W.

[a-gothamites-guide]

An Introduction

Hey all, call me W. Been seeing a whole lot of (idiotic) people saying they’re thinking of moving to Gotham lately, and while I know a lot of you are joking, for those that aren’t I’ve decided to make a lovely little guide for you all, with a few explanations for each rule. For a little context, I moved over here from Washington, I know what you’re gonna be dealing with when moving in.

So, yeah! Thanks for dropping by! I’ll try to keep updating, maybe with some life stuff if y’all are interested. Have a good one!

[a-gothamites-guide]

Rules #6-10, dealing with the general families.

Hey, W. here. Been a little while, got tangled up in something involving a couple of powerful individuals who I’d prefer not to name for now, so let’s talk about the more… normal side of crime here. While the Freaks are very well known outside of this hellhole, the Falcones, the Maronis, Sionis, the Irish, and so many others were here long before they started crawling through the woodworks. Sure, the Freaks are the dominant ones here, but the old still holds some sway.

Rule #6: Don’t borrow money from anyone, no matter what, you don’t know what ties they have. Having your knees broken ain’t fun, just get a job at Wayne Corp.

Rule #7: You don’t laugh even remotely near Cobblepott unless he tells a joke, you never know if he’s listening or knows the context.

Rule #8: Stay away from Coventry, that’s Sionis’s turf. While he is a boss, he’s also a Freak. Trust me, mind control ain’t fun. 

Rule #9: Avoid the Iceberg Lounge, place is rigged.

Rule #10: Unless you got a death wish, you don’t talk about Alberto Falcone or Joey Stromwell in the Upper West Side or the Cauldron respectively. The Roman doesn’t like being reminded of the black spot on the rotted branch of his family tree and Stromwell takes any mention of his family as a threat.

[a-gothamites-guide]

Rules #1-5, the ground rules of Gotham.

Howdy, W. here, hope you’re all doing well. Guess I’m actually doing this shit, so y’all better be fucking greatful Rule #1: I could make an entirely separate update on why this rule is so important, so trust me when I say do NOT, under ANY circumstances, use the tap water for anything.

Rule #2: Treat every big villain in Gotham with a healthy amount of fear, you don’t wanna end up like Blackcrow.

Rule #3: Avoid damaging any and all plants unless absolutely necessary, and ALWAYS apologize right after. Knew a guy named Joey, once. Neat guy, into software. Heavy smoker, though. He had a houseplant, neglected it, it got smoke damaged. Ivy broke out of Arkham, overgrew Coventry, and… Well, let’s just say you’d be surprised how strong 3 inch thick vines are.

Rule #4: Do all business in the day if possible. The Bat’s more active at night for a reason, best not to look into it. Rule #5: If you heard talk about a place called “My Alibi”, no you didn’t (unless you’re looking into a very specific career). That’s it for now, better engrain these in your head. Till next time, stay safe, keep your guns trained at the door, and stay away from the tap water. -W.