Tae feels like he missed out on his youth and wants to make up for it, T isn’t sure if that is a good idea and thinks they need to talk.
TW: Mention of (underaged) drug use
If you ever asked T he would swear up and down that it was not his idea, which was true. But he would lie if he said he wasn’t interested in partaking in some bad decisions.
So when Tae had walked up to him and sat just a little too close next to him on the couch T already knew something was up. Especially when Tea leaned in a bit further.
“Hey,” He greeted T in a pretty normal voice.
“Hey,” He greeted him back.
“Close your eyes and stick your hand out,” Tea told him. He didn’t waste any time giving T the instructions.
T should probably not be this cooperative since Tea had that glint in his eyes that told T that he was up to no good. But then again T had been zapping through channels for the past 20 minutes and he was bored as hell and didn’t mind a little mischief at the moment.
Plus, how could he say no to his besttest little buddy in the world?
So T stuck his hand out with half-lidded eyes hoping that Tea would not notice. Only for Tea to put his hands over T’s eyes and closing them himself.
T could hear the sound of a plastic wrapper which was followed by something being put in his hand.
Tea removed his hand from T’s face and T took that as a sign that he could open his eyes and look at what Tae had given him.
He looked down and as soon as he saw the green candy in the palm of his hands his eyes widened and his mouth started to open. Tae took the hint and put a hand over his mouth to prevent him from screaming, shouting, wheezing, or whatever T was about to do.
“Hush,” Tae put a finger on his lips “The others don’t know that I have this” He explained.
T gave him a look but nodded and Tae took his hand off T’s mouth in response.
“How did you get this?” T asked him in a half-concerned and half-impressed voice.
T took another look at the gummy in his hand. This could of course be one of Tae’s jokes on him. They’ve been having a little prank between the two of them for the past 3 months but judging by the way the candy looked, the way the wrapper was designed and the warning instructions on the back, it was most likely a real edible.
“Well,” Tea started but he sounded a bit hesitant “You remember the last time when we went on tour?”
T knew enough “You got this from Rotterdam, didn’t you?” he asked and Tae nodded.
T didn’t like talking about their trip to the Netherlands. They were there for 5 days and he had really liked it at first.
He enjoyed the Euro Tower and the Marked hall and even took a trip to Den Haag with Robaire and Z on his day off and he had really liked it so far until he had to deal with some weirdos and crazy paparazzi one night with almost led to him being taken away by a group of strangers.
(he was so lucky that Jessy and Robaire had found him in time)
As fun as the first 3 days were he’d rather not think about it. But he was curious about Tae’s story so he have him a small nod as if to say that he should continue.
And so Tae did “OK, so remember when we went to the market hall and I wanted to take a look in the library across from it?”
“Well, I lied” Tae admitted. T let out a shocked gasp that was so fake that it deserved a Razzie award. Instead, it earned him a light slap on his shoulder from Tea with his took like a champ by the way.
“Anyways, there was a shop nearby called de pound or het punt or something? I’m not sure what it was called but I went there-”
“Why did you go there?” T jokingly asked knowing full well why he went there
“I’m about to tell you, so hush” Tae was now fishing in his pants pocket until he found what he was looking for. Which was…. Another edible. The exact same that T was holding in his now closed hand.
“I went there to get this.” Tae referred to the candy. “And you know. I have them now. So I got what I wanted”
T just looked at him for a second. He didn’t really know what to make of all of this. He knew that Tae brought this with him to try it out viciously and on one hand he felt like Tae was too young (even though Tae was 18 and T himself was 8 months older than him) and he felt like he should put a stop to it right now. and on the other hand, he felt like that would be a bit hypocritical since he himself had tried his first edible when he was only 16 years old(it had been when he heard he got singed to the label and one of his older cousins had told him this was the best way to celebrate).
All in all, he knew what Tae was trying to say and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think of all of this.
“How did you get these here?” T asked him.
“I put them in one of those hollow hair brushes” Tae admitted.
That took T off guard “Jezus Tae.” T looked at the candy in his hand and back at his band mate who was waiting in anticipation for T to say something. He was probably expecting an ‘OK, let’s do this’ or a 'What the hell were you thinking?’ something that would give him some clarity on what T was thinking.
T took a breath “So, why don’t you tell me what you want to do with these?”
“I’m glad you asked,” Tae said as he scooted even closer to T and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Imagine” the little shit even paused for dramatic effect. “You, me, the candy, and a bad movie marathon. Can you picture it Aaron, my love?”
Aaron could picture it. And it was a pretty funny picture to paint. He could already see him and Tae sitting in one of their rooms and sitting on the bed, blazed out of their minds and enjoying some sappy rom-coms or bad remakes. Maybe even some corny teen movies from the 80’s or even downright bad B-list action movies.
T want going to lie. That would be funny and it sounded like a fun night. It didn’t relay sound like a bad idea either. They would just be locked in their room and enjoying themselves and not bothering anybody else. Not much different from what they were normally doing.
Yet T still felt a bit icky about it. Whenever that was because of the risk of one of the other members catching them or by the fact that this would probably be Tea Young’s first time doing anything related to drugs.
He just wasn’t sure about all this. At least not yet. He looked back at Tae again who was looking at him with even more anticipation.
“Say? We do that, get high I mean”
“Stoned” Tae corrected him
“Or stoned. Whatever you wanna call it. What do you Want to get out of this?” T got a lot more serious now. He wasn’t necessarily against soft drugs and a little bit of experimenting. Like he said he had done it himself. But they could get in a lot of trouble if they weren’t careful and he needed Tae to know that a lot of things could go wrong from your first time taking drugs.
He remembered how he didn’t know that you wouldn’t feel anything from edibles for the first 30 minutes after taking it and thought that he hadn’t taken enough.
3 edibles later T remembered not knowing the way in his own home because of how everything was spinning and vomiting somewhere in the house (he didn’t remember where) and his cousin had put him in bed after.
His cousin had apologized for giving him the candies and not taking care of him. He had also cleaned T’s mess after he was put into bed. They had kept it hush hush when the family was around because they knew for a fact that they would get in trouble for it if their family found out.
So yeah, T knew their would be some risks to taking drugs. Even if it was only one weed gummy.
Tae had not answered him yet but he was clearly thinking of what he should answer. T just waited until he found something to say.
“Well, did you know that there are quite some benefits to weed?” Tae pointed out while trying to sound clever.
“Be serious Tae” Too bad T wasn’t having it.
“OK, OK. I just wanted to try it for one you know?” Tae admitted.
“You just want to try it?”
“Yeah, I just feel like this is one of those things that you should try at least once in your life you know?”
“Right? But I don’t wanna do it alone.”
“And since you have already don’t this once-”
“I never told you about that” T cut him off.
“No, but you told Aaron Z and I happened to pass by”
“Like I said I was just passing by” Tae put his hands up in defense and T decided to just believe him even though Tae had a history of 'happening to pass by’.
“Anyways” Tae started again. “back to what we were talking about. I just thought that you would be the perfect person required for the job.”
The two boys just stared at each other for a moment. Tae clearly waiting for T to agree and T just to figure out whenever his friend was fucking with him or not.
After another moment T couldn’t help but let out a laugh.“ You are saying that as if you are hiring a bodyguard or something.”
Tae laughed with him and let out a small snort “I mean, you are in a way. Aren’t you?”
“I am?” T asked and Tae nodded again.
“Yeah man, I trust you the most when it comes to this kind of stuff”
“I don’t mean drug stuff,” Tae said in a hurry in case it came out wrong. “I mean like… When I want to do something new, like this” he held up the edible. “I come to you”
“I’m flattered,” T said in a mocking voice thinking that that would be all of it but Tae wasn’t done.
“You’re welcome. Your just the best person to go to because you understand it better”
“I only did edibles once you know. And that didn’t really go great either. That night was a mess and I can’t even remember half of it” T was not joking but neither was Tae.
“No it’s not that… it’s more like… I can take back what I missed out on with you” Tae said in a soft voice. He wasn’t looking at T anymore. He seemed only focused on the edible which he held in his closed hand. And it almost looked like he was holding it for dear life.
“I love being in this band T I mean that. I love you and the rest and I don’t want to sound like there has ever been a moment that I regretted joining you guys” T didn’t like how fast those words came out of Tae’s mouth. It sounded like he was clearing up a misunderstanding or admitting to something he has been holding on to for a while.
They just kept quit again. Not for long. Only 2 or 3 seconds at most. “OK. Go on” he told Tae who looked at him with uncertainty in his eyes.
“No, there is more to this. I can tell”
There was more silence between them before Tae took a breath and got ready to talk. He still wasn’t looking Aaron T in the eyes but that was alright. If it made it easier for Tae to talk to him he could go without eye contact.
“Do you remember the first time we met each other?”
It had been one of the most chaotic and nerve-wracking days of T’s life. It had been at the auditions back in 1998. T was 15 and was going to be 16 in 2 weeks after. And Tae had just turned 14 he had told him. He was probably the youngest person there.
It had been obvious that Tae was young. Maybe even to young to be there but T didn’t know if the was an age limit to auditioning.
Everyone had been separated from their guardians and was placed in a big waiting room and waited for their turn to be called on stage. Some had just been sitting around with shaking hands and legs and others were still trying to get some last-minute practice in.
He was holding that lyrics paper between his shaking fingers and was clearly trying his hardest to concentrate only for his big brown eyes to shoot from his paper to the ground to the competition in the room to his paper again and repeat.
T had eventually walked up to him and sat next to him and asked if he was alright and started a conversation with him in the hopes of calming him down.
From one thing came the other and at some point they were just laughing and talking and helping each other practice their chosen audition songs.
When Tae had been called on stage that had been the last time he would see him until almost 9 months later.
T had turned 16 and Tae was still 14. They were now the youngest of the band.
“yeah, I remember” T picked at a loose thread on his jeans. A nervous habit of his. Or when he was simply just thinking things over. “the fact that that was 4 years ago already”
“I know,” Tae said as he rubbed his eyes. “Anyways, the point I was trying to make was…well. How do I say this” T could tell that that last part of the sentence was more aimed at himself than at T.
As shitty as it may sound T kinda wanted Tea to hurry up and just tell him what was up because he was sterling to get worried. And it seemed like his prayers were answered when Tea took a deep breath. T could tell that he was getting ready and T should give Tea all the time he needs. He just could not help but worry, that’s all.
“Do you ever feel like time goes too fast?” Tea finally said and T had to admit that he did not know what he should have expected but he did not expect to be asked that question. He understood thou.
“Or-” Tae’s struggled to come up with the words again. “Or that you feel like you want to go back in time? Are you following me? ”
T did not completely follow but he kind of understood where Tea was coming from. T does not feel the desire to go back in time to the early days of the band. Or even the days before the band.
The didn’t feel the desire to go back in time because he didn’t feel the need to relive anything, however, he does feel that time passes so fast sometimes that it makes him feel like the end of everything he knows and has right now could be over in a blink of an eye.
He knew that that was not true but he couldn’t help but feel like that sometimes. Maybe that is what Tea is trying to tell him.
“I think I’m following you,” T said and Tea looked at him with a curious look only for T to return almost the same look.
“Can you tell me more thou?” T asked Tea.
“OK, so…. What I mean by that is, and I want you to remember that being part of the band is the best thing that ever happened to me”
“But sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’ve missed out” Tae admitted. It came out hasty too. As if he just ripped off the bandaid.
'This must have been on your mind for a while now’ T thought to himself. He wanted to ask something but Tae started talking again before he had the chance. 'He probably wants it to be out of his system’
“I mean, I was just so young when I joined the program you know? When we got scouted I was… I was..”
“just a kid” It wasn’t a question. T knew what T was talking about.
“Yeah,” Tae didn’t even seem surprised by the fact that T of all people understood. “ I meant what I said when I said that joining this group is the best thing that ever happened to me. And I’m so happy that I did and that I met you guys. But whenever I hear stories from Jesse about college and high school. Or you and Z when you talk about your childhoods. When you tell me about how you guys used to ride through the neighborhood on your bikes. Even when Robaire tells me about how he used to hang out with his sisters.” Tae took a break from the rant so he had so time to breathe. T started to lean closer to Tae. If Tae needed comfort in any way shape of form T would give it to him. But right now Yae deserved to be heard by him.
“ I just…. Feel… I can’t help but feel like I missed out on something” Tae started twisting his promise ring from one finger to the other. “Elementary school wasn’t great for me. Neither was middle school. Even when the bullying stopped. I know I should be over it by now but… You know.” T knew. Z had been in the same situation back in middle school. T still remembered the sleepover where Z just burst into tears because he admitted how much he hated school. How bad he wished to be anywhere else but at school. He even told T that he wanted to be a completely different person sometimes.
Z was still not over it either. He could tell by how he looked at Robaire and Jesse from time to time. Never with jealousy but always as if he was longing for something they had that he could not be.
T knows how bad childhood memories can fuck you up. He still did not dare to even touch an alcoholic drink because of his dad.
“I get why you’re not over it yet,” T told his friend. Tae just gave a smile that either meant he appreciated or didn’t believe what T just said but that’s not the problem at hand right now.
“So… Why do you want to try edibles thou?” not the best way to keep the conversation going T would admit but now was as good as any time to be as upfront as he could be.
Tae shrugged. “To feel something I guess. As dramatic as it sounds it just feels like one of those things that you should do as a teen.”
T frowned at that. “Oh, Tae”
“I know. It’s not smart but…” it was at that point that Tae realized that he didn’t really have a reason to actually do any kind of soft drugs. At least not a good one. He doubted that 'for shits and giggles’ qualified as a good reason. “I mean you did it when you were 16 didn’t you. And you seem alright”
“Yea, but not at the moment itself. Tae I didn’t know the way in my own house.” This wasn’t a good idea. T knew this wasn’t a good idea. Fuck what he said before. He didn’t want Tae to do this. Not if it is 'to feel something’ as he described it.
“Tae, let’s be real. If you didn’t feel like this. If you had been older, would you still want to do it?”
“how long have you been thinking about this?”
“No, not that” t looked away for a sec. Thinking about how hile was gonna put this into words. “the other thing?” brilliant T. You’ve always been good with words. “the missing out part?” T refracted.
Tae stared off to the side for a bit. Avoiding T’s eyes. “Sinds I turned 18 I think”
“So for the past 7 months?” T asked.
Tae didn’t say anything for a moment but it was clear that he was just thinking about his answer. 'He seemed to be pretty oke with this’ T thought to himself. T wasn’t thou. Tae shouldn’t have to deal with those thoughts. But that didn’t make them less true.
Tae was young when he joined. They were all young but Tae was only 13. T could to an extent imagen what it must feel like to know that you missed out on a big part of your childhood. They got a lot back in return. They got each other for example.
But he understood where Tae was coming from.
“So, What you’re saying is…. You wanna do weed gummies cause you wanna feel….” what does Tea wanna feel? “You feel like you have to try it at least once?”
There were probably a hundred other reasons why Tea wanted to try weed gummies but there were also a hundred reasons why he shouldn’t take them. At least not right now.
“Yeah, kinda. But when you say it like that it sounds kinda stupid” Tea admitted.
“But you still wanna do it? Take the gummies I mean? Cause…” This conversation wasn’t going anywhere this way and the worried feeling in his chest was starting to lean into his ribs. “I don’t think it’s a good idea if I’m honest”
T could be honest with Tea. They were friends. Tea understood that T just wanted to protect him, and everything about this idea screamed that it was a BAD idea.
At some point, T reached out to Tae’s hand. The hand that was holding the green gummies. “And if I’m even more honest, I don’t want you to take them either”
Tae didn’t move his hand away from T’s nor did he stop him. In fact, it wasn’t until T had taken the sweets from Tae that he pulled his hand back. He looked at his empty palm for a second before he readjusted his seeing position and lay both hands flat on the couch. One hand beside each thigh.
Tea looked forward and instead of facing T, he was just kind of staring off against the TV.
T fidgeted with the wrappers of the gummies in his hand. Tae had been thinking about this for quite some time.
It was bothering him for quite some time. T knew that much. But no matter how good he was with words. He didn’t really know how to go from here.
To T’s surprise, he was not the one who had to break the silence between them. Tae did that himself.
“I guess I wanted to act cool,” Tae said and T quirked up an eyebrow at that confession.
“Please don’t” That came out a bit too fast. “It doesn’t suit you”
Tae turned his head and let out an offended gasp. “And what is that supposed to mean?” he gently held his hand on his chest and T couldn’t help it but the way Tae was looking at him made him laugh and all the tension from before left the room with the snort he let out.
“You know what I mean with that blondie” T grabbed both sides of Tae’s face and started squeezing his cheeks. “It means that you are way better off acting as your cute little self” T’s baby talk didn’t match the strength in his finger but Tae managed to come loose from his friend’s grip.
“ow ow ow, OK I get it. Damn, man. You’re gonna rub off my skincare” Tae whined while rubbing his cheeks.
T was happy that the mood became relaxed again because he had no idea how to handle the situation. He had no idea what he should say. This was more Jesse’s and Robaire’s thing.
He did take one last glance at the weed gummies that Tae had put down on the couch. Without T’s knowledge, Tae had followed his gaze.
“I should probably just trough them out”
“I couldn’t agree more man”
thank you to everybody for reading.
been workin gon this fic for a while and finaly finishes it. if you are rather reead the fic on AO3 then here is the link.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/46494322
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