Internship Day-1
I'm so tired. I could barely write anything.
I hope tomorrow is kind.
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@60internshipdays
Internship Day-1
I'm so tired. I could barely write anything.
I hope tomorrow is kind.
Day 28
Haven
Away from howling winds and sheets of harsh rain, a sleeping tabby purrs softly as prisms of colour paint its dream.
Stop
A father is a child's most attentive security: it stops harm's way, and lets curiosity in.
大旺
A pensive stall owner searches for a busy and prosperous travel season that may appreciate her specialty wares.
The Storyteller
Friends old and new gather to hear a grand tale of Vaisakhi, the Sikh New Year.
Dawn
A warm, lazy morning sun reveals a river of mist that pool between distant tea valleys, blanketing young shoots with dew before departing back to the sky.
lets hold tight with mama
A pair of sure-footed macaques steady its base on a tree branch, finding each other in a warm embrace.
Sizzling
A water monitor basks under a blazing afternoon sun, its rough skin crackling with warm summer heat.
Berlumba-lumba
A class of kindergarteners race through course of colour and shape, a winner soon to be declared.
Day 27
Run, avoid.
Think.
Feel bad about myself.
Admit defeat.
The hike is halfway done.
Why did I keep going?
When I'm red faced and already thinking of descending.
I don't think there's a reason to. There are some that are easier to name, but they are only a minute thought.
All I knew then was to chase.
Keep up.
Think that's it. My feet followed. I haven't had time to properly smell the flowers when my soles have long parted its length.
The mud had long dried up. The roots laid uneven stairs. A longkang of leaves snake up the gentle slope. I pull on another meek branch, knowing its roots will support my weight anyhow.
Get my hands dirty. Crawl my way down, rope and all.
You don't get to think in the slopes.
Look down, steady your feet, chase, and hold tight.
Do you feel your heart beating?
Day 26
Go on, choke on the ceiling you built.
Run your scab with familiar company.
Coil your heart with punishing guilt
and sorrow, an ouroboros wannabe.
A loop, while safe from rot and wilt
is a lie, penned as soothing litany.
Ruminate on your stringless lute.
Perpetuate your half-lived symphony.
scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared.
a pit in my stomach.
run. flee. stay still. don't move.
watch the tv glow.
jaw shut. eyes tight.
undo the shock with a question.
hello. welcome home.
ready for round two?
Day 25
Hello! It's been a hot minute. I haven't been active because I was busied with life. There's lots of new sights I'd love to share with you all. We'll start with this moth!
Bzzt --- wrong. It's a plant hopper.
The way it rested caught my attention immediately. Broad wings folded flat over it's body, a white transverse band that runs along its length, it's like a tiny moth hiding in plain sight. Even after iNaturalist suggested it as a Pochazia, I wasn't nearly convinced.
It's so strange. How does a plant hopper look like that?
Turns out, it's how the Ricaniidae family looks like. Many of them are flat, broad, triangles with rounded corners. Some even have opaque windows on their wings! This one disappears quite neatly into the shadow at rest.
I don't think it's mimicry. But, nature has a remarkable talent of confusing and bedazzling young amateurs.
Day 24
Riz stayed up a little longer. His arm groaned as he shifted his weight. He should sleep soon, but that was at least thirty movie clips ago.
A little longer, a little longer. Riz hugged the static glow of his tiny screen. He wasn't reading anything; he swiped to feel the rush of colours through his eyes. He had considered redownloading a game, and he had. The slow progression did not offer the same thrill as his other apps did, though.
The study outside his bedroom was dark now. His mother had just finished sorting through his late-night laundry. He thought of his friends. None of them are awake now, and if they were, they'd call him to sleep. No, he rather find company in the saturated glow of boring MSN news.
Swipe. Refresh. Download. Delete. He rubbed his eye and flipped his body again, until. Until.
The phone slowed. The screen stuttered. The intimacy between his eyes plunged into heavy darkness. Toads and cat calls rang distantly across the room.
Riz did not react. His legs swiped his mattress for a cable and simply connected himself again.
There was no buzz.
Riz blinked. He tried again. Perhaps it was a faulty, unconnected port. The charger scraped against his cheap screen protector. Nothing.
In his single-living bedroom, the fan stills. The lights remain shut. The toads had gained particular volume tonight. It was until his face felt the humid summer heat that he realised the power was out.
He sat up from his sunken mattress. He peered out his half-veiled windows to check on his unnamed neighbours. Grey, fluorescent lights blinked lazily. He laughed dryly, gripping his hand around his phone tightly. Surely, this was just a circuit trip. It was one of many that happened at his side of home, but rarely now.
Riz had already stayed up that night. He might as well stay up longer.
He held his phone close as he tip-toed out to his study. He tried on a switch. Nothing. He descended into the living room. The Wi-fi router had lost its signature glow. He had considered moving a tall chair to check the breakers, but it was late, and he hadn't bothered himself with domestic electrician work anyway.
He went to the one person who knew everything.
He crept to an equally dark bedroom. The air getting lighter as a soft breeze hummed through the doorway.
"Mum?"
His mouth parted before he had a better view of his mum sprawled out on bed. She barely made it to her bedframe. She slept lightly, her face screwed shut. Mild winds rattled and bellowed the steel, half-shut window frame. She mumbled something in her sleep.
Riz decided it was best he stayed quiet. He was about to leave when he spotted a power bank scattered haphazardly across his mum's dressing table, along with her phone and other personal essentials.
His eyes tingled. He could take it. His mum wouldn't mind; mum never minded. But it was hers, and it was late. His phone sat heavily in his hand.
He reached out. From the corner of the door, he brushed his mum's phone. Her screen lighted up from the motion. Riz's eyes snapped to attention. It was near 4am then. An alarm was about to go off in 15 minutes.
15 minutes? Riz asked.
That's way too early, he mused, until he remembered his mum had to commute early tonight.
He sighed. He placed his phone in the living room and came back with a pillow. Mum's room was always breezier, anyway.
He sat his pillow down to sleep.
Minutes later, he moved to the living room couch instead. The alarm was about to go off, and he couldn't sleep without his phone, even if it was dead.
Day 24
Riz stayed up a little longer. His arm groaned as he shifted his weight. He should sleep soon, but that was at least thirty movie clips ago.
A little longer, a little longer. Riz hugged the static glow of his tiny screen. He wasn't reading anything; he swiped to feel the rush of colours through his eyes. He had considered redownloading a game, and he had. The slow progression did not offer the same thrill as his other apps did, though.
The study outside his bedroom was dark now. His mother had just finished sorting through his late-night laundry. He thought of his friends. None of them are awake now, and if they were, they'd call him to sleep. No, he rather find company in the saturated glow of boring MSN news.
Swipe. Refresh. Download. Delete. He rubbed his eye and flipped his body again, until. Until.
The phone slowed. The screen stuttered. The intimacy between his eyes plunged into heavy darkness. Toads and cat calls rang distantly across the room.
Riz did not react. His legs swiped his mattress for a cable and simply connected himself again.
Day 23
For the first time, I listened. The dinner table talked about our day; the visit to the local college, and small frustrations about unmet expectations. I hadn't interjected. I listened to the sentence than the word.
It's an achievement. I hadn't been fully present for the past 4 years or more.
I don't know enough. I don't know what I know. I am learning this has a name, titled "I do not trust my own knowledge". That much is true.
I shouldn't spend so much time in my head. That is also true. I pause my thinking and send a message to dad.
Day 22
Don't go...
I sulked in my head. Telur seemed all too unbothered about this. I tried to protest, but I was shut out to the freezing hallway.
Fuck.
I slumped into a metal chair and the cold made me jump. My crew-cut trousers barely did anything to help. I paced around, rubbing my arms against my body until I am well-warmed enough to sit. I tried to drown out the sound around me. The electric drilling, the scraping metal against teeth... I run my tongue across my cheek muscles.
Telur will be fine, my palms assured me.
She's a big girl now, my ears braced for any sounds of struggle.
You should get something to eat, I reminded myself. My lips are dry, but I'm not hungry. Telur hasn't eaten either. I can wait.
Another door opened. The soundscape of the dentist is obscene. My mind drifted to Telur. She must be terrified -- no, she should be, but she doesn't look scared when she climbed into the green dentist chair that was twice her size. Heck, if she isn't scared, I'd be scared for her. What is this? How is a child braver than I am?
I tried to distract myself again. The waiting room hosted more chairs than people in the cold, early morning. A pot-belly uncle and a young receptionist sat at the far end of the corridor. My eyes flicker to the purple aquarium. A dentist classic.
Maybe I'll look for Nemo while we're waiting, I asserted while searching for a window behind the aquarium to see Telur.
People in the lift
They are usually quiet.
Sometimes, they carry bags. Work bags, groceries, and trash. I see more trash bags because I usually meet them around trash night.
Often, they are deep in their phones. Though I doubt that is accurate since that's more me than them.
It is suffocating when we all had to share a single functioning lift. The lift is as old as I am. But often, when that happens, people tend to share and help hold the door.
Sometimes it closes too quickly.
Other times, people hold on and pass a courteous nod.
The lift becomes slightly warmer when there's a point of interest, usually either dirt, close neighbours, or a baby. The lift is always warmer with a baby around.
Often, my eyes wonder to the bulletin board. I've read it a hundred times, but it is always amusing to pass time. The management also added perfume to the lift, so every time it squirts, our eyes shift to the tiny machine on top of us.
They had to bolt it down because kids have been stealing it.
Frequently, the Arabs carry bottles of water. It always puzzled me until I had to move to a different apartment, and in there, there is no drinking water.
But usually, it is trash night. I often see late night eaters, delivery drivers, and families returning from dinner. It's not always quiet, but I remember the quiet shuffling as I send their backs off.
Day 21
Confession: I don't actually know how to observe.
I see "observation" as a more specific form of seeing. We drive into a neighbourhood. I see a house, a car, and a tree in full bloom. Is that not observing? Or am I missing context?
Dad explains rich people often have good cars. BMW, Mercs, Audi, and some other brands I hadn't bothered to learn. That I should've already know this. I don't. I don't think I know a lot of things, and I still don't understand what "observing" means.
Is "observing" finding a pattern? Am I complicating it, or am I just linguistically dense? Can I blame this on something I can't control, or is it something I could learn but hadn't bothered to?
By the time "observing" becomes part of my professional career, I'm afraid I hadn't learnt anything at all.
Day 20
This is the most enjoyable meal I had in a while.
While browsing for dinner, we came across their RM88 minimum spending promotion. We were intrigued, so we sat in and ordered. The restaurant was clean, spacious, and quiet. Tables were intimately sized until you over-ordered on dishes, which nearly flooded the table.
Still, the food was great. The chicken was amazingly smooth, tender, and fragrant. Same goes to the egg tofu which came steaming hot and delicious. The dumplings were crisp, vinegar was on point, and the rice was great. We enjoyed our food so much that by the time we got to the bread and deserts, it had cooled so the taste wasn't as vivid as the rest.
Meal portions were huge. The chicken was at least a half-cut, and you could share most of the dishes with two people. Though, I would advise getting the RM3 rice bowl for yourself instead of sharing since you'd be dousing it with sauce and soup. (Again, really good soup so you'd enjoy it very much).
I also tried out the chili. It was sweet, tangy, and mildly spicy. It stung the tip of my tongue so you know that's good. I hadn't tried out much beyond that because unfortunately I ran out of rice.
We ordered 3 cups of tea which came in huge mugs. I forgot what specific tea it was, but it was sweet and light.
The waiters seemed a bit inexperienced. We watched them figure out how to store our desert for later as there was no more space on our table. Perhaps the restaurant could consider serving dishes gradually since there was not much table space. Though service was fast and attentive --- they allowed menu alterations since one of us couldn't eat pepper.
Our total came down to RM90.90 pre-tax. We got a 10% coupon for our next visit. Honestly would come again to try out the afternoon tea menu.
Day 19
I stole a line from a show the otherday; something about how I'd forget if I had no one to tell. I've remembered it vividly since.
I think I forget too. There's a lot of things I dont remember once considered done and dusted. And there's a few things that stuck with me because I told someone, or, rather, they wouldn't let me forget.
Because it's a piece of me embedded between us now.
If I don't tell someone, I'd forget. But I don't have a lot of friends I'd willingly tell because I want to forget. This costed me distance. There is no uncomfortable wedge that welds us together.
There's plenty of things unsaid because I rather forget than being remembered as raw, awkward, and undone. Though, I probably already am either way.
I'm someone who forgets. By habit I scrub away my humiliation but also the lessons that come with it. I undo the untidy growth. I leave asking why I've never learned anything at all.
So I think I'd tell someone. Not in private writing, but to a friend. Have us remember so we don't forget.
Day 18
Oh.
I'm here again.
Thinking about the doing
instead of doing the deed
Because doing is commitment
It is ownership. A declarative clause,
standing in the chapel saying "I do"
while knowing all the while you can't say undo.
An abandoned bride, an idea I've not married because I am too busy spelling our future.
A fear with no name and one I cannot dispel, hence one I remain imprisoned to
Until someone gives me ownership of words.
And return me to my bride.
Night out
10.32pm - start work by sitting down in front of laptop, refreshing memory, and defining timelines.
11.11pm - had half a piece of kaya bread. aquired pdfs of keller, aaker, and oliver main theories.
11.30pm - got a mask. reading brand equity
11.44pm - stole a fry
12.16am - we crossed the 12am mark. many are working in separate stations now as battery drains low. it's cold in here, not freezing, but enough to make my hair stand on its edges. i had a rudimentary idea of keller vs aaker. think I should export my findings now.
1.20am - the section we were working at closed, so we scramble to find a table big enough to fit the nine of us (there isn't any). the final group vote is to move to DC Coffee, a 24/7 coffee shop operated by a small hotel lobby. the bartender is quite friendly. hopefully we'll get to stay here without any more disruptions.
3.06am - had a snooze. getting back in the flow. gonna try for 20 minutes. im working on the manual writing now.
4.53am - food break. surprisingly, im hungry.
12.40pm - just reached campus. the classroom is dimmed with soft music playing. everyone's asleep, per our lecturers' suggestion. i'll probably sleep soon. my reaction timing is getting a bit out of hand.
Day 17
I am losing the ability to ask good questions.
I can't type correct keywords, and I can't figure out what to ask holistically. This is bad, because before AI there was search bars. And before search bars there were dictionaries. My brother no longer knows how to operate a dictionary. I don't believe I do, too.
Knowing what to search is crucial because the right keywords lead you to the right answers. And, knowing what to ask leads you to a world of broader knowledge. To do that, you need critical thinking skills --- a heart and mind that knows what percisely to ask.
Asking good and right questions is becoming rare.
The moment AI took over our search bars; it took away our ability to search critically. And humans love easy answers. It didn't take long for me to start outsourcing my brain to a machine, and the price is my ability to question. Because without question, I learn to accept generated answers as absolute. Because without knowing how to question, I can't find accurate, helpful, holistic knowledge. Because questioning meant thinking, and thinking requires knowledge; without knowledge, I can't question the regime. I can't fire against the status quo, because they have grown me complacent.
I'd call this a tragedy. One that I have discovered too late to stop, because I've stopped asking and started accepting.