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Personal Vent Account

[70sgardenhippie]

I finally heard all of the shit my mother talks about me. Yesterday I was supposed to go somewhere but didn't so I was just hanging out in my room. My mother and grandmother thought I was gone so they started saying terrible shit. Like how I had certain motives when i went to the psychward a few years ago. Like how ill never do anything in life. That I shouldn't do what I want at a local college because they've never heard me talk about it. My mother mocked me too. I just don't get what I did wrong for both of my parents to hate me.

[70sgardenhippie]

Sometimes I think I'm gonna die before I find someone who actually loves me. Everyone around me is in a relationship, not me though. I never have been either.

I just want one person to look at me and tell me they love me and that I'm beautiful but I know that's not true and won't happen

[70sgardenhippie]

It's such a weird feeling having no one. I don't have real friends. No one to vent or just talk to. Like I'm almost 21 and still don't have actual friends. It's kinda pathetic.

I mean I have an internet friend but even then I can't see him in person or even talk about him to anyone. It's a massive secret and I hate it.

[70sgardenhippie]

I can't do this life shit anymore

It's fucking pointless

Everyone leaves

I push away the people that don't leave

[70sgardenhippie]

I can feel myself getting worse. I'm disappointed in myself for letting it get bad again. It makes me wanna self harm again. I've been self harm free for 50 days but I don't see it lasting much longer. I'll eventually just give up like always

[70sgardenhippie]

I need someone to encourage me to hurt myself. I need someone to tell me to cut deeper, to take all of my medication at once, to do something stupid that would fuck me up