The Beast Within

[thegoodvybe]

[lettersto-savemyself]

[abeastwithin-blog]

I should've tried that...

[thegoodvybe]

[thegoodvybe]

[thegoodvybe]

[abeastwithin-blog]

"Wrap your legs around my head so I can wear you like the crown that you are"

[wnq-writers]

“Don’t let this world poison you. This society that idolizes sociopaths, depression, self harm, and abusive relationships—do not buy into the hype. Empathy is not a crutch, although you may swallow that sweet lie when your bleeding heart has gotten the best of you. Do not harm your body. You only get one per lifetime and scars will always last longer than depression. Addiction takes much more than it gives, and relationships are not made to be permanent, make peace with that. Whether you’re together one month or forty years, love is an eternal feeling without an infant life source. But most importantly, the reality is you’ll be a different person ten years down the road, so why make permanent decisions for an impermanent situation? Why regret the past and waste the future? Why punish the body for the sins of the mind? Remember, you are not a slave to your emotions. Discomfort is good for you, pain brings growth, and regret teaches forgiveness. Do not forget that all life is priceless; however, the value of living is only understood in the face of death. By then it is too late. Do not wait until it is too late.”

—

[abeastwithin-blog]

I felt trapped in the very things I had sought refuge in. I won't waste time going into details of my troubled youth. I had it worst than most, better than some. The drugs helped me numb the pain, made me feel whole again. Few friends I reached out to could understand. I think it's too hard for those who have never witnessed the hunger first hand. They just can't grasp the idea of everything else taking a backseat to the addiction.

Within ten years of progressing from one drug habit to the next I started using the needle. That was when I truly lost all control. Stealing, lying and manipulating became a second nature to me in those days. Sharing needles and other not only unhealthy but down right dangerous habits developed. Rarely did I regard the threat of death, jail or diseases. To tell the truth, I wished for death, longed for her to embrace me. As far back as I could remember I desired more and more to hear her sweet whispers, calling me from the land of the living. Beckoning for me to know her more intimately. Maybe that was why my luck panned out the way it did.

One day, in some dope house I couldn't recall ever arriving to, I met a woman who claimed she could give me the fix of my life. Of course I challenged her to prove it. I watched her ready a syringe and fill it a quarter of the way. Hungrily I watched. She eyed me and said that the condition was I had to take some of her blood with it. That by doing so I was surrendering my very life and soul to her for eternity. I laughed at her theatrics and agreed. After filling the rest of the tube with her vibrant red blood she passed it to me. She watched as I found my favorite vein and pushed the plunger home. The familiar vibrations filled my body, my ears began to ring, my eyes shake in their sockets. She moved close and pressed her body hard against mine. She then began to suck on my neck as she unbottoned my pants, fondling me until I was hard. By the time she had taken all of me in we had crashed into shelves and tables and she scratched and bit until I felt her orgasm and drain down my legs. I can't recall her ever leaving, I can't recall ever leaving myself. Five days later I awoke in the woods. Stark naked as the day I was born. My head hurt worse than it ever had. I remember thinking I had been robbed but then remembered I had nothing worth stealing. Luckily it was night time and I wasn't far from home. I wouldn't know what I had gotten myself into for almost a month.