A Black Girls' Thoughts

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

The world hates to hear that black folk really run this shit.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Idk why i keep letting this mf back into my life.

Smh.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

He brought you to me.

I had to see things about myself that only you could show me.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Ugh. I want sex.

Deep, passionate sex.

Kissin on my neck.

Looking deep into my eyes

Pin me down so I can’t move sex.

😪 just a fantasy for now.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Fuck man. This shit hurts.

But I gotta accept it.

It is what it is.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

One day

I’ll meet someone who is so obsessed with me.

Our loyalty for eachother will be unconditional.

I won’t have to chase, plead, beg, or try to hide my emotions to please them.

Ill be able to openly love them unconditionally and they’ll love me back even more.

Their actions will match their words.

They will be at peace with themselves just as I will be with myself.

We will grow together.

Physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

I won’t have to worry about who they’re with or what they’re doing when they aren’t around.

They will make time for me.

Text, call, pull up whenever they miss me.

They will do everything to show they care.

I won’t have to question anything.

One day.

God will bring him to me.

[aidashakur]

God, remove the toxicity within myself.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Please.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Trying to go through the motions without feeling sorry for myself cuz that shit dead.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

The devil working overtime on me.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

I’m torn between staying solid to this man during this hard time and sacrificing my peace and just never talking to him again.

I can’t trust him. I’m stressing over him. But he claims he realy wants me in his life. But don’t make no effort.

Idk man idk

And like I don’t have my life together

At all. So I shouldn’t be stressing over none of this shit i just idk man

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

I cut him off. I went months.

No contact.

Praying all day everyday for him to leave my mind.

My dreams.

I prayed to stop worrying about what girl he with now.

I prayed to stop comparing myself to the next or past girl.

Trying to stop wondering what she got that I don’t.

I finally stopped hurting.

Finally stopped thinking about him.

Finally stopped comparing.

Then I let him back in.

And now it’s a back and forth up and down cycle of me trying to leave and find peace again.

Now I have to start over.

The pain is back.

The thoughts of him cheating is back.

The comparing myself to other women is back.

Just when I thought I was good.

I go back.

It’s not healthy. I’m not healthy.

I’m hurting.

Lord help me cut him off again. Please.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

I really don’t believe in falling in love

In fact I’m against it.

And it’s not a sad thing.

I dont say this out of heartbreak, pain or anger.

My mind is good. My mind is straight.

And it feels good.

Feels good to not be hung up over someone.

Feels good not to really feel any of that sadness anymore.

Feels good to only want to put energy into myself.

I’m ok with not ever meeting/growing a relationship with a significant other.

Like thats ok to be by myself in this society ya know? I mean Oprah did it for like ever.

And I’m hella with that shit ya dig

Boss ass bih in the making.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Mood:

Ready to fight anybody who want it.

[straightboyfriend]

hardest thing to learn during recovery is….. some of your misery is your own fault. you have to actively choose to stop wallowing in your own pain & start to recover. that means stop being self deprecating, start taking care of yourself, start eating healthy, start taking your hygiene seriously, even if it’s hard. & it is hard! but you must.

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

I really want a son.

I had a dream I had one.

He was 13 at that time.

So beautiful I never loved anyone so much in my life.

One day

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Currently makin a WHOLE mess out of my life lmfao. But I’m just lettin that shit ride.🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[ablackgirlsthoughts]

Ya know

Recently i been up and down.

But today man

I’m sad asf.

I just want to cry.