I’m Getting Better

[4the-record]

Best

Blood shot eyes

And a sloppy text

Fucked up words

And a heavy breath

Nervous but working

Still I degress

I love you

I know I've been fucked before

But i implore

That there's much more

In store

So my shitty text

Can make you perplexed

I'll regret all that mess

Why the fuck am I crying

When you're the best

I need a breath

I need a step

Take in consideration

For all I have left

Because in not fuckin lying

You are the best

-markus

[4the-record]

shits creek

waves sailed up shits creak

I cant keep drifting week by week

I caused the crossroad

god kill me now

but I love her I love her

so bring me back down

let me swim to the shores

sail to the docks

ive been down shits creek

but tonight its gotta stop

as much I hate this

my life and it all 

I will not break

I refuse to fall 

because I love her I love her

ill show her much better

ill get out of the water

and this shitty ass weather

[loveandlameshit]

A Lake of Depression

further more ive adored

the rain as it pored across

my window

the siding

and the front door

its flooded now and 

I cant walk on water

id try to stay a flout but 

I cant swim any farther

so tell my mother and father

do not be bothered

if I swam up shore to get

lungs full of water

cause im gonna float to you

and spit out all the salt

the water will wash out all the mistakes

I feel a jolt

as electricity hits me

defibulators blowing

my chest exposed and my hearts showing

as it beats your name I feel so ashamed

that waters the reason I had to stay away

[loveandlameshit]

skin

your skin pinned me like a dart on board

I was torn between loving you

and wishing I was never born

another love to fear 

another hook to reel me in

quickly your skin

became my best friend

the birth marks 

the feel

what was the deal

ive heard this song before

but now it feels real

I only hope that some how

she can feel this way

because thanks to her skin

ive been convinced to stay

[4the-record]

sollution

is it just me

or are the days melancholy

ever since the leaves started falling

im choking on chatting about

bringing up the fact

that I feel attacked

not by you but by god

like im looked at like some slob

no job and no education

no future worth any dedication

im sorry but my melancholy days dont go fast

and im hoping to last

another year so next years resolution 

will be for me to find some type of

sollution

[photosbygy-deactivated20200605]

Haaaa

[4the-record]

Untitled Venting

I love to make you happy

But today I'm out of line

My anxiety is going

Don't know what's behind

The next door the next day

I can't stay away

From the shit that's goin on

And it's hard for me to say

It's ok

I'll make it

One day at a time

I'd be a rich man

If I had a dime

For every s.o.b

Who stepped on me

I can't believe

I still have the guts

To say I won't leave

I'm strong I know

But right now I'm weak

I worry bout my life

While people think about

Their snapchat streak

It hurts to breath

It's hard to see

The brighter side with birds and bees

You want to believe

It's ok to leave

But to your sis you're the only means

To a stable conversation

And I'm proud of that

I can't kill myself a matter a fact

Cause all this shit is gonna fall right back

On another person's shoulders

And it's probably my sis

If I saw anybody harm her

I'd be fuckin pissed

I'd cut a mother fucker if I saw any on her wrists

So you better believe

I will not leave

And I'll be carrying this shit in fuckin heaves

I can't say it's ok

Cause its fuckin not

So all this stressful shit

Needs to fuckin stop

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

Dragon

She used to tell me she hated people

I believed every word she said

Until one day I learned the truth

She said she hated people

But I heard her tell me I love you

Sometimes I get scared cause growing up I always compared myself to big monsters

Now I want to be the dragon protecting my princesses tower

Not by a knight in shining armor because she's seen that one to many time

And so have I

No I protect her from the fake love the only a sword and shield can disguise

I throw myself at blades and steel and take all I can so I can see her smile

I will take the hurting of a lifetime and be a slain beast

Before I see her heart broken ever again

Because I am her dragon and my heart burns for her

So before someone thinks they're going to steal her away

They're going to have to go through me

And I'm not just another guy walking down the street

No not to her I am her dragon and damn it she's mine

And I'll be damned before I see her heart broken again

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

For the Record, I love you

We fight and we bicker

The anger comes quicker

I'm needing fixed

But I wish I could fix her

I knowshe won't want it

It's not worth the time

But I wanna make sure that everything's fine

I know that it's my fault

The late night texts

Waking up early feeling a wreck

She has a life

And she's mine

Maybe I need to draw a line

No job and no classes

I'm failing my future

Just know to my lover

I never meant to hurt you

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

Drunk thoughts for you

Does drunk mean I don't know what I'm saying

I reminisce on good times while I'm laying

Small suburban homes and a whole lot of time

Thinking of a future I'll have with a dime

A dozen woman pass pressing at my chest

None of those girls I could say were the best

I was a mess at 16

And now I'm stuck in my 20s

God honestly I'm drunk hopelessly loving

I found a damn girl who makes me feel something

I'm gonna make my mom proud

Because my girl keeps me straight

I know when I die I can look god in the face

And when I confess

Why I loved when I was alive

I'll say it whole heartedly

Cause I spent it with my dime

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

Bad weather

Some days it's just hard

It seems like I get farther

I have some awful ways

I act just like my father

My hearts a shot of vodka

It's hard to get down

But your a flame that's added

Now my heads all in the clouds

I'm grateful

I'm faithful

There's honestly no better

You're the shade that's needed

When I'm stuck in bad weather

[4the-record]

At Night

Rain has poured upon my window

For what seems like most the year

I cannot get up out of bed

To face all my fears

I know I am dramatic

But my mind goes to the worst

Sometimes it's all to much

It feels as if my heads about to burst

I'm sorry for my worries

I wish I'd drown them out

You say all is fine

But you know I have my doubts

I will be strong I promise

You know I'll fight and fight

But I fear when it gets dark

It will get worse at night

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

A thousand poems

If words alone could save us

Some how I would win these wars

I'd write a thousand poems

And a thousand more

I've felt things all to much

And now I'll let it bleed

And if you care to listen

You should take a sit and read

I've loved like no other lover

I've soaked it in before

But now that I've been hurt

I fear I can't be loved anymore

You've showed me otherwise

And for that you have my thanks

You saved me during a time

I had problems I couldn't face

You taught me strength with good fortune

A kiss goes a long way

That's why every time I talk to god

You're the topic when I pray

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

Stuck with a Stuck up

Drag me through the dirt

I'll reap what I sow

When I curse toward your golds

And knock you off your throne

I've been drenched with blood

Drawn from my brothers

I've fallen in the dark

Because a so called lover

So with all your jems it's hard to see

How you're more important than me

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

Sometimes my eyes See sunsets at night I guess I need to check my sight Or maybe warmth is brought by you Believe me when I say I'm used to skies so blue So the amber is new Red like hearts I've seen before But yours might be the brightest I try to go back to sleep But I can't seem to fight it I see sunsets overhead That's why I cannot get to bed I know your heart is turning blue So I'll go grab the sun for you Show you warmth you gave to me Then hopefully you will see Wants I bring the sun you That maybe you should not be blue

[loveandlameshit]

What it Takes

Where is the sunlight

Show me the way

When does night turn to day

I could sit, wait, and pray

But as I speak

I’d have nothing to say

He knows my malice knows my shame

Understands the strength needed to be brave

So instead of talk I show my might

I will walk unto this holy light

Maybe it might get a little dim

I’m swimming in it

Up to my chin

I’ll find a hand

From a close friend

Rid my self of all the rot

Tell the terror

That it needs to stop

Because I am stronger then it is

Because on my back I have all my friends

-Markus Miller

[4the-record]

I’m almost happy here but I never feel at home