31 for 31

A Celebration of the Spooky Season

[31for31]

10/10/2020 Screamers aka Island of the Fishmen

70s Italian horror films are always a good time.

Island of the Fishmen was released in 1979, then re-released in 1981 with 30 mins of new footage as Screamers.

Lieutenant Claude de Ross (Claudio Cassinelli) and a group of convicts wash ashore on a deserted island. One by one the convicts are killed by bizarre fish people.

Lt Ross and a few of the convicts eventually meet Edmond Rackham (Richard Johnson). Rackham has captured Professor Ernest Marvin (Joseph Cotten) and Marvin’s daughter Amanda (Barbara Bach). Professor Marvin has discovered a way to transform human beings into these fish people, and explains his goal is to solve hunger and environmental issues by allowing people to explore the ocean for resources. However, he has been manipulated by Rackham into performing this experiment on both willing and unwilling participants with the goal of plundering the lost city of Atlantis.

Disgusted by this, Lt Ross intends to stop Rackham and Marvin while rescuing Amanda. A priestess named Shakira makes a prophecy that the island will be destroyed, and this prophecy comes true at the film’s climax.

This movie was pretty entertaining, and the makeup and costumes on the fish people is impressive for the time.

4 out of 5.

[31for31]

10/09/2020 Death Day aka The Campus

It’s always a good sign when a movie’s title changes to sound more like a much better movie.

In 2017, Blumhouse Pictures produced the wonderfully funny and original Happy Death Day, which if you don’t already know is about a college sorority girl who is murdered on her birthday, wakes up in bed, and then is killed again. It’s a lot like Groundhog Day, if Bill Murray’s character was being chased by a psychotic baby-masked creep.

In 2018, Gas Money Pictures produced The Campus, and renamed it Death Day. It’s about a girl who goes to her father’s occult store (maybe, I’ll be honest I didn’t pay too much attention) and gets murdered by three guys in ridiculous masks. She is resurrected outside the shop and the scenario repeats, eventually getting to zombies.

Turns out, her father made a deal with the devil, and when he died the devil decided to make her pay. Why? Maybe they explain it, but again I didn’t pay attention.

This movie is boring, lazy, and a rip off of Happy Death Day. It’s free on Tubi, but don’t bother.

0.5 out of 5.

[31for31]

10/08/2020 Stan Helsing

Take the worst parts of every non-Wayans Brothers Scary Movie, Superhero Movie, Disaster Movie, and every other terrible genre parody movie, put it in a blender and then throw it at a wall. That’s Stan Helsing, a 2009 horror comedy that proves Leslie Nielsen would act in anything, may he rest in peace.

Steve Howey plays the titular Stan, a video rental clerk who is tasked with dropping off some movies to the store owner’s house. Stan, along with three of his friends, including Terry played by Kenan Thompson, are trying to go to a Halloween party, and figure they can drop off the movies along the way.

Little do they know that for some reason, parodies of Pinhead, Leatherface, Chucky, Micheal Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Vorhees are chasing after Stan. Our heroes stop off in a town that was formerly used as a set for movies until the town burned down, killing all the residents. There is a haunted bar inside the town, waitressed by Leslie Nielsen in drag.

This movie treats its source materials less as clever references and more like pointing at them and saying “get it! get it!” There’s less subtletly here than in a mediocre Family Guy episode, and that’s saying something.

Still, it was good for more than a few laughs, and if you can turn your brain off and appreciate it for what it is, its a good way to kill an hour and a half.

1.5 out of 5 stars.

[31for31]

10/07/2020 Forbidden World

Nothing like some 80s B-Movie gore. Forbidden World was released in 1982 by New World Pictures and produced by the legendary Roger Corman.

The plot is your typical sci-fi beat with an emphasis on Ridley Scott’s Alien. Jesse Vint stars as Mike Colby as a sort of gun-for-hire. He travels with his robot friend, Sam-104 (Don Olivera) to the planet Xarbia. There, a team of scientists led by Dr Gordon Hauser (Linden Chiles) and Dr Barbara Glaser (June Chadwick), have been experimenting with a new lifeform they call “Subject 20″. Subject 20 looks like a cross between a xenomorph and Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.

Colby has been brought in to “solve the problem” of Subject 20 killing all the lab animals and rapidly mutating. His solution is simply to kill it, but the research team are largely against this. One wonders why they called Colby in the first place since what little we learn about his past tells us he mostly solves problems by killing them.

While settling in, and giving the team time to figure out a different solution, Subject 20 escapes (of course) and starts killing off the team (of course). At this point, only Dr Hauser still wants to preserve the creature, and at one point succeeds in sabotaging Colby in an attempt to kill the creature on the planet’s surface.

The creature continues killing and eating and growing, and the people it kills are turned into a pile of jelly covered goo. This goo even separates and “reproduces.” This is practical effects at their finest, and Tom Savini would be hard pressed to beat it.

The only weird parts are times where it appears that a lesbian sex scene pop up randomly while Colby is walking down a corridor, and this is never explained, and when Dr Glaser and Tracy Baxter (Dawn Dunlap) are showering nude together. Otherwise, this is a pretty great low budget sci-fi movie. Check it out for free on Tubi.

5 out of 5 stars.

[31for31]

10/06/2020 Monsterland

New on Hulu beginning October 2nd, Monsterland is an anthology horror series based on the book North American Lake Monsters: Stories by Nathan Ballingrud. I’ve previously spoken of my love for anthology horror, and so when this was suggested to me I jumped at the chance to review it.

Each of the eight episodes is named for the town or city in which it is set. First is Port Fourchon, Louisiana. This is the only episode I’ve watched so far, but since each episode is an hour long, I think it still fits.

The plot concerns a young unmarried mother named Toni, who works at a local diner. She’s struggling to raise her daughter Jack in a small mobile home. One day she meets a mysterious man named Alex who comes to her diner and has a conversation with her about life and choices made. She’s getting bad vibes off of Alex, but he pays her $100 to have a conversation with him.

She is right to be creeped out by Alex, as in the opening scene we see him drowning a girl and then stitching his face. His car is filled with boxes and plastic tubs with the names of different people. What’s in these boxes isn’t clear in the beginning, but you can make assumptions.

Toni’s daughter Jack appears to have some behavioral issues; there is talk of an incident involving scissors, and she is shown being hosed off in the yard while covered in blood. Toni drops her off at a friend’s house for daycare, but the friend returns Jack to the diner, saying she’s out of control and the assumption is that Jack once again hurt someone.

That night, as Toni and Jack sit down for dinner, and Toni has flashbacks to an incident when she was pregnant with Jack, the power goes out. After dark, Alex shows up at her house, having been given her address by another waitress at the diner. Alex tells Toni he’ll give her $1,000 to let him stay the night, and promises not to hurt her. Toni is worried at first, but decides to take the risk.

Once again, I don’t want to spoil anything, but suffice to say this was a great first episode. You really get a feel for what Toni is going through, and her desperation to care for Jack. Fair warning, there is a scene near the middle of a home abortion attempt, so if this is something that is disturbing to you, I recommend skipping this scene. It’s short, and you’ll know when it’s going to happen.

I highly recommend this series. Maybe the next seven episodes won’t be as good, maybe there will be even better ones, but just on the strength of this one, I had a blast and can’t wait to watch the rest!

4.5 stars out of 5

[31for31]

10/05/2020 The Horror Network, vol 1

While promoting Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Guiellermo del Toro said, “Anthology films are always as bad as the worst story in them. They’re never as good as the best story.” I’ve seen many anthology films, and I’m inclined to agree. Horror Network, vol 1 is a 2015 international anthology film that looks like it was made in the early 2000s. It has four shorts, and one “super short”. 

3:00 am: A woman in the British countryside calls her friend and complains about strange goings on in her home. Lot of jump scares, and the music makes it hard to tell what if anything she’s actually hearing while she looks over the horizon with a slightly terrified look on her face. This is the shortest segment, and I thought it would wind up being the wraparound segment. Nope.

Edward: A young man attends a session with his Russian therapist. He complains of not wanting to sleep, and tells of waking up in different places from where he went to bed, covered in blood. The therapist tries to hypnotize him to find out what is happening, and winds up making contact with an entity that appears to have a connection to his own past.

The Quiet: A deaf girl is stalked by a truck driver. I don’t want to say much about this one, because story-wise it was the best by far. And the twist was quite unexpected.

Merry Little Christmas: The only segment with actual gore and scenes of abuse and torture, a girl and her mother are haunted by the abuse they suffered at the hands of her father. The poster for the film was taken from this short, and I won’t post it here due to the creepy nature of the image. If you like industrial rock like Marilyn Manson and Korn, you might appreciate the imagery in this one.

Deviant One: A man murders and rapes his neighbor then goes to church. Every few minutes, a bible quote displays on the screen, I guess to point out the hypocrisy of the church? This was the worst one by far, and I’m glad it’s the final.

Should you feel like watching better anthology movies after or instead of this, I can personally recommend Deadtime Stories, Tales from the Darkside, A B C’s of Death and it’s sequels, and the phenomenal V/H/S series.

2 out of 5 stars.

[31for31]

10/04/2020 Nightmare Castle

Also known in Italy as Amanti d’Oltretomba (Lovers from Beyond the Grave), this 1965 possession movie stars Barbara Steele in a dual role as Muriel and Jenny. Muriel is married to Stephen Arrowsmith (Paul Muller) and is caught by him while having an affair with their gardener. Arrowsmith tortures and kills them, stating his desire to take possession of Muriel’s estate. However, it seems the beneficiary of the estate is Muriel’s stepsister Jenny, currently locked away in an insane asylum.

Arrowsmith takes her out, intending to marry her, and have the estate. Jenny begins experiencing paranormal activity and having nightmares (the eponymous nightmares in the castle, ha ha). Dr Derek Joyce is brought in to help cure her of these nightmares, but his best efforts don’t seem to have an effect.

While not quite reaching the thrilling heights of The Haunting of Hill House, the nightmare scenes are quite a lot of fun, and Jenny wakes up being slightly possessed by her stepsister. Give this one a watch for a low gore fun time. There’s even a pretty cool electrocution scene in the beginning. The movie is free on Tubi, but also available on many multi-movie packs.

4 out of 5 stars.

[31for31]

10/03/2020 Horror Express

Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee, best known by Hammer Horror fans as Van Helsing and Dracula respectively, star in this Spanish zombie movie from 1972.

Lee plays Professor Sir Alexander Saxton, a renowned British anthropologist transporting the frozen remains of a primitive humanoid creature by train from China to Moscow. Joining him on this journey is his rival Doctor Wells (why Lee gets the full name and Cushing only title and surname is a question for the ages). They are also joined by the Count and Countess Petrovski and their spiritual adviser Father Pujardov.

While in China, a man attempts to break into Saxton’s cargo looking for valuables. He is found dead, his eyes completely white but with no other obvious signs of injury. On the train, Wells pays a porter to peek into the crate, and this porter also dies, while the creature (who is now unfrozen) escapes.

The creature is gunned down, but takes over the body of police inspector Mirov and Pujardov (who apparently doesn’t take much to denounce his faith) swears allegiance to the creature.

More body hopping ensues, we get some great zombie scenes, and the whole thing ends with a pretty neat (if not entirely logical) train crash. The deaths being caused by apparently just looking into the eyes of the creature mean there’s little blood and no gore. If you’re squeamish about this sort of thing, I highly recommend.

While it would have been nice to see more scenes with Lee and Cushing together (as they are best remembered as foes), the screen time we do get is well worth the rest of the movie. 3.5 stars out of 5. 

[31for31]

10/02/2020 The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues

Folks this is one of the most bland boring monster movies I’ve ever seen. You might be wondering why I’m writing this on the 3rd instead of the 2nd. Well, this movie was so boring I decided to go to bed halfway through rather than finish it. As I’m typing this, I haven’t even finished it. Leonard Maltin gave this movie the rating of BOMB and I have to agree. Ten minutes in, I tried to find out if there was a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode I could watch instead. There isn’t, and while I don’t know if it was ever considered, I feel it would have been a hard episode to make. There’s not even enough happening to make jokes out of.

Here’s a look at the poster, and the “Phantom” looks pretty menacing. Looks like a giant see serpent, possibly like something out of a Ray Harryhausen movie. Well, here’s the actual monster:

This thing is human sized and very bulky. Remember how in the old Batman movies, Batman couldn’t move his neck? This is exactly like this. There isn’t any of the usual grace you would associate from a sea monster, and this film came out a year after the classic Creature from the Black Lagoon. Black Lagoon is unfortunately out as an option this year, due to the fact that it’s more well known and I’ve seen it. Too bad, as it’s a better movie in almost every respect.

Anyway, what to say about this turkey? It stars Kent Taylor as a biologist named Ted Baxter, and Michael Whalen as Dr. King, another biologist who works at a university (I think). The film opens with the death of a fisherman, who Baxter (Taylor) witnesses washing up on the shore. Afterwards we meet Dr King (Whalen) and see his experiments with... the sea...? The body is revealed to have suffered from radiation burns, and its further revealed that King’s experiments have mutated something into the monster seen above. This monster wants to protect a rock, for reasons that aren’t explained.

Usually I wouldn’t reveal the ending, but this movie is so boring I don’t recommend watching it anyway. Dr King uses dynamite to blow up the creature and the rock. He dies in the process, and Taylor walks off into the sunset with Dr King’s young wife.

Skip this movie, 1 out of 5 stars.

A brief bit of trivia: it’s funny I mentioned the Batman movies. Checking Whalen’s filmography reveals he was in the 1949 Batman and Robin film serial. Watch that instead, you’ll thank me.

[31for31]

10/01/2020 Dark Intruder

First up in our month long marathon of spooky delights is the Sherlock Holmes/Dr Jekyll rip off Dark Intruder. Released in 1965 as a television movie, and released theatrically, Dark Intruder stars Leslie Nielsen as a kind of Sherlock Holmes/Batman hybrid, a playboy sleuth and occult expert. While he does not wear the trademark suit of a Superhero, Nielsen’s character Brett Kingsford works with the police commissioner, and tries his best to stay in disguise. The reason given for this is so he doesn’t tarnish his reputation among the social elites. Apparently in the time the film was set, the wealthy did not have a good relationship with the police. How times have changed.

Peter Mark Richman plays Kingsford’s best friend Robert  Vandenburg, another social elite, while Judi Meredith stars as his fiance Evelyn Lang. Meredith is only in a few scenes, and the entire time it feels like she’s trying to say her lines as fast as she can, as though she is getting paid for how much screen time she DOESN’T have.

The film opens up in the aftermath of five murders around the town. These murders all seem to be connected to Vandenburg and the entire time the movie telegraphs his involvement. Kingsford visits the local Chinese curio shop and is told about a Summerian demon. At each murder scene, a figure is found of a demon emerging from a host, each time the demon is further out of the host. Kingsford is later attacked by the killer, who appears to be a misshapen monster. Kingsford is able to fend off the attacker and soon after the police and Vandenburg arrive. Vandenburg goes into details of his childhood and upbringing in Baghdad. At this point, the Dr Jekyll similarities are obvious, as Vandenburg is convinced he is the killer. Vandenburg has also been sleepwalking, and appears to move as in a daze.

I won’t give away the ending, as it was almost the only interesting part of the film. You might be fooled by the presence of Leslie Nielsen that this film is a comedy, but instead this is a blood-less film with not much excitement happening. This movie is just under an hour, so at the very least it won’t feel like you wasted your time.

This was a good beginning to 31 for 31. Its good to start easy and build to the real horror and gore. Just like a good horror movie.

2.5 stars out of 5.

[31for31]

Welcome!

The purpose of this tumblr is to celebrate the month of Halloween. Every day, from October 1st to October 31, I will be watching and reviewing a different horror movie. This year’s theme is older exploitation/B-Movies. There is also a twitter account that will have a link to an amazon page where these movies may be purchased, if you so desire. That twitter is also 31 for 31. I hope everyone enjoys this month. Movie reviews will be posted in the evenings so be on the lookout! Tonight’s movie will be announced later!