@77389 - Tumblr Blog

Hello party people!! How is everybody??

Gorky Street in the evening (Moscow, 1982)

I can’t help but wonder if I’ve failed myself in all respects.

Of course, I’m struggling with getting a new job and progressing professionally (Electricite de France Renewables will probably not be hiring me) but I think part of it is I haven’t continued to educate myself in a manner to position myself for growth.

Socially...I’ve noticed that my local group of friends seems to have gotten awfully small. And I’m worried about my (local) best friend Niko and his husband Steve leaving sooner rather than later. Not to mention it never seems that my other two closest friends, John and Ed, take initiative to hang out, it’s always me who has to get everything planned. And of course, I no longer have the empathy bandwidth to hang out with Asad as his life seems to be a series of misfortunes - even thinking of hanging out with him is draining my energy.

Physically I think that I”m on the upswing but it feels way too slow. I’ve lost 12 pounds (have about 18 - 28 more pounds of fat I’d like to lose) but my running is just not where I want it to be!! Of course, part of that is the climate - everybody is slower in summer in Houston.

Emotionally I find myself prone to mood swings or emotions just bubbling intensely under the surface. Maybe nothing dramatic (as I don’t know how other people are) but they feel quite dramatic for how I was compared to my early 20s and earlier.

The one good thing I can say is that I’m trying to improve: lose weight, get faster, I started an online course on global procurement and sourcing, and am still looking for jobs, and I am also going to start volunteering consistently again t the Houston Food Bank. But gosh it feels like it’s going to be a very uphill, long struggle and I am not the type of person to be resilient and slog through things.

It’s so interesting to see the mismatch between my dad’s assesment of my capabilities and what I should ask for in terms of money versus what my fellow colleagues are getting.

Both colleagues were recruited by headhunters for other companies and will be getting twice the money that they are earning here. However my dad thinks asking for 20 - 30% increase in pay at my next job will be a stretch for me.

ADDENDUM: Also I think my a big part of my lack of belief in my abilities is probably from internalizing what my dad has told me over the years. This just hit me and It’s very upsetting. I just wanna go cry in the restroom at work. I’d like to be grateful to my dad for everything he’s done for me but...ugh. I can still remember my dad telling me I’m going to end up flipping patties at Burger King when it seemed like I wasn’t going to get my job which I have now. That hurt.

thetriumphofpostmodernism

Chong Hua Sheng Mu Holy Palace, Houston, Texas, 1996

77389

Haven’t been to this abandoned temple in a couple years...I wonder how if anything has changed.

mapsontheweb

Most Purchased Caffeine Beverage By Country.

Jeff’s been on my mind a lot these last two days 😕 as I was telling a friend in Iowa, my home feels empty, with lingering memories of us talking and cooking or us tangled up on my futon watching bad horror movies. It makes solitude turn into loneliness

mapsontheweb

What do people in the EU feel most attached to - their region, their country, or Europe? Results from a survey of EU countries.

by @sundellviz

This field that I used to drive by twice a day for years on the way to and from work to my parents’ house, is one of my favorite sights in the rapidly developing exurbs north of Houston. Sometimes on winter mornings a thick layer of fog will hang above it. To me, hailing from the Midwest, there is something so quintessentially Southern about it, with the live oak trees and the Spanish moss. Southeast Texas is not a place of dramatic or beautiful scenery so this field is one of the most beautiful things to me, and really gave a sense of place.

I’m sad and resigned to the fact that it’s only a matter of time before residential developers buy the lot and build. But before that happens I finally took a few shots on film so that I may remember it as it was.