trying on a metaphor
Sade Olutola
AnasAbdin
Discoholic 🪩
occasionally subtle
@theartofmadeline
Misplaced Lens Cap
oozey mess
if i look back, i am lost
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
KIROKAZE
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ojovivo
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Janaina Medeiros
Love Begins
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@66alchemy
definitely starting to recognise my very unhealthy body standards and self hate in general of my body and the fact that i may possibly be struggling with food because guys i can go days on like 2 packets of crisps per each no joke. anyway noticing is the first step so imma think of ways to work on it now
don’t have sex with niggas yall it ain’t worth it
i’m just so over it now. i’m over the way he makes me feel about myself. I’m over the fact that when i think of his behaviour it leads to tears and me feeling unworthy. Why is it that i feel beautiful until i think of him.
i just gota remember this
i know it’s fuck the male gaze or whatever but damn , 20 years and ain’t nb at least even told me they had a crush on me.
and dude i’m talking to is throwing “twin” in every sentence like okay damn , i get it. You don’t see me in that way and it’s cool.
and idk if i’m being dramatic but i kinda feel dirty now like i let us do all that thinking you at least thought it was going somewhere and whole time you just wanted the friendship with the benefits.
and that’s what i wanted too but in my whole 20 years of life i have never been able to be in control like that. To be the one that people have a crush on not the one that has the crush.
idk man i’m just sad because going from “he definitely likes me” to “ he clearly wants to stay friends” is having me question what tf i’m doing wrong, like is there something wrong with me. Why when he gets to know me now he’s making it more clear that we will never be. I just feel disgusting. Like i’m just disgusting.
I finally thought shit was changing like damn someone actually likes me , like i’m actually getting XP point FINALLY after 19 years but no , another year passes with no love interest, no one giving me flowers or gifts or compliments or genuine interest in me.
I’m just so over being the duff in the group and it hurts more now that i actually find myself beautiful because why doesn’t any one else see it.
life has been so uncomfortable, i’m struggling to determine how i really feel
starting to feel so unaligned with some of my friends.
I am not excited for the trips we planned. You ask to see me and not a single smile appears on my face. You annoy me and you’ve generally pissed me off. You give me the ick in the way you talk , the ick in the reasoning behind your actions, the ick the way your mind works. I can be having such a good time with you and one bad phrase out your mouth outweighs it all. You’re little comments are no longer a joke, something i should know to brush off. You changed or i changed or we both did.
and it’s sad. because i thought you were forever. and i was ready to die with that thought. all the secrets i shared i regret it. All the times i got vulnerable i regret. All the times i told you you were my person i regret. And i feel guilty. Because you have done nothing different in the grand scheme. and you probably still love me. and care for me. and appreciate me. and i do too. but now i would be comfortable if it came to an end.
i would be fine if we never spoke again. a little hurt? yes. a little reminiscent? yes. but i would be fine. only grateful for the lessons you taught me. grateful for the love you showed me i had. grateful for the experiences and the memories but still fine with your departure.
maybe i’m wrong. i do love you. but it’s no longer the same kind of love.
in my spiritual awakening era
don’t mind me i’m just high
What is life;
i think hell is earth and the meaning of life is to find heaven in hell. Whatever that is for you.
The world is so sick and twisted and disgusting and it’s only getting worse. How is this not hell. I think finding inner peace is life’s purpose. Because to be spiritual and have inner peace is heaven. It’s like putting on rose coloured glasses. And then maybe after, if we achieved life purpose, we will ascend to whatever else is there for us after life.
Yep , that’s it.
how’s it going to end ?
if i was really bout it i would’ve been gone , we thank the universe i can heal.
i’m manifesting him back idc
making sure i put time and concentration into the way i look this year.
Doing the full getting ready process and keeping my room tidy.
Putting time and effort into your appearance is key in confidence, attraction and more
just went out and got completely ignored by a boy i actually liked.
had to watch as he talked to other girls LOL
guys like am i actually ugly ? i’ve only had one actual romantic interest in my whole 19 years of life.
i’ve gone through my whole life living though other people and their stories and their movie lifestyles because absolutely nothing goes on with me. I have no story to tell about myself. No sneaky link , no crazy ex or clingy bf, no heartbreak and no love. And i know this post is making it so dramatic because i promise i don’t think about this all the time but when i do i can’t do anything but just start crying because i just stay to question everything about myself.
Like i would actually say i’m a pretty girl but am i just being delusional. As much as we hate to admit beauty is heavily influenced by the opinions of men so no matter how much my friends try to convince me i’m pretty i don’t think i’ll ever believe it. Because they go out and get approached by multiple guys and i stand there and watch, and they always have stories to tell and i have none. Like how am i supposed to believe them when i’ve seen how pretty girls are treated.
Sorry long post but i really just want to get this off my chest.
And then i think is it cause i’m tall and skinny and a black girl… like i’ve just got 3 traits people don’t see as ideal put together. Yes i know black girls are soooo beautiful but there is no point denying that there is a stronger attraction to girls with fairer skin within the community i grew up in. When i was growing up i would religiously listen to shrink subliminals because i hated being taller than all the boys. I’ve struggled with body image all my life too because of when i look in the mirror i somehow think my waist and rib cage aren’t small enough and my hips aren’t wide enough and i need bigger boobs and shorter legs and clearer skin and not to have a fucking outie for a belly button !! like i can’t even imagine being intimate with someone because of how much i hate the way my body looks
but guys that’s not even the point like i spend so much time getting ready to go out and then i’m practically invisible for the whole night. Literally every single time boys come up to my friends and i’m just the duff. And i promise you i don’t want to sound like a hater my friends are so beautiful and deserve the attention they receive but it just hurts sometimes
