✿ ❛ the city never sleeps, and neither do i.

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ❛ innocence.

   the night was never silent – though tonight was a different story. that sixth sense, gnawing in the back of his anxious mind. over thinking every possibility, he never thought that one of those possibilities would come true. and yet, here he was, staring into the end of a pistol. his breathing hitched, chocolate hues growing wider as his entire body tensed. the gun in his hand trembled with white knuckles, waiting to die as the gun continued to point at him – until he saw her face.

      ❝ w-what the fuck ? ❞ he hissed softly, swallowing hard. she lowered her gun, and he knew that this women definitely did not expect immortal to be standing before her, ❝ who are you? ❞ he murmured, raising his eyebrows and allowing his lips to part slightly. anxious eyes darted behind her, though the initial shock began to wear off and the innocent aura he gave off to lift. he was mischievous, and that was clear. 

       ❝ i don’t wanna shoot you – so if you’re here to kill my family, you gotta kill me first. ❞ he was determined, squaring his shoulders slightly and knitting his eyebrows. he was hostile, but he wasn’t. he clearly didn’t want to hurt kylie, but if it meant protecting his father, he would do whatever it took.

        his family? last she checked none of them looked alike. hell, the boy in front of her barely looked like the man she was expecting -- kootra. ‘ listen, i’m not going to kill you. ’ how could she? believe it or not, she saw a glint of mischief in his eyes, and she saw a little bit of herself in him when she was his age. innocence was not dead, and she wouldn’t kill it. ‘ i’m just... ’ she had to think quick, she had to lie.

       ‘ i’m here looking for stefani ! ’ a taut smile on her face, ‘ we’re... old friends. ’ the type that disliked each other, but came to an agreement for james’ sake. to make him happy that his two favorite people got along with each other. she slipped her gun to one of the holsters she bought, to keep it from falling. ‘ the gun was a precaution, heard you guys were dangerous, y’know? ’

         offering the boy a genuine smile, she held out her hand. ‘ kylie. nice to meet you. ’ 

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ❛ you’re my kryptonite.

          the silence that follows is deafening as intoxicated hues rest idly on the fireplace across from him , practically boring a hole into it . he has so much to say to her and he wants to say it , he really does , but although foolishly DRUNK he manages to restrain his words . for now . he keeps his eyes ahead as he catches a glimpse of her moving toward him in the corner of his vision , and a small part of him wants to reach out to her , to hold out his arms for her to fall into as he used to do oh so often . but he doesn’t . instead he doesn’t move a muscle , he’s like a statue . a broken , fucked up statue .

          his fingers start to fidget in their place on his lap and for the first time in a long time he feels awkward , uncomfortable . he didn’t ask her to come here — she just did — and seeing her now had managed to subside his tears , his sobs , because he always craved her presence over anyone else’s . now she was actually here , sat beside him , and james didn’t know what to do with himself . he wanted to get up and shut himself in his room until she inevitably left , though he couldn’t bring himself to do so . he wanted to scream at her to get the fuck out , to FUCK herself for damaging him so . but most of all , he wanted to hold her , even if it was just one more time , and feel another’s embrace — hers . the girls he’d been with since kylie all felt like placeholders , they provided nothing and james felt nothing . not for them . for all he could think about was her .

          pursing his lips and sucking in a breath of air , he slowly allows his head to turn towards her . the exhale was shaky , and his heart rate began to speed up once again just by looking at her . the fact that she hadn’t blocked and deleted his number came as a pleasant surprise , though it wasn’t enough to mask the destruction that had already been done . parting his lips and almost gasping , he talks to her . it’s a simple question , though it holds a substantial amount of meaning . ❝ why did you come here ? ❞

             the silence between them made her cringe. there were times when james would be loud, there were times when she would be loud, and there were times when they were both loud. being with james never brought the idea of “quiet” in her head, and yet there they were, sitting in silence, the only sound being their steady breaths. oh, how she wishes things could be like they were years ago, before she walked away. before she fucked up. 

              wandering eyes stopping on kitchen cabinet for a second. if she had alcohol in the moment, it would be way easier to deal with seeing him again. it would be way easier than talking to him, way easier than being reminded of the past. there were so many things she wanted to say, though. she wanted to apologize, she wanted to tell him she still loved him. but most of all, she wanted to tell him that she was just as broken as he was about their break up. they were great together. he was the murderous, but cuddly killer boyfriend, and she was the somewhat innocent school bad girl. like two pieces in a puzzle, they fit together. maybe not perfectly at first, but it worked, and they were happy. and that was all she wanted. she wanted what she couldn’t have -- him. she wanted to feel his arms around her, his body warmth engulfing her, even if she was already burning. she wanted to hug him, to kiss him, and never let him go. 

           her hands fidgeted, feeling his gaze on her. normally, she would’ve wanted him to look at her, she would want the attention. but not in this atmosphere. she knew how angry he could get, and she wasn’t scared of being yelled at, she was scared of hearing the truth. how much he hated her, and how much he wanted her to just drop dead. but his voice was softer than she expected it to be, his tone questioning. and his question, his question made her question her reasons too. does she tell the truth? does she lie through her teeth? or does she just avoid the question? 

          ‘ well... ’ she straightened her body, turning to face him, ‘ i... well, why did you text me? ’ on the outside she was calm, composed. but on the inside, she was secretly wishing she had just said the truth, she should’ve just told him that she missed him, that she wanted to see his face again, hear his voice. but no, she had to turn the tables on him. 

[serotnin]

no offense but I literally can’t process that others genuinely care for me

[unsends-deactivated20170829]

[brendenfraser]

[fosterthelyrics]

campus / vampire weekend

[skeezd]

[swavie]

[abrapaces-blog]

@reckfire

     stars burning bright overhead, silence filling around her, only her steady breath could be heard. placing a hand over her mouth and nose to muffle the sound, she quietly walked around what she was hiding. the coast was clear, she kept walking. hand over her mouth and nose, other hand occupied with her gun. the only thought in her mind, was that she had to get into that building, the building that everyone was too scared to go into probably because of the mob boss in there, jordan mathewson. 

     turning another corner, a shadow shifted, and her gun was up. ‘ stop right there, ’ she yelled, walking closer to the shadow. as she got closer, she could make out the figure. the boy in front of her was about an inch smaller than her, brown hair that covered his eyes for the most part, and a small frame. he looked innocent, until you looked down to the gun he was holding. that still didn’t make her want to shoot him. she put her arms down, shaking her head.

                                                                       ‘ jesus you’re just a kid. ’

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ‘ with a heavy heart.

           his breath catches in his throat once more as she began to speak , though once she’d cut herself off he felt himself tense up . it was as though every muscle in his body was clenched , and he had half a mind to close the door on her — to escape . but something was stopping him . 

          ❝ yeaaah … ❞ the word is drawn out , deliberately elongated as he did all he could to AVOID having to say any more . fuck the whiskey . fuck it . the hand its situated in is shaking , and although it appeared subtle he attempts to mask it by sliding it behind his back instead . he’s tempted to just launch it somewhere in the apartment so that he wouldn’t be tempted to take another swig , he’s gonna fuck this up . there’s no way he wouldn’t . eyes slowly move up and down , taking her all in — it had been so long , and all those love - struck feelings he once felt were slowly finding their way back into his mind , engulfing him . after leaving a momentary pause , he sucks in a breath of air before continuing , ❝ i’m good , i’m good . ❞

         he felt the heavy lump that was brewing in his throat , and after a harsh swallow he’s moving backward and allowing her entry . he’d sent those texts to her with ill - intent , he wanted her to feel regret for what she’d done to him — but maybe he deserved it . looking at her now was the equivalent of sitting atop a roof at night and gazing out into the city , the bright lights and colours drawing james in , soothing him . he couldn’t be mad at her .

          moving over to the couch and slowly lowering himself onto it , he grew silent once more . this was deliberate , for he knew the second he opened his mouth it’d all come pooling out . he didn’t want that . but at the same time , he didn’t want her to leave him . not again . please , not again .

       an awkward cough. there was a pit in her stomach, and a horrible feeling that maybe she had fucked things up. she hoped that wasn’t the case, as if she didn’t already despise herself enough for letting him go, ruining her chances to make amends? that would seal the deal.

      there was a part of her that wanted to run, hearing his voice again. she didn’t realize how hard it would be to talk to him again. she didn’t even know how she was able to face him, not after what she did to him. yet she was there, standing in front of him, at a loss of words. all her feelings that she tried her best to ignore, to press away, came rushing back in a second. the love she has for him, the happiness to be with him. all while enduring the feeling of guilt for hurting him, and the pain of telling him to leave. and all she wanted to do right now was hug him and apologize for everything she’d done to him. but she didn’t move, she couldn’t move. she felt completely and utterly awkward, especially with him eying her down. she nodded her head at his reply to her question from earlier, thank god he was okay.

     watching him move out of the way to let her in brought more hope that maybe this broken relationship could be fixed. but how would she fix it? could she just let herself fall in love again ( though, it was too late for that )? seeing him again was one giant memory back to a few years ago, all the happy times. but immediately her mind would go to all those moments people ridiculed her for dating an older man, the rumors of him being a killer ( even though she thought they weren’t true ). even her best friend told her to break up with him. and that was what she did. and it was like dropping her into a pit of sadness, because he made her happy, he made her feel alive.

     ‘ nice place you got here. ’ she said, eyes roaming around the room, trying not to be too loud to wake up stefani. god, if she saw stefani again, she wasn’t sure what would happen. she knew stefani didn’t particularly like her when she was with james, and she was sure stefani wouldn’t like her after she broke his heart. she took a place next to james on the couch, not saying a word, eyes roaming everywhere but james’ direction.

My bra size should be C-4 cause these are some bomb ass titties

[abrapaces-blog]

buries his head into the crook of her neck tbh.

          a soft smile creeped onto an already happy expression. a soft giggle left her lips, feeling his beard, and his long hair, tickle her neck. she was relieved that they had fixed their relationship. she was relieved that her mistake that her seventeen year old self made years ago. and she was definitely happy that she could be with him again. that she could feel him, that she could kiss him and express how much she loves him. 

          a content sigh left her lips, ‘ i like you. a lot. ’ okay so maybe she wasn’t brave enough to say “i love you” yet.

[loveserum-deactivated20191021]

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ‘ FUCK YOU.

    where her anger grew, his grew WORSE. the GROWL that left his THROAT was fierce and he was NOT going to take this from her. so.. this was KYLIE. the wicked smirk that pulled his lips was full of misplaced humor, and he wasn’t going to TAKE this.  ❝ you ACT like i care who you are, sweetheart. ❞ he took her confidence as a challenge, not as a thing to admire her by. she was NOTHING to him, and it only made it worse that she told him who she was. ❝ all you’ve DONE is hurt him, you STUPID girl. you think THIS is the way of getting what you want, pushing someone who HE not only fears, but RESPECTS? ❞

     ❝ you act as THOUGH you don’t fear death, but are oh so desperate to find someone you don’t DESERVE?! ❞ his knuckles were white, and every OUNCE of his being screamed at him to NOT pull the trigger, ❝ you’ll NEVER see him again, miss kyle page. ❞ he leaned eye level with her, his eyes full of RAGE, the scar on his jaw VISIBLE. he was clearly older, wiser, more in check than james. she didn’t know who he was, exactly – she wasn’t AWARE of who exactly he was. though how did she FIND him? he spoke with the AUTHORITY he KNEW he had, and he knew he could use. 

     he PULLED the trigger, but it CLICKED. he knew he hadn’t reloaded his gun yet, considering he had recently fired it. the wickedly evil smirk only grew, before he turned around and began to walk the other direction. before he ACTUALLY killed her. it wasn’t a GUN that he needed, he had his bare hands to go with. he was DONE with her, and it was clear. he BELLOWED out behind him as he sauntered away,

    ❝ i will PERSONALLY make sure that you NEVER see james again. it is MY duty to protect him, and all you are is a lost cause. ❞ he turned around, his glare FIERCE, ❝ i am his FATHER, after all. ❞       

        a roll of her eyes, ‘ and you act like i care about your authority. ’ it wasn’t rocket science that this guy probably scared many people, especially with his eyes laced with killing intent. but fear wasn’t really an option when you lived the type of lives they lived. killing, stealing, and all that good stuff. it almost made her laugh at his attempts to scare her. she thought fear was for the weak, and so was putting your respect and trust in other people. she only did that with one person, and that was reserved for her best friend. ‘ respect? fuck you and your stupid respect. ’ 

      his next sentence really got her going. it was like he thought she didn’t already know she wasn’t good enough for him. it was like he thought she was putting up an act. and his claim that she would never see him again made her heart ache. all she wanted was to see him again, one more time. she wanted to see his face, to see him smile one more time. her jaw clenched, pushing away the pain before she lost the person she had decided to become. she spat at him, ‘ you think i don’t know i don’t deserve him? news flash, dickhead, i’ve knew that a few weeks into our relationship. so fuck you. fuck you for thinking you can take something away from me that wasn’t really mine. ’ 

     hearing the click of the gun didn’t startle her, but there was some surprise in her expression. what was the point of pointing a gun at her when it wasn’t even loaded? it was like a scene in some bad action movie, just to scare the person, to not kill off a character, but put them in a dangerous position. she clicked her tongue. ‘ too scared to kill me? ’ she taunted, smirk creeping onto her expression. frankly, she knew if he had any intention of killing her, he would’ve already done it. it would be the same for her, because she wanted something ( or rather someone ). but what did he want? 

     ah, that was what he wanted. to see her leave, unsuccessful on what she was there for. she rolled her eyes, if she rolled them any harder, they would’ve popped out of her eye sockets. ‘ oh i’m so scared, ’ she mocked, ‘ well this lost cause isn’t as lost as you think. ’

[laserdeadpool]

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ‘ I MISSED YOU.

          the taste of whiskey was heavy on his tongue and with every trembling breath he felt the aching in his stomach strengthen , causing him to violently wince as he attempted to remove himself from the bed . blindly feeling around for the bottle on the littered carpet he eventually locates its position , clammy fingers tightening around it and bringing it to his lips once again . part of him was telling him to STOP , that this isn’t how he wanted her to see him — not after all these years . but in all honesty , he knew he wouldn’t even be able to look her in the eye while sober . she ruined him .

          for a while he sat in complete silence , though every few seconds it was punctuated by his own heavy breathing . he wipes a hand over his face once more , the warmth of the touch comforting him to an extent , reassuring him . he was alive , he was here , and he was going to see kylie again . whether he loved the idea or abhorred it , well , that was certainly up for debate . the moment he hears that familiar knock on the door — fuck , even the pattern was familiar to him — she hadn’t changed a damn bit . a hint of a smile creeps upon a broken face though it had vanished as quickly as it came , hands balling into fists as he prepared himself . sure , he was drunk out of his fucking mind and was bound to say some stupid shit , but he could hold it together . please hold it together .

          slowly he began to approach the front door , both to prevent stefani from stirring and to also avoid what seemed to be the inevitable . fingers land on the door latch and he’s turning it , opening it . his breath catches in his throat at the sight of her , oh FUCK her . fuck her , fuck her , fuck her . he doesn’t say anything to her , for he can only gaze . goddamnit , he’s in love . 

        waiting patiently at the door, she realized this was probably the first time in a long time, she felt like her old self. now, she barely could wait for anything, she was fearless ( or so she acted so ), and she just didn’t give a fuck. but when it came to james, it was like all of that came crashing down. she felt... vulnerable. like if stefani opened the door, she could break down just at being told to leave. she hated it, but at the same time, she would do anything to be around him again, to have a feeling of security. 

       hearing the doorknob jiggle slightly startled her. this was it. the moment of truth, if it was james. and she hoped it was. it had been how long since she broke up with him? she was a kid back then, and she hoped that her experience had changed her into the person she wanted to be for him back then. the mature woman, one that could make him happy. 

      when the door finally opened fully, enough so she could see him again, she swore her heart stopped for a second. maybe he wasn’t in the best shape -- who was when they were drunk? but there he was. the man she let go like he was nothing. she wanted to yell, she wanted to scream at herself, she wanted to apologize. but nothing came out of her mouth. in her mind, all she was thinking about how much he had changed. he was taller, a beard, his eyes no longer screamed fun in an innocent-ish way, it screamed fun in a menacing way. 

      it brought her back to when they were younger. the nights when he would be drunk -- probably from a stressful day at whatever work he did back then -- and he would call her. those nights were her favorite. they would slip into his bed, cuddling, a pleasant silence filling between them until they both fell asleep. sometimes he would let her play with his hair, that was her favorite thing to do. and other times she would let him play with her hair, if he wanted to. 

       a sigh left her lips, ‘ james, ’ a slight smile on her face, ‘ i mi... ’ she faded out. what was she going to say? “i missed you”? with the text he sent her? would he even believe her if she said anything like that? but that’s all she could think to say, “i missed you”, “i love you”, “i never stopped loving”. she felt butterflies in her stomach, it had been a while since she really felt that way. she had tried to be with other guys after him, but the thing was. they were never him. 

                                                ‘ uh... how are you? ’

[abrapaces-blog]

✿ ‘ FUCK YOU.

@abrapaces / contin’d from here.

    this arrogant soul, diminutive in size and foolish in heart. steeled blue eyes glared with ill-intent, his broad shoulders tensing with the facade of a women, cornering him DEMANDING things from him – she was in no place. he would DROP her like a worthless fly without the BLINK of an eye. oh, he was LISTENING all right; the more he considered her, the more he wanted to KILL HER.

   ❝ FOOLISH girl. ❞ his voice BOOMED, and instantly his silencer was aimed at her FOREHEAD, ❝ you are NOTHING to me, just a worthless whelp beneath my FEET. you will be answering MY questions, and perhaps you’ll hear an answer from ME. ❞ the gun was pushed CLOSER, nearly touching her fair skin, ❝ what is your name, and WHO do you fucking work for?! ❞ he leaned CLOSER, looming – his face spoke AUTHORITY, and his eyes screamed… killer.        

        this was what she hated about people, the feeling of authority that everyone thinks they have when they don’t. then the gun was out, and a small laugh left her lips. ‘ is that supposed to scare me? ’ she had been at gunpoint many times, and each time, she expected to die. this was no different. it’s just that this time, she was looking for information. plus, in this situation, she had a gun of her own. she was sure they would have a gun fight if she pulled it out. and honestly, she didn’t care much if they did. 

       his demands did nothing but make her angry. ‘ who are you to tell me what to do? ’ when she noticed him pointing the gun closer to her, she took a step forward. if there was any fear running through her body, it was blocked out by the burning anger that rushed through her veins. ‘ go ahead, shitstain. and go ahead, tell james you hurt his ex-girlfriend. i’m sure he’ll be glad to hear about the fall of kylie page. ’ while she had been moping about their relationship in the years after she broke up with him, she wanted to see him again. nothing would stop her, even death couldn’t stop her ( well, it would, but she would find a way ). 

                                                  ‘ you don’t scare me, asswipe. ’