*lost puppy* @30jvns - Tumblr Blog

In the underbelly of me the back of my throat held your name and never let it go. I had my heart set on drinking you. All fortitude, all lapping, all deep thirst. I spend my mornings wondering how to coax you to my doorstep but when the night comes you're not beside me. I am telling myself it is fine, I have other things to fill that great empty - but the other things are not you, and I am left wanting. I keep thinking about how you would feel in my hands, and the curves of you, and how you would taste. I say it is enough and I am full and happy. But we both know. Without you something is incomplete. A lacking. A wanting. Somewhere you are poured out in some other girl's mouth.

And here I am, left without.

blossomfully

“I wanted to say something: “I’m sorry,” or perhaps “fuck you.” I wanted to say, “I let you in and you abused that position of trust.” But no no no. I wanted to say, “kiss me please please, we can forget everything.” Or maybe, maybe I just wanted to say, “I forgive you. You’re not sorry but I still forgive you.”

— S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #262

blossomfully

“My greatest fear is that I am intelligent enough to know what I want but not intelligent enough to achieve it.”

— Sue Zhao (via blossomfully)

I’m spiraling. My mind is a blurry mess of things; I’ve had, I want, I miss, I hate. I can’t seem to find me. I can’t seem to find myself I’m drowning in emotions and conflicting thoughts and desires. My heart is so different. No one can understand not even me. Though you were close and many have tried. I am not sure why I seem to destroy any good thing. This is something I wanted so badly for so long. And before I had something I wanted for even longer in my grasp and now I’m finding myself missing the things I tucked away. I don’t know why love is such a struggle for me. I can’t seem to let it grow. I am not sure why I’m so scared or why I constantly find something wrong, or feel like I’m wrong. Nothing is seemless and I wonder if it’s because I haven’t found the right flow, or if I’m the reason the water is so choppy. Either way I’m losing my mind and hurting women I love emotionally around me. I hate making people cry, I hate that I was in love with you both. I hate that I still am. I’m drowning in this fact that there is more love than for just one person.

I’m feeling stagnant in my life. I need to take a step a new step of life of god damn I just need more time In a day.

I came here to write something hoping it would cleanse some part of me but it’s kinda just making me realize how fucked I am. And how there is nothing I can rly do. And I stuff down so much I’m completely covered. I feel so weighed down.

asthmas

Dominic Starley, Untitled (Sandy, UT, 2016)

drxgonfly

Road to Light (by Niilo Isotalo )

fox-party

moody-nature

Untitled // By Rich Lock

lsleofskye

drxgonfly

老路 (by 天行者·卢克)

blossomfully

He looks at me and says, “god, I’m so terrified you’re going to fuck me up.” He does this half laugh. “You know why?” I shake my head. “Because 80% of people don’t stay together but I keep imagining old me and old you taking walks on a beach somewhere. "And if we don’t, I’ll have that image stuck in my head forever, and it’s going to fuck me up.”

Sue Zhao (via blossomfully)