it frustrates me how some confuse SU’s message of “everyone has the capacity to change” as being the Exact Same as saying every victim in any interpersonal relationship has to forgive, no matter how imbalanced or abusive.
so let me make the distinction for you.
there are relationships that end in the show. rose left the diamonds, lapis and jasper fell apart, greg ran away from his parents, sour cream did not reconnect with his biological father. i’ve yet to see any of these characters be forced to make it up, or told that it was invalid for them to leave. the show has never said that. steven has never said that.
if steven ever wanted to escape from someone and had to learn the lesson that he’s being a Meanie for doing so, that would be a valid take. that is something that a lot of media pushes. but in SU, that’s just not the case.
SU never said you have to forgive your abuser / mutually toxic partner / parental figure. it doesn’t want complacency. it thoroughly supports breaking toxic status quos. it’s just said that those people, even yourself (!!!), can become less toxic. even if you’re not responsible for changing others. that’s the distinction.
basically, even if nobody is obligated to forgive whoever hurt them, that doesn’t mean that the hurtful person in question has no chance to get better.
the diamonds ruined their relationship with pink. they can never get her back. but even without her, they can still grow as people. that’s it. that’s the message.
it’s never conflated that with people being forced to stay in relationships they don’t want. the show is fully able to balance “there being hope for everyone” and “victims get to make their own choices regarding how they feel about the people who hurt them”. imagine that!
rose chose her found family. as did greg. as did peridot, who was never made to heal yellow diamond. as did lapis, who was never made to heal blue. the show is pretty consistent with this. characters realizing “i’ve screwed up with you, i’m gonna work on myself” is pretty common - as spinel puts it herself.
there are people who work on relationships with people who have hurt them - like steven - but that’s generally framed as his choice. and it’s a choice he’s often discouraged from. “no steven, let’s just bubble them”. “no steven, that’s dangerous”. “no steven, you can’t help them”.
so it’s no wonder that part of steven finding his voice is about “yes, actually. i can and will try to connect with people. you can’t stop me”.
because SU is pretty great at balancing this, none of this interferes with the message where the structural institutions and beliefs of society is the toxin, and the people who have been influenced by those societal norms are not “beyond saving”. heck, they compliment each other! you can reform people, and society as a whole, without pressuring individual victims to be there for their abusers.
SU knows that - it just doesn’t let these individual connections be the end-all, be-all in whether society and the people within them can reform. that’s part of its brand of structuralism. people are shaped by overarching social systems, and those people can change regardless of an individualistic “does the victim forgive or not” lens. they can always work on themselves, and there is healing to be found in trying your best to grow and questioning social norms.
i think that’s an important message.
it’s yknow… good to tell toxic people that if they change, it’s not gonna depend on whether their victims are there to support them. they should never feel entitled to them. and if you want toxic attitudes to change on a societal level, you should never leave that responsibility to individuals.
sending those signals matters, even if you think you’ve never needed to change.
it’s just that the show isn’t so bland as to think the audience needs to be told, to their face, that “people have the capacity to change” isn’t the same thing as “you, personally, have to forgive them”. that’s not a mindblowing revelation. it’s something they just… show. rose wasn’t made to be the diamonds’ life coach. greg was never shamed for going his own way.
then again, the people who think SU says they “have to” forgive have never been subtle about not wanting anyone to be forgiving. even if it’s their choice.
you’re not mad at the show for “forcing you to forgive”. it doesn’t. you’re mad people are given the chance to heal at all. similarly, steven isn’t forced to forgive, that’s his choice. you’re mad he chooses to be himself.
