We're Born Alone, We Live Alone, We Die Alone

Abuse tested my kindness, and you’re testing my patience. — This is for me, if you happen to stumble upon it I’m very sorry. I kindly ask that if you choose to explore this blog, you don’t pass judgment. Everyone is fighting their own battles, this is basically the story of mine.

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I legitimately hate a dying woman, because she is the barrier to me seeing my kid again. She's selfish and horrible, and I wish she'd die already.

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It keeps getting worse...

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I just love being blatantly ignored while crying for help

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I love how I can say I've been feeling off and not okay mentally and I get left by myself 🙃

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Not me grieving the person my girlfriend was before 2 years of homelessness drove her insane...I was lucky enough to adapt so I wasn't harmed mentally. But...fuck...nothing's ever gonna be the same...

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"I'm not trying to diminish your problems."

*continues to tell me how she has it much worse, blah blah blah*

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Why the fuck should I have to post in NSFW spaces to get people to like me...can't I just be me? Why must I show my body to get people to want to interact with me. It's disgusting.

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I'm aware that I have DID, but that doesn't mean I understand it...

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It's really unpleasant to have to listen to someone hacking up a lung all day and night because they have end stage 4 emphazima and refuse to quit smoking...goes in the bathroom to smoke cigarettes and then goes and does a breathing treatment. Hmm, I wonder why the fuck you can't breathe.

[abused-k-s]

My one girlfriend, the one I've been with for over 4 years, every time she's in a lot of pain and/or a bad mood, she takes it out on the people around her. Me, her and our other girlfriend were grocery shopping earlier, and she was in a lot of pain. She's bitching at me and our other girlfriend just out in public, correcting us for no reason and just generally being rude. Meanwhile she's on discord fawning over this new girl she's been talking to. She's been like this basically our whole relationship...ugh it's been over 4 years because I love her but God damn...

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I've got my psych meds and I'm going to be getting my others too. I can only afford my other meds because my psych office has a grant to get my meds for free from their in office pharmacy. Hopefully I'll be feeling like myself again soon...

[abused-k-s]

I've stopped telling my long distance girlfriend when anything is wrong. I've only been sending her positive messages. And the two girlfriends I live with either make a joke or change the topic when I say something's wrong. I have no one to go to with my struggles...I'm alone...

[abused-k-s]

Why won't they ever say "no"?

I ask a question, usually something important to me, and I get this long winded response of why it probably shouldn't happen. Like yeah that's basically a no, but both of my girlfriends have issues just saying no and it really fucking bothers me...

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I try to make it known how much my birthday is important to me...I was supposed to get a cheap little flash tattoo as a birthday present this year. Expired ID so not on my birthday. Get my ID and now it's like "we won't be able to afford it for the foreseeable future". And it's because we need a qp of weed every other week to keep us going because there's three of us and it's medicine for us. And nothing was offered in place of it, just...no you can't have it now. You get my hopes up, I was IN THE SHOP...my one girlfriend got her flash tattoo that day too. So not only was I denied in person but I had to sit there for however long and watch my girlfriend get hers.

I know I sound selfish but growing up my birthday was yelling hitting and screaming. Now that I'm away from my abusive mother I'm trying to change what "birthday" means in my head and make it a positive thing. But it's not just about the tattoo, we DID have money at that point, and there was no card, no box mix cake, none of the super cheap and easy things to do. I even had to prompt both of my girlfriends to say happy birthday to me, they weren't even going to say it.

Why am I such an afterthought to these two...

[abused-k-s]

I lived with an abusive mother for 26 years, I know how to say "I love you" and not mean it

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Living in a triad sounds like it would be nice.

Except when they call each other babe and me by my name.

When they discuss all the important things together and tell me nothing.

I get zero communication from either of them, and they also treat me like a fucking child.

I'm so unhappy here...but I have nowhere else to go...

[abused-k-s]

Went to a flash tattoo event on my birthday. Super excited.

They won't do it cause my ID is expired, but the artist said they would honor flash price when I get my ID straightened out.

I have my ID and I'm being told I can't get it at all because we keep needing to re-up on weed.

Why can't my birthday ever just go good? I try so God damn hard every fucking year and it's always shit to no fault of my own. I'm just gonna fucking give up. Screw my birthday.