Mon Journal @abigailsharonlioe - Tumblr Blog

“You were gasping and grasping onto things that were never yours to begin, to search for the light at your end of the tunnel. The light that was already yours, waiting to be held. The light that was already inside of you, waiting to be discovered.”

— Lukas W. // The light

Lies Over Lies

Right this time when we’re sitting side by side, there’s one thing i always wanted to ask you from a long time.

How long did i have to wait ‘til you finally tell me all the lies you’ve been hiding since God knows how long?

I’ve been kept my mouth shut & waited patiently. Now that i run out of patience, now that i realized you won’t be here next month, now that i realized i’m stupid enough to wait for you, i always wanted to confront you anyway.

But the one thing over all the things i wanted to ask you was “did you ever sincerely love me for the way i am? did you?”

“from the start, I never thought, I'd say this before, but I don't wanna love you anymore.”

“Why can’t we forever silently admire someone from afar? At least, we get to hold them closer than anyone else without worrying we could lose them someday.”

#AtLeastWeWontLoseThemForever

Why?

Do you remember the first time you falling in love? It made everything that revolves around you was about them.

Everytime they walk by, you silently grinning like a fool and look away when they look at you. But you love the feeling silently admiring them from afar.

Everytime they are close to you, you suddenly have an urge to hold them and make them yours, so that you can hold them closer or maybe just stare into their eyes deeply with love.

But one thing that always been on my mind, “why do we have to confess our feeling? to finally can introduce them properly as ours? to finally can get a pet names for each others?”

Why can’t we silently admire them and love them for afar? I know it might be killing you inside, but at least, you won’t lose someone that means the world to you.

For me, i like the feeling admiring someone from afar, taking care of them silently, inaudibly singing them a love song, smiling for their happiness & wishing them the best. At least.....i don’t lose them. Again.

Eventho it kills me inside.

“I wish I could make the time stop, so we could forget everything and everyone. I wish that the time would line up, so we could just give in to what we want.”

10.02 AM’s PRAYER

It’s a 10.02 AM, and i was wondering are you still asleep while i already at the office and ready to start my day?

Now, as i write this post, it’s 10.03 AM and i was wondering what are you planning to do today?

As the clock ticking, i’m pretty sure i brought you in my prayer today, as i was hoping you to have a good day, just like me hoping that today would be a good day.

Remember to eat breakfast (or brunch), don’t forget to do a morning prayer and let’s have a good day.

“I like that relaxing & familiar scent that i inhale whenever your burrow your head on my shoulder. I hope it’d never end.”

ㅡPleaseDontGo

He said, he wanted to water the perfect woman. I gotta say, he did. He did watering people with affections and his heart-warming smile & got himself a bunch of fangirls.

And yup, i said this far out of jealousy. Therefore i said i’m so proud with him, with every single things he did.

ㅡyougotthisbigboy

You always seem to get what you always wanted. But i declare myself that i’m no longer an option for you.

ㅡsoyoucantlookdownonmenomore

“I fear the day might come that i will see you with another girl.

As much as it hurts me in the feels, i hope she holds your hand. I pray to God that you live happily, appreciate yourself.

Who knows maybe one day we'll be a family.”

ㅡ Rini, My Favorite One.

To The Boy That Starting To Make Me Confused,

To be very honest with myself, yes, you make me happy in all the way possible & the way no one else can.

From your head to toe, your presence, your thoughts, your kindness, your stubborness, you kinda remind me of my friend ㅡ the one that left me behind when i was at my lowest point, when i wasn’t believe in myself. Oh yes, he did.

You came like a lightning bolt, striking me with happiness, of course without the “pika” along.

To be very fucking honest with myself, with God, and with all the people i trust, i adore you so much, you crazy, gorgeous, wonderful (but also sometimes quiet weird but still very lovely) person.

I adore your warm heart and that made you easily befriended with my 6th years best friend.

I like you a lot, like....A LOT, you couldn’t even imagine. And to be very honest for the last time, i swear you deserve all the happiness the universe could give ㅡ but not from me. Because you need the sun, and i’m only a candle.

Best wishes, all the best. I love you, i doㅡthe words you’ll never heard from me.

i still could feel the butterflies dancing in my stomach, everytime i remember that stupid kisses.

ThisIsTheWayYouMakeMeFeel

“cuz when I see you, perfection’s reality, memories renew.

when i see you, i know love ain’t a fantasy, know you feel it too.”

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

I remember the day when i was meant to text you about work, and we haven’t talked for about 3 days.

The last text i sent was “i found my twins, the pug. you said it looks exactly just like me, and yea i had to admit we do look alike.” and you never replied to my text.

But then i found out that you actually send me a spotify link, a song from Bea Miller ft 6LACK - It’s Not U, It’s Me. I was confused and started to search for the lyrics. The lyrics goes like this :

“I'm sure someone's gonna love you, not me

And love all the things that you do

Took a minute but it hit me, finally

That I'm not the person for you.”

And then i stopped smiling as i’m trying to digest the lyrics. That was the time, i realized that we both stuck in this parallel universe called “toxic relationship”. We may not be in relationship, but our “things” are driving us crazy and it’s not good for us.

How do i end this story? I won’t.

blueteensclub

“I Like You, Sorry I Never Meant To,”

Ever heard a beautifully made song “I Like You” from NIKI?

Somehow the song has been telling you all the things that i wanted to say. I was sorry for liking you all this time, and i am not prepared to say good bye too soon.

I haven’t known you that long, i never have the balls to tell you all the things i wanted to tell you, sadly all your lies and my feelings count.

I never meant to drag myself into this kind of relationship called “BFF Zone”. I never wanted to be the part of your world, i was scared to get hurt again for god-knows-how-many-times.

I was never prepared till the day the destiny decide to cut the rope between you and me, but i just want you to know that.....

Last night i dreamt about you, felt so real, it even made me sad and hurted my heart also.

It even amazed me cause i care this much, eventho it means that i have to “sacrifice” myself.

Well, being stupid & being kind have a slight of differences, rite?

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