🌸🌸🌸

I’m just a 19 years old girl from Germany who’s recovering from her eating disorder. I’m pro recovery and I’m totally into it. Actually my daily intake is above 3000kcal so there’s nothing unhealthy with that. I know, this blog might give you another impression but I’m on my way to enjoy life again and I’m so sorry for everyone who thinks that an eating disorder is something glamourous or something that will fix everything or will make you attractive or skinny or beautiful in anyway. Little hint: It won’t. So please stop promoting eating disorders and start enjoying your life. I promise you, it will be worth it. You are worth it.

[amandagenine-deactivated2019062]

Think of eating disorder recovery like any other illness: the longer you wait to treat it and to make changes, the more difficult it becomes for your body and mind to fight it off. It can’t be about hitting a certain weight or achieving a level of “sick enough.” In fact, you will most likely never, ever feel sick enough and if you do, it may be too late. Making the choice to start recovery doesn’t have to mean being hospitalized or going to a program, but it does mean making the conscious decision to challenge your eating disorder and take action in whatever ways you can. Whether you feel it or not, eating disorders take their toll on your body and mind. You deserve to take care of your body. Your body loves you. Your body fights for you in every way, for as long as it can. Don’t fall victim to the idea of “ill get better eventually.” Make eventually now.

[clem-style-deactivated20191229]

[posh-dino-buffet]

Me: I have been doing well in recovery…and I’m enjoying it…yet it all somehow seems fake

Other treatment client: Is it fake? Or unfamiliar?

Me:…. unfamiliar.

Client: Yeah, I think it’s the eating disorder that wants you to believe your progress is fake.

[mindful-minds]

[pettymvmi-deactivated20190907]

if you’re reading this i hope you find the strength to get through whatever it is that’s causing you so much trouble or pain at the moment

[ed-recoveryyy]

I’m sick of veganism + routine workouts being the common standard for ed recovery. if my recovery means lying in bed eating sweets and chips and “bad foods” (which they are not), then that’s my recovery. it’s not unhealthy compared to the vegans and vegetarians and athletes, it’s healthy because it’s what I find works best for me. end of story

[byebye-ed]

Me when my ED tries to tell me I was never ‘sick enough’

[crunchy-tummy]

Things I Didn’t Think About Looking Forward To In Eating Disorder Recovery (*feel free to add*)

Being able to eat a wider variety of foods

No longer being considered a fall risk

Being able to be active longer

Feeling full longer and not feeling like I have to binge because I eat a big breakfast in the morning

Gaining muscle instead of just uncovering bones

Being able to lift things

Not hearing mutters and whispers about how unhealthy I look when I undress

My boyfriend being proud of me

Being a role model to my younger sibling

People don’t tell me to eat more

People don’t try to take excessive care of me as if I can’t take care of myself

[ellievhardy]

[thankyouforstaying]

it’s great to take up space. great! you rule that part of the world. the space you take up is a part of this planet that is all yours. your own part of planet earth. who cares about being tiny and being like air? you hold a place on earth of your size! own your space! dont split your empire!

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

“Choose recovery”

[drumshoww]

hard to swallow pills: ED recovery edition

don’t repost without credit please!

[thinontheinside-deactivated2018]

eating disorders aren’t as “cute” or as “aesthetic” as some people think they are.

they’re not small meals, eating only a spoonful of icecream, going down a size in jeans, or being picked up by your crush.

they’re not to be celebrated,

they’re not like an ugly duckling turning into a swan story or someone “ugly” becoming “beautiful.”

they’re not being stick thin and feeling confident all the time.

eating disorders are the exact opposite.

they’re restricting so much you barely eat, being scared to break a fast, going down three sizes in jeans and still thinking its not enough, and being terrified when someone picks you up because they might realize you have an ed.

they’re awful. they feel like hell.

they make you feel beautiful for a second but then like the worst person on earth as soon as you eat a spoonful.

they’re lying to your mom about what you ate at school and having a breakdown in your room minutes later.

they’re knowing exactly how many calories are in everything and knowing how many you need to eat to loose at least three pounds a week.

they come in all shapes and sizes, “skinny” to average, average to “big.” but they always do the same thing.

eating disorders are one of the worst things that can happen to you.

they make your life a living hell

[eatingdisorderconfession]

29880) I’m strong enough to recover.

[accidentalfisting]

[i-am-so-fucking-alive-deactivat]

eating disorders are so insidious.

 one moment, things feel empowering. and then you eat “too much” chocolate with your boyfriend and BAM you want to restrict again. but you don’t. but the thoughts are still there. then you’re like, “i had a lot of carbs for breakfast, i could just have a salad for lunch.” but you don’t. 

you’re in the shower, and it feels like you gained 8435283 pounds in a week. you want to go on a run. but you don’t. you realize that hanging out with other people means eating ~different~ foods and eating at different times. you want to isolate. but you don’t. you have a margarita on a friday night. you want to “compensate,” since alcohol calories don’t count towards your meal plan. but you don’t.

you don’t. sometimes you wish you could. but you don’t.

[pursuingsanity]

An eating disorder is not glamorous or desirable. It’s the smell of burning flesh as you set fire to your own skin covering the body you hate so much. It’s not being able to wear shorts and bikinis on the hottest day of the year. It’s the feeling of your last regurgitated meal sticking to and rotting your teeth. It’s losing all your loved ones because food is all that matters. It’s sitting in the classroom for hours and not getting the grades you’ve always wanted. It’s 8x the fatal amount of paracetamol tablets that you thought would help you escape feeling this way about yourself. It’s excruciatingly forcing every meal up into the toilet bowl until there’s blood in your saliva. It’s freezing cold. It’s wrapping your emaciated arms around your skeletal figure in an attempt to hold yourself together. It’s hip bones and ribs turning purple with bruises while you sleep on your comfiest mattress. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing fat, no matter how underweight you are. It’s the scent of decay as your family falls apart and your hair falls out. It’s the hunger cramps that have you doubling over and calling out in the middle of the night. It’s the pressure of a thousand voices beating against the inside of your skull saying you’re fat, you’re a bitch, you’ll never be good enough. It’s your kidneys and liver shutting down. That fluttering feeling? Heart palpitations. It’s hospital visits; needles, ECGs, weigh ins. It’s months of your life wasted in a psychiatric unit. It’s the disgust in your face as you look at your HUGE body. But it’s only you that thinks it’s huge. It’s not worth it. It’s not about the food. You won’t achieve a body you love. What you will achieve is a life not worth living. And I’ve been there. It’s not beautiful, but you are without having to lose weight. It’s beatable.