#left unsaid

[theweightofexisting]

[remanence-of-love]

[howifeltabouthim]

'Did you... want me then?' Did you love me then? But I couldn't ask that. It was too pathetic, too fragile, too hopeful—

Kate Stevens, from Bride of Brutal Hearts

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom

Things I Never Told You

I stand in front of your gravestone. It suits you. Polished. Elegant. Only your name, no dates. Ageless. Timeless. That’s how I’ll always remember you. 

You will never get grey hair. I can’t help wondering if you would’ve dyed it if you’d lived to experience it. 

Your fingers will never know arthritis. I can’t bear the thought of you being forced to discard your Stradivarius. 

The tightly fitted shirts and trousers will always fit you. Your belly will never soften, coerce you to size up.

Your flawless skin will remain so. No wrinkles will blemish parts of your body.

Never will your mesmerising eyes be framed by glasses. The sharp eyesight will forever pierce through souls and puzzles.

221B remains your home. Mrs H doesn’t allow anyone but me and Mycroft up there.

I think Billy misses you. He stopped talking to me after a week of ranting. Apparently, he didn’t like that I yelled at you. Do you know what he said before he got mute? 

“He had no other choice, for heaven’s sake!”

His voice is so similar to yours. 

I’ve written you a letter. There are things I never told you. Things I can’t bear to say out loud. Not even to your gravestone. I’ll leave it here.

Bye, Sherlock. I miss you. So much. 

***

Dear, Sherlock

Retrospect is a bitch, isn’t it. But so is fear. You always called me brave, remember. Well, you were wrong about that, Sherlock. I am a coward. If I had been brave, I would’ve said what I’m about to write, to your face instead of placing this letter on your grave where you won’t be able to read it.

I love you, Sherlock Holmes. Not in the platonic-best friends-flatmates kind of way. The other way. The opposite way. The way everyone assumed from the very first day we met. The I-am-in-love-with-you kind of way. 

You were so beautiful that night at Angelo’s. Took my breath away, is what you did, and I couldn’t help myself. I had to know if there was someone special in your life. God, I still cringe thinking about it! You were so gracious about it all. Let me down so gently, totally unprecedented by your normal standards. That’s when I knew you had the biggest heart. You had every right to be rude, to brush me off. We’d only known each other for hours for Christ’s sake!

Well, that’s what I’ve wanted to say for the longest time. I don’t know if you changed your mind after that night. But your brother, Greg, and our landlady seem to agree that I’ve made an impact on you. Mycroft was particularly bemused when he learned that you actually listened to me and tried not to be too harsh with witnesses and clients.

I don’t know, Sherlock. I’m still grieving. Coherency was more your thing than mine anyway. It doesn’t matter. You’re dead and won’t read this. It has more to do with my sanity at this point. The words needed saying, and I don’t want anyone else to read them. I’m the only one who comes here, so it will be safe until tomorrow. 

Forever yours. John

Tears are trickling down my cheeks when I’ve read the letter.

“Oh, John,” I whisper. “I am so sorry.”

***

When I return the next day, the letter is gone.

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[diaryyun]

Feeling disappointed in yourself doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just shows you’re aware and you want to do better. Be gentle with yourself… growth takes time, and you’re allowed to stumble along the way. What matters is that you keep moving forward, even if slowly.

[samlthea]

"there’s a particular kind of sadness in wanting to tell someone how you feel and realizing you can’t. not because you don’t trust them, but because there’s no language that captures the exact shade of it. so you carry it alone. not as a punishment, but as a quiet truth."

[naeemajusthasthoughts]

An unspoken plea

Forget me.

It’s the only way to be free.

I’ve gripped you long enough;

the agony must have made itself a home

Buried deep within your heart,

you have the scars to prove it.

It’s been too long.

You look like a statue, dressed in green,

with birds dressing you down.

with a breeze you seem to freeze

I’ve kept you up long enough.

Bury me in the soil below,

where I only found warmth,

my eyes looking up, longing towards the sky

the only place I found love.

Peace has never been my friend, always out of bounds.

It must be hard to breathe,

having to take care of me.

Lonely and bitter, twisted in your heart,

yet still you held on.

And I forgot how to let you go.

Please, forget me.

Find your way back to that path.

Let it lead you back towards love.

Let go of this baggage gripping onto you.

Be the person you were always meant to be,

and only remember me

when you are completely happy.

[theweightofexisting]