Help Lmao @a-confused-loser-venting - Tumblr Blog

ive been thinking a bit and tbh i just might be a straight woman. its nice being in queer spaces and understanding everyone but at this point i’ll probably die being this way and being seen this way. maybe im demi idk but it doesnt matter if im still just a cis girl who likes men. im sorry.

very foolish of me thinking that i could love someone and be loved back lol

we broke up. lol.

guys look what i did last night

#ignore the dirt and lint my room is dirty #chiikawa #chiikawa plushie #hand stitching #felt crafts #crafts #felt keychains #felt project #felt #felt animals #felt plushie #felt art #feltingart #stitchcraft #hand sewing #sewing #plush animals #plush toy #plushblr

Valentine - Laufey

#best way i can describe this relationship tbh

a-confused-loser-venting

im kinda glad im aromantic cause everyone is genuinely so miserable dating.

a-confused-loser-venting

how the tables turned

#fr if you told me hey i know you been finding a lot being aro and its really confusing but hey your best #your childhood best friend will actually confess to you in like 3 years and except of being weirded out and distant #your actually going to like him a lot and be excited and have feelings #so like is okay identifying like this #this was a process of self discovery and this is a new discovery #i wouldve never believed you

tw. sexual stuff

so… something happened last night.

i went to a hang out with some friends last night, one of them being my childhood best friend who probably is the most who knows very sensitive things about me. i have shared with him a lot of stuff, especially that im aromantic and probably demiasexual and he accepted it completely, understanding that even if it’s something he doesnt get, its how i identify and doesnt change the fact that we are less than friends.

ill admit im very clingy to him. i like being with him, annoying him, getting annoyed back and sharing interest in things. we were always showing care physically, mostly through platonic hugs and cheek kisses, something i always recognized as friends. despite that, i sometimes had thoughts of him, thoughts were i desired him and he desired me back.

however, i always put a wall that could never be crossed. he has described me like a cousin before, has fallen in love with some of my friends before and has been so honest of his type i would never imagined that he will be interested in me. we are just friends, is what i thought and kept it that way.

however, last night when he dropped me off home, i brought him inside so he can have some water, and when he was about to leave, our hug was… different. it was especially long, we couldn’t let go and we traced each other’s hands around each others arms, back and waist. it was then he asked me if there could be a possibility to become more than friends.

i was shocked and like… HUH. where is this coming from?? but we talked as we stood there, then went inside to talk more. he explained he had some lingering feelings for a while, that we could try to do stuff, hang out, see where it gets us. then he offered if he can kiss me, i accepted and… wow.

after that we admit we were going overboard and fast with making out, dry humping, being shirtless and all. it was the first time seeing each other this way, in fact, it was my FIRST TIME EVERYTHING. yet, i never felt uncomfortable. i didnt mind it was him, i didnt mind that i was kissing him, i didnt mind he was practically feeling me everywhere. the way we acted was nice too, it was sensual and the occasional banter that we had with each other (cause i was very nervous and needed do give him some jabs) was relieving, like i can still be myself with him and he accepts it.

i only got uncomfortable when it seemed it was going to go THAT far. i stopped him, he listened and made sure i was comfortable again. accepted my boundaries and we compromised together on finishing in a safe way.

he was gentle when he needed to be and a bit of a freak that turned me on a lot. i keep remembering his face, how he cupped my face at times, how he complimented me w lot, that stupid cute smile he gave me. i was happy doing this with him and happy giving him pleasure despite being scared that i was doing something wrong.

the next day, idk how to act. i barely slept last night and have been feeling so restless i haven’t done anything today. my heart keeps beating fast and i have this stupid stomach ache thats been bothering me all day. despite how exhilarating and happy i was last night im also very nervous. this us my best friend, someone i cared about for years and one of my closest. i dont know how to really work in relationships, i mean i am a fucking weirdo, and i worry that ill just disappoint him in many ways. we still have to talk about well what exactly he wanted but ill admit i never felt such a desire to be with someone until now.

maybe im insane, idk. i really cant tell what to think now or what to be sure about. i still care about him and idk how things are gonna change now. idk if we are fuck buddies now, or if he regrets it and doesnt want to anymore or if he does want something serious. he was very assuring last night but we promised each other that we will be honest with one another and have a lot of communication. im just not sure if things will go well.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aromantic allosexual #arospec #actually aro #aromantic spectrum #aromanticism #aroace #asexual #ace #aspec #a spectrum #asexual spectrum #aceallo #acearo #acespec #a spec #relationship

im kinda glad im aromantic cause everyone is genuinely so miserable dating.

update.

pride was so cool and i had so much fun

has anyone ever felt not “queer enough” for pride. my friend invited me to a pride parade for tomorrow and i would definitely join them but idk if its right for me to do so.

despite identifying as non-binary and aromantic i sometimes feel like im not really queer enough to be part of the community.

on the outside i look like a cis girl and in truth i am not “gay enough”. but i still want to go cause this is something i know my friend cares about and she’s sweet enough to always consider me part of the community and wants to have this experience of marching with me besides her.

not to long ago, i talked about my professor in intercultural experiences and i gently mentioned about how my identity is very “small” to be represented and so i sometimes dont manage to put myself out there in society cause im still viewed as a girl and of course barely anyone understands what being aromantic is.

but she told me that i should accept more my identity so that i could be able to not only have relationships with others but with myself too.

so idk. im trying to find anyone who is able to relate so that i could have a piece of mind…

i am the original starwalker

i genuienly can’t understand the concept of someone genuinely loving me despite wishing for it.

despite wishing to be their one, to be someone they can rely on, who would prioritize me, someone who would be patient and understand me, who they have no one to replace me over, i still cant really conceptualize that will happen to me.

it seems foreign for me to happen.

#vent

i think i have to join a religion or something to stop wishing for a relationship.

#aromantic #aro #aromantism #aroace #asexual #aromanticism #ace #aspec #a spectrum #vent

im starting to come to the conclusion that i might kill myself in the future.

is not a big deal and i doubt it will be doing anything soon but its a big probability.

i just hope i dont fail as much as i always do already.

a-confused-loser-venting

im deleting some pictures from my gallery and seeing pictures of this guy that i was friends with and for a whole semester we were a “will they wont they?” that i didnt even want it to happen.

this all happened when i was coming to terms that im aromantic and my earlier posts have been about him. despite telling him and rejecting him much earlier on, he didnt want to let go of me and latched on to the possibility that if he hangs out with me enough ill change my mind.

im seeing pictures where we used to hang out, we used to laugh, go out to places and have fun. and despite always seeing it as just hanging out he, reasonably, had the idea that this was it, ill surely love him.

and that didnt happen, actually, the more time passed the more it got worst because of me.

i started seeing him as annoying and exhausting, and because i cant blame him for falling in love it made me feel like shit.

idk if it was necessary for us to separate. if anything i know we cant go back to how it used to be because we tried recently and one night solidified we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives anymore.

idk, i do wonder if i was normal if i was going to like him either way. if i was going to be his girlfriend (we actually tried dating because i was pushed into a corner and said yes cause i was tired but broke up quickly cause i became more distant than he expected).

i actually wonder, if i did enjoy my time with him why is it that i still didnt like him? why is it that i felt relieved when i didnt have to deal with him? is it cause im aro and selfish? maybe. idk.

a-confused-loser-venting

also here’s a comic i found from early 2023, might be relevant

#aroallo #alloace #alloaro #asexual spectrum #arospec #actually aro #amatonormativity