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K.K. Trench Reviews: The Monkey (2025)
We (a world-famous artist and not three kobolds in a trenchcoat squatting in a penthouse) have struck a bargain with the spirit inhabiting the TV – a conceited spirit, it only answers when its full name is invoked, but once appeased it seems this “Alexa” the Unseen will grant us any wish. Klok spoke of his desire for finest cheeses and within the hour a knock on the portal of our new lair lead to…
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K.K. Trench Explains: Start Here
K.K. Trench is an absolutely regular surface dweller human man and not three kobolds standing atop each other’s shoulders inside a trenchcoat. This journal records his observations of surface rites, rituals and culture – for documentation purposes, absolutely not for later use as an invasion guide. Continue reading K.K. Trench Explains: Start Here
K.K. Trench Ascends: The House Royal
We (a man of status, not three kobolds trying to fit inside one trenchcoat) were taken to a surface fortress of great luxury: The House Royal. As befitting our status after conquering “City Hall” in an honorable duel, we were taking by a large metal chariot driven by a serf to afraid to even make eye-contact (Krak still pulled the fedora low, lest our disguise be spoiled). Continue reading K.K.…
K.K. Trench Faces: The Herald of Banishment (Part II)
We (a guy who was always here, not three kobolds who accidentally tunneled their way to the surface world) have been challenged to a duel to the death for the right to keep our Lair 2B. After days of rigorous training with the Iron Maiden we assembled into our trenchcoat for what might be the last time and set out to do mortal combat with this “City Inspector”. Continue reading K.K. Trench…
K.K. Trench Practices: Battle Hymn of the Aerobic
We (one guy, one coat, zero kobolds) were in our Lair 2B when the TV box switched on by itself again. It was an unruly surface relic (it even scared Klok) – we had grown used to its occasional demands to “BUY NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST” but this was different. As though the entity possessing it knew that we shall soon face a dreaded warlock in mortal combat, images of surface warriors preparing for…
K.K. Trench Reviews: The Beheading Festival
We (a regular surface human like everyone, not three kobolds from deep below the earth hiding in a trenchcoat) were exploring the city once more. Klik could smell popcorn and steamed canines – but not from the place of moviegoing. We followed his nose to a “park” – a hostile surface zone, full of trees and grass and plants. While we were very much disgusted by it all, the scent of popcorn wafting…
K.K. Trench Faces: The Herald of Banishment (Part I)
We (one perfectly capable human, not three hung-over kobolds) were finally recovering from the effects of that diabolical brew when the pounding from inside our heads turned out to be pounding outside our Lair 2B. Our portal was being furiously rattled, and before we could utter the words of banishment (we’ve heard the phrase “I gave at the office” used to great effect by our next door neighbor,…
K.K. Trench Reviews: The Elixir That Broke Time
We (a manly man with a distinguished fashion sense, not some kobolds in a trenchcoat) were exploring the surface in the early morning hours when we saw an alchemist’s apprentice unloading a stock of potions from a large metal chariot bearing the symbol of the sun itself on its side. Continue reading K.K. Trench Reviews: The Elixir That Broke Time
K.K. Trench Researches: The Offering And The Canines
We (one regular person, not three hungry kobolds hiding in a trenchcoat) were foraging for food – after multiple visits to the Temple of McDon-Ald, our found card of credit seems to have been “declined” – clearly it has run out of whatever arcane ritual energy powered it. We thanked the relic for its service and honorably discarded it. Continue reading K.K. Trench Researches: The Offering And…
K.K. Trench Investigates: The Day the Ground Shook
We (100% of a single person, not 100% kobold three times) were attempting to conjure cheese through our previously-found relic of Amma Zone when the floor of our lair of 2B began to tremble horribly. At first we assumed it was merely Klok’s stomach protesting the lack of cheese but as the shaking would not cease we garbed ourselves in our robe of camouflage and ventured outside. Continue reading…
K.K. Trench Investigates: The Pact of Shiny Tribute (Accepted)
We (a human, not three kobolds pretending to be one despite not having read the manual) were called to the hatch of our lair by a strangely-melodic series of raps and taps upon it. Continue reading K.K. Trench Investigates: The Pact of Shiny Tribute (Accepted)
K.K. Trench Investigates: Trial By The Spirit of Voyage (Witnessed)
We (not three kobolds stacked inside a trenchcoat but rather an actual human person) were detained by a Spirit of Voyage as we made our way on the surface, in search for more relics to add to our ever-increasing hoard. Continue reading K.K. Trench Investigates: Trial By The Spirit of Voyage (Witnessed)
K.K. Trench Reviews: The Abominable Doctor Phibes (1971)
We (a normal movie-loving person who definitely isn’t just three kobolds in a trenchcoat attempting to pass as a surface-dweller) have mastered the sacred Relic of Amma Zone – a glowing, clack-click artifact that fell from a speeding surface cart and was clearly bestowed upon us by the goddess herself. Though the surface-dwellers call it a “laptop,” we know better: it is a divine scrying device,…
K.K. Trench Reviews: The Tome of the Small Tyrant
We (a human who was born and DEFINITELY NOT 3 kobolds that hatched from eggs deep under the earth) have been out in the evening as always, studying and documenting the surface dwellers (for normal human reasons, not so we can eventually take all this knowledge and use it for the great kobold invasion of the surface). Continue reading K.K. Trench Reviews: The Tome of the Small Tyrant
K.K. Trench Reviews: Within The Golden Hall of the Surface God, McDon-Ald
We (a single human man, who isn’t and never was 3 kobolds hiding inside a trenchcoat) have decided (in fact, Krak did, and he would like that on record) that to fully experience life as surface dwellers, we must also eat as surface dwellers. Continue reading K.K. Trench Reviews: Within The Golden Hall of the Surface God, McDon-Ald
K.K. Trench Reviews: Surface Relic of the Goddess
We (1 part human, no part kobolds, 1 part trenchcoat) were performing routine evening rituals in Apartment 2B of the new warren (i.e. shouting at the TV and sorting mold by aggression level) when a terrible THUNK echoed through the street below. Continue reading K.K. Trench Reviews: Surface Relic of the Goddess