On Being...

trying to record what i discover

[shencomix]

We go forward.

[hold-a-lover-close-blog-deactiv]

This is too deep to comprehend.

[haleepls]

Stop it

[alltheselittlevoices]

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUNNY

[hello-nice-to-misha]

:(((((

[guerrillatech]

[teapotsahoy]

honestly, feel like more people need to realize this about condoms

[30oct16]

read this as ‘onion’ the first time around and was like............i didnt know people feel that strongly about onions but still nodded in support bcs no glove no love

[totallyfubar]

get okay with being some level of burden on others, seriously

[totallyfubar]

you know what’s a real burden? a person that is so scared of leaning on other people that they try to be completely self sufficient and you end up either having to help them indirectly to save their ego or they have to break down in order to receive help, both of which are so much more heavy to the person that loves them than just being leaned on casually

[30oct16]

bitches be telling their friends i love you and then ghost them for a week straight bcs they feel shitty and dont know how to talk about themselves and their problems without feeling like a bad friend who turns all situations about themselves

its me, im bitches

[30oct16]

so. my mom is cheating on my dad. as in, she has a boyfriend while is still married to my dad kind of cheating. not the kind every one of my friends is trying to do now when it is exam time here at uni. 

i guess ive always known that shes just not cut out to be in a monogamous relationship. i remember long drives from my childhood in which she’d talk and ramble on about how cheating isnt always bad. how even grownups in committed relationships deserve to be happy as well. i remember thinking and saying, “but at your spouse’s expense?” she’d seemed taken aback but then would end the conversation then with some short remark about how life isnt always so black and white and you would understand when ure an adult.

well im a 21 yr old adult now... just freshly out of a 3 yrs relationship in which my ex cheated on me and lied about it for 2 year straight. 

yet i still have no fucking clue.

growing up the signs are always there. its the guy she would be talking about for months on end. “this company owner here..”, “this colleague of mine..”. all sung with praises about how smart, and loving, and caring they all were. she also always had the guts to tell me how those men would ask about me, how im doing at school, what i want for my birthdays. id get presents. my brother would get presents. and in the back of my mind i think ive always known that its not really normal that your mom’s special male friends spent quite a sum on you nor your brother. or the fact that she would give us the presents quietly, never when my father is around. although, quite the contrary to the popular shitty dads trope, he’s very much around and very much not shitty so it did get kinda hard to hide things from him.

so. my mom is cheating on my dad. another year, another man. 

unless this time it just got very real very quick. so i guess i do have always known, and the signs are always there. but ive never before actually seen how lovingly she’d chat with these men or how she’d video call them from her bathroom.. doing god knows what at midnights while my sweet dad is gone to bed already. and ive surely, never ever, before in my life, would imagine that her boyfriend would be more than 20 fucking years old younger - the same age my older brother is. 

lemme tell you how that feels now: it fucking sucks. 

im honestly not sure i even have the rights to be angry about anything. its not like shes married to me. she married my dad. as an innocent child there was nothing i loved more than their relationship. id deny every evidence, saying: “how nice it is how much trust there is in their love.” well, i guess she did guess something right about older people - now that im much older i know that nothing that good will ever stay true. 

and so life continues.

[30oct16]

you dont really grasp loss until you see what couldve been yours

[30oct16]

soooo im trying to learn embroidery! :> just finished ordering all the things online woop woop

any tips at all? id appreciate it! <3

[30oct16]

sponsored lunch bcs good friends >>>>

[30oct16]

its nice being the person everyone trusts the most until one day when shit hits the fan for all of us and everyone messages u at the same time about it

[30oct16]

so i made 30oct16 as an ode to what was the beginning of one of my happiest partnerships in life....... that unfortunately both ended and broke me apart early this year

[30oct16]

he keeps me up until 4 some nights. and id ALWAYS feel like crap the next day. but those nights he’d say things like “you do know i care about you right?” and “i wish i could be right there and give you a hug” and then send me off with an “i love you,” and “can we keep the call on and pretend we’re sleeping together?” in the softest voice ever...

and suddenly it is all worth it

[30oct16]

u keep me in an arms length always always always

[lynati]

my brain, interrupting my daydream: this is poorly researched and the narrative is not compelling

[norcumi]

Brain: “Do it again, take it from the top.”

[ruindur]

What a time to be alive

[y-eowang]

Call me by your name (2017), Dir. Luca Guadagnino.

[lazuli43]

[bahtmun-deactivated20240623]

It’s October 3rd.

[ryanreynoldssource]