Maaf maaf...
One Nice Bug Per Day
Xuebing Du

Kiana Khansmith

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oozey mess
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@a-misanthropist
Maaf maaf...
I am sorry I am sorry... maafin aku... maaf...
Perhaps the first kindness would have been not meeting you.
Us.
.
Right?
.
Two strangers passing like quiet trains in the night— no names exchanged, no story begun.
I mistook stillness for mercy. Thought if I kept the air unbroken, no storms would rise.
So I folded my words away, left the rooms of us undisturbed.
For I never summon breeze, only hurricanes.
.
I did not know silence has its own sharp edges, that unanswered days can ache louder than fights.
Somewhere along the quiet, you were carrying the weight of things I never said.
And I was wrong; thinking calm meant gentle, was slowly wounding you without a sound.
If regret could travel backward it would stop us at the beginning: two strangers again, untouched by the quiet harm of knowing me.
(I am sorry you found me.)
I am sorry, I am sorry.
I am sorry I was wrong.
I am wrong...
This world is funny.
Turn left, and I wound someone.
Turn right, and I betray another.
From every window of the world, a different story is told:
and in each one,
I am the villain.
And, ah — if this makes you relieved,
Even in world afterlife,
the God as jury will nod and say,
Yes.
Burn her, she's the villain.
. . .
Hands up, Lord, I confess to everything.
That, I better be silent.
For another arguments would only lead to another fights.
I don't wanna fight anymore...
Amaldus Clarin Nielsen - "Evening Mood" (1883)
If you haven't heard, the em dash has been getting a lot of attention lately…
Because it was trained on pirated work—including freely accessible online writing (like fanfic, academic texts)—ChatGPT picked up patterns and quirks native to human writing.
Including (sigh) the em dash.
There are other victims here (RIP tapestry and delve 🫠), but the appropriation of the em dash—a punctuation mark beloved by writers everywhere—feels especially personal.
A kind of low-grade panic is ensuing. Writers who once memed their own em dash overuse—the greatest punctuation mark ever to grace the control-freak’s lexicon, frankly—are suddenly backing away to avoid accusations.
No. More. We have centuries of dash-abusing writers behind us. We will not sit quietly while AI repurposes our beloved stilted aside—or the just-one-more clarification the sentence demands—or the dramatic pause your comma could never—etc.
You don’t write like AI—AI writes like you.
Defend the em dash.
(Feel free to download/share/stick it where it matters!)
Babbling.
These few months, I've been telling Dea to continue journaling. To structure, organize & let out feelings. I kept writing on my notes sometimes, but its a bit burdensome to type on such small device on smartphone.
When things get too heavy, I think I need my laptop back. Right? Typing on keyboard is always bringing back nostalgia feelings.
(—and lately, we are talking about childhood times that strangely similar in a way.)
I like how she said, "channeling feelings."
Then this morning I shed a tear.
Because I used to say "tunnel" to describe how I feel like I am at. The word channeling feeling sounds like a way out I've been longing to hear. It emphasizes that tunnel is not a place where you are trapped, but a path to cross: a channel.
She didn't mean it that way. She said it in different context, but the words running around in my head... then touches my heart.
A tunnel is a channel.
Talking to her is sometimes trashy because we talked about trivial things so much, but when the curtain closed, I can understand where this is all coming from.
(Mungkin kesimpulannya, jangan masukin anak ke FISIP. Hah...)
28-02-2021
A picture from instagram
Uh.
Lama sekali berhentinya?
Aku menghela napas panjang. Bosan. Pandanganku terarah pada ventilasi yang menghubungkan kamar mandi dan dunia luar. Mataku menyipit. Silau. Siang itu matahari bersinar terik sekali...
Ah...
Dia di sana. Tersenyum. Hehe.
Refleks, aku mengulas satu senyum yang sama. Tertular senyumnya. Punggungku kusandarkan ke bak mandi. Dingin, tapi aku tidak merasakan apa-apa. Hatiku hangat... sebenarnya, kebahagiaanku begitu sederhana, tidakkah? Tapi kenapa di sisi yang sama, sukar sekali untuk kuraih dalam genggaman? Jemariku menekan kolom komentar, scrolling satu per satu komentar dari teman-temannya yang menurutku lucu. Tiba-tiba matahari terasa sangat cerah dan menyenangkan. Uh. Aku mencoba berdiri dengan bertopangkan pada keran kamar mandi. Dengan tertatih bangkit dan mencuci pergelangan tanganku di wastafel. Bodoh. Kenapa aku melakukan ini?
Hari itu, dia memberiku semangat hidup.
Malam itu, aku tidur dengan senyum mengembang lebar.
Sayangnya, kebahagiaan memang tidak bertahan lama.
The day after, the cycle repeats.
Bedanya, hari itu dia tidak mengunggah foto apa-apa.
Ah... gelap.
Sekarangkah saatnya?
albert einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. i guess i am insane then, according to the words of a genius. because that is what i am doing… holding out hope for a step you won’t take, a relationship that won’t bloom, a love that won’t exist. and it won’t. i know that. and yet i am stuck. i know what will happen tomorrow because i have lived it every day since i met you: i will wake up and i will do the same thing and the same thing will happen. but i can’t change. and i can’t let you go, either. so i guess i am insane.
50 pieces in 50 days #2 - afternights (via afternights)
‘Why do you buy books you don’t even read?’ our daughter asks us. That’s like asking someone who lives alone why they bought a cat. For company, of course.
Sarah Addison Allen (via listentothestories)
There has to be a moment at the beginning when you wonder whether you’re in love with the person or in love with the feeling of love itself.
David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary (via wordsnquotes)
wow, this is so strong.
in order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ( p a n s y p a r k i n s o n )
I won’t betray Hermione, but Pansy wasn’t that bad.
so funny :”(
It’s
a trial.