fan

realizing the grace of God, fighting human depravity. life through my eyes.

[aaronnnn-blog]

i may be weak,

but your spirit’s strong in me.

my flesh may fail,

but my God, you never will.

[aaronnnn-blog]

I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.

Charles Spurgeon

[aaronnnn-blog]

Call us unto You, God. Let us answer, “let it be unto me” as Mary did. And if we miss Your voice Call us again We want to hear Your call. We want to respond with trust and expectation that You came to make the broken whole.

[aaronnnn-blog]

12.15.15 - sweepstakes.

yesterday, kudo walks in with an ad we received in the mail. it was one of those scratch and win cards from the local honda dealership, where matching numbers would award you a prize. apparently, we had matching numbers, and we won something. potentially a new car, an iPad, a tv… wow, this could totally fund our trip to harry potter world! i dunno. seems like a long shot, but we call and make the appointment for the next day anyway.

but then, kudo bails last minute (bc needed to study), so i decide to go down to the honda dealership to see what our purported prize is. i leave work at 4pm, earlier than usual, and i head down to the dealership at around 5:19 for the 5:30 appointment… but i hit traffic along the way. whoops. as i swag into the dealership at 5:39, i ask for charlie crosby, the man in charge. one of the workers leads me to an indoor tent where a large man (who is not charlie crosby) gets down to business (to defeat the huns) and starts asking me my name, number, and type of car i drive. i tell him the sob story about how i got rear ended and had to wait a month to get my car fixed and am still in the process of getting my money back. he nods his head and still tries to sell me a new car. typical. i respectfully decline and tell him to just give me my iPad. geez.

so it turns out that each prize has a different set of matching numbers, and our set of numbers was good for a spin on the prize wheel. not the iPad i was looking for, but hey, at least i can still walk out with some good stuff, right? i look at the wheel, and i see a few things: $20 service receipt, 2 gold coins, $50 cash monay, cruise tickets!!, and yeah. not bad. he tells me to go take a spin, so i go and do just that. the butterflies in my stomach are bashing against my transversus abdominis (that’s the inner wall of my thorax for you non-med types), and i’m just thinking about what glories and riches i could walk away with. i nonchalantly make small talk with the large man as the wheel begins to slow down. i try not to get excited, and i don’t look at the wheel. it gets slower and slower… and slower still. and as the ticker comes to a halt, i finally look.

2 gold coins.

that’s fancy-talk for $2. i won a freaking $2. whatever man. but i think the guy felt bad because he handed me a $20 coupon for any service job at the dealership. inside, i’m like, “dude, i don’t even have a honda. what is this.” but you know, at least i won something, right? that’s still pretty cool. so i walk out with my $20 coupon, feeling pretty good about myself.

[aaronnnn-blog]

12.08.15

cling to the LORD and the grace you have received, and you will never have to worry about how people receive your actions. we love others not to receive love, but because we have already received eternal, unconditional, undeserved love. encourage someone right now! find joy in this moment. you can choose to live right now.

[aaronnnn-blog]

It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.

CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

[aaronnnn-blog]

In Jesus, God himself stepped into our world, showing himself to our eyes and revealing himself to our minds. One moment, we were alone. The next, God was with us, incarnate deity, manifested in a birth that altered the fabric of reality for humankind. Those who knew Him told us this, because their hearts were burning with passion to proclaim that God had come to us out of love to save us.

[aaronnnn-blog]

This is what faith is all about. It’s about not having control, not knowing the outcome and not knowing the steps to get there. Rather, faith is reliance upon the One who does. It’s our faith that pleases God (Hebrews 11:6). God is actually pumped when we trust Him and relinquish our illusion of control.

Kary Oberbrunner

[aaronnnn-blog]

But the point of community is to get affirmation from spiritual brothers and sisters and leaders about those convictions, right?

[wayfaringmd]

How do you cope with the deaths of patients? Do you get "used to" it? (Apology if this is somewhat offensive, but I don't know how else to put it).

I’ve written a pretty thorough response to this in the past, but I’d like to elaborate on one part of my previous answer a little bit. 

I think the recent photo that has circulated of an ER doc kneeling in grief after losing a young patient illustrates a good point: unexpected deaths are the worst, especially deaths of young people or patients who you have an emotional connection to.

Two weeks ago I admitted a patient who I’ve cared for in the past, and within 6 hours of admission he was dead. We coded him twice before his family decided to stop all efforts. In Africa last year I stood beside the beds of three people while they died, and had many more of my patients there died when I wasn’t around. Those three who I stood beside were all young and otherwise healthy. Those are the kinds of deaths that you don’t get used to. 

The immediate response is to wonder what you missed, what you coulda shoulda woulda done to save them. You quickly come to the realization that you did all that you could and that if you had to do it again you would have done everything exactly the same way. Then you look back at your efforts and swell with pride about all the things you did to try to help them. You mourn their deaths and you move on to help the next patient.

Those sorts of deaths feel like injustices. Young people shouldn’t die. People who just got to the hospital shouldn’t die. But they do, despite our efforts sometimes. And there is no getting used to that. 

[aaronnnn-blog]

Lent offers the painful yet exquisite time to peer into our own god-designs. We can ask God to start dismantling our self-centered expectations of Him, so that we can experience his beautifying redemption evermore fully. Here we can remember that we are, like Judas, but dust, in need of a Savior beyond our own making.

[aaronnnn-blog]

"I am the vine, and you are the branches." In this I am, Jesus connects his disciples to himself. He is starkly exclusive—"apart from me you can do nothing”—because he is radically inclusive: “whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit." Jesus points to himself as the sole source of the kind of life that the Father desires in men and women. Only the Son of God could extend his life to us in such a way; only the Son made like us could enable us to bear fruit like him: righteous all the way down, justice instead of bloodshed, goodness unmistakably from God. And bearing abundant fruit like this glorifies the Father! (John 15:8)

Israel's history proved that outside the True Vine is only sour grapes and withered branches useful for nothing, no matter how good the seed or the land or how ardent the desire for fruit. Actually, I often find my own desires for fruit too meager, and therefore my own devices seem almost capable of producing the kind of fruit that will please God. I find my tastes too easily pleased with my own little cluster that at times looks good enough to eat, when God's vision is for the whole land to be entwined with life and sweetness. How laughable my own devices seem in that light! And how much more then should we his disciples long to be wrapped up in the words and love of Christ so that His Spirit will produce in us a rich harvest of what delights the Father, and so delights us as well.

[iraffiruse]

[aaronnnn-blog]

The practices of this Lenten season raise my awareness of my anxieties, fears, and habitual sins.  I sometimes find myself running in spiritually nervous circles because I don’t like what I’ve seen and heard in my own heart.  And so I need the guiding rod and comforting staff of this Good Shepherd who loved me so much that he laid down his life for me.  In His presence, I am assured that “all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well,” that the One who began a good work in me will bring it to completion (Phil 1:6).

[aaronnnn-blog]

Matthew 11:19

In thinking about how we can follow Jesus’ example, to build bridges of acceptance and love to those who are the outcasts of our communities, we need to see the places in our lives where we ourselves feel rejected, alone and not good enough. These feelings of shame and isolation distance us from Jesus and others. Yet, Jesus enters into our shame and loneliness, and his presence brings healing, freedom, and honor. It is in seeing our own brokenness that we can find the compassion, mercy, and acceptance that Jesus offers. As we experience his healing love and acceptance, we are able to offer this love and freedom to others in need.

[iphone5life-blog]

[lizclimo]

the dress.