i should have been asleep an hour ago but i keep thinking about white boys. so stupid. don't know but there's times i feel positively in awe of some guys. they seem so strong. charming. they don't even have to be that much older. nope even younger guys can be so confident and forward with me. some are really really really umf. wow. like a couple weeks ago this boy came in to fix some shit in the house. blond hair. blue eyes. strong. really strong. i tried to joke about my age a bit bc i wasn't going to lead him on or anything. he didn't really give a fuck. i could tell. he even complimented me and joked instead about getting with me. why didn't i take him up on that?! so stupid. i could have studied the curve of his thick cock that afternoon. ah. missed chance