I suspect that I'll probably always have meltdowns. I'm learning to control them a bit, reign in my volume and gestures, disrupt the spiral to shorten the duration, and find space alone to flail and do things to calm my nervous system. And I certainly have had way fewer since I started my ADHD medication and Prozac.
But I'm pretty sure that my best case scenario is my meltdowns don't impact anyone else. Fully internalized, silent meltdowns, unless/until I'm in private.
Physically I think I can manage that.
Emotionally it feels really sad and lonely.
You can't expect anyone to want to be in the same space as a crying, flailing adult. It's not fair to ask. At the very least, anyone I'd feel comfortable asking can't provide that support.
But all I want when I'm in that state is non judgemental company. I want a hug. I want help.
I'm having a lot of heartache trying to square those two things. I wish I wasn't so intense.