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𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒋𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒃𝒂𝒅𝒈𝒆 𝒏𝒐. 51163 !

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happy new year everyone !   i know the kids say new year, new me but really it’s all about that new blog feeling.   all of this to say : i have finally set up jay’s new blog and it can be found here.   i will be starting over with drafts/inbox/all of the things (besides dynamics of course and a couple of starters i have yet to reply to).   i really want to keep this blog to people that i can actually see myself interacting with, so please only follow if you are genuinely interested.   cheers to 2023, and see you over there. 💛

[51163-a]

happy new year everyone !   i know the kids say new year, new me but really it’s all about that new blog feeling.   all of this to say : i have finally set up jay’s new blog and it can be found here.   i will be starting over with drafts/inbox/all of the things (besides dynamics of course and a couple of starters i have yet to reply to).   i really want to keep this blog to people that i can actually see myself interacting with, so please only follow if you are genuinely interested.   cheers to 2023, and see you over there. 💛

[51163-a]

happy new year everyone !   i know the kids say new year, new me but really it’s all about that new blog feeling.   all of this to say : i have finally set up jay’s new blog and it can be found here.   i will be starting over with drafts/inbox/all of the things (besides dynamics of course and a couple of starters i have yet to reply to).   i really want to keep this blog to people that i can actually see myself interacting with, so please only follow if you are genuinely interested.   cheers to 2023, and see you over there. 💛

[51163-a]

happy new year everyone !   i know the kids say new year, new me but really it’s all about that new blog feeling.   all of this to say : i have finally set up jay’s new blog and it can be found here.   i will be starting over with drafts/inbox/all of the things (besides dynamics of course and a couple of starters i have yet to reply to).   i really want to keep this blog to people that i can actually see myself interacting with, so please only follow if you are genuinely interested.   cheers to 2023, and see you over there. 💛

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so jay’s blog is in fact moving (surprise surprise) but i want everyone to know that if i do in fact make this the header, it’s entirely rika’s fault

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i just think he deserves to be kissed

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if anyone wants to know how my brain is functioning, i just tried to make a new blog for jay and freaked out when i couldn’t use this url for a solid 15 minutes before realizing that i have not archived this blog yet and it is in fact, i, who is using my own url

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hello hello you lovely humans! i’m headed to get both my c*vid booster and flu shot, but other than that i have absolutely no plans so want to finally start the blog moving process. of course depends on how i feel (pray for my arms but also the experience of getting both shots together i hear is 50/50). hope you are all having a wonderful wednesday! 💛

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gooooood morning! whether you celebrate or not, hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. 🤍 heading out with the fam to do some boxing day shopping (pray for me) and then the world juniors start tonight so will be taking it easy but i am off until next tuesday so expect me to be around more. will be moving jay’s blog over the week for a fresh start so stay tuned for that too. happy monday my friends!!

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gooooood morning! heading home today so packing up and spending the last few hours with my grandpa. didn’t write this weekend as planned but this break was much needed and so so very nice. i have an extremely busy week and a half starting tomorrow but will pop on sporadically for some things leading up to the holiday break. hope everyone has a wonderful week 💛

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the amount of joy sitting in my grandparents’ backyard with some coffee and a book and looking up at palm trees brings me……

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still here, still kicking, in the middle of the busiest time of the year but i am heading to florida tonight for a few days to surprise my grandpa and i am so so excited! it’s a forced break from work too so look out for me a bit more. sending big love to the dash 💛

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hi guys, i just wanted to thank everyone so much for the kind messages and reaching out after last week. whether it was on here or on d.iscord, i saw them all and it really means so, so, so much. a few of you know but it’s been an incredibly difficult year with so much loss and it’s very much this deep exhaustion, and this last one is an ache on another level.

that being said, i am so grateful for this community and the amazing humans on here — especially this year. beyond the character building and the writing itself (which i of course love), i am so happy to be surrounded by such good souls and, again, really can’t put into words what the little check ins have meant to me. i’ll be around between blogs again slow and steady (year end at work isn’t going anywhere lbr but writing is my favourite outlet). sending love and light, always 🤍

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my dog passed away this morning, won’t be around for a bit

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good morning and happy sunday, my friends! was pretty mia last week and it will probably continue this week with work being crazy and multiple people on vacation. hoping to do some writing throughout but will definitely be sporadic both here and on d.iscord. sending lots of love, and hope everyone’s doing well 💛

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good morning and happy sunday apparently

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@gunbash​

SO  THEY  HAVE  SOMETHING  IN  COMMON  ,  more  in  common  than  usual  —  something  the  two  men  can  understand  in  full  .  getting  out  .  breaking  through  the  restrictions  and  expectations  set  before  them  ,  leaving  a  dangerous  space  in  the  hopes  of  finding  a  better  one  .  sebastian’s  lips  twitch  in  a  faint  smile  ,  but  he  doesn’t  interrupt  him  ,  nodding  along  ,  absorbing  what  he  can  before  he  finally  gives  his  answer  .  it’s  strained  .  despite  jay’s  reassurance  that  this  space  is  safe  ,  sebastian  has  a  hard  time  grasping  with  his  instincts  ,  resisting  their  weight  .  ❝  congratulations  on  approaching  that  choice  ,  jay  .  REALLY  .  it’s  not  as  easy  as  people  think  it  is  .  some  people  think  —  they  think  you  can  just  up  and  leave  and  there’s  no  mental  or  physical  repercussions  to  it  ,  when  in  reality  it’s  like  digging  yourself  out  of  a  VERY  DEEP  HOLE  .  you’re  brave  for  even  considering  it  ,  and  i’m  proud  of  you  .  as  a  friend  ,  i’m  very  proud  .  ❞  a  thick  swallow  .  sebastian  tries  to  find  the  right  words  ,  tries  to  conjure  up  the  way  he  should  voice  this  .  IT’S  DIFFICULT  TO  DO  .  ❝  i  think  …  i  think  i’m  trying  to  leave  because  i’ve  woken  up  .  there  are  people  i  love  ,  things  in  my  life  that  deserve  better  than  this  choice  i  made  .  i  was  pretty  much  brainwashed  into  thinking  that  this  was  my  only  path  …  not  realizing  i  was  living  someone  else’s  life  in  the  process  .  MY  FATHER’S  LIFE  ,  MORE  SPECIFICALLY  .  ❞  he  finds  jay’s  eyes  again  and  nods  .  ❝  you  leave  because  you  deserve  better  .  you  leave  because  you’ve  LEARNED  better  .  and  you  leave  because  life’s  about  more  than  danger  and  death  …  AND  WE  DESERVE  THE  OPPOSITE  OF  THE  PAIN  IT  BRINGS  US  .  does  any  of  that  make  any  sense  ?  ❞

HE  FINDS  HIMSELF  GRATEFUL  FOR  LOCATION  even  moreso  now ,   while  processing  sebastian’s  words  and  with  the  lull  in  conversation  that  follows .    the  sizzle  of  the  grill ,   the  bustle  of  the  kitchen ,   the  clink  of  glasses  and  the  gentle  hum  of  chatter  —  for  jay ,   it’s  a  comfortable  sort  of  non - silence .    and  for  a  while  he  doesn’t  speak ,   really  taking  the  time  to  consider  the  breadth  of  explanation  that  he  had  been  offered .    “    it  does .    it  does ,   i  guess  i’m  trying  to  just ........  figure  out  what  that  means  for  me .    ”    from  looking  past  the  other  to  now  allowing  gaze  to  settle ,   he  brings  his  hands  together  on  the  table ,   thumbs  tapping  against  each  other .    “    you  .......  everything  you’ve  been  through ,   what  you’ve  had  to  experience ?    it  hasn’t  been  like  that  for  me .    sebastian ,   the  strength  that  it  took  for  you  to  make  that  choice  ——  to  take  a  step  back  and  re-evaluate  the  situation  you  were  in .......    i’m  proud  of  you .    ”    he  pauses ,   shaking  his  head  and  exhaling .    “    and  see ,  i  —  i  asked  for  this .    since  joining  the  cpd ,   this  was  what  i  wanted .    i  took  a  bullet  and  the  only  thing  i  could  think  about  after  was  that  i  wanted  intelligence .    but  i  didn’t  think  i’d  be  forced  to  challenge  my  own  damn  morals  once  a  week .    it’s  too  much  —  it’s  become  too  much .    ”    he  hesitates  again .    “    people  keep  saying  voight  is  good  for  this  city ,   y’know ?    and  maybe  he  is ,   at  times .    i  guess  i  can  see  why  they’d  say  that .    but  he’s  not  good  for  me .    sometimes  i  feel  like  i’m  losing  my  damn  mind .    ”    shaking  his  head ,   he  expels  a  long  breath  and  musters  a  smile .    “    i’m  sorry ,   i  didn’t  mean  to  just  unload  like  that .    we  can  ——  you  want  anything  else ?    this’ll  be  on  me ,   so .    ”