt me by picking briscoes over going out tonight. I'd been looking forward to it all week and I was so excited to finally have you on Saturday night. My heart feels like it's breaking all over again. I shouldn't have let you back in. You balantly picked them over me and didn't even seem to feel bad about it. So here I am, crying on a Saturday night that was suppose to spend with you. And feeling like you'll never organise yourself to rearrange another time. And knowing you're going out every Saturday for the next few weeks celebrating your birthday right in front of me, but I'm not actually invited to anything. That hurts. God does it hurt. It's like dangling the one thing you want the most in life in front of you and then not letting you have it. But having to hear all about it. And I keep telling myself I'm not, but I am. I so am falling in love with you again. Im scared shitless, because this time, you're not there to catch like last time.

[3-6-5-letters]

I’d just like to go to dinner.

Or a movie.

Or something that involves going out at night and then being able to come home together.

[3-6-5-letters]

And now finally I get to have that on Saturday ❤️❤️❤️ Words cannot express how happy I feel that I actually get to go out on a Saturday night with you!!!!

[3-6-5-letters]

It's hard for your compliments to mean something when you're friends don't even know I exist in your life anymore Hard to feel like they're valid when no one knows we've been seeing each other or that we're not even truly together..

[3-6-5-letters]

So sick of your fkn negative attitude towards everything and me and ugh it's so frustrating. Can't you just ask me about my weekend and shit and not talk about yourself and ugh. So over it. Would've been nice to have been like "wish you were at pats" and then you seemed to get annoyed that I was out on Saturday and didn't ask you where you were. Well I don't know maybe I didn't ask you cause I knew that you wouldn't want to meet up or whatever. Maybe I'm sick of feeling rejected and that you don't want to spend any time with outside of my house or with other people. FUCK. Maybe I'm just sick of fucking feeling like I don't exist in your life. That's all I've ever wanted. To feel apart of it. Like you want me there. But I haven't felt like that in a long time now and it sucks. And I don't know why the fuck I put up with it. When I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who would appreciate me a hell of a lot more than you do. Which frankly, doesn't take that much effort.

[3-6-5-letters]

I can't sTop thinking about you