H3lloooo. I like ur blog. Can u talk about NRE? My bf just started seeing someone and im happy for him, but that is all he talks about, he's always texting them. He sees them a lot. I never felt so lonely in our relationship before.
I think it's important to remember that NRE - New Relationship Energy - is like a drug! There's a whole bunch of happy chemicals that happen in the beginning of relationships that heighten attraction, increase motivation, and make you want to seek out your new partner again and again. It's the same reward system involved in novelty and anticipation, which is why one may find themself constantly thinking about them, craving their attention, and feeling like they're the most fascinating person they've ever met. In many ways, NRE temporarily hijacks your brain's ability to think objectively.
Given enough time, things will level out and won't be quite as intense.
As the person dealing with NRE the best advice is to maintain consistent schedules. Make sure you're maintaining time with your other relationships, aren't neglecting responsibilities, and monitoring how much attention is going into the new relationship. As the Hinge it is our responsibility to manage the NRE and make sure we're treating all of our relationships equitably - ensuring every partner is getting the time and attention agreed to.
As the partner of someone in the thralls in NRE, it can be HARD to watch! Whenever a new partner comes into the picture it often shines a light on things your current relationship may be lacking. This can lead to anxiety and insecurities that often lead to wanting to control.
My first suggestion is to be patient and keep yourself busy. Staying busy helps with getting through all difficult feelings, especially if you're feeling lonely. This too shall pass! NRE can last a long time, but it won't last forever!
The second suggestion is the same in any relationship - communicate communicate communicate! Tell your partner you're feeling neglected, that you aren't getting as much time or attention as you'd like to maintain your connection. (Do it without blaming them, or their new partner. The best conversations happen when all parties remain open and curious about each other.) Negotiate possible solutions. I like texting when we're a part, words of affirmation, and making short and long term plans. Have a regularly scheduled date night, especially if it's a long term relationship where you fall into mundane patterns. Remember, quantity of time is not the same as quality time. It's also ok to set boundaries around conversations about other partners. "I'm happy for you, but I'd like to focus on us now." Not everyone wants to know the details of dates, or of their Metamours.
Your partner may not do any of this perfectly, it's all a learning experience! Again try to be patient and give them grace - NRE really is like a drug!
BUT! That doesn't mean you can't advocate for your relationship. It's better to assume your partner does want to improve this and give them the opportunity to do so instead of quietly waiting, making demands, trying to control, or assuming it's a lost cause. It we don't communicate we're losing our on the opportunity to grow together.
(There are situations where a partner will not or absolutely cannot, and that's when it may be worth considering a de-escalation of the relationship. I have ended many a relationship for not meeting the bare minimum to maintain it. It doesn't necessarily mean that person was "bad", they just weren't the person for me at that time.)
Wish you all the best! <3
