Things That Happened

Everything posted here actually happened as described

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Russian folk crafts include Fabergé eggs, Matroyshka dolls, and the far less popular  Fabergé Matroyshka  doll.

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“I have the right to open carry. The 2nd Amendment applies to ALL US Citizens, not just the humans.  The only way to stop a bad chicken with a gun is a good chicken with a gun.”  - This Chicken

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Crawfish are confirmed LGBT allies let your friends know

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It’s the official Jordan Peterson rug!

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When they say sugary drinks are killing our children, they mean it. You may think your kid is safe because they drink tons of soda and haven’t developed diabetes or heart troubles. They’re not.  Just when you least expect it a tin of pop will show up out of nowhere and you’ll find your child dead of a crossbow bolt. Help bring soft drink manufacturers to justice

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Did you know:  Ducks are not animals. They are a particularly aggressive form of algae, and the only form capable of flight.

(Sorry, Facts-I-Just-Made-Up)

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Standing 24/7/365 gets pretty tiring.  Sometimes a building just needs a nap, you know?

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Be very careful where you decide to pass wind in Europe. Even similar sounds in public areas can cause trouble. I blew a raspberry in Berlin once and got a very stern talking to from the Polizei. 

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The sexual position known as “Reverse Cowgirl” actually started in the old days of The Rodeo. The “Rough Stock” competitions refer to the events usually involving broncs or bulls. These are often testing strength or skill, requiring both to ride or rope a bronc or bull. There used to be more events under the Rough Stock category, many of which were abandoned due to risk of injury. Among them was the “Reverse Rough Stock,” as pictured here.

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Be careful what you do with your cigarette butts. The birds are getting cancer,

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While the most trusted portal directly to Hell is in the Karakum Desert, having stayed open for over 40 years, it’s entirely possible to make one yourself. All you have to do is bury somebody particularly evil, and drop the last pile of dirt at the stroke of midnight. Having competed this task, Satan will reach up and claim the buried personally.  Be careful when visiting Hell, as it can be very difficult to find your way back, and if you chose the wrong area you might find yourself on the hook for arson if you make it.

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Anonymity is Important

i’m not here to name, fame, or shame any person, place, or thing. I’m just here to explain what happened. If you send me a picture, all (I repeat, ALL) identities WILL be obscured.

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Not only is Spider-Man much smaller than you’d expect in real life, but he also has to wear shoes to formal events, lest the carpeting stick to his feet. (Spider-Man’s face uncensored because his identity is already obscured)

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One of my neighbours moved recently, leaving their old mattress out on the pavement. They stopped me on the street and asked for a quarter to make a phone call. I was able to give up two dimes and a nickel, and that mattress phoned their family only to find out they had been replaced.  Please, show some respect for your local homeless mattress. 

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The beautiful cake from this year’s Psychiatrist’s convention was almost ruined when Dr.█ █ █ mistook it for a real couch whilst drunk and thought he might have a short nap. Thankfully he was stopped before doing so and the cake was enjoyed by the rest of the staff.

[bubbakanoosh]

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It is common practice in some east Asian countries to include animal penises in the brewing process. This is believed to provide vitality to the drinker. However, while usual penis wines use the genitalia of deer or seals, Magical Penis Wine uses the penises from unicorns, dragons, and other creatures of a magical variety. This increases the drinker’s intelligence, wisdom, and charisma, rather than their vitality.

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My cat has some severe issues with her body hair, I learned today as I was looking for my tweezers. Please, if you see your cat going for the tweezers, remind them they’re beautiful just the way they are.

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Reminder: ALL identities WILL be obscured in photos submitted for me to explain. I’m not here to fame or shame any person, animal, or thing. I’m just here to tell you how it happened.