Gabby

Into photography and whatever makes sense to me.

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Curious of what the universe has planned for me this time.

I am hours away from deciding where to live next. It's 4:30 AM and deep into my thoughts as I figure out how can I make it work while I'm also considering letting the universe do it's thing and let it all unfold in front of my naked eyes. I can't help but be impatient.

San Juan St. Kapitolyo, nearby food district, bigger space for Owie and I, Lots of coffee shop to work at, basically a paradise for professional in working class like me.

Dormiko Visaya, nearby our family's homes, will live more independently, I can go home anytime I want yet still have right amount of space away from my family. Good area for food and some known coffee shops to work at, basically our world will slightly revert back to what we were a year ago but with wisdom this time around.

#incomplete thoughts

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Movie thoughts

I watched Good grief (2023) & Soul mate(2026) and it made me realize how there are parts of me I haven't really been honest about, not even for myself. These thoughts and feelings I've denied myself kept me stuck in what I've been doing and what I could've been doing. I wanted to feel liberation. I wanted to feel seen. I wanted to feel being treasured. I wanted to feel like I'm living again. Not for others, but for myself again. I haven't been trusting myself enough that if I let go of things, I'd still be okay. That things will work out. I'm scared of making big decisions. I'm scared of changing things and make other people uncomfortable. I'm scared I haven't been the best son, brother and friend. I'm scared that at the end of the day, I'll hear them be disappointed of what I've been doing with my life. That they'd tell I could have been someone different. That I've stalling for so long and it won't even matter at the end cause no results of success even materialized. Their point of view of success. I still am scared while I'm writing this.

I don't know what would need to happen so I could think differently of myself. I wish there's an answer. I wish I'm brave. I wish I'm ready. I wish I'm wise enough to figure this out.

They say in life, you make you own story and I just haven't been the best designer of my own.

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Done with the 29 years and on to the next.

Crazy how time flies. Sometimes I feel like my brain can never comprehend it at all. The way it matters in my work, hobbies, relationships and all aspect of my existence. It's something we just notice when it already passed.

This year was crazy good and bad for all the right reasons. I cried, I suffered, I laughed, I met a lot of people, I got scammed, I got sidelines, I got a new hobby, I got a bad habit, & most importantly I experienced life way more different this time around.

Last year, I remember how much I ask for a different version of me and I guess moving out was the turning point and did a lot of rewiring in me. It expanded my experience physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially. I can't say everything went well but I'm happy. I'm hopeful and positive now.

Looking forward to the day I find my meaning & purpose to my family, friends, potential partner and to myself. It's something I've been thinking about lately as I sometimes find myself losing the drive to get on with life. I'm in no rush but I hope this time I make the opportunities count and let it find me on my best version.

✨Putting this out to the world ✨

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☁🌕🌳

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At this point, I'm good wherever this path may take me.

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Sea and my never ending obsession with it 🌊

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Before I get carried away again..

Lightly want to bump myself for thinking of the same person I still think about. Something about watching a tiktok of Ariana talking about how she probably won’t be singing I wish I hated you made me reminisce a certain part of my life that I consider I genuinely enjoyed and treasured. It woke a younger version of me that hasn’t been showing itself for months now. The song felt like something I’d love to listen with him — holding his hands, resting my head on his chest, hearing his heart and every inhale and exhale and just staying in that moment. I almost had the thought of having him, that version of him and I, meet again and just maybe our paths could get tangled again.

A few hours past by from scanning our convos in insta, messenger, his highlights, my highlights, images and videos of our trips but from his perspective that I didn’t even care to remember back then. It was hard to read how he felt the night we broke up cause I know for a fact I was the one who let go and I was the one who chose to. Reading again our messages from my existential crisis questions reminded me that it was all in the past now. The chunk of time in between was way larger than what we had. Lives were already changed drastically. The memories flowed like they were all an splices from a series I used to love watching that I vaguely remember how it all happened but I’m convinced it all happened.

Now, I’m seeing myself in a desperate action of downloading tumblr AGAIN for whatever reason. Part of me thought I could send a message saying I randomly downloading the app and saw all the feelings I’ve written of him just so I could express it. Can I call it desperate? Maybe. Maybe not. I struggle to express these words even until now that I thought it was a good idea. Never thinking what it could result to. That feeling of just letting things be was also a feeling I never felt in a long time. It was engraved in me to think beyond what’s in front of me to take caution of what lies a head and that practice made me somehow miserable and exhausted at some point. In a way it made me cruel to myself and cruel to the people around me. Always choosing myself first. It’s good and it’s bad. Two things that coexists.

Sometimes I hope and sometimes being single hits hard. May I experience that kind of love I felt with Mark again in this lifetime.

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Sana ikaw una ko nakikita sa tabi ko pagdilat ng mata ko sa umaga pati bago pumikit sa gabi.

kung pwede pa

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Moving out: 2025?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot these past months. I know there are pros and cons, I know I’m not capable as of the moment, and I just know it will be worth trying. I’m 27, I’m financially more comfortable than 3 years ago but maybe until after I’m done with the renovation and I feel like it’s just about time I move to another pond to grow. (Alexis Rose reference)

I molded my algorithm to show bunch of condos or apartments for rent and every now and then I get hooked with how the place looks, how much it costs & how it will be convenient to live in or how far is it from our current place. It’s a lot to digest and I should take time to think about it.

But yeah so far, I haven’t seen a place that promising. So goodluck to me

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2024 thoughts

This is not going to be a blog about annual promises or year end reminiscing. Now is almost 3AM and I can’t sleep. Tried playing Wildrift, watch Kim’s convenience store which by the way, maybe my new comfort series and also dead scroll in tiktok but still nothing. I know Im tired and maybe it’s because of the serotonin I get from exposing my self to social media during this hour.

Here’s to a more quiet online platform where I can be cheesy to myself, cringey to what I write and just write my thoughts as I experience it. It’s a bit comforting knowing this won’t be seen by anyone I know. Hopefully. But if someone does in the future, hello! Maybe just keep it to yourself. Don’t even mention it to me lol.

Social media has been so oversaturated and it is just way too overwhelming to write something genuinely without sounding pretentious or needy. Don’t need to explain it. I guess at some point that’s how everybody feels when posting something. It’s just dragging at this point. Might consider being a drag queen for sure. Oh wow a joke. Lovely.

Can’t believe the Ui/Ux of this platform is this old but a bit modern. Maybe the developers still update this. Anyway, now I’m feeling sleepy and just what I needed. It helped getting some thoughts out of my head. 🙏

Okay I just realized I’ve been writing without using emojis. Feels weird. Feels like it’s been engraved to my head to add one to imply more emotion to my writing and adds relatability into it. I guess that’s one thing I’d need to unlearn.

Have a great weekend!

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How does a person simply remove his insecurities. How much to lose when you feel so little. Petty

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Beginning, Middle and End

The more you think about it, the faster the pace.

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Dreamy

I never knew I could reach my dream this close.

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Boldness to baldness

[pixalry]

Overwatch Travel Poster Series - Created by Stephanie Louie

Prints available for sale from her Etsy Shop.

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I may not be able to tell this to him every day, but the moment I met him, i knew he is different.

He is loving, clingy, caring, unpredictable yet cute. Anyone could wish for in a relationship.

He accepted me even when I deny myself. He listened to me during my darkest days and even during my common nights. He has this funny grumpy face that makes me smile. Everytime he and his mom picks their groceries, he always ask for my opinion on what cookies to buy for random snacks.

He liked me for the flaws I always try to hide.

He liked me for the pain I kept on concealing.

He loved me in my most obvious insecurities.

Loving him is the most glorious feeling.

Baby fats

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La Union 2015. A beautiful memory 😁