i am not ruined

i am ruination

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SRIJEDA 16:30

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daydreaming.

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“Let me hold that for you.”

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I NEED TO DISCUSS SOME THINGS

EXCUSE ME THAT ALLEYOOP IN THE BATHROOM??? IT’S GIVING “DID YOU ALSO WANT SOME PAPER TOWELS???”

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE BEER BOTTLE? LET ME HOLD THAT FOR you? NOW LET ME PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS POCKET??? I will lose my mind

“Careful, it’s the cops.” IVAN!!!!

WE’RE GETTING THE BACK TO MY PLACE SCENE ALREADYYYYY

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petak 21:32 + lovran

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utorak 09:59 👀

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subota 14:17

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četvrtak 00:00//sram s3e1

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I’m thinking about how Ilya is comfortable enough with Shane to break down in front of him and sob about his difficult family dynamic, something he always keeps so separate from his everyday personality. Thinking about how tenderly Shane holds Ilya as he’s vulnerable. How Shane is the person Ilya calls when he’s overwhelmed. How Ilya has such a soft side, how he’s brave enough to discreetly hold Shane’s hand on the beach. How they text each other constantly about both big and small things. How they’re soul mates. And I’m honestly not fine about all of it.

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Shane worrying about Ilya//Ilya giving him reason to worry

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tessellate: a playlist

///aka hollanov but make it angst

1. think of me///olivia lunny

///we’re at the same place at the same time. do you see me? i hope you do

2. drivers license///olivia rodrigo

///you’re probably with that blonde girl who always made me doubt

3. all the things she said///tatu

///i can try to pretend, i can try to forget, but it’s driving me mad, going out of my head

4. bitter///fletcher

///i know you think about me when you kiss her; left a taste in your mouth, can she taste me now?

5. contaminated///banks

///you said they’d be against us. i said you care too much what they say.

6. tessellate///baynk, tei shi

///how could you forget about me?

7. doing to me (stripped down)///astrid s

///we haven’t talked since you said you need time. but do you ever think what that feels like?

8. 2nd world (live)///hvob

///i hear you and you hear me; through the songs, we cannot be

9. vermissen///juju, henning may

///diese wohnung ist auf einmal so groß ohne dich (this apartment is suddenly so big without you)

10. that’s so true///gracie abrams

///what’d she do to get you off? taking down her hair like “oh my god”? taking off your shirt? i did that once or twice

11. tongue///maribou state, holly walker

///desire, like an illness, chokes me. you lit me up, so smoke me. you made it so obvious that you’re not in love

12. heather///conan gray

///she’s got you mesmerized while i die

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NOT OVER IT

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“stay.”

“okay.”

—the cause of my death 12.12.2025

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I’m throwing up (positive)

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Geno please I am going to die

(24.10.2025)

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Geno & Sid via Geno’s IG story 19.10.2025

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lord, thou hast blessed us aka ek and sid via the penguins’ IG 09.10.2025