HENCH 4 LIFE

[henryscavills]

[3gay5me]

Male protagonist to female character: I don't even know why I'm telling you all this personal information, I just met you

Me: You've been socialized to view women as receptacles for your emotions and she can't tell you to fuck off because she's at work and doesn't wanna get fired, next question

[strange-haze]

[3gay5me]

the only productive thing my eating disorder has taught me is how fucking obsessed American culture is with food every fucking minute of the day

[toodrunktofindaurl]

You’re welcome.

[basketofmooneggs]

Okay. But how do you draw lettuce?

[toodrunktofindaurl]

[3gay5me]

as it turns out, an eating disorder can totally make your favorite holiday absolutely horrific like thanks brain, i really appreciate your support

[coral]

[moomins-deactivated20160829]

my intrusive thoughts during fall

young man

there r leaves all around 

i said young man 

eat a leaf off the ground

[nerdfighterwhatevernumbers]

List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal

Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you

I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market

Fight me Helen

I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother

That’s my nindo. My ninja way.

I literally JUST sat down

Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall

Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?

Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers

Centipedes? In my vagina?

*Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*

I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.

I’m an Aries

Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*

I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor

I’m allergic

That’s just what the communists want!

I’ve been dead for seven years

Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be

I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes

It would be unfair to my cat

I’m chaotic neutral

*long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*

“I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

[vikova]

[youtubesagger]

[anubimon]

[elucubrare]

more Very Important Twitters: @ thestrangelog, tweeting unedited bits from games’ changelogs: 

[thesleepiestspiny]

[fakethistoyourgrave-blog]

What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way like I’m horny for Halloween but I don’t wanna fuck a pumpkin you feel

[hahlsey-blog]

do u mean excited

[sadmoonrising-deactivated201812]

I fucking love the character that’s like. not really the villain. but definitely not a good guy I mean he’s on our side. but he’s definitely not morally upstanding.

[mugiwara--jm]

[bang]

get the fuck out

[3gay5me]

this is the selfie that finally convinced me to embrace my inner white girl like why the fuck fight it at this point imma get that pumpkin spice latte i aint even give a damn look at that tan line why do i go outside