I find relationships so tiring (of any kind, not just romantic)
even in my closest friendships, I feel like I am not doing enough, not paying attention well, not prioritizing others... and I am still having fun, it's just this constant feeling of never being good enough for that other person or doing something wrong (even unknowingly)
and I know. I am selfish, I can get very annoying with always wanting to be on time and extra-prepared for different situations, and I also wouldn't die for anyone. like ever.
I feel like something heavy and dark is standing on my chest and I just cannot seem to remove it
I keep messing up and I get more lost and lost. I feel like my twenties are just a slightly better, but in some aspects an even worse continuation of my teenage years... at least I am starting to look like what I had been imagining for years
maybe I should say less and think more, I'll really have to force myself to start doing that
so yeah, let's not cry today.
