A-Lone-Star-Gazer

Just a blog where I am trying to share my work. although I dont work much...:p

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Journal Entry #6

I hate being an adult, I hate it , I wish I were small again. Hoping for a bright future.

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Journal entry#5

From my childhood, I was given no choice to love anything. Games, dancing, singing, travelling, friends, spending time with relatives .. I was never allowed to do them.

The only option given to me was studying. And I studied. I studied and studied. I got a good job. I am happy. I should be happy right. But no, I am not happy. I want to cry. I am depressed.   I want to run away. I want to live on my own. If this life goes on, I am afraid, I will die some day. Not literally, but in all the ways that matter to me.

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When he was gone...

He came into my life like a gentle wind, healed me, but left me as a wreck while leaving..

Thanks to him, I was able to live through storms. Thanks to him, I was able to know that people do love me. Thanks to him, I got to know myself. Thanks to him, I was able to smile. Thanks to him, I was able to love again. I know someday, far in the future, I would see him again.

God, if I die, let me go to a place where he is. Let us be together at least in heaven.

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Journal entry#4

I thought those who try to cut their arms with depression are awful. How would a person can cut their arms, I thought it was due to the effect movies have on people, a fad.

But no, I think they do it because they are empty, so empty that only pain can fill their mind, only pain can envelop their all senses, and they don’t feel empty again. 

They do it because they think that physical pain somehow will lessen the pain in their heart. Somehow their mind would focus on the injury they have and not the emptiness in their heart.

They do it because they hate themselves, they feel they should be miserable. They deserve the pain they are getting. 

They do it because of the confusion, because they are lost and they can't find a way. 

They do it because they blame themselves for the things that are happening in their life which are beyond their control. For the mess they made of their life. It is probably true. 

They do it because next morning when they wake up, they forget everything and begins life anew, Pain is the only reminder which helps them remember what it was like. The only reminder to keep oneself miserable. A punishment for the things they have done. 

I know it because I have done it too..

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Journal entry#3

The fear of failure clipped my wings And lo! I cannot fly… May be one day, I will die like this, On a plain day, going to office My works unread My voice unheard My story unknown While I lay forgotten.

I know it’s pathetic.  But I am too tired to make an effort..

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Journal entry #2

I wanted to do many things. I wanted to write something for weeks. I want to type, till my fingers wore off. I want to run, till my legs can't take me any further I want to shout till I hear my voice echoed from the mountains. I want to read till my eyes fall off. More importantly, I wanted to run away from this place where I was not allowed to do things my way. To run away, to not exist

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Journal entry#1

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The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.

Achilles

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Expecting the unattainable...

You are hurting me lyra..

our every message.. Every word I hear from you.. Even the very thought of you ..

It hurts.. I want to cry.. I just want to lay curled up and cry..

Perhaps it was wrong of me to expect something from you. Perhaps I should not have kept hopes..

But I did and it hurts.. I love you and it hurts.. I am a fool and it hurts… I am sorry for writing this… But it hurts and I don’t know how to express it other than writing… You know what, I am happy that I wrote.. even though you may never read it..

A lone star gazer

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What does a broken heart need?

What does a broken heart need?

I dreamt of an impossible future

Where I smiled without care and slept without dreams..

I wished that the dream would last an eternity

For in that dream, I was young again..

For in that dream, you were beside me..

For in that dream, we are still together..

For in that dream, I slept without dreams.

And what more does a broken heart need,?

Except a peaceful sleep without dreams...

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And she waited...

Like trees wait for spring....

In a never ending winter....

Myself