i’ve been practicing gratitude i’ve been skipping entire weeks practicing a wider lens listening for the bully’s heartbeat hearing it in my own chest been remembering the time i cried in a cloud of teargas at a peaceful protest how i decided i was too soft to last and then i decided to be softer been remembering way way back to the moment they told me jesus walked on water how i knew whatever I’d grow up to believe i would never try to wrestle a miracle away from anyone’s reason to live i’ve been remembering how i wrestled a miracle away from your reason to live if only shame could wash us clean but that is never how healing works nobody ever won anything from anyone thinking the whole world was out of their league i’m sorry you know what i look like when no one is looking i don’t expect anyone to believe in justice and forgiveness at the same time if it’s any consolation i feel like a ferris wheel in snowbank twenty years after they shut down the park if it's any consolation i live in my head whenever anyone tells me i have a good heart and i think about you, i think about you
