gelato | lmk
plug!mark x fem!reader — friends to strangers to lovers ft. bestie renjun
summary: a high slip up cost you mark lee years ago, and you’ve spent years burying your memories of him ever since. the universe has other plans for you when your old friend starts a new career, smoking his way back into your life.
wc: 14.4k 18+ mdni
cw: angst, fluff, smut, smoking/weed use (do not interact if uncomfortable, seriously), a tiny bad trip, crying, dry humping, grinding, making out, fingering, unprotected pinv sex w pulling out, tenderrr love making, mutual pining, some jealousy, pet names: baby/love
“wait, that’s so good, what is this?” you take another drag of the joint your friend rolled to see if it would hit as smoothly as the first, and you’re pleased when the smoke goes down just right.
you look over to the man on the other side of the couch, frowning when you realize he isn’t paying attention. “jun?”
renjun looks up from his phone, eyes a little glossed over from his smoke session before you arrived. “what happened?”
you hand him the lit joint. “what did you put in that thing? it’s so good.”
he takes a long drag before grabbing a bag off of his coffee table and tossing it to you. “i know it’s good, i have good taste.”
you roll your eyes at this, studying the bag that landed on your lap. it’s from a brand unfamiliar to you, and you can’t seem to find where it lists the strain name.
“where did you get this? never seen this brand before,” you ask.
renjun hands the joint back to you. “this guy from our college started selling recently. we’ve got some mutual friends, so they recommended him. perfect timing, too.” all the good plugs in your area, including your regular, started moving to bigger cities to try and reach more clients, so you welcome the thought of a new go-to.
“do i know them?” you ask, knowing you share a lot of mutual friends.
“i’m not sure, but his name is mark.”
mark?
your heart drops at the familar name. there are so many of those in the world, but only one you know of from college.
“mark, like mark lee?” renjun raises an eyebrow at your reaction.
“yeah, i think so. do you know him?”
what renjun doesn’t know is your history with mark actually extends much further. “kind of.”
yeah, you know him. you knew him.
it all started your second year of high school, when your teacher assigned him as your seatmate. he was always kind, asking how your day was and lending you pens or textbooks when you forgot yours. it was always casual, but you remember the day things clicked for the two of you so vividly.
you were walking into class early, still a while before the teacher came in, your classmates’ animated chatter around you muffled by the music in your wired earphones. you put your stuff down, still trying to shake the last bit of sleepiness, when a figure came up to greet you.
“oh, shit!” their sudden appearance made you drop your phone, earphones yanked from your ears and phone, leaving the music to play out loud. the source of your surprise crouched down to pick up your phone, hitting pause on the music and standing up to reveal your seatmate.
“hey, i’m so sorry about that, didn’t mean to scare you,” mark sheepishly handed you your phone, subtly glancing around you to see if any of your classmates were startled. none of them seemed to care, thankfully.
you waved your hands at his embarrassment. “it’s okay, mark, i was so out of it.” he nodded and turned his attention back to your phone.
“wait, you like that song though?” his embarrassment turned into excitement as you nodded your head, having had it on repeat since it came out.
“yeah, do you?”
“dude.. i LOVE that song, do you listen to their other stuff too?” the little morning mishap had turned into an excited conversation about your shared music taste, continuing well into lunch after it was cut short by the teacher’s arrival.
bonding over shared music taste was just the beginning, and eventually you were attached at the hip, both of you finding it easy to fall into place next to each other. even when you two ended up in separate classes the following school year, your friendship only grew.
he made being his friend so easy, yet so difficult. you found your affections grew to be more than platonic, but how could you not? mark was good-looking with a boyish charm, kind to everyone, funny, and earnest, yet so incredibly humble.
you weren’t the only one who felt like this, though. mark was popular, and why wouldn’t he be? even if he was a little shy or awkward with people he didn’t know well, it just added to his charms. you had lost count of the amount of times he would be called by a random girl and come back with a guilty grimace at yet another instance of having to let someone down.
half of you admired them, wishing you had their same courage to tell mark your own feelings. but, as messed up as it was, the other half of you internally celebrated whenever mark came back with that somber expression, knowing you had the ability to change that.
whenever he was down, the two of you would go out for some gelato at the shop down the street from your school. you always said you’d treat him, but he would always pay, all sorrow wiped completely from his face. because of you. he always came back to you.
you were content being just his friend—his best friend. you continued being his best friend, graduating from high school and ending up at the same local college, still attached at the hip.
with a new setting came new people and new experiences, but there was always one constant, and that was mark lee. that first year was filled with him—planning your class schedules together, going to your respective clubs’ parties, dorm sleepovers; it felt like nothing could disturb the peace.
renjun hands you the joint and you take another hit, a comfortable silence between the two of you as you reminisce further, now starting to feel pangs in your heart.
one of those new experiences you had together came in the form of the drug you currently have in your hand, and it was also the last new experience you had together. the last of your firsts.
you and mark had never considered weed before, but going to college parties and its presence in some of your new friends’ lives had made you curious. you both agreed on wanting to try it together in a more controlled space, and one day you found yourself with him in your dorm, turning an unfamiliar device in your hand.
“is it super strong?” you asked mark nervously, as his senior at his club was the supplier.
“not sure, jae said pens don’t hit too crazy.” he took the pen from you, pressing the button on it experimentally. “he showed me how to do it, so i should probably go first..”
you nodded at this, observing him carefully as he brought it to his lips, pushing the button while sucking in. the pen lit up at the end, and you watched in fascination until you were interrupted by his harsh coughing, smoke flying out around him in a large cloud.
“oh my god, are you okay??” you rushed to get him some water, patting his back as he gulped it down and cleared his throat.
“y-yeah, i’m good.” you peered into his eyes to see them already slightly glossy, unsure if it was from all the coughing or if he was already feeling it. “i just took too much, i think. you try. but try just a little, okay? be careful..”
you took the pen from him nervously, bringing it to your own mouth as you emulated his earlier movements. his round eyes were trained on your every movement. you inhaled the smoke, and to your surprise, the weed didn’t taste anything like the strong scent coming from the back of the many parties you found yourselves at. it was pleasant and the tiniest bit sweet.
you blew the smoke out as mark watched you with his mouth hung open, in shock at how easily you handled it in comparison to his own attempt.
“dude, how did you do that?? you’re a natural!!” he exclaimed, somewhat feeling a sense of pride at his best friend’s weed affinity.
“i don’t know, i kind of just did it? maybe beginner’s luck,” you shrugged. filled with resolve, mark was determined to do it just as smoothly. after many attempts, the two of you laid on your dorm bed, staring at the ceiling as you felt yourselves sinking into your mattress, which felt softer than ever.
“you know what would hit right now?” mark asked, voice a little bit deeper and drawled out. you turned to look at him, only then realizing how close you were.
he looked back at you with a dopey smile. you somehow knew exactly what he was thinking. “gelato,” the two of you said in unison, laughter immediately bursting at the sync.
“the shop is closed.. but markie, what was in that pen?? that was soo much better than i thought weed would be.” if all weed was like that, maybe you’d be down for this stoner life.
mark made an unintelligible excited noise as he sprung up with a bright smile. “WAIT, i knew you would like this. when jaehyun showed me all the carts, i knew i had to get this one. guess what it’s called!”
you locked eyes just as you did before, thinking there was no way it was what you were thinking. mark’s anticipatory look told you it was.
“gelato.”
you gasped, throwing your hands over your mouth as mark nodded his head excitedly. “no fucking way.”
“no, seriously. isn’t that crazy??” again the two of you burst into laughter, your stomach hurting from how much funnier everything seemed to be. as the laughter died down, mark turned to you. “but really, you did so good today.”
you sat up on your bed at his tender voice, feeling slightly dizzy at the unfamiliar feeling of a high, finally getting a good look at mark in this state. he looked as good as ever, a now starting to blossom as he moved beyond the boyish charm.
“you really got it because you thought i’d like it?” you asked, feeling your heart swell a bit. you were so grateful to have a friend like him, to have him in your life.
“of course,” he answered, voice a bit too tender for your heart to take.
the words left your mouth faster than you could catch them. “that’s why i love you.” you slapped your hands over your mouth as you realized you just said.
“i love you, too..?” mark replied, trailing off at the end at your reaction. it was normal to exchange those kinds of words between best friends, but you meant it in a different way even if he didn’t know it. you couldn’t recover from your slip up, the weed hindering your ability to front in any way, mind going blank.
your hands were buried in your face as mark looked at you worriedly. he pried your hands from your face as you tried to hide your teary eyes. “wait, is everything okay?”
you just shook your head yes and turned from him, wanting to get away and act as if nothing happened. his grip was still tight around your wrists, and he was craning his neck to get a good look at you, only now seeing the unshed tears in your eyes.
“no, you aren’t okay, the weed might be too much from you,” mark said as he slowly got up to get his phone, probably to look up what to do when having a bad trip. as if possessed, you pulled him back, not wanting him to leave you.
“wait!” you grabbed him, and he stumbled back into, or onto you. you found yourself in a position doing nothing good for your heart, with mark hovering above you as you leaned on your pillows.
even after years of friendship, he would still sometimes get flustered with things like this, but to your surprise, he stayed still, deep, glossed over eyes locked on yours.
you couldn’t look away—you didn’t want to. you could get lost in those eyes, and you were. you were feeling all types of things you hadn’t felt before. you never allowed yourself to act on your crush, and the substance coursing through your veins was breaking down each mental barrier as the seconds passed.
you were close enough to kiss him—you wanted to. everything seemed to move in slow motion as his face got closer and closer, dark eyes now closing. you didn’t know if you were the one moving or if it was all a figment of your imagination, but the warmth on your lips told you it was all real.
mark’s lips brushed yours, a little unsure at first, but as you melted into him, his lips molded against yours in a way that had your body tingling all over. it felt so right. your heart was beating faster than it ever has, excitement now clouding your mind. does he feel the same way?
the kiss only turned into a full on make out session, the two of you going at it for who knows how long. breathless, you pulled away from him with a dreamy look in your eyes.
only he did not share the same look.
catching his breath and backing away slowly, his eyes were open wide as if he had just seen a ghost. “mark? are you o-”
“i’m so, SO sorry, dude. i-i don’t know why i did that.” he got off the bed completely, grabbing his jacket from your desk. your heart sank as you tried to force any words out.
“i have to go, but, um. i’ll text you. sorry..” was all he said before dashing out the door.
the silence was deafening as you sat there on your bed, all alone, heart heavy as you began to spiral.
it all felt so right for you, but did he not feel the same? you just didn’t know how to feel, your head starting to spin and your body feeling like it wasn’t yours. still so high, but now alone. the tears left your eyes in waves, and your sadness and shock eventually morphed into anger. how could he just leave you in this state?
his pen sat forgotten on your bed. you wanted to throw it straight into the trash, but you couldn’t, instead chucking it into some random drawer to try and give it back to him later.
you could say with confidence that this night was the worst of your life, ending in you crying yourself to sleep, but the aftermath was even worse. you never got to give it back; he never gave you the chance.
mark ignored your texts, avoided you in every space—he couldn’t even make eye contact with you. it hurt, and it felt like you had to start from scratch going into your second year of college.
he was your foundation, and without him it felt like your walls had crumbled. you didn’t have mark to rely on anymore, and everything around you for so long reminded you of that.
that is, until you met renjun.
you had met him in a random art class you decided to take, wanting to make sure you were in the part of campus furthest from where you knew mark would be. the two of you hit it off right away, and he introduced you to some of his friends who would end up being your closest college friends.
one by one, you started to overwrite your memories with mark. you had sworn off weed after that night as well, but you had given in after renjun expressed interest in trying it, but not alone.
you were not going to leave your friend alone in this experience, unlike somebody, and you were glad as it ended up in you and renjun becoming pretty avid stoners.
the memories of mark still stung, but you had enough fun to last a lifetime in college. after you graduated you and renjun stuck in your town, while your other friends moved away, but the love still remained. you were grateful that the universe gave you these friends, even if it had to take one from you first.
the joint has reached its end, and renjun is passed out on the couch, snoring lightly.
you’re fine, everything’s okay. the funny feeling in your chest lingers at the sound of his name, but everything’s okay.
you inspect the bag of weed one more time, finally finding the strain’s name in tiny font on the bottom of the package.
gelato.
you and renjun head to work the following day, rubbing sleep from your eyes. last night’s reminiscing affected you, whether or not you wanted it to.
you’re in between jobs right now, just wanting to take a break to figure out what you want to do. luckily for you, renjun’s cousin, kun, opened a branch of his restaurant down the block from you just a few months ago.
renjun was basically given the role of general manager and was more than happy to give you a job. despite only working there for a few months, you enjoyed it. the restaurant gave a homey feel with regular patrons who never caused any problems. the place was only really busy during peak lunch and dinner hours, but the pay is still fair enough.
the bell at the entrance rings, signaling the entrance of a customer, and you get up from your spot at one of the booths to greet them.
you stop in your tracks when you see who it is.
you must have manifested him too hard during your trip down memory lane, because in front of you stands the one who broke your heart all those years ago. mark lee.
how is it that you haven’t seen him in years, but he shows up this conveniently the second you start thinking about him?
he looks different—more mature. his dark hair is a little longer than how you know he used to prefer, strong features a little bit more rugged than you remember, yet still with a hint of that boyish charm he’d always had. did he grow a little taller?
you realize you’re staring, but he’s staring, too, seemingly just as shocked to be seeing you. you debate turning around and calling renjun to assist him, but you chide yourself at those thoughts.
you aren’t that brokenhearted 18-year old anymore. you are healed, and you are an adult with a job you need to do.
and renjun is on his lunch break, so you have no choice.
“hi, welcome! what can i get you?” you ask, putting on your best customer service voice.
“uh.. pick up order under the name donghyuck?” he says, a little bit of uncertainty laced in his response, maybe at you seemingly having no reaction to him or not remembering him.
donghyuck? you know donghyuck, a regular and friend of renjun who often orders take out. mark lee is definitely not donghyuck. the connection makes you curious, but not curious enough to ask.
“okay, give me one second to check.” you go to the back, hoping the chefs are done putting together the order, wanting this to be over as soon as possible. unfortunately, the chefs were also distracted, engaging in a heated conversation over who knows what during this slow period.
you come back out, giving mark an apologetic smile. “sorry, it’ll be a few minutes. do you mind waiting? you can sit at any of the booths.” he nods, and you turn fully intending to hide in the back until his food is done.
you are stopped by him clearing his throat, still in the same spot he was, and he opens his mouth to speak.
“__?” he mutters lowly, and oh, how your heart betrays you at the sound of your name in his voice. you turn back to him, not knowing what your expression is right now.
“yeah?”
“do you remember me?” how could you ever forget?
“yeah, i do,” is all you can say.
“oh, uh. cool.” the end of that comes out a little rasped and he clears his throat again. “how have you been?” you want so badly for this to be over, wishing that he would’ve just pretended to not know you, but you are polite if anything.
“i’m good, just working here, nothing crazy,” you respond. “and you?”
“good,” he responds, and you want to roll your eyes so badly. he started this awkward conversation and is giving you nothing.
“great! well, i’m gonna check on your food,” you scurry away, grateful for any excuse to be away from him. you scroll on your phone in the back for a few minutes and thank the universe that the chefs are just finishing packing up the food.
when you come back with the food, beckoning him over, mark comes up to you at the cash register, fishing his card out of his wallet as you enter the items into the system.
“do you smoke?” he asks abruptly, and when you make eye contact, he can’t seem to hide that even he’s a little shocked at his own question. you look at him inquisitively, hands paused at the sudden question.
“yeah, i do. why?” you ask. no thanks to you.
“well, i kinda started selling recently. trying to get my foot in the door in this area.” he hands you his credit card as he talks, explaining how selling is a side to his other job.
“oh, cool! good luck with that,” you respond as politely as possible, trying to be prompt. you hand him his card back and receipt to sign, not wanting anything to do with him or this new adventure of his.
he turns the receipt over and scribbles something on it before giving it back to you.
“not sure if you still have my number, i haven’t changed it, but just in case here it is.” you stare at the familiar handwriting. you couldn’t get yourself to delete his number as much as you wanted to, but he doesn’t have to know that.
“i’ll give you a discount, for old time’s sake? just text if you need anything, i deliver.” you nod, thanking him still in the polite tone you’ve maintained this entire time.
“it was nice seeing you, __.”
“you too, mark.”
he picks up his food as he says his goodbyes, turning to walk out the door. once he’s gone, you sit down for a bit, having to process the sudden reunion.
realistically, you should feel angry at the fact that he acted like nothing was wrong, like you were just some acquaintances seeing each other in passing. for old time’s sake? yeah, right.
yet another part of you feels those same butterflies you felt all those years ago, fluttering around in your stomach with hope at the chance to see him again. happy at the fact that he’s talking and looking at you again.
you push those feelings to the back of your mind. you will not be going to mark lee for anything.
renjun finally comes back from his lunch, asking if he missed anything crazy. you shake your head no, and the day passes as you unsuccessfully try to wipe the the town’s new plug from your brain.
the following weekend, you’re smoking again with renjun, milking as much out of his bag of gelato as you possibly can. unfortunately for you, his bag is running really low, and he also really likes it.
“no! just order your own?” he snatches the bag from your hand. “i’ll give you his number, just do it.”
“junnieee, can’t you just order it for me? you get a discount don’t you?” you assume mark is giving discounts while he’s trying to start up his plug career, but renjun looks at you confused.
“discount? what are you talking about? mark’s prices are good, but i didn’t hear about a discount..” he says, eyes narrowing at you suspiciously.
oh shit. you messed up. letting out a sigh, you give in and tell him about the encounter with mark at the restaurant, leaving out all the awkward details and your history together. renjun holds you by the arms, shaking you slightly.
“if he’s offering you the discount, you should order! i can’t believe you’re willingly trying to pay more money,” he scolds.
you shake him off, but you can’t deny that renjun has a point. you did need a plug and a discount would be very easy on your wallet, but again, you didn’t want to go to mark for anything.
“if i order, can you pick it up?” you ask, hoping at least that you wouldn’t have to see mark.
“what am i?? your bitch boy?” renjun asks jokingly, but he looks at you a bit worriedly. “is everything okay? why are you being so weird about this?”
“i’m not!” you object almost too quickly, making renjun even more suspicious. not wanting to explain any further, you decide to just suck it up.
“nevermind, it’s fine. i’ll order it myself,” you say, but you don’t think you actually will.
“order me a couple, too, since you’ve got that discount.”
ugh. you agreed just to get him off your back, but with his order, you’re locked in.
“text him right now or you’ll forget. i know you,” he insists. you’re extra locked in now. you pull out your phone, debating on what to say as renjun rolls another joint for you.
hey, it was nice se- deleted.
hello mark, it’s- deleted.
it’s just a simple text, how hard could it be? you snap a picture of the bag in your hands and send it.
8:02pm you: picture attachment
8:02pm you: hey mark, it’s __. can i order a half of gelato? this brand ^^
you keep it simple, and as soon as you send your text you fling your phone to the other side of the couch, where renjun is. it feels so odd to be texting mark, and part of you feels nervous for his response.
“what the hell?” he says as he eyes your phone. not even a few seconds pass when your phone buzzes, and renjun looks at the lit screen with a smile. “damn, what a good plug, he responded quickly,” renjun remarks, picking up the phone and tossing it back to you.
your phone lands on your lap, and the notification is bright and clear.
8:03pm mark lee: hey __, yeah of course! i can bring it in an hour? what’s your address?
you stare in shock at how eager he is. you were going to suggest later that week for a drop-off time, but it seems like he’s willing and able to come as soon as possible.
“what are you waiting for? just give him my address, he can drop it off here,” renjun instructs. he shakes the contents of the bag, a single nugget falling into his hand. “yeah, you need to tell him right now before my high wears off.”
you sigh, unlocking your phone and opening your messages. at least you won’t be facing him alone if he comes to renjun’s. you type out your response.
8:10pm you: yeah, that works. thank you
8:10pm you: xxxxx xxxx xxxx
8:11pm you: ^^you can drop it off here
8:11pm mark lee: okay, sounds good, see you soon!
8:11pm mark lee: it’s really cold tonight, bring a sweater
8:12pm you: thanks, will do.
you place your phone down, sighing at the thought of seeing him. it’s the first time you’ve texted him in how many years? you were trying to keep it short and to the point, but he was being so nice. so like the mark you knew.
“he’ll be here in an hour,” you tell renjun.
“scoree, let’s finish this last bit then,” he cheers, picking the buds apart and grinding them up. in no time, the two of you are smoked out, just waiting for the time to pass as you try not to think too hard about mark.
what will he say? will he try to talk some more or just drop the weed off and go? will he mention anything about what happened all those years ago?
your thoughts are cut off by a ringing from your phone signaling an incoming call. a goofy picture of mark you thought you deleted from his contact pops up on your phone, and your heart squeezes looking at it. you’ll have to remember to take it off later. you pick up the phone.
“hey, i’m here,” his voice sounds through the speakers. it’s so familiar, yet so different, and it really feels like some high fever dream that mark is calling you and telling you he’s outside, as if nothing ever happened. you’re sure you’ve had actual dreams like this.
“got it, be out in a sec,” you reply and hang up, looking over at renjun. you sigh when you see his eyes closed, familiar snoring leaving his form. “jun, get up, mark’s here,” you say, shaking him awake.
he groans and swats you away. “sleepy. just go get it.”
too tired to argue further and just wanting to get it over with, you grab your wallet and renjun’s keys and pull on your shoes to head outside. as soon as you head out the building doors, you curse as the frigid air meets your skin. you had forgotten to grab a jacket despite mark’s warnings.
that’s the first thing mark seems to notice as he stands outside his car, a big black suv you don’t quite think matches him. but again, you don’t even know the him in front of you. before you can pad down the steps, he jogs lightly over to you, two bags in his hands.
“dude, i told you to bring a jacket, it’s cold as fuck,” he scolds. before you can retort, he moves too fast for your high mind to process, and in a flash he’s pulling off his own jacket to place around your shoulders.
it’s warm, and a familiar smell wafts around you as you stare at him, dazed. you feel as if your mind is short circuiting, defaulting to the settings it had for so long been accustomed to in mark’s presence—undoing so many years of trying to wipe his being from yours.
he steps back a bit from you as he picks up the bags he placed down. “here’s your order,” he says, handing you one bag. “and, uh, i know it’s cold out, but i thought you might like this..” he trails off his sentence, handing you the other bag in his hand.
when you look into it, you feel like you could cry.
in the bag sits a tub of gelato—your favorite flavor to be exact. you’re at a loss for words as you stare down at it. the old shop you used to frequent with the man in front of you had coincidentally closed the year you ended your friendship, taking along the memories with it.
“where did you- how did you get this?” you ask, almost not believing your eyes if not for the cold of the container that permeates your hand as you inspect it.
“they opened up a new shop on the other side of town. is that still your favorite?” you nod, feeling your appetite grow at the thought of the delicious treat.
you look up to thank him, only to see him gazing at you with the same warm eyes you had fallen for all those years ago. eyes a bit too warm for someone who had abandoned you.
the realization snaps you out of your daze, mind finally clearing. what were you doing? you’re letting yourself fall back into place with him when he was the one who pushed you away to begin with. he’d know if it was still your favorite if he stayed, but he didn’t.
you hold the bag with the frozen treat out to him.
“thank you, mark, but i’d appreciate just taking the weed.” he looks at you, then back down at the bag as he takes it back from you gently. he never was good at hiding his emotions, and it seems that hasn’t changed as you see hurt and confusion written clearly on his face.
“oh, sorry.. um..” he mumbles, contemplating what to say next.
“how much do i owe you?” you ask curtly, just wanting to get the hell back inside and smoke until you knock out for the night.
“look, __, can we ta-”
“how. much. mark,” you cut him off, feeling your resolve crumble by the second as he stands in front of you. you’re sick of this “pretending everything is okay” thing he’s doing.
“please.. even just for a few minutes,” he pleads, and the earnest look in his eyes is unchanging. “can i please talk to you?”
“i do-”
“__? is everything okay?” a soft, yet firm voice cuts in.
renjun’s head peeks out of the building doors, and you celebrate internally as your savior comes to join the two of you. you don’t notice the way mark tenses up behind you, gripping the bag in his hand tightly as he gnaws the inside of his lip.
“yeah, jun. it’s all good, just paying now,” you assure. renjun says his greetings to mark, which he returns.
“i woke up and you were gone for a while, so i had to come check,” renjun says, holding his arms around himself as he shivers from the cold. it reminds you of the jacket sitting around your shoulders— one that does not belong to you.
you shrug off the jacket, handing it back to mark. “how much do i owe you?” you ask one last time. mark is pensive, tucking the jacket into his arm.
“…you can have it for free,” he says, awkward smile painted on his face, eyes flitting between you and renjun. “first time deal.” you quickly start to refuse.
“wait, i can’t just do that. seriously mark, how much is it?” you ask, internally pleading with him to just let this deal be done. you don’t want to feel indebted to him in any way, but your friend has other ideas at the prospect of free weed.
“actually, you can! thanks, mark, hope i can get this 100% discount next time, too,” renjun interjects cheerfully. he starts to usher you back into the apartment, saying his goodbyes to mark as he rubs your cold arms up and down. “it’s so cold out here, better get back inside before someone catches a cold.”
you nod, looking back at mark, only to see him gazing at you with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “thank you, mark. goodnight.”
“yeah. goodnight, __. and renjun.” he waves goodbye and parts from the two of you, walking back to his car with not nearly as much energy as he had when coming up to you earlier, rejected bag of gelato in hand.
you don’t know why your heart aches so much as he disappears into his car, but you try to forget all about it as you get ready for another round in renjun’s apartment. when you open the bag containing your weed order, you find a note along with it, your name at the top scribbled in mark’s familiar messy handwriting.
thanks for ordering, talk to you soon :)
-mark
you take the packets of flower out of the bag and throw the note back in. you will not be talking to him soon. as you take a hit of your freshly rolled joint, you hope the smoke dissipating into the air around you takes the images of mark lee along with it.
you hoped you wouldn’t be talking to him soon, but when you get a takeout order under “donghyuck,” you get a bad feeling about who will be picking it up. it’s a monday afternoon, one of your slowest times, and you’re the only one scheduled besides the cooks.
you make sure the kitchen staff has the order ready, hoping that this exchange would be quick, and your bad feeling proves true when a familiar head of dark hair makes its way through your door.
you lock eyes with the bright-eyed man, and he waves bashfully as he comes up to the front.
“hey.”
“hey, for donghyuck, right?” you confirm, already placing some utensils in the bag.
“yeah, wait, how did you know?” he asks, surprised that you mentioned the name before he could.
“you did it last time, too. he’s a regular here and renjun’s friend, so i know you aren’t him.”
“oh, that’s right. yeah, renjun..” he mutters the last part, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. there’s an awkward silence after, and he hands you his card as you ring him up. he speaks up first.
“so, are you and renjun, like, a thing?” he has a talent for making you stop in your tracks, as the shock of his question rings through you.
“what?”
“well, i was thinking the address looked a bit familiar. and you’re living together?” he asked, not fully able to maintain eye contact as he explained his thought process.
you sigh. though you don’t want mark to know anything about you beyond your weed order, you also don’t want renjun caught up in a misunderstanding.
“we’re friends, mark. i have my own apartment somewhere else, i just go over there a lot,” you turn your attention back to the register, printing his receipt and handing it back to him. it’s a familiar interaction, but with a lot more talking this time.
he can’t hide the slight smile on his face as he takes his receipt and card back from you.
“oh, that’s cool!” you can tell he means it now. there’s another bit of silence between the two of you, and you’re hoping he gets the cue to leave.
“well, thanks for ordering and have a good da-”
“wait, __,” he stops you, glancing around to make sure no one’s around. “honestly, can we talk?”
you feel the familiar irritation creeping up your being. “what is there to talk about?” you feign ignorance.
“really?” he grimaces.
“really.” you face him head on.
“look, just give me a chance to apologize, there was just a lot going on and i would like to explain, but not here.”
at this point, the irritation has bubbled up into full blown anger, and you can’t stop yourself from bursting out at him.
“there was a lot going on? yeah, maybe. but when had that ever stopped us from working through things together?? you could’ve told me anything back then, and i would have accepted it.” you feel yourself start to tear up, but you know you can’t let this get too far at work. “you just left, mark, and i never heard from you again. i have nothing to say to you.”
you can see his eyes have glossed over, unable to retort properly. another wave of silence passes between the two of you before he opens his mouth to speak.
“i’m sorry..”
you shake your head and hand him his food.
“you should be. thank you for ordering and have a good day.” with that you spin on your heel, ducking in the back as one of the older cooks, taeil, comes out with a questioning look at the commotion.
you just continue on into the back room and don’t look back even as you hear the bell chime and door shut, pushing back an onset of tears. you slump into one of the chairs, dreading the next few hours of your shift, already more than drained.
“’s that your man?” taeil asks after following you with a look of concern.
“absolutely not.”
“well, he left this on the counter. guessing it’s for you.” he plops the bag in your lap and heads back to the kitchen. you can feel its cold weight as you peer inside to see a familiar treat you had rejected once before.
when you collapse onto your bed after your shift, your mind replays the events from earlier. your heart aches. part of you is proud of yourself for standing your ground, but the other side of you feels for mark. he just wanted a chance to talk to you, to apologize.
but the truth of the matter is that you don’t know how you’d react to an apology if he offered it, and you have a feeling it would be hard for you to keep up the wall you’ve built with him. you don’t want it to be so easy for him, but at the same time you can’t help but feel a little bad for making it so difficult.
you find yourself scrolling through old pictures of the two of you that you never had the heart to delete. he deserves this, you try to convince yourself, but that thought pains you as well. with mark lee, the emotions that follow are always complicated.
whether you like it or not, you know deep down that you still care about him. you tell yourself he’s not a good person, but at your core you know he is, evidenced by the sweet treat sitting in your freezer and every interaction you’ve had since your reunion.
bzzzzzz.
your phone buzzes in your hand, and you curse as it falls onto your face. you lift it up to take a look at who has interrupted your thoughts, and like the first time you reunited, you fear your thoughts have brought him straight to you.
the same goofy picture that you didn’t delete pops up on your phone. you chew on your lip, letting it ring a bit longer before ultimately deciding against your better judgement. with everything you were just thinking, exhausted from the back and forth, you just didn’t have it in you to deny him again.
“hello?”
“hello- hey! __?” you can hear the relief in his voice.
“hi.”
“i’m gonna be honest, i didn’t think you’d pick up.”
“and you still called anyway?” you wince at the bite in your voice.
“look, __. i know you probably don’t want to hear from me, and i know i was a shit friend, but please give me a chance to talk to you. if you don’t want to hear from me ever again or just want weed or whatever after we talk, it’s okay.” you feel your barrier weakening at his pleading.
after a few moments to ponder, you decide to go for it. maybe some closure could be beneficial for both of you.
“okay, when?”
“whe- oh! oh, uh.. didn’t think i’d make it this far,” he laughs nervously, and you can’t help but laugh at that as well, feeling your heart lighten just the tiniest bit.
“i’m free the rest of the night,” you tell him.
“me too, kind of—i actually have some deliveries, do you want to join?”
“if it’s cool with you, sure.”
“more than cool, i’ll be there in 30.” you can hear the smile in his voice, and when you hang up, despite your heart beating out of your chest, you find yourself smiling, too.
“hey.”
“hi.”
you open the door of mark’s black suv and slide into his passenger seat. mark starts up the car only after confirming your seatbelt is on. the car ride is silent for a few minutes, and your leg bobs as you get more impatient by the second. after a good amount of time, he finally speaks up.
“so umm, how was work?” he asks as if he wasn’t there.
“started off really bad because of someone.” he grimaces, hand tightening on the steering wheel. the tense feeling has returned tenfold.
“sorry.. i really didn’t mean to cause any issues at your job, hope you didn’t get in trouble or anything,” he peeks over at you.
“it’s okay, honestly i lost my temper, too. nothing bad happened.” he lets out a sigh of relief at that. “’m not gonna apologize for it though.”
“you don’t have to, i deserved it..” he says, looking a little defeated. “i’m honestly just grateful you even gave me a chance to talk.” for some reason, his words strike a chord in you, and you feel the irritation in your throat starting to spill.
“if you had asked maybe 3 years ago, fuck, even last year—i’d have given a chance in a heartbeat, mark.” any lightheartedness has dissipated quickly as you remember why you are like this in the first place.
“i know—just, running into you, i couldn’t let this chance pass.” all semblance of composure you thought you’d have coming into this conversation has disappeared; just being near him shakes you.
“so you wouldn’t have ever reached out if we didn’t bump into each other?” you retort, feeling your heart break a little. you try to keep your voice strong, but it quivers as you press on. “it’s all just soo convenient??”
“no! w-well, i would’ve eventually. honestly.” he pulls up to a random apartment complex, parking the car. his hands still tightly grip the steering wheel.
“please listen, i’m gonna be honest, okay.” you nod at him as he faces you, face turning red as he looks down. “uhhh.. you know when we, like, kissed?”
you nod.
“that was my first kiss, well my first anything.”
that came as a surprise, given how popular he was and how seasoned that kiss felt. “i had never done anything like that before and we were so high. i just felt like.. i took advantage of you?” he sighs, still unable to meet your eyes.
“no, mark. i’ve never thought of it that way,” you assure.
“i felt like i had crossed a line i never should have and every time i thought of you i just felt so guilty.”
“so you decided to cut me out of your life forever? after years of friendship? you thought i wasn’t someone you could work it out with?” your heart is beating out of your chest and you feel your face heating up as you bite back tears.
“no! it’s not you, ugh, this sounds so stupid but really, it was me! every time i’d make up my mind to approach you i just lost the courage. i just kept imagining that you’d be so disappointed in me, and the longer that went on the worse it was.”
you’re silent at that, just feeling like you want to cry. you want to yell at him, to get even angrier, but you let him talk.
“i know how sad you were when everything happened, and i wanted to make things right—trust me, i really did. but time passed and i missed my chance and i could see you were so happy with your new friends.” he finally meets your eyes, turning fully to you, and there are unshed tears in mark’s eyes as well.
“i’m so sorry, and i wish i had stayed that day. then maybe i wouldn’t have lost you. i missed you so bad, but i-i messed it all up.” his voice cracks a bit. “i know i can’t expect your forgiveness, but if there’s any chance at all, i really want to make it up to you. i want my best friend back.”
your heart breaks as you listen to his apology, and you feel the tears slip out of your eyes at his last sentence. you try to tell yourself that he needs to suffer more for all of this, but you just can’t bring yourself to antagonize him any further.
you realize you might be stupid for forgiving him so easily, but you also wanted your best friend back. you were so tired of being angry, and your 18-year old self is at the back of your mind, pleading with you to just rest. he was stupid, but he’s here now.
you realize he’s fully crying, too. he never used to cry, even at his saddest moments. you place a hand on top of his, and though he flinches at the contact at first, he quickly moves to intertwine his fingers with yours.
you have so much more to say, but you think you’ll have a lot more chances to talk about it. for now, you’ll just be. his thumb caresses the side of your hand. the silence between you isn’t suffocating anymore, it feels right.
“you know, i—”
bzzzzzzzzzzz.
he’s interrupted by his phone lighting up in his pocket, blaring ringtone and vibration filling the car. he looks at you, and you withdraw your hand from his, settling back in your seat. his hand remains where you left it.
“it’s okay, pick it up.”
wordlessly, he does just that, rubbing the tears from his eyes. you hear a man’s voice over the speakers.
“oh shit, sorry. i’m a few minutes away, had a pit stop.” the two of you had forgotten why you were out driving in the first place, mark’s presumed customer asking his whereabouts.
“sorry, we’ll continue this conversation in a bit,” mark assures, putting his phone in his pocket and starting the car back up.
“it’s fine, work is important, mark.” he nods, putting on a random playlist. the short drive to his customer’s apartment complex is quiet apart from the music, but a good kind of quiet that helps you as you let yourself process the conversation.
mark pulls up to the curb, grabbing his supply bag from behind your seat.
“sit tight, i’ll be quick,” he says, jumping out of the car to meet his customer waiting outside their apartment. your eyes follow his form, and you can’t help but tear up again.
this conversation is everything you wanted, and even if it’s coming later than you would have liked it, you can feel a burden being lifted from your chest; your heart feels so much lighter.
at the same time, you can’t deny the feelings blossoming in your chest beyond the relief of having his friendship back. the feelings beyond friendship itself. it’s all so much to think about, and your vision darkens as your thoughts progress.
“hey, __, wake up, we’re at your place.” mark shakes you gently by the shoulder, peering into your face as you come to, blinking away the sleep from your eyes. you dart up from your slumped state, having fallen asleep in the middle of your thoughts.
“oh shit, sorry, didn’t mean to doze off,” you apologize worriedly. “what time is it? how long was i sleeping?”
“it’s all good, i’m done with the deliveries now, so it’s time to head in for the night, getting pretty late.”
when you look around, you realize you are indeed parked in front of your apartment complex. “why didn’t you wake me up?” you ask, slightly embarrassed at having knocked out the entire rest of the night in his car. “let’s pick up where we left off?” you ask, remembering he had been cut off earlier.
you can’t hide your fatigue as a yawn punctuates your question. he chuckles at that, yawning too at the sight of yours.
“you looked too comfy, i didn’t want to disturb,” he says, patting your shoulder. “let’s continue another time, okay?” his hand slides down to rest on top of yours, just as you did to him.
“is it safe to say that there will be another time?” his hand grips yours slightly, and his eyes search yours anxiously. you move to intertwine your fingers with his, just as he did to you.
“yeah, there will be. can’t finish that big tub of gelato by myself.” you can’t keep down your smile, and he grins widely, pulling you into as best of a hug as he can manage over his center console.
“i missed you so much,” he murmurs into the side of your head.
your heart beats wildly as you wrap your arms around him, but it’s a part of your heart that has stood still since the day he left. “i missed you, too.”
it’s a little weird how easily mark integrated back into your life. one day you were erasing his existence from your mind, the next rejecting him to his face, and now every few days you’re sitting in his passenger seat as he makes deliveries or preps orders, always making sure to roll you a joint.
since his apology, the two of you have talked—a lot. catching up on over 4+ years of life takes time, but it seems mark has all the time in the world with how often he’s with you. he always was a yapper, and there’s never a dull moment when you spend time together.
you never found out what he was going to say when the phone call interrupted you, but you think you’re okay not knowing. you try not to bring up the past as much, as does he—it’s like an unspoken agreement that you’re both moving forward. at least that’s what you think.
in reality, you know this may just be another way of coping. having mark back in your life was so beautiful, and you don’t want anything to get weird again. you tell yourself that what’s important will eventually be discussed, but right now you just want to enjoy his presence.
mark being back didn’t automatically propel him back into best friend status. that position was reserved for renjun, and that won’t ever change, and you assure him of this as you catch him up on everything that’s happened, as well as your history with mark.
to your surprise, renjun isn’t too fazed by the news. he’s always had a pretty good intuition. “you see, i knew you were acting weird,” he scolds. “you can’t hide anything from me.”
you smile at him, rubbing his head aggressively. “you are sooo right, my junnie.” the two of you fall into your usual smoking routine.
“do you think i’m dumb for letting him back in so easily?” you ask, high thoughts swirling in your head, and without missing a beat, renjun replies.
“no, not at all.”
“really?” you press, astonished. renjun was always brutally honest, and you thought he might have other thoughts about the whole thing.
“you aren’t dumb and i trust your judgement. it sounds like he’s genuinely sorry, and he’d be the dumb one to not want you in his life.” renjun always knows the best things to say. “as long as he understands i’m still your number 1 friend and respects you, then all is good.”
you nod, pressing your shoulder to his and laying your head on his shoulder. “thank you, junnie.” he rests his head on top of yours.
“no need to thank me,” he says, grinning. he separates from you, facing you with a mischievous look in his eye.
“you know.. the best friend spot is reserved for me, but he could always take the boyfriend spot.” you gasp, smacking him lightly.
“oh my god, no!” being high always makes you more honest, so you just know the embarrassment you’re feeling is written all over your face. “it’s not like that.”
renjun rolls his eyes. “oh sure, and that’s why you’ve deleted every dating app, turned down that date karina mentioned a couple weeks ago, and have mark following you around like a puppy when he gets the chance.” you have nothing to retort—all of those things were true. but you don’t want to ruin anything you have. you lost him once and you’re terrified of that happening again.
“i’m fine with the way things are now, really.” you words are more to assure yourself.
“anyways, let’s smoke smoke?”
he grins. “fuck yeah.”
as always, that choice is a great one, and an hour later the two of you are clutching your stomachs in laughter watching your favorite show. your head feels so light, but not in a bad way, and your body feels glued to the couch.
you don’t hear your phone ringing between you two, but renjun in his own daze answers the incoming call, not even looking at the caller id.
“hello?”
“h-hello? is that you, renjun?” renjun giggles a little as he realizes who it is. “is __ there?”
“yeah, but i wouldn’t say here.” renjun full on cackles as he hands the phone to you. you aren’t exactly there; you’re floating through the universe at the moment.
“helloooo?” you answer. mark’s voice rings through the speakers through your ears as he calls out your name.
“markie,” you sigh out, not noticing how his breath hitches at the old nickname.
“uh— hey.” he recomposes himself. “i was going to ask if you wanted to join me on some deliveries, but it sounds like you’re having fun already.”
a night car ride in this state sounds like heaven to your ears, and you’re agreeing before you know it. “wait. that sounds soo fun right now.” you turn to renjun. “can renjun join also?” you ask mark.
“..yeah, sure,” he says after a moment, and you look at renjun excitedly, who has been listening the entire time.
“i will not be joining, thank you though,” he states bluntly. “i have a morning shift, so i was thinking of heading to bed soon anyways.”
you frown, but nod in understanding, returning back to the call. “renjun’s not coming, actually, going to sleep like a baby.” you tease, hearing mark laugh over the phone.
“so you’re taking my shift?” renjun bites back, and you shut up before returning to the phone call.
“i’ll come get you. renjun’s place or yours?” he asks, and you reply with the former. “got it, see you soon.”
he’s waiting for you outside the apartment complex, and it feels like deja vu with the way he immediately throws his jacket around your shoulders after seeing you in a light sweater. he rubs your upper arms lightly.
“i swear you’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t start wearing warmer clothes at this time of the night.” he moves to walk with you to his car, but the warmth from both his jacket and touch remain on your form.
he opens the passenger door for you, waiting until you’re settled before closing it and moving to the driver’s seat. he starts driving, and the two of you fall into the same comfortable conversation before it quiets for a moment.
“how were you planning on getting home tonight?” he asks, unaware at how you tend to stay at renjun’s quite often. you haven’t been staying as much since you started hanging out with mark again, but you wanted to make sure you still had time for your best friend.
“i was planning on staying at renjun’s, i’ve left so much of my shit there i don’t even bring an overnight bag anymore,” you laugh, but mark isn’t laughing with you. “i probably would have knocked out in the next 10 minutes if you didn’t call.”
mark is silent for a second before chuckling lightly, matching your energy just a bit. “well, i’m glad i called then.” the two of you catch up on the days you haven’t seen each other, conversation flowing smoothly between each stop he makes. one particular stop piques your interest.
he pulls up to the curb and reaches behind your seat as usual to grab his bag. he exits the car, leaving the music playing. there’s a woman waiting for him outside, and though you can’t hear their conversation, you can’t tear your eyes from them.
the woman is more than comfortable, leaning in to him as she giggles at something he said. as you watch them, you feel a tingle in your heart that feels all too familiar to the one you felt all those years ago. this has been a common occurrence when you’ve accompanied him on his deliveries.
you’ve found that he’s charming as always, even more so than he was as a slightly awkward teen. you stopped by this customer’s place just last week, but you wouldn’t be surprised if some of them purposely ordered frequently in order to see him. yet the selfish feeling of pride that you’re the one sitting in his passenger seat sits in your chest. you know yourself well enough to understand what that means.
renjun’s teasing about mark resurfaces in your brain, and part of you knew this would be the result if you let your old friend back in. you know things are going to be okay for your friendship, but your feelings are plain and clear.
despite the years apart and active repression of any feelings towards him, good or bad, you still love mark. you don’t know if you ever stopped.
the rekindling of this friendship has done nothing for you but tether your heart to him once more, but you can’t bring yourself to create any distance. mark slides back into the driver’s seat.
“what’s on your mind?” he asks, and you snap out of your thoughts.
“huh?”
“you’ve got your little thinking face on,” he laughs, starting up the car.
“i didn’t realize that i had one of those.”
“the way your brows furrow a bit, and your eyes get a bit distant. i can always tell.” there’s a funny feeling in your stomach at the thought of him looking at you enough to know that. “so are you gonna tell me? orr..”
“just thinking about some good gelato,” you lie quickly, but he looks unconvinced. he decides to just go along with it and you’re grateful.
“gelato, huh.. the frozen kind or the smoking kind?” he asks, tilted smirk painting his face.
“and if i said both, then what?” you grin, and he’s full on cheesing as he comes to a red light.
“then i’d get you both,” he replies warmly. butterflies erupt in your stomach—he’s just too good to you.
“my place?”
“bet.”
it’s a little past 2am when you lead mark into your apartment. as much as you’ve been seeing him, he’s still never been to your apartment, and it’s an interesting experience to see him there. you had long dismissed the possibility of him being in your life, let alone your living space.
you still have a good amount of the weed, so you insisted on just using up what you have though mark promised to replenish your stash as soon as it was out. the tub of gelato he bought isn’t even halfway done and in need of a second spoon, and you think that maybe he did that on purpose.
mark takes out his rolling papers, and you hand him your grinder. you watch as he grinds up the leaves, placing the filter and leaves onto the paper as he expertly tightens the concoction into a perfect little joint.
“you are too good at that,” you compliment, in awe of how efficient he is. the joints are always rolled when they get to you nowadays, and you’re also trying not to stare too hard at his hands, watching the way they move so adeptly.
“oh you know, it comes with the job. thanks,” he replies bashfully, finishing up the end with a twist. “want to start it off?” he offers, and you nod as he hands it to you.
“lighter?” you ask, not knowing where your own is.
“oh yeah,” he pulls one out of his pocket. “let me.”
you bring the joint to your lips, and he flicks on the lighter, watching you with those gleaming eyes of his as you suck in slightly. you can feel his eyes on you, and you try not to make eye contact, but you can’t help it as your eyes flit up to meet his.
something stirs in your chest as you meet his gaze, but he quickly breaks the eye contact, dropping his hand to place the lighter down. your eyes move down to your hands, and you rotate the joint a bit, making sure it’s burning evenly. mark watches your movements with his own awe.
you pass it back to him, it’s your turn to have your eyes trained on him as he takes a drag out of it, holding it in before blowing the smoke upwards, neck strained. in contrast to your usual hangouts full of endless conversation, the two of you smoke in comfortable silence.
maybe it’s the time of the night, or the fatigue of the week, but you don’t mind. but like earlier, his eyes meet yours often, flitting back away, and you can still feel his eyes on you even when you aren’t looking at him.
“dude, you’re really good at that, you know,” he finally speaks up. his tone of voice is so genuine, you can’t help but laugh.
your memory of the first time you smoked together resurfaces; he had praised you just like that. remembering that time of life doesn’t sting like it used to. you find that after many years of only recalling the bad, the good parts of that introduction to weed are now able to shine.
“oh you know, i’ve had a lot of practice,” you muse, finishing off the joint as it reaches its end.
“you’ve always been good at it..” he trails off, eyes looking a bit distant. he’s probably reminiscing about that same memory.
you’re both a good amount of high, and as you look at him, you see how he’s grown, mentally and physically, yet his sweetness has always remained. like always, the weed brings your honest thoughts to the forefront of your conscious. you want him so badly, maybe even more than your younger self did.
as your brain jumps along the timeline of your memories with him, it stops at one point—the kiss. your eyes remain locked on each other, and you’re almost certain that he’s remembering the same thing. everything moves in slow motion, and his face gets closer and closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath, of his body inching closer to yours.
but you know better now, even if you want him.
placing your hands on his chest, you push him back lightly, turning your head to the side.
“we aren’t doing this, mark,” you assert as firmly as you can, but your voice wavers. a look of hurt flashes over his face, but he’s resolute as he moves his hands over yours, bringing them into his grasp.
“…are you uncomfortable? can you tell me what you’re thinking about?” you look at him in shock at his composure, and you try to regain yours, but you can’t help the stinging in your eyes as you are filled with fear at the thought of losing all of this, of losing him.
“you can’t just do this and leave me all over again, not when I finally have you back.” the tears start to pool in your eyes, and you pull your hands from him, trying to calm yourself. you feel the younger and current versions of yourself at odds with each other, and the feeling is all too overwhelming as a few tears start to slip out.
“hey, look at me.” mark takes your face into his hands.
“hey.” his eyes are unwavering. “i’m not leaving you.”
the warmth of his lips meets yours as he draws you into a sweet kiss, one hand moving to the back of your head. as you separate, he pulls you into a hug.
“i love you.”
his voice is barely above a whisper, but you hear it clearly, pulling away from him with wide eyes at his confession.
“what?” you can’t believe your ears. it can’t be real, this has to be a dream. you shake your head, denying him. “mark, you’re high.” he shakes his head, too.
“i know i’m high and you’re high, but i’ll tell you again and again now and when we’re sober. i love you so much.” his confession opens the floodgates, and tears stream down your face.
“when we first talked, i didn’t tell you everything,” he starts. “every time i look back at that time back in your dorm, i think about how stupid i was.” your eyes are trained on him through your tears, unable to get any words out.
“you told me you loved me, and i was high out of my mind when i said it back, i wasn’t thinking straight. but i meant it beyond being friends and i wasn’t sure if you did also. i tried to play it off, but after all that, i couldn’t,” he confesses, face heating up.
“i meant to talk to you after, i swear. i meant to tell you this in the car that one time, too. but i really was a coward—i think i still am, but i can’t let this go on anymore without telling you everything. i thought i could just be satisfied having your friendship back, but i don’t think i can.” he brings a gentle hand up to your face to wipe your tears.
“i know i’m a little high, but somehow my mind is clearer than ever, __. i love yo-”
he doesn’t get to finish his sentence as you throw your arms around him, pressing your lips to his. his hands find your waist, returning your kiss with more fervor, both hearts racing at the reciprocation. you angle your head to meld your lips further with his, kissing him until both of you are breathless.
when you pull away, there’s not even a hint of devastation written on his face—instead his lips are stretched wide in a goofy grin, eyes gazing at you with pure warmth.
“you fucking idiot.” he winces at your harsh words, but his smile does not falter at all. “i love you, too.”
he pulls you back into a kiss, and it feels just as it did all those years ago. this time, you know he’s staying.
the remnants of your smoke session still flow through your systems, and now that your feelings are clear, you can’t hide your desire for him any longer. you want more, all of him. he guides your hips as you move to straddle him, taking turns nibbling and prodding at the other, deepening the kiss further.
he seems to share the same idea, but as you sit in his lap, feeling him harden in his pants, he pulls away for a second. “are you sure you wanna do this?” he asks, expression serious with a touch of concern. “am i moving too fast?” you appreciate the check in, but you can’t wait any longer.
“no, mark, i’m so sure. i want you so fucking bad.” you move over his hardening bulge to emphasize your words, and he groans, throwing his head back on your couch. “i’ve wanted you for so long,” you breath out over his exposed neck, laying kisses down as he swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing under your lips. he lets out a low groan, pushing your hips down over his own as he lifts himself to meet you.
he tugs at your shirt, lifting it up over your head, and then proceeds to take off his own. “fuck.. you’re too beautiful..” he rasps, continuing to grind himself into you, peppering kisses down your neck, nibbling and sucking his way down. you moan at the sensation, your hips pressing together, and he separates from your collarbone with a loud pop.
he looks at focuses on you with slightly hooded lids, moving his hands down to your ass to slow your hips down with a strong grip. “can we take this to the bed?” he asks, voice slightly shaky. “i don’t wanna cum in my pants, baby.”
you laugh in response to this, grinding down a bit more just to tease him. “let me ride you, gelato boy.” his eyebrows raise at the nickname and then scrunch at the stimulation, but he laughs too, using his grip to push you up from himself and down on your back on the couch.
he hovers over you, drawing close so that you can feel each other’s breath. “don’t tease me.”
an aching feeling erupts in your lower regions. he stands up, pulling you to your feet as he nudges you to lead him to your room. you hold his hand walking to your room, and he does his best to walk with his raging hard member confined in his pants.
“it’s probably not the right time to say this, but i almost came in my fucking pants when we made out in your dorm.” you let out a full bellied laugh at this, cracking up as you open the door to your room and lead him in.
mark smiles seeing you happy, even at the expense of his pride. you’d probably tease him a bit more if not for how turned on you are, but you need him severely. as soon as you’re both inside your bedroom, he has you in his arms, kissing you fiercely as you both tug your bottoms off in between kisses.
you tumble back into the bed, mark securing a strong hand on the back of your head to make sure you land safely, lips attaching to yours once again. you can feel his warmth emanating from his skin on yours, and it all just feels so right.
he brings one hand down to your core, gingerly separating your folds in contrast to the fervor in his lips. he runs two fingers down your slit, gathering your wetness on his digits. you whimper into his mouth, and he separates from your lips, wanting to hear your unmuffled noises.
he circles your clit slowly, kissing your neck as your moans resound like music to his ears. he experimentally shifts a finger down, prodding at your hole before entering slowly. your breath hitches, and he stills, watching your face for any signs of discomfort.
he continues to slip his digit in, thrusting in and out shallowly until he’s knuckle deep. he pulls his hand out, pressing his middle and ring fingers against your hole, slipping them past the entrance as you cry out.
“oh, f-fuck, mark!” you grasp at his shoulders, and his name in your shaky voice encourages him to venture further.
“gotta stretch you out for me, love. so fucking tight.” he scissors his fingers inside you slightly, and your breath stutters again at the stretch.
“’s been a while s-since i’ve done this, okay?” you hide your face with one hand in embarrassment, but mark isn’t having it. his hand separates from your core as he grabs your hand from your face, lips returning to yours like magnets before reattaching his fingers to your core, snaking their way into you before starting to thrust in and out.
his hot breath fans your lips as he moves up, growling lowly. it’s as if a switch in him flipped. “don’t even wanna think of you doing this with anyone else.” his fingers speed up, and he eats up your moans hungrily, messy tongues intertwining. all sorts of emotions whirl in his head, but he’s sure of one thing.
“should’ve. been. me.” he growls into your lips, punctuating his words with the thrusts of his fingers. “fuck, i can’t believe i let you go,” he mutters, jaw clenched at even the thought of someone else in his place.
the funny feeling in your gut earlier was no coincidence, your arousal is overflowing seeing this new side to mark. the intensity, the control—it all reminds you that the mark in front of you truly is a man, and this new side to him is one only you get to see.
“f-fuck, mark, fuck! only you, only you,” you chant, feeling your head lighten from the pleasure.
“yeah? only me?” he questions smugly. he slips his thumb over your clit, rubbing harsh circles in time with the thrusts of his fingers. “let me feel you cum around my fingers, baby.”
your back strains, cursing a mixture of praises and mark’s name, feeling that pool of fire in your abdomen getting hotter and hotter. with one last swipe at your aching clit, he has you tumbling over the edge, cumming over his hands with a loud cry.
he watches you in awe as you catch your breath, relishing the way your walls pulse around his digits as you come down. he gently removes his fingers from you, lapping up your juices from his hand, eyes not faltering from yours. “so fucking good for me.” already you’re aching for more, and so is he.
he’s flooded with the need to feel your walls completely wrapped around him, spreading your legs more as he slots himself between them. he lets his dick rest on your core, rubbing up and down slightly, coating his member in your juices as you whine in overstimulation.
he still keeps an eye on your expression, making sure you’re still okay. “all good?” he asks. he’s huge, and his throbbing heat sits heavy on you. you shudder in excitement at the thought of just how full you’ll feel.
“mark, please,” you plead quietly, wanting nothing more than for him to fill you up completely.
he has a smirk on his face as he continues his slow movements—just a little revenge for your teasing earlier. “please what?”
you thrust your hips up, gliding over his member in a way that almost has him eating his words. he holds your hips down with a firm grip. “what did i say? don’t tease.”
you look up at him with pleading eyes, unable to take it any longer. “mark, please put it in. please, please, please.”
he almost presses a bit more, but he’s about to explode, self control on its very last thread at your begging. he lines up his dick to your entrance, letting the head catch before thrusting in ever so lightly. just the tip has you seeing stars, fisting at the sheets as you adjust to the stretch.
he inches in bit by bit, eyes addicted to the way your face contorts with every shallow thrust. the stretch burns a bit, but he rubs at your sore clit, letting the pain melt into pleasure. he has to still a bit when he finally bottoms out, gaze now locked on how he’s buried in you. he lets you adjust to him, circling his hips to get acquainted with your walls.
your moans resonate through the room, and he has to bite his lip as he huffs, trying to keep himself under control. but you don’t want him to.
“please start moving mark, i need you so bad,” you plead, hands reaching out to grab his shoulders. he moves down, hovering over you, sucking dark marks into your neck as your pleas ring like music to his ears. his hips start to pick up the pace through your pulsing, rolling into you as you lift your hips in time with his.
“i’ve got you,” he grits through clenched teeth, setting a rhythm as your nails dig into his shoulders. he lifts himself up, letting your hands fall to your sides. he laces his fingers through yours, pressing you into the sheets, thrusts getting heavier and harsher.
“f-fuck,” he huffs. “i’m not gonna last long.” you don’t think you are either, not with the way his hips pound into your clit, tip reaching deep into your core. you’re both drowning in the pleasure, your eyes squeezed shut as you tear up from the sensations.
“look at me, __,” he calls, and you open your eyes slowly. he’s breathing hard, glistening sheen painting his body, hair mussed and pointing everywhere. you can’t believe he’s finally all yours, feeling yourself ripple at the thought, chest tightening with pure joy.
mark can feel it, too, groaning as he observes you, warmth surrounding him as proof to him that you’re all his. too. “you really are so beautiful,” he sighs, picking up the pace as he feels his high coming. “i love you.”
“i love you, i love you, i-i love you so much,” you babble, feeling the coil in you tighten and tighten, his movements hitting everywhere just right, his body over yours feeling just right—everything is perfect, he’s perfect.
you’re moaning his name and he’s moaning yours, both of your minds unable to hold thoughts of anything but each other.
with one last strangled moan, you come undone, and he pushes through to carry you through your orgasm, hissing at the way your walls spasm around him. he pulls out at the very last second, jerking himself furiously with his own pained groan as he paints your thighs with his cum.
his eyes hone in on the way his juices look all over you, moving up your body until he’s at your face, eyes softening as he snaps out of his post-orgasm haze.
his body descends onto yours slowly, limbs limp as the two of you catch your breaths. his forehead presses into yours as you calm down. the tenderness of it all almost brings you to tears, this time of joy instead of all those nights of sorrow. little do you know he’s also biting back his own. you just bring that side out of each other.
there’s no words being spoken, just you and mark basking in each other’s presence. you’re exhausted, and he is too, the hours now touching dawn. “one more thing,” he sighs out, toppling to your side and gathering you back into his arms. you hum in response, eyes closed as you scoot forward to rest your head on his chest.
“i was pretty much thinking of quitting being a plug before i saw you at your work.”
your eyes shoot open, darting up to meet his. “really? why??” you ask in shock.
“i don’t know, i was just having second thoughts about picking it up as a job.” his eyes move down to your lips, and he can’t help but lean down and lay some sweet pecks on your lips. you push him away with a giggle, urging him to continue.
“that day i met you again, i really short circuited. it probably seemed so stupid asking you if you smoke out of nowhere, but it really was the only thing my mind could come up with to try and connect with you,” he admits sheepishly. “but i’m glad i did.”
you’re touched, grateful that he made the first move even if it was a bit awkward at first. “i’m glad too, but you could’ve just talked to me, you know.”
“well, i tried, and youuu were the one to shut me down. though i understand why.” he lifts a hand to brush your cheek. you do feel just a bit bad about your treatment of him. but just a bit.
“i’ll admit i was a little harsh.” his hand travels back down around you to tug you even closer.
“no, you were just being careful.“ your eyes close, and you lift an arm around him to caress his back. he feels a bit tense. “i know you’re probably sick of the apologies, but i really do hope you can forgive me,” he continues, tucking you under his chin.
“markie, i forgave you a long time ago,” you assure. “but you can make up for it from now on.”
he’s silent for a bit, but his body relaxes completely at your assurance and the affectionate nickname he had gone so long without. you can feel his chin shift; he’s smiling contently. “you’re right.. i can offer free weed?”
“that’s a given,” you reply sleepily, already starting to doze off. “lifetime supply of gelato, please.”
he laughs, yawning and closing his eyes as well. “anything for you.”
note: if you've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading! like i said in the preview, it's been really hard to write lately, especially after the wrong people found my page, but i still enjoy it and hope you will enjoy this as well. it's not as smut heavy and more focused on the angst, but trust one of these days i'll be back w those high horny thoughts :'0 had a different vision of my plug!mark at first, but ultimately just stayed true to my soft stoner agenda hehe
thank you to everyone who interacted w the preview and also huge huge shout out to my bae @wispyxjae for beta reading thank u ilysm :') <3
feedback and shares are always appreciated!
-coco (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
