mentally ill dyke @4cntrl - Tumblr Blog

when restriction brain fog and period brain fog join together to make it impossible to form a coherent thought

#i had to count money today and it genuinely was so difficult

finally gotten to the point of restriction where i get irrationally angry n its taking everything in me to chill the tf out and not get snappy w my coworkers

#unfortunately i cant just be like sorry i dont know how to properly fuel my body #and its causing me not to be able to be a rational sane person

i haven’t eaten in six days, i’ve never felt worse but at the same time i’ve never felt better

#idek what’s happening anymore #it’s like i’m fine for a bit then the ed takes over my entire being #ugh #i need to eat but i literally can’t get myself to do it #idk it just feel like a failure if i do esp bc im so close to a week #i think im scared of the binge that might come from this too #also im so so so bad at making sure im getting electrolytes #n my body is feeling it #but at least my ed is happy ig idk

i hate my ed bc why was i eating fruit fine 3 days ago but now im scared of it wtf

#still eating it tho bc i am NOT letting myself be scared of fruit #of all things lol

this relapse hitting different right now 😁

#hopefully it k words me this time <3 #ppl were not lying when they said it gets harder to restrict the older you get #like i stay in bed all day n im still tired bc of restricting lol

oh free appetite suppressant just dropped 🤩🤩🤩

#i do not feel like i’m living in reality rn

what if i just don’t eat for all of november 🤩

#definitely wont but like what if #if i did it would just lead me to a huge binge n id wanna kill myself #idk im just tired

it’s crazy how an ed is just simply not eating like i don’t have to do anything n i still fail at it

#ik its more nuanced but u get it

um could a depressed person do to this???

#killing myself is canceled #outrageously long walk r in!#just have to ignore the blisters :D

i wanna off myself 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

#I HATE LIVING!!!!!!!!!#everything is so miserable #n i feel so disgusting in my own body i can’t stand it

unemployed so it means i’m back full time w an eating disorder :D

#my life is either about to get so great or fall off completely #cant wait to see which

i’m moving soon so im going thru all my clothes and seeing how much smaller i used to be is making me so sad :( like i genuinely had such a distorted view of my body and i wish i appreciated it more

#like so many clothes i still had the tag on #like girlie ur body was the best its ever been wear those shorts!!!!#not even motivational just made me sad lol

4cntrl

wanna quit my job to spend all my time focused on my ed thats how sad my life is rn lmao

4cntrl

about to be in my unemployment era lol im about to become the worst version of myself 🤩

being a unlikable friendless loser is actually so miserable 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

#i hate having feelings

just put on an outfit i havent worn in years and i might just end it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

#im gonna scream #why can i just stop eating forever!!!!

i miss the height of my ed so bad i genuinely feel insane

#i was doing my absolute worst but i feel such a desire to be there again #does this ever legitimately end 🙃

me being proud that i havent started drinking again while ignoring that i started purging again

#lol lol lol

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mentally ill dyke