Access Family Law

Online legal technology, family law and more. Read commentaries and discussions on news, updates and opinions affecting each of us at home and in our daily lives.

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Compare online divorce forms from the best divorce form websites before you buy! Side-by-side divorce form comparison and online divorce reviews.

I frequently wonder how often people do their research when making a purchase. Especially something as important as divorce. What resources do they turn to and if they research the resources. Comparelegalforms.com, the link above, pretty prominently displays a disclaimer in the top half of their site letting the user know they receive a commission from the divorce services listed. Wouldn’t it be great if all review resources held themselves to that standard? 

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Surviving Netflix

 A true survival guide teaches you to be able to survive anything. Whether it’s rabid bear attacks or the complete collapse of everything. Now I can’t help you much with rabid bears, (go for the gills?), and my end of the world plan involves eating Red Vines while zombies steadily make their way through my half-hearted plywood defenses, but what I can help with is surviving the hard, hard realities of being a single parent. Look, it can’t all be flat tires, amusement parks, or family vacations from hell. Sometimes, you just want to sit on the couch, turn on some Netflix, and just chill. How much survival training could you possibly need to watch Netflix with kids? Turns out a lot actually. 

Kid shows will take your sanity. Quick, try and make sense of this: flashing lights, flying dogs, singing, explosions, disco balls, vampire princesses? Snails with eye makeup, ice cream mountains, more flashing lights! Sounds! Things! Stuff!

It looks like your aunt’s mad libs when she finally has had to many Singapore Slings during family game night. I mean, what in the actual hell? Well, that’s just Adventure Time, a popular kids show that was no doubt created by some ADHD suffering Adderall fueled junior TV producer who was on the last legs of an epic multi day glue huffing bender. It’s, well it’s awesome actually. And it’s actually pretty normal for kids’ TV. Between sponge bob, teen titans, we bare bears, or whatever it is Tinker Bell is up to these days, kids’ TV is a sea of weirdness and actual insanity. Which is good if you want to distract your kids from stripping down to their Huggies and shaving the family pet. But it becomes a test in psychological torture techniques for you, the adult, when you have to watch it on repeat over, and over, and over . . . and over again. The human mind can only take so much. 90% of the shows geared toward “kids” are actually declassified CIA interrogation techniques designed to reduce hardened terrorists to babbling idiots the moment the theme song for “Little Einstein’s” comes on for the 10,000th time. (I’m going on a trip on a big old rocket ship . . . I know, I’m a monster, but we are in this together.)

It gets worse when you have kids that can talk and communicate. What parent hasn’t been stopped on a busy sidewalk to take a knee and listen to your little munchkin wax poetic about something or another (yes honey, you’re right some dogs are brown. Uh huh, yeah, fish are silly. Uh huh.) But now there are characters, and continuity involved. There’s an actual plot to follow. Your little one will be gibber gabbing about “why does Toothless (the dragon, duh) have no teeth? How does he eat??” And you better have an answer. That means you have to watch the show, or become really good at making it up as you go. The best way to watch kids shows is to not think of them as shows for kids. TV producers know parents will be watching these shows with their kids so they throw in some stuff that is designed to go right over those tiny little heads. If you have ever been to Comic Con (or online) you know that there is a ton of adults who truly enjoy some of these cartoons. And why wouldn’t they? Some of these shows are actually pretty entertaining. It’s all about keeping an open mind here. Your kiddos get be silly and you get the opportunity to bond with them a bit. Just keep in mind . . .

It’s possible to literally time travel. No I’m not saying Netflix has gone all Doc Brown and harnessed 1.21gigawatts to send you back to the future via streaming video, but it is probably the closest thing we will get to time travel without the assistance of a two-hearted alien in a blue police box. Fire up Netflix and time has a way of getting away from you. “I’m going to just check out what this Supernatural is all about . . .” quickly turns into 2 seasons deep with the sun of a new dawn shining in through closes blinds, and you realizing you haven’t moved in 12 hours with the couch having accepted you as one of its own. This temporal phenomenon is actually part of Netflix’s design. When Skynet becomes self-aware, it won’t launch nukes at mankind, no it will instead release every season of Game of Thrones and shorten the time between episodes from 15 seconds to 5. We won’t even know we are being conquered by an evil robot overlord, we will be too busy trying to figure out how Danni will get to Westeros. 15 seconds is not a long time. I doubt even a professional jumper-jacker could get in one, maybe two jumping jacks before a new show starts and sucks them back into the warm blue embrace of serialized television. Netflix’s sole purpose is to keep you watching shows, and producers know this. Will Rick save Carl (Coral)? Whose number on on the Blacklist? Will Dean eat that pie? Can the Doctor stop the Daleks? Stay turned for next week’s episode! Only there isn’t a next week. On Netflix’s post productivity hellscape, there is only 15 seconds! A whole week of waiting condensed into a time frame that is faster than the amount of time it takes most people to tie their shoes. That’s like putting vending machines of blue meth on every corner in Albuquerque, and twice as instantaneous. Oh and speaking of junkies . . .

It can become an addiction. Binge eating. Binge drinking. Binge watching? Two of these things are a serious medical addition, and the other involves shoveling Cinnabuns into your face hole to fill the empty feeling in your heart. Science every got all sciency and figured out intense amounts of binge watching is actually as bad for you as a serious drug addition. Teach your children moderation by example first and then by consistency. Excessive TV is already linked to a slew of health problems in kids, including obesity (very few treadmills let you watch 14 hours of Big Bang Theory). And note the key word here: “excess”. TV can be great. Little Einstein’s can teach your kids about shapes and the joys of interstellar exploration, Mr. Rogers’s Neighborhood teaches the importance of kindness and Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood now carries on his legacy teaching both children and parents that all feelings are important and how we express those feelings is life defining. I could go on, Tinker Bell to Jake and the Neverland Pirates all have social and educational messages of value. And the best part of Netflix is that you as the parent get to decide which of those message are most important to the value base of your family. Again, the key is to let your kids view these shows in moderation and then the majority of the time roll them off the couch so they can run around in the sunshine. Netflix really, really wants you to keep watching, but remember, you control the remote.  If previous generations could wait a whole week to veiw the next installment of Dallas or whatever it was people used to watch before streaming video (FDR’s fireside chats? I don’t know) you can take a walk with the kids. With that being said, a day will come when the kids are at school, or up in bd, and you will want to catch up on some shows all your coworkers have been talking about. But time is precious for the single parent, so out of the 1,000s of (mostly terrible) shows on Netflix, which ones do you watch? Cue the segue!

What to watch and what to skip when the kids go to bed. So yes, and I can’t stress this enough, practice moderation. But surviving Netflix is more than just doing some jumping jacks each time another episode loads. A big part of the battle is knowing what to watch. As a single parent, you don’t have time to waste. By my estimates, you have about an hour before yet another stuffed toy gets flushed down the potty. So to help you not waste crucial down time watching crappy shows when you are not dealing with actual crap, I complied a beginners guide to the most popular TV shows on Netflix. 

1. The Walking Dead - Because everyone is talking about it and you know you wouldn’t mind getting lost in the fantasy that you had to bludgeon your neighbor with a baseball bat because he turned into a zombie instead of say, leaving his dog’s poop in your yard (Seriously Chad, that’s a cute dog, it would be a shame if something happened to it.)

2. Game of Thrones - Wide, sweeping storyline and plenty of memorable characters. Also dragons, incest, snow zombies, and just all the nudity. 

3. Doctor Who - Any show that has been on for 50 years is worth watching. Bonus points because you can technically watch this show with the kids. Just beware any episode with the Angels in them. I’m a grown man and those damn statues still give me nightmares. 

4. Supernatural- This long running show starts out kind of Scooby Doo but quickly turns into a pulse pounding epic story. Just don't hope to get "Carry on my wayward son" by Kanas out of your head anytime soon.

5. Sherlock- Because it is awesome. 

6. Gray's Anatomy/ Scandal/ Revenge/ How To Get Away With Murder- Sure these are mostly for you single ladies out there, but people die quite frequently and some of the female cast are very easy on the eyes, you'll hear no judgments from me fellas.

So yes too much Netflix can mess you and your kids up. But it can also be a fun break from reality, just as long as it's in moderation. Like everything in your life finding balance is the key to having a happy healthy life.

For more tips on divorce, single parenting and being single follow Access Family Law on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Follow AR Bennett wherever media is social.

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PA Supreme Ct Rules That Stepfather Granted Custody Rights Also Owes Child Support

Hofstra University law professor Joanna Grossman discusses a case in which the Pennsylvania Supreme Court held that a stepfather who won shared custody of his former stepchildren must also pay child support. Grossman points out that this unusual ruling serves as a warning for parents and stepparents about the consequences of their choices about childrearing during marriage.

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Can you call “Do-Over” in Divorce?

We filed for divorce but things have been really good between us and we’ve talked about getting back together.  Is there a way for us to “undo” our divorce?

When we were kids and things didn’t go quite right on the playground, we knew we could scream “do-over!” and our friends would grant us just one more chance. It’s what you do when you’re a kid and who cares if you mess up every once in awhile. As an adult, you can’t always have a “do-over”. Certain decisions, cannot be undone. Even if you choose a new path, certain decisions of the past will have lasting consequences. Divorce, depending on where you live, doesn’t have to be like that.  Believe it or not, some states DO allow you to have a “do-over” of your marriage. Of course, you have to meet certain requirements. Before proceeding, you should always check with the laws of your state to see what the process is as far as revoking your divorce. Most, if not all, states do not allow you to revoke or cancel your divorce once it’s been finalized. At that point, the only choice you may have is to pull an Elizabeth Taylor and get married again. However, if you are in the middle of your divorce process (meaning your divorce has NOT been finalized yet), there are certain things you can do if you and your spouse are talking about giving your marriage a second chance. Here are some tips to help you know what to look for, if this is the route you want to take.

Service—All states have a service requirement. This means that when you file for divorce, you have to serve your spouse the papers within a specific period of time. This ranges anywhere from 20 days from the date of filing, to six months, depending on where you live. This is the first thing courts will look at when reviewing any request to stall or cancel a divorce proceeding. If service hasn’t taken place, the case can be dismissed. You and your spouse are then still married and free to consider reconciling without any further consequence. Of course, this also means that if things don’t work out and you do decide to go through with the divorce, you’d have to start the whole process over again.

Motion—Most states will allow you to file a “Motion”, which is a request for the court to grant a certain action. In this case, it can be a Motion to Dismiss your divorce proceeding, or a Motion to otherwise postpone the entry of your final judgment. You can also request the court to change your case from a divorce proceeding to a legal separation proceeding, but keep in mind that not all states recognize legal separation. The difference between a divorce and legal separation is that a divorce dissolves your marriage whereas a legal separation allows you both to stay married but you can live separate lives. In a legal separation, you cannot remarry. When filing a Motion with the court, pay attention as there may be separate filing fees you’d have to pay and be sure to put in a valid argument. The judge has the final say in whether to grant or deny your request, so make sure you and your spouse have “all your ducks in a row” so to speak when filing this kind of paperwork.

Stipulation—Some states may allow you to file a “Stipulation” instead of a Motion with regard to stalling your divorce. A Stipulation is an agreement between you and your spouse for a certain action. In this case, the action could be a form of reconciliation. Depending on where you live, this can be most ideal as it doesn’t generally require a filing fee or a court appearance. Once everything is in order, you can file the Stipulation with the court and the judge can sign off on it that way. Again, make a valid argument and specify all conditions necessary as the judge can still make the final call on whether to approve or deny your request.

Remember, once your divorce is finalized, there’s no going back. Make sure that you and your spouse both agree this is what you want before deciding to go this route. Even if you do file, keep in mind that you have options to stall your divorce. Just because you file the papers, doesn’t mean that things are totally over. You and your spouse can work out your issues even while your divorce is pending. Nothing is final until the court says it is and you can always request more time if you need it.

Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and learn about a different way to divorce at accessfamilylaw.com.

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Newly Single Through the Holidays?

Happy Holidays! Or is it? If your relationship is on the rocks (or worse), your family, friends and loved ones who know you, are going to notice. Thoughts of the inevitable questions and inquires, (“Hey, where’s Jim today?” or “You and Christie seem quiet, is everything okay?”), may have you feeling more like a Grinch than Tiny Tim.   

Believe it or not, you can do more than just survive the holidays, you can and you should allow yourself to enjoy this time.  It all depends on your situation and how you choose to handle it.  If you’re reading this, chances are that you fit into one of three categories: 1) You are recently divorced or separated; 2) You are in the middle of a divorce or separation; or 3) You are contemplating divorce or separation.  Each situation is unique but the outcome is the same for every person, if you can handle it with a little class and a little less stress.  Here are some tips on how to get through this already-stressful time and not pull your hair out in the process.

Category 1—You are recently divorced or separated.  While initially you may think of this as a rather gloomy time because you may be spending the holidays solo which is not something you are used to, instead, take this time to treat yourself! Take yourself shopping and indulge in the best present you can find. Regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or not, it’s always a good idea to treat yourself during a particularly rough time. Buy yourself some flowers, clothes, toys, a video game, or treat yourself to a nice dinner and a movie. Then, spend time with family! Families have a way of bringing everyone together for the holidays and for a single moment, you can forget everything and focus on something right, pure, and joyful. Even the craziest of families can have that affect on people. Also, don’t forget to catch up with an old friend. Sometimes rekindling a lost friendship can open new doors. This is the season of giving, take advantage of what your friends, family, or even yourself, have to offer. You can give back to your community as well. There are so many people homeless and looking for a warm, nice place to spend the holidays. Volunteer at a shelter for a day or two—you may discover that you have more love to give to strangers than you thought!

Category 2—You are in-process of getting a divorce or separation. The same theories apply here as in the first category. Your divorce or separation may not be finalized yet, but it’s not the end of the world. You deserve happy even during this difficult process. Start a new tradition tailor-made just for you, whether it be shopping, traveling, spending time with a friend or family member, or just sitting at home watching anti-holiday movies. Do something that makes you happy for a short time. Take Scarlett’s advice for once and think about it tomorrow! You can focus on your pending divorce or separation after the new year. Take this time to focus on the most important person in your life—YOU! If you are lucky enough to have your kids, make the holidays fun for them (and this also goes for you if you are recently divorced or separated). Nothing can ruin a winter vacation from school than Mom or Dad moping around the house, all sad and gloomy. Put on a brave face for them and who knows, maybe you’ll end up having fun as well! Take your kids to see the lights in a fancy neighborhood or a holiday show. You don’t have to spend tons of money on presents to compete with your spouse. Just because your spouse bought your daughter the new iPhone 60000 doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy her a car just to “one up” your spouse. Enjoy the time you have with your kids.

Category 3—You are contemplating divorce or separation. While this may put a damper on your holiday spirit, it doesn’t have to. The most important thing you can do for yourself and your family is to focus on the aspects of your life that do make you happy. Stand back for a moment and ask yourself, what am I so grateful for today? Loving children? A great job? Good listening friends? Give and share with them or it or you all of your love and joy this holiday season - and watch as all of that love and joy are returned ten-fold. So how do you handle all of the “what’s wrong?” and “is everything okay?” questions? Simple, tell them thank you for thinking of me, I love having you in my life, let’s talk about you today. It’s no one else’s business but yours as to what is happening with your marriage. What if your husband buys you that diamond ring you’ve been eyeing at the jewelry store for months? What if your wife surprises you with a power tool you’ve been wanting? How do you handle the “big gifts” when you know your marriage is almost over? There’s no clear way to answer other than to graciously accept the gift or you can graciously deny it, saying it’s “too much”. Only you can decide how you want to handle a situation like that as there is no right or wrong answer. You know your spouse, you know yourself, and you know your situation—an outsider with no knowledge or little knowledge of all three of those things cannot tell you what to do. Also, don’t tell your kids that your marriage is ending! Let them enjoy the holidays, and break the news to them at an appropriate and private time after the papers have been filed or after the new year. Nothing can ruin a holiday more than knowing your parents are splitting up. Keep it together for them if you can. Additionally, don’t ruin the holidays for your spouse by filing and serving them papers around this time. You’re just asking for a bitter fight if you do.

No matter your situation, the one thing to keep in mind is that you should do what makes YOU happy this holiday season. Put yourself first, for once, and do something fun for just you. You have a choice to either let the holidays bring you down or let the holidays cast a light on all the good still in your world.

Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and learn about a different way to divorce at accessfamilylaw.com.

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Something to be Thankful for: Parenting Time Agreements

“Agreements” are the key word here. While every state provides a guideline parenting time schedule, these “default” schedules are really designed for people that cannot agree on a parenting time schedule that mutually works with both parents’ lives. Whether you and your co-parent are just now beginning to parent separately or have been operating under a state-defaulted parenting time schedule for a decade, you can always agree to variations that may suit your blended family better.

Holiday parenting time in particular can be difficult if you must travel to be with grandparents or other family and instead of isolating yourself and your children, simply asking your co-parent for a modification never hurts. But, if you never ask, you never know.

If you and your co-parent do decide to make a modification to your already existing parenting time agreement, make sure to file a new Stipulated Parenting Time Agreement with your court to keep everyone on the same page. If you and your co-parent have not yet begun a court ordered parenting time schedule, know that you have the option to create one that is unique to your family.

A word of caution: When making parenting time schedule modifications, think eye for an eye. Or rather day for a day. Modifications are most easily negotiated when both parties end up with the same amount of parenting time they had in the prior agreement. Remember that overnights = child support. And potential loss of child support, dear readers, will shut down a negotiation faster than grandpa falls asleep after pumpkin pie. And while child support modification may be on your list of things to do as well, we recommend making life easier one small, safe step at a time.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and best wishes. Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and sign up for your free account any day at accessfamilylaw.com .

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Single Parent Survival Guide: Halloween Part 1

I am, and have always been, a huge fan of Halloween. If I could live like Jack and Sally, you better believe I would have Halloween on Christmas. The parties, the costumes, the candy. As soon as the air turns crisp and the leaves begin to fall, I start getting more and more excited for the one time of the year I can be anything I’ve ever wanted to be. Cowboy astronaut? Sure why not. Sauve super spy? Absolutely. Comic book hero? You know it!

Halloween much like life goes through numerous stages, and as a single parent, you’re probably going to witness all of them in one hectic night. From baking cookies for the kindergarten costume party, to hosting a teen friendly party in the garage, to finally hosting, or attending, a more adult party when the kids finally go to sleep. Like I said, you’re in for one hectic night  . . . one glorious, fun, luckily-it-only-happens-once-a-year kind of night. So put on your witch hat, fire up your cauldron, and get ready to listen to the children of the night and all the music they make. It’s All Hallows’ Eve Survivors! 

2 weeks prior - Ideally the best time to shop for Halloween, whether that is costumes or decorations, is right before Thanksgiving. Sure, that requires some serious foresight on your party, but the sales are down right scary (yes, this article will be full of puns, no, there will be no apologies.) If you didn’t do your shopping the year before, make sure you do at least two weeks prior to the witching hour. Nothing sucks more than running around at the last minute searching for the last Frozen, or Iron Man costume in the county. Now obviously trends, especially when it comes to costumes, change faster than a suburban teen into UGGS and NorthFace jackets the moment fall hits. Movies, TV shows, internet memes, all affect what this year’s hot costume will be. And your kid is going to absolutely want it. So go to your nearest costume shop early. This is also the time to send out invitations for any party you may be hosting. 

1 week prior - Time to get spooky. With a week to go, you should start putting up your decorations. It’s up to you to know your kids’ comfort level, but for me I go somewhere between Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride, and an actual pants-wettingly scary asylum. I’m not saying I raid freshly dug graves or anything . . . where was I going with this? Right, decorations. Get your  decorations up a week prior to the witching hour. That way, your neighbors can bask in the flory of your $1500.00 deluxe model motion-sensored screaming banshee every time they take their dogs for a night time stroll. 

3 days prior - Time to create a plan of attack for Halloween Night with the kids. Take your kids for a walk around the neighborhood and lay out some parameters for where they can and can’t trick or treat. My sources (random single parents I blindside with questions at coffee shops) tell me that a reasonable distance for your kids, if they are going out “alone” is 2 blocks squared. Make sure you set a curfew and schedule check times throughout the night. Age appropriateness for going around the block without you is your call and comfort level, but save yourself a headache and let your co-parent know your decision BEFORE not after trick or treat time. Obviously, you will be going door to door with little ones. Which reminds me, it may be a good idea for you to have two costumes. One that is simple and comfortable enough to walk around for a few hours in, no doubt carrying all the bags of candy and the pieces of costume your little one will discard with each house. And then a second costume for you that is for your party after the kids go to sleep. Sure going to your neighbor’s house dressed like a French Maid, or a shirtless Spartan may be an effective way to advertise for a special kind of friend, but trick or treat time is for the kids kids, so save the adult costumes for later. 

The day before - Getting excited now! Traditionally, this is when I carve pumpkins. Do it too soon and they rot, do it the day of and you will be rushed. Pro tip: DO NOT BUY THE CHEAP CARVING TOOLS. They suck worse than a hemophiliac vampire. Now, no need to go out to Cutco and get a set of knives made out of obsidian and angel’s tears, but a sturdy serrated knife will do. Also, instead of using the stencils in the book, try printing some out online. The paper holds up better and you will have way more choices than whatever old crap comes in the complimentary books those cheap carving tools provide. My favorite puking? Oh thank you for asking. It’s the puking pumpkin . . . it’s such a classic, and it incorporates all the pumpkin guts, so you don’t have to feel bad about throwing them out or coming up with some excuse as to why you won’t be roasting the pumpkin seeds (cause you need something else to do, right?). Honestly though, get creative, there is something soothing to ritualistically carving a bright orange gourd and yanking out its inner guts to sacrifice to the Elder Gods, errr . . . it’s fun for the whole family! It may be a good idea to take your little ones to one of the grandparents’ tonight to take photos in costumes if they live in range. That way you don’t have to spend time rushing over before tick or treating; the kids get another evening in that $300 costume you bought them; and bonus, you probably won’t have to cook dinner if you play your cards right with grandma. Also, good to get some brownie points in case you need a sitter for your evening adult plans.

All Hallows Eve!!!! - Yesssssss! I have drank 3 pumpkin spiced lattes, at3 6 Reese’s, and I’m about to crack open the first Headless Horseman Pumpkin Ale of the season. I am ready to write this! This is going to be a treat! But first the trick. Halloween deserves its own post. It is a holiday that deserves to bask in the glory of a full post devoted totally to just that special night, so to be continued!

AR Bennett loves him some Halloween. And is incredibly excited to write a follow up piece to this article, once he comes out of his pumpkin spiced coma. For more tips on single parenting follow Access Family Law on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Follow AR Bennett wherever media is social. 

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Single Parent Survival Guide: So Your Kid is Sick

Photo source: Pampers

I’ve talked before about all the fun things you can do as a single parent: going to enjoy a splashy day at the beach, or packing the kids up for an epic weekend at the amusement park, stuff like that. This is not one of those articles. We’ve reached the edge of the map and here there be monsters. Poo monsters. So . . . so much poop. Put on your rubber gloves and class 5 biological containment suits, and welcome to the Single Parent Survival Guide: So Your Kid is Sick. 

Horses, not zebras. If binge watching House on Netflix has taught me anything, it’s that when your kid gets sick, it’s often best to go with the simplest solution to the simplest problem. Occam’s Razor. If your cute little bucket of disease is spewing bodily fluids from both ends like a teeny tiny volcano of sickness, then it’s most likely the flu and not, say, a demonic possession (or Lupus. House taught me it’s never, ever Lupus). Chances are it will burn itself out. Humans (even tiny ones) are actually pretty good at fighting off the sicks. Plenty of rest and lots of fluids should do the trick here, but you still want to see a doctor just in case. A real doctor, not Web MD. When Web MD hears, “hooves”, they automatically diagnosis “Unicorn Zebra”, not horses. Your web search is going to tell you, your kid either has AIDS or Cancer and probably both 98% of the time, is what I’m saying. 

A young priest and an old priest. So the doctor gave you some medicine to give to your sick kid. Except they are still vomiting with the force of a Linda Blair cosplayer in a pea soup factory. So, guess where that medicine is intended to go? Go ahead, guess. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not orally, that’s for sure. And we have officially arrived at the moment you prove the depth of love and devotion for your sweet angel as you administer said medicine with maturity and humility. Hope you have elbow length rubber gloves, because if it’s coming out the front end, it’s probably coming out the back as well. Speaking of poop . . . 

Pro Tip. As a parent you are no doubt intimately familiar with the contents of your child’s diaper. And since a toddler isn’t going to declare, “By golly good sir, I feel better!” while tap dancing away to Yackity Sacks, a good way to see if your kid is on the mend is by checking the color and consistency of their poo. If the diaper is sloshing around like it’s filled with watered down chocolate syrup, then your kid is still dehydrated and sick. If (I’m so sorry) the poo is the consistency of fresh made brownies about five minutes from coming out of the oven, your kid is retaining nutrients and is on the mend. And that right there, is the crappiest pro tip I’ve ever written. Enough about your kid. How are you feeling?

Prepare to lose sleep. As a single parent, when you get sick, you grumble and moan and want nothing more than to watch all of 4,782 episodes of Lost in a single setting under a blanket fort on the couch. Unfortunately, as you know, there is no down time for you. And while you feel as if you are an extra from The Walking Dead when you are sick, remember that at least you can convey that in words. As an infant or a toddler experiencing the flu, the only way they can convey their discomfort is by screaming their tiny little fire alarm like lungs out. Since the flu virus is a cold emotionless bastard, the discomfort it generates will be felt by your child at precisely 2am . . . for the next week. By day 2 of the nightly screamfest, you will start feeling like a prisoner of war in some Vietcong concentration camp. Day 4 through 5, you will watch as the fabric of the universe unravels right before your blood shot sleepless eyes. Day 6 the void stares back at you, your only companions are the shadow creatures and the philosophically sentient balls of light that you made friends with in order to protect the last fleeting shreds of your damaged psyche. You’re going to be tired is what I’m saying. Don’t do this to yourself! Ask for help! Ask a neighbor to sit in your kitchen for an hour while you catch a cat nap. Call your family or check out sittercity.com. You need to be the rock your kid can rely on because they are suffering. Even if that means getting 2 extra minutes of sleep standing up with the refrigerator door open. Speaking of being dead on your feet . . .

Prepare for the zombie hordes. So it’s been about a week and your sick kid is getting better. Good news! That is if you have only one kid. If you have more than one, hopefully you stocked up on beach quarantine showers (editor’s note: do NOT give your kids bleach showers) and MREs because chances are the rest of your pride and joys are going to be making the transformation into mini vomit zombies any time now, thusly starting the cycle all over again. My advice: stock pile a sail boat with a month’s worth of supplies and drinking water, and sail out to a deserted island in the Pacific where you can live comfortably off coconuts and fresh fish. Make sure the island is isolated from trade routes, and just ride it out until the plague has boiled over (editor’s note again: do not do this). 

There you go. They say laughter is the best medicine, so hopefully this helped. As always, don’t panic. Take your kid to the doctor; give them plenty of fluids; and catch sleep when you can. Keep the house disinfected, and remember you can get through this. If Rick Grimes can raise Carl in a zombie apocalypse as a single parent, you can get through the flu with your kids. 

For more tips on being a single, and just being single in general, follow Access Family Law. AR Bennett will never be able to eat brownies again, and is very sorry that he ruined a popular dessert. Follow him wherever media is social.  

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Step Parent Support Groups

We create our fate every day we live. (Henry Miller)

Being a parent is hard work. Being a step-parent can be even harder. Find the joy in choosing to love a child. 

Resources:

http://www.smoms.org/

http://stepparent.meetup.com/

http://www.stepmothersupport.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Support-Step-Parents-118552098180169/timeline/

http://www.family-corps.org/programs/mutual-support

http://www.stepmothermatters.com/

http://www.stepmothermatters.com/

http://www.stepfamilies.info/support-groups.php

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Step-Families/support-group

Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and sign up for your free account any day at accessfamilylaw.com .

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Why JAG is of little help with Military Divorce

While military personnel and family members all have access to free legal services provided by the JAG legal office, most people don't realize, JAG is of very little help when it comes to divorce and separation. State law alone governs divorce, not military or federal law, meaning that in general, JAG attorneys cannot represent you in your divorce. 

JAG can still be helpful, JAG can give you general advice; write letters on your behalf; review divorce settlements and negotiate on your behalf. However, they cannot prepare divorce or separation papers, represent you in court, or file your legal paperwork on your behalf. Even the "general advice" may be of little use, as there is no requirement that a military lawyer be licensed to practice law in the state they are stationed in. For military divorce, separation, or child support situations, you need to become familiar with the divorce laws of your particular state.

If you are a member of the military or military spouse preparing to divorce, consider the online divorce services available to military families. You may be able to save thousands of dollars on a civilian attorney by utilizing an online service and then having your divorce papers reviewed by the free services provided at your JAG office. 

Visit us every Monday for more Military Matters Mondays and register a free account any day ataccessfamilylaw.com. Lauren Weston is founder and CEO of accessfamilylaw.com. She is a member of the Michigan Bar and is committed to facilitating equal access the legal system. Connect with her on linkedin or email her at [email protected].

[accessfamilylaw]

The 5 things you should never do in Divorce Court

If you are like most people, you’ve never been to court before. You’ve certainly never been before a judge, and the only court proceedings you’ve ever seen have been on Law and Order (which does not count). Now you’re getting divorced, your life is changing and to add insult to injury, you have to go to court. While Sam Waterston is certainly a worthy subject of intelligent drama, he’s maybe not the final reference for your court room demeanor. So turn off TV Land and follow these 5 simple Divorce Court Don’ts:  

1. Don’t talk out of turn. Court personnel understand that this is an overwhelming event for you. For that reason, clerks, judges, and bailiffs all want to help you move through the court as quickly as possible. That is why court personnel give a lot of directions, ask a lot of questions and demand your attention. From the moment you walk into the court house, starting with the security officers, close your mouth and listen. Answer the questions asked of you as briefly as possible and then continue to listen. If you have a question, wait until you are invited to ask. If you have a comment, save it for later, like much later, like not in court. And never, ever, ever speak over a judge.  

2. Don’t forget where you are. In a world that has become familiar and casual, court remains the exception. It may be arguably acceptable to wear sweatpants to the mall and most people look at you like you’ve called them fat when you refer to them as “Sir” or “Ma’am”, but our courts remain a place of decorum. Remember that you are literally in the house of the law of the land. Show respect and follow the rules of your courthouse. Call your courthouse to ask about any rules they may have for attending a hearing or visit their website, before your hearing. Remember that hearings are generally open to the public and you are welcome to attend a hearing at your courthouse to observe the preferences of your family court and judge as well. 

3. Don’t bring the selfie stick. Don’t bring your registered and concealed weapon; don’t bring snacks. In fact, leave your cell phone in the car too. This isn’t the place for disruptions and most of this won’t be allowed anyway. Bring a copy of every document you received through your divorce; bring your identification; and the court’s preferred method of payment. And your closed mouth.  

4. Don’t “wing it”. In contrast, let’s take a look at when it is acceptable to “wing it”. Saturday night and the mood is right. Okay check. Dinner on Tuesday. You know you’re going to get a pizza anyway. Best man speech. Natural is best, right? Do not come to court unprepared. Bring a pen and a notebook. Why? What, are you going to lean over to the guy there on possession charges to borrow his pen? Have with you a complete file of all of the documents filed with the court and anything exchanged with your soon-to-be ex. Organize all of the papers in order of date. Tab them if you need to. If the judge asks for a document, you don’t want to be shuffling around for it for ten minutes while a courtroom full of people are staring at you.  

5.  Don’t bring sexy back. Well, you can bring sexy back, but on your own time. This is not a place to pick people up or to make a fashion statement. This relates to Divorce Court Don’t #2, don’t forget where you are. Gentlemen, you are dressing to impress, but not take somebody home. No T-shirts with political statements or commentary of any sort - less is more. But also, don’t underestimate your own reaction. Dress with respect in mind and comfort. You may be waiting without seating for an extended period of time (hours). You may be emotional, skip the face full of makeup. You may want to make a fast exit. Fast exits are not easy in five inch heels. 

Do be respectful, patient, organized and well prepared, this will all help you stay relaxed and get through the day a little easier.

Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and sign up for your free account any day at accessfamilylaw.com .

[accessfamilylaw]

A Parent’s Guide: How to Back to School

Its back to school season and everyone has the same thoughts on their minds. Is Becky really wearing those jeans? Can I pretend I did the summer reading? Is my backpack cool enough? Did sleeping with that apple pie really help my chances of getting some this school year? Wait. No. That’s what the kids are thinking. The thought process for you, the single parent, goes a little something like this: Can I get the kids to school on time without being late for work? Who is going to pick them up after school? Can we really afford sports equipment this year? Why is there a hole in this pie?!

Going back to school means a new exciting year for your kids and a time to for them to see and meet friends, but for you, its a stressful, hectic time. Between getting the kids up extra early; getting them to school; picking them up; extra curricular activities; and homework - time becomes scarce as you just add to the heap of all the things you already have to do plus work and keeping the house from collapsing in on itself. It is a lot to manage, and you might start feeling like you are a juggler in the circus of life. Luckily for you, I have your back, so take a breath, brush up on your algebra, and get ready for some back to school tips for single parents. 

Be Prepared. Whether your child is heading back to the same school or moving to a new school, familiarize yourself with the teachers, principal, school nurse and other important staff members in advance. A good rule of thumb here is to head over to the school about a week before school officially starts. If your child is new to the school, bring them along and let them get familiar with their new surroundings as well before the first period bell rings. 

After you have met your kids’ teachers, its time to get the school shopping done. No last minute school shopping! This only adds to the hectic chaoticness of the situation. Kids are like sponges; they will absorb all your emotions and parrot them back. So if you are running around Target like Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black, desperately scrambling to find the last pack of 7 count ERASABLE blue pens in stock, your little mini-me is going to pack that like a desperation and anxiety sandwich and bring it to school wedged between their folded fruit rollup and crushed juice box. So calm down. 

The week before school starts should also be the time you get your kids back on  reasonable bed time schedule. Being well rested makes sure your kiddos don’t fall asleep in History Class. We also assume you want them to get used to waking up earlier hopefully without bribing and threatening. Plus, you need to be just as ready as your kids are, so if you have been sleeping in all summer, now is the time to go get those worms. Because you will be an early bird. Get it? Never mind, moving on.    

Let’s get a Physical. Kids are tiny balls of disease. When the inevitable zombie apocalypse starts, it will be because Timmy sneezed all over Susie in 3rd period. So do your part to prevent the rise of the zombie: #1 Teach your children proper hand washing technique; and #2 Get your kid to the doctor before school starts. Most schools require proof that your little harbingers of plague are up to date on their immunizations. Also, your kids are going to be doing a lot of reading and writing, which means they will need to see, so take your kids to the eye doctor to make sure they aren’t as blind as a deep sea creature (bats aren’t blind - google it).

Designate a Study Area. Learning doesn’t stop after the last bell rings. With homework, study sessions and book assignments, setting up a quiet spot in the house where your kids can study without distraction will keep the peace all year long. You don’t need to build a library, just a little space where your kids can focus. Make it known that education is your kid’s top priority. As a back up, you can always use the space you set aside into a converted sweat shop, not saying you should, but hey, if your kids have a talent at putting together new iPhones, why not cover some of those school supply costs?

Cook Up Some Healthy Meals. I have talked about how Ramen Noodles can contribute to you contracting scurvy previously. This is serious folks. Your kids need brain food, not a disease that effected pirates in the Spanish Main. Provide good nutrition to your kids and you are also providing a better chance for your kids to succeed. Studies show that kids who eat a well balanced diet, including breakfast and lunch, do better in school, oh and like every other aspect of life. Then they can get better jobs, and make more money so when they finally put you in the home, at least you will know it will be a nice home. Think of feeding your children healthy stuff as a retirement plan for you. There are plenty of programs available if you need help providing nutritional meals for your kids, the National School Lunch Program and the Child Nutrition Program among them. 

Talk to Your Kid. Look, going to school is a nerve racking experience for both you and your kids. Your kids will be learning new things, meeting new people, and going through new experiences (like getting hair in weird places), so it is important to talk to your kids about their feelings. Let them know you are available whenever they need you. Be empathic, after all, you went through this same shit storm of studying and hormones. Keep the discussion open so when your kids start to feel afraid, or insecure, or anxious, they can come to you. The more your kids want to be at school, the better they will do. By talking to your children, you can help them through the process - upping your chances of a retirement home with a beach view instead of a parking lot view.   

Take Some Time for You. Okay, you begrudgingly made a healthy meal instead of heading to the board. You kept your cool at Target and spent two weeks pinning ideas for the perfect study area before finally just buying the Ikea desk you knew you were going to get the whole time anyway. You did meet and greet with the school staff and even worked out a pick-up schedule with your co-parent. Then like a fricken’ Sorcerer, you got them to bed - early. You’ve earned Me Time. Mix a strong drink or pour a decadent wine, and kick your feet up. Tomorrow may bring homework and carpool, but for right now, let that calm set it. Hear that? Yeah, neither do I. Enjoy it, because before you know it, your kid’s teacher will be calling to inform you, your son or daughter blew up the science lab, or started  zombie plague, or some other calamity. 

Access Family Law is making sure single parents can make it through the day. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. AR Bennett blew up his science lab in high school, eliminating his chances of becoming a doctor. Luckily, he writes funny articles online. Follow him on Facebook and Tumblr. 

[accessfamilylaw]

Military Discount for Divorce

Military divorces can differ from the standard family law case making the cost of filing even more difficult on a military budget. The good news is, affordable options exist. 

Consider representing yourself. If you can’t afford an attorney, know that you are not required to have an attorney in order to file for a divorce. A divorce can be prepared for you and filed directly to a courthouse without ever speaking to an attorney. If you and your spouse can agree to dissolve your marriage, there is no reason to hire a third party. If you have questions about how to divide your military benefits or time with the children, there are free resources available to you.   

Get informed. If you are nervous to make agreements with your spouse without an attorney, know that there are free and inexpensive resources available to you that offer the information you need. Consider enlisting the help of an online legal service. Services such as Access Family Law, have created online interviews to help direct the decisions you and your spouse make about division of military benefits, child support, custody and division of property. Your paperwork is then prepared for you based on your answers and all documents are guaranteed to be court approved. The typical online divorce preparation service charges around $300 for a divorce package, while attorneys charge around $2,000 for the same forms and services. Access Family Law offers a divorce package for $159.00 with or without children and is proud to offer our country’s military members a 20% discount as a thank you for your service. 

Get a support system. You may also be nervous about how to navigate the court system without an attorney. And rightly so. Time is of the essence when filing any type of divorce but certainly with a military divorce. If you don’t know of or are not diligent about abiding by your court’s timelines, you face having delays or even having your case dismissed. Most online divorces services will provide you with instructions on how to file with your court but only one online service will actually help you stay on task with your divorce timeline: Access Family Law. Access Family Law uses an interactive system that generates email reminders to you when it is time for you to take the next step in your divorce process.

Self representation is not for everyone and no online preparation service is intended to constitute legal counsel. These services are designed to provide an affordable option to help people attend to their legal matters. While a consultation with an attorney may cost you $200, investigating whether an online service will work for you is totally free. Food for thought.  

Visit us every Monday for more Military Matters Mondays and register a free account any day at accessfamilylaw.com. 

[accessfamilylaw]

Roadside Without Assistance: Single Parent’s Guide to change a Flat Tire

Driving along, maybe heading to the grocery store or maybe you’re heading on your Tri-Family Vacation, when suddenly you hear “HISSSsssssss”. Either one of your kids just discovered they are a Parsletonge, in which case you should check if they have made any horcruxes lately, or you’re getting a flat tire. Naturally there is no cell service so your can’t call AAA, and having just passed a sign that says, “Silent Hill Next Exit”, you don’t want to wait around for a tow truck anyways. Guess it’s up to you! The good news is, you follow the Access Family Law blog, which means you have me to get you through this. We’ve been through worse, right? Cooking, family vacations, going to the beach and movies - alone, a flat tire isn’t going to be anything we can’t handle. So here are some tips to changing a flat tire as a newly single parent:

Don’t panic. Whether you are getting a flat tire, fighting bears, or reading the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the first thing to remember is Don’t Panic. Remember your kids are watching. If you start freaking out, they are definitely going to start freaking out and then you’ll have a flat tire, in an area without cell reception, with no help and spastic kids. Plus, this is an awesome opportunity to help your children develop much needed coping skills. So stay cool. Pull over to the right hand side of the road and turn on your 4 way flashers (unless you are in England or some other backwards driving country, in which case, pull over on the left side of the motorway and try not to spill your tea and biscuits), you will feel a vibration in the steering wheel and it may even fight you a bit when turning. Calmly get as far off the road as you can. Just like you teach your kids before crossing the road, look both ways to make sure it’s clear before exiting your car. This is all pretty straight forward so far, just remember don’t panic.   

Tool Time. Now that you have calmly pulled over to the side of the road, it’s time to bust out the tools and entertain the kids. Unless your car is equipped with Run Flat Tires (most German made vehicles come with RFT standard), you will need to find your jack, tire iron, and your spare tire. Refer to your owner’s manual as well. If you have road flares, put them about 100 feet behind your vehicle. Now, your tire repair kit along with your spare are most likely going to be located in your trunk, usually under a panel that lifts up from the floor. If you are in a SUV or minivan, your spare may have to be cranked down from under the rear bumper. Now to distract the kids. If you have iPods or other digital cheats, turn ‘em on. No toys, digital or otherwise? No problem! Start a good old fashion game of I Spy or out-of-state-plate spotting or hand over your phone and let them do an impromptu photo shoot. The camera doesn’t need reception and you need to concentrate so hand it over! Got your tools? Check. Kids busy? Good. Let’s keep going. 

Jack It Up. Okay, this is going really smoothly, oh wait! The parking brake is on right? I should have mentioned that earlier. I just assumed...no, no, you’re right, I know what they say about assumptions. Now that the parking brake is on, let’s jack this bad boy up. Before you do so, make eye contact individually with your children and express the seriousness of what you are doing and the weight of the vehicle. You want to position the jack closest to whichever wheel is flat. Make sure you position it under a sturdy, thick, hard (oh for heaven’s sake), steel part of the frame. Not plastic. Once positioned, use your tire iron to crank or pump up the jack. Continue till your vehicle is adequately lifted and the tire can spin freely. Time to attack those nuts! (okay, I’ll stop now). 

Oh Fudge! Providing the road you are on is not busy, and you won’t be putting anyone in danger, now is a good time to enlist some help from your kids. You don’t want your lug nuts rolling away, so a great way to make sure they don’t disappear is to have your little helper hold them. Use the tire iron to get the lugs off, remember: Lefty Loosey, Rightly Tighty. You might have to put some weight into it, but physics are on your side if you start at an angle and push down. Once you have a lug loosened, but not off entirely, work around the wheel in a star pattern until all the remaining nuts are loose. Unscrew the rest of the way with your fingers until the tire is just resting on the studs. Take the tire off, make sure to life with your knees, and boom! You’re half way down! (Note: if you have hub caps you may need to use the flat part of the tire iron to remove the center piece and expose the lug nuts. Extra Note: If, like A Christmas Story, you accidentally hit the hub cap out of your child’s hands and send the lug nuts sailing into the snowy night, your child may shout out “OH FUDGE!” This is normal.)  

Hmmm Donuts. Time to put on your spare tire, or as it’s commonly referred to, you “donut”. Again, lift with your knees and slide the donut onto the studs. Make sure the spare is fitted in the direction it is supposed to go, with the recessed area facing the vehicle and not the road. Then using the same star pattern as before, finger tighten the lugs until secure. Do not tighten fully! Once the spare is secure, lower the jack until the car is back on the ground. Use your tire iron again and tighten the lugs by gradually tightening them down in your now familiar star pattern. Continue at this until all the lugs are tight, you want them as tight as possible but not broken.  

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Look at you go! Dang, I’ve seen Formula One pit crews do a worse job (and so have you). Best of all, your hero status has been reinstated with your kids! Just take it slow and get to the nearest tire shop, you don’t want to drive for too long on a spare since it’s bad for the car. You’re back on the road with all 4 tires and hopefully your kids has an opportunity to learn something while watching you save the day. Put your flat in the truck, load up all your tools, make sure there are no cars coming, and get back on the road! Done and done. 

Want more tips about being a single parent, or just single in general? Follow Access Family Law on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. AR Bennett holds the Amateur World Title for Fastest Tire Change Outside of Formula One, and wants to hear you single stories. Contact and follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr.  

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Back to school tips for divorcing parents

Sadly, summer is winding down and just when you have adjusted to the summer swing of things, it’s time to prepare for back to school. 

The start of the school year is hectic time period for all families but can be one of the most stressful times of the year divorcing parents have to deal with. So, what is the best way to handle this situation? First, relax! Second, communicate! Third, don’t panic.

Can you believe it’s already August!? When did that happen? You and your co-parent are at the point where divorce is on the horizon (or maybe you’ve already filed); the question on your mind now is, how do we handle the school year? It’s not as daunting a task as you might think. 

Hash out the details. Download a copy of the school calendar and make sure that you and your co-parent are familiar with when school starts and ends and all of the important days in between. Many families use time management apps like Google Calendar to mark half days, days off and school holidays and breaks. It is also a good time to identify costs associated with school supplies, clothing, field trip fees and any other costs associated with the school year. Many schools now report book, lab and field trip fees at the beginning of the school year for proper budgeting. Then make agreements for how time and money will be divided in writing, either by email or hand written memo. 

Communicate your schedule. If you do not yet have a custody and visitation schedule determined, now is the time. The last thing you want is for a young student to not know where to go at the end of the day or even worse, be left waiting in the parking lot alone. Once you have a an arrangement in writing, communicate that schedule (also in writing) with the school administration and your student’s teacher. If your student will be a “buser” at one household and a “walker” at another, consider lamenting two cards with instructions to be attached to your student’s backpack. On the days or weeks the student walks, the “walker” card will appear and likewise for the time the student takes the bus. 

Choose a neutral location for exchanges. Meaning, when it comes time to take the kids for parenting time, where will this take place and at what time? The school year provides an excellent opportunity to avoid conflict altogether that is encouraged by courts everywhere: parent one drops children off at the beginning of the school day and parent two picks children up at the end of the school day. Your schedule may not permit for this option so in the alternative, it is suggested to chose another neutral location like a library or restaurant for exchanges. And remember your co-parent’s schedule here as well. Also, allow some time for delay. We all get caught up in our work or errands and time gets away from us. Our children are important to us, but we can’t always control how the day is going to go. Again, keep the lines of communication open here and allow some time for leniency. 

The bottom line is communicate and plan and then communicate your plan. This will be your key to a successful transition back to school and throughout the year. 

Visit us every Tuesday for more Divorce Tips Tuesdays and register a free account any day at accessfamilylaw.com. Cathy Schafer is our lead paralegal, contact with her on Linkedin or email her at [email protected].

[daniel-m-copeland-blog]

Military Modification of Time-Sharing

Getting a Time-Sharing Modification for Military Personnel

Being a divorced parent who serves in the military is a challenge. Every time you receive orders to move, you worry about maintaining your relationship with your children. Military personnel who want to be a part of their children’s lives often petition the court for a modification of their child custody or time-sharing agreement.

To get a time-sharing modification, a service member must meet two qualifications:

·Have an unanticipated material and substantial change of his or her circumstances.

·The proposed modification will be in his or her children’s best interest.

Courts maintain strict standards of proof for these requirements. Parents requesting modifications must show that their change of circumstances could not have been anticipated at the time of the final judgment. Military personnel must prove that at the time of the final judgment that they were not aware that their duty status would change.

Get expert help when you seek a time-sharing modification

From the time you begin to consider getting a divorce, choose an attorney with expertise in both the military and in family law. The attorney can help you create a settlement that takes into account the changes in location that are inevitable when you’re in the military.

Your attorney may advise you to set a long-distance time-sharing plan in place. This creates a contingency plan that will give you relief until the modification hearing.  

Make sure that the language contained in your final judgment create a provision for you to have such a time-sharing plan for when you are away. This contingency will allow you to keep the same schedule when you are within a few hours of your children’s residence. If you are overseas, though, a different schedule would have to apply.

Since the courts’ main interest is creating a judgment that is in the children’s best interest, your desire to have such a time-sharing contingency in place before the final judgment will demonstrate that you want to be a part of your children’s lives. That is what the courts want to see from a parent that knows that he or she will have to relocate often to new duty stations.

If you are a divorced parent who serves in the military, or if you plan to seek a divorce, don’t wait. Find an experienced military divorce attorney today.

[accessfamilylaw]

Great information, thank you for the post!

[accessfamilylaw]

Single Parent Survival Guide: The Amusement Park

Late summer is the perfect time to take your kids to an amusement park - even if you are a single parent. 

Here’s a fun fact about me: I love amusement parks. Love them! AR and roller coasters sitting in a tree K.I.S.S . . . you get the point. Going to ride the roller coasters is the highlight of my summer, and with only a few more weeks till the kids are back in school, now’s the time to experience all the joys of having a pimply faced teenager strap you into a harness and launch you on a metal track that sends you screaming through the air. Before you pack the kids up, here’s a few tips to plan ahead and take with you:

It’s about them. It may be irresistible to take your kids on all the rides you love. The mile high free fall tower, the loopty loops, the 90 mph rocket sled, but taking your kids to the amusement park is about them. Sure, you should have some fun, but if they want to ride the flying elephants or the spinning tea cups a million times in a row, then that’s the agenda for the day. A meaningful benefit of roller coasters is that it’s about overcoming fear in a safe and controlled environment. But if you force them on to the vomit comet, your little ones won’t gain anything other than another thing to fear. 

Rides and sweets don’t mix. True story: When I was in middle school I went to an amusement park for our summer trip. While there, and because I was a preteen boy, I ate 6 blue snow cones on a bet then went on one of those dizzying rides that spin you around like you’re Bill Paxton in Twister. Needless to say, it didn’t end well, and the cute girl I was crushing on walked off the ride with blue hair and a free blue splattered t-shirt. Moral is, it’s what you eat at the park, but at a certain point, you have to say no to the sugar coated fried dough and blue frozen sugar. Well, that is if you want to get off rides without your clothing taking on a pukey neon hue. 

Bring money to play the games. The Midway at any good amusement park is going to have games, and your kids are going to want to get a prize eventually. Bring enough money to set aside for just games. Kids aren’t known for their level-headed decision making skills. So if it comes down to eating or getting a chance to win a giant stuffed teddy bear, they are going to go with the bear. Don’t break the bank here. We all know the games are rigged worse than the slot machines in Vegas, but bring enough to play a few games. It’s part of the experience. 

If possible bring a group. Just because you are a single parent doesn’t mean you have to take your kids to the amusement park alone. You can, don’t get me wrong, but if you bring another single friend who has kids, or a grandparent, that just means more eyes to keep an eye on the rug rats. It also means some one can keep your little ones occupied while you go on the big rides - or heck - to the bathroom all - by - y o u r s e l f . Now that would be exciting! By bringing along cousins, or friends, your kids have more people to hangout with, and by bringing along some other adults, the same goes for you. 

Plan for all day. You can’t just got to the amusement park for a “little bit”. Between lines for the rides, lines at the food stands, and a whole park to explore, going to the amusement park is an all day affair. Set aside enough time to get the full experience and don’t forget to consider travel time. Better yet, plan your day out ahead of time. Check out your destination park’s website for tools to help you best conquer the park. Will you be hot and exhausted at the end of the day, heck yeah! But your kids will love it and build lasting memories. That’s what matters here. Take the time off and make sure you have all day (or even multiple days) to get the full experience. 

Bring sunscreen! And a hat and water! You don’t want to end up being “that guy”, glowing an angry red and peeling for the next month. It’s summertime people! And you will be standing in a line on hot asphalt probably for hours, like bacon frying on a hot griddle. No one is impressed by your declarations of not needing sunscreen because you never burn. Stop it, yes you do. Every human can burn, regardless of age, ethnicity or skin color. Be the example for your children and protect their little bodies from cancer and yours too for goodness sake!

All fun aside, planning ahead can make the overwhelming possible and even enjoyable. Don’t let your new family arrangement prevent your family from making memories and living life to the fullest.

Do you have experiences being a single parent? We’d love to hear them! Follow Access Family Law on Facebook and Twitter for more great posts about family law, divorce and being single! AR Bennett is the Caffeinated Copywriter, and still wants to apologize to the girl he spewed blue on.